by azureeyes » Sun Mar 28, 2021 9:49 pm
So, this is kind of a multifaceted question to answer and there isn't a one stop shop for every person. There are probably better people who could answer this, but I'll give my advice and you can take it or leave it as you see fit.
First off, have you shared other kinks and fetishes? Have you discussed anything of that nature with each other? It's best to ask these questions first. "What is your wildest sexual fantasy? What have you found to be interesting sexually? Ehat do you consider fetishes or kinks? What do you like that may seem out of the normal?" These questions help you read the room, so to speak. Is she open to discussion or is she hesitant or completely unwilling? These are going to be your major indicators whether or not they will be receptive. It also gives you an idea of their exploration that you aren't aware of and could provide a basis of exploration together. If she has done some looking into stuff, you may find mutual fetishes that you can then offer to incorporate some of your own into. You could also make an evening date out of it exploring different fetishes and seeing which ones she responds to. Maybe explore a bit of FetLife with her. (Is that still a thing? It isn't perfect, but does give exposure.)
If she is not receptive, I can only offer to not pressure her or feel like she isn't interested in you or fetishes. Ask her what about them makes her feel uncomfortable or unwilling to think about. There could be something underlying that hasn't been discussed before. It may also be, it just does nothing at all for her and she doesn't see the point. That's an acceptable stance too. We like what we like and what we don't. You are welcome to revisit the topic, but again, feel the room beforehand.
Sometimes, taking an interest in what her likes are and exploring them creates the situation where she asks what yours are. At that time, you can tell her. If she seems uncomfortable, ask her why and what about it does she not like or why she finds it upsetting. Then you can see if you both can come to mutual agreements to allow her to explore and feel more comfortable with it.
In the end, I have had a few male friends who have completely ruined their relationship by bringing in fetishes and I wish I had better answers than, try but don't be disappointed if she doesn't respond or looks at you like you have three heads. I always think talking about her likes and dislikes is a good place to start, because you are taking time to invest in her interests first. In the end, you want her to feel comfortable and potentially enjoy the fetish with you, which means, taking the time to explore her and her interests in fetishes.
Not sure this helps, but it's my thoughts on it.
So, this is kind of a multifaceted question to answer and there isn't a one stop shop for every person. There are probably better people who could answer this, but I'll give my advice and you can take it or leave it as you see fit.
First off, have you shared other kinks and fetishes? Have you discussed anything of that nature with each other? It's best to ask these questions first. "What is your wildest sexual fantasy? What have you found to be interesting sexually? Ehat do you consider fetishes or kinks? What do you like that may seem out of the normal?" These questions help you read the room, so to speak. Is she open to discussion or is she hesitant or completely unwilling? These are going to be your major indicators whether or not they will be receptive. It also gives you an idea of their exploration that you aren't aware of and could provide a basis of exploration together. If she has done some looking into stuff, you may find mutual fetishes that you can then offer to incorporate some of your own into. You could also make an evening date out of it exploring different fetishes and seeing which ones she responds to. Maybe explore a bit of FetLife with her. (Is that still a thing? It isn't perfect, but does give exposure.)
If she is not receptive, I can only offer to not pressure her or feel like she isn't interested in you or fetishes. Ask her what about them makes her feel uncomfortable or unwilling to think about. There could be something underlying that hasn't been discussed before. It may also be, it just does nothing at all for her and she doesn't see the point. That's an acceptable stance too. We like what we like and what we don't. You are welcome to revisit the topic, but again, feel the room beforehand.
Sometimes, taking an interest in what her likes are and exploring them creates the situation where she asks what yours are. At that time, you can tell her. If she seems uncomfortable, ask her why and what about it does she not like or why she finds it upsetting. Then you can see if you both can come to mutual agreements to allow her to explore and feel more comfortable with it.
In the end, I have had a few male friends who have completely ruined their relationship by bringing in fetishes and I wish I had better answers than, try but don't be disappointed if she doesn't respond or looks at you like you have three heads. I always think talking about her likes and dislikes is a good place to start, because you are taking time to invest in her interests first. In the end, you want her to feel comfortable and potentially enjoy the fetish with you, which means, taking the time to explore her and her interests in fetishes.
Not sure this helps, but it's my thoughts on it.