by Kisupure » Mon Mar 22, 2021 4:05 pm
azureeyes wrote: ↑Sat Mar 20, 2021 4:11 pm
@Kisupure - Thanks for revitalizing this thread! I appreciated reading through it! I'm sorry I missed it when it was active!
I spent a long time trying to figure out why I have this fetish. I've had it literally as long as I can remember. I know that I absolutely hated the movies where shrunken people were captives and subjected to the giant's whims, like Dr. Cyclops and Attack of the Puppet People. (Seriously, those movies give me serious anxiety and I have to stop watching them because I can't deal with the tiny peoples' plights.) Which is weird, because I do enjoy the power play of being helpless and unable to stop a giant from doing what they want.
My main real "good" memory of the fetish was watching, oddly enough, the old cartoon movie of Gulliver's Travels. The light bulb moment was when he was holding the princess and taking her to the prince for a secret meeting. That moment, in my mind, was tender, loving and really...human in comparison to all the other things that I had seen involving shrunken people. My brain apparently went nuts for that, lol.
Over the years, I have had to deal with the damage of a dysfunctional family that was really harsh on my psyche. I came to realize that my brain was substituting the fetish with that concept of care that my brain grabbed onto with Gulliver. That somehow, that was a level of care and adoration that I needed. It's weird and complicated, especially thanks to PTSD, so my brain doesn't make connections the way other people do. It also made me want to use the fetish as a way to self destruct because my brain also liked to remind me that I was worthless to others and no one would ever care and love me the way I need, so I deserve to be used like an object and made worthless. Needless to say, I had to take a break away from the fetish because it was doing more damage than good for me. I'm hoping that I've done the work so that I can actually enjoy the fetish over using it to tear myself apart. So far, I've been successful.
So for me, SW can be sexual, but the core of it is that it allows me to put myself and my cares at the hands on someone else who is there to protect me and care for me. It's hyper unrealistic, which I'm highly aware of, but that type of interaction actually heightens my experience with SW. I'm submissive in nature, so for me, the giving myself to a giant is me giving my trust that they have my best interests at heart and I am allowed to be vulnerable and loved just the way I am.
I obviously have no problem with just the sexual aspects, because I do have physical needs, but I am also an aeswxual demisexual, so, for an rp to have real value and meaning to me, I have to know and trust the person to not be self serving and "greedy". Otherwise, it's just mutual story telling for me with spicy sex scenes.
So, I guess this is the long way of saying that SW allows me to be okay with the fact that I am vulnerable and need someone who will understand and care for that need to be loved and cuddled. I doubt that I will find someone this late in the game who has both the SW fetish and the desire to care for a woman who needs constant attention and care, but I'm okay with that. It is what it is.
Thanks for continuing this interesting thread!
For me, I think my first "serious" or "psychological" encounter with size difference was The Indian in the Cupboard. It was a story about a kid trying to keep a real person as a pet, or toy, and all the ways the reality of that dynamic inevitably erodes. It was heavy on themes of bodily autonomy and ethics: entitlement, powerlessness, captivity, the idea of using an unwilling person as a source of entertainment and meaning. Of course now the book is considered pretty cringe in terms of its racism, but it tried, somewhat, to portray the characters and their situation realistically. Huh, now that I think about it, the story might have impacted my writing more than I thought. I haven't recalled the book or movie in years, but I do try to approach the ethical conundrums in my stories just as carefully. If I have a giant whose genuinely doing things that are wrong and horrific, I don't let the plot excuse them. I want the reader to acknowledge that there should be discomfort along with their arousal.
Even in my "dominant giant" headspace, I'm not actually dominant! I don't want to control a tiny partner, tell them how to dress, when to eat, where to sleep. I'm simply interested in presenting myself, my intentions, and they can decide how to react. Is getting pushy fun sometimes? Definitely, but as my RP profile says, I'd never play that stranger in the alley with a knife. If my characters are ever interested in non-consent, it happens after they get to know their partner. It happens after they get consent a few times, and
then they start pushing a less empathetic agenda. And by that time, the RP is usually situated such that the fallout from these kinds of intimate decisions can be depicted in more appropriately uncomfortable ways. The victim has the agency to decide how to proceed; hell, maybe they even decide to exact revenge. When I'm in dom headspace, though, it's much more of a "I'm a Pipeline wave, and you're a surfer; each of us is going to do what we do. You wanna ride?"
I used to think I was ace, but it was a combination of a lot of things. Medications, dysphoria, the ever-more-precarious relationship I was having with macrophilia because I was loading the fetish up with all my emotional baggage like I was trying to escape a slowly sinking ship. I thought sex with real people wasn't that fun compared to the dopamine hits of colorful smut where everybody was always perfect and in top form. But it all exploded in my face, I started testosterone and started accepting who I needed to be, and things are coming together again. I realized that sex was actually
really important to me for a lot of reasons, even though I may not have a "normal" relationship to it, or want to interact with partners the way most other people do. I tend to feel "kink attraction" first - ie, "I would love to top or be topped by this person" - and other feels take a while to develop, if they do at all. I don't tend to get romantic for a
long time.
There's people out there for each of us, but yeah - finding them is the real PITA!
[quote=azureeyes post_id=16326 time=1616256683 user_id=3972]
@Kisupure - Thanks for revitalizing this thread! I appreciated reading through it! I'm sorry I missed it when it was active!
I spent a long time trying to figure out why I have this fetish. I've had it literally as long as I can remember. I know that I absolutely hated the movies where shrunken people were captives and subjected to the giant's whims, like Dr. Cyclops and Attack of the Puppet People. (Seriously, those movies give me serious anxiety and I have to stop watching them because I can't deal with the tiny peoples' plights.) Which is weird, because I do enjoy the power play of being helpless and unable to stop a giant from doing what they want.
My main real "good" memory of the fetish was watching, oddly enough, the old cartoon movie of Gulliver's Travels. The light bulb moment was when he was holding the princess and taking her to the prince for a secret meeting. That moment, in my mind, was tender, loving and really...human in comparison to all the other things that I had seen involving shrunken people. My brain apparently went nuts for that, lol.
Over the years, I have had to deal with the damage of a dysfunctional family that was really harsh on my psyche. I came to realize that my brain was substituting the fetish with that concept of care that my brain grabbed onto with Gulliver. That somehow, that was a level of care and adoration that I needed. It's weird and complicated, especially thanks to PTSD, so my brain doesn't make connections the way other people do. It also made me want to use the fetish as a way to self destruct because my brain also liked to remind me that I was worthless to others and no one would ever care and love me the way I need, so I deserve to be used like an object and made worthless. Needless to say, I had to take a break away from the fetish because it was doing more damage than good for me. I'm hoping that I've done the work so that I can actually enjoy the fetish over using it to tear myself apart. So far, I've been successful.
So for me, SW can be sexual, but the core of it is that it allows me to put myself and my cares at the hands on someone else who is there to protect me and care for me. It's hyper unrealistic, which I'm highly aware of, but that type of interaction actually heightens my experience with SW. I'm submissive in nature, so for me, the giving myself to a giant is me giving my trust that they have my best interests at heart and I am allowed to be vulnerable and loved just the way I am.
I obviously have no problem with just the sexual aspects, because I do have physical needs, but I am also an aeswxual demisexual, so, for an rp to have real value and meaning to me, I have to know and trust the person to not be self serving and "greedy". Otherwise, it's just mutual story telling for me with spicy sex scenes.
So, I guess this is the long way of saying that SW allows me to be okay with the fact that I am vulnerable and need someone who will understand and care for that need to be loved and cuddled. I doubt that I will find someone this late in the game who has both the SW fetish and the desire to care for a woman who needs constant attention and care, but I'm okay with that. It is what it is.
[/quote]
Thanks for continuing this interesting thread! :)
For me, I think my first "serious" or "psychological" encounter with size difference was The Indian in the Cupboard. It was a story about a kid trying to keep a real person as a pet, or toy, and all the ways the reality of that dynamic inevitably erodes. It was heavy on themes of bodily autonomy and ethics: entitlement, powerlessness, captivity, the idea of using an unwilling person as a source of entertainment and meaning. Of course now the book is considered pretty cringe in terms of its racism, but it tried, somewhat, to portray the characters and their situation realistically. Huh, now that I think about it, the story might have impacted my writing more than I thought. I haven't recalled the book or movie in years, but I do try to approach the ethical conundrums in my stories just as carefully. If I have a giant whose genuinely doing things that are wrong and horrific, I don't let the plot excuse them. I want the reader to acknowledge that there should be discomfort along with their arousal.
Even in my "dominant giant" headspace, I'm not actually dominant! I don't want to control a tiny partner, tell them how to dress, when to eat, where to sleep. I'm simply interested in presenting myself, my intentions, and they can decide how to react. Is getting pushy fun sometimes? Definitely, but as my RP profile says, I'd never play that stranger in the alley with a knife. If my characters are ever interested in non-consent, it happens after they get to know their partner. It happens after they get consent a few times, and [i]then[/i] they start pushing a less empathetic agenda. And by that time, the RP is usually situated such that the fallout from these kinds of intimate decisions can be depicted in more appropriately uncomfortable ways. The victim has the agency to decide how to proceed; hell, maybe they even decide to exact revenge. When I'm in dom headspace, though, it's much more of a "I'm a Pipeline wave, and you're a surfer; each of us is going to do what we do. You wanna ride?"
I used to think I was ace, but it was a combination of a lot of things. Medications, dysphoria, the ever-more-precarious relationship I was having with macrophilia because I was loading the fetish up with all my emotional baggage like I was trying to escape a slowly sinking ship. I thought sex with real people wasn't that fun compared to the dopamine hits of colorful smut where everybody was always perfect and in top form. But it all exploded in my face, I started testosterone and started accepting who I needed to be, and things are coming together again. I realized that sex was actually [i]really[/i] important to me for a lot of reasons, even though I may not have a "normal" relationship to it, or want to interact with partners the way most other people do. I tend to feel "kink attraction" first - ie, "I would love to top or be topped by this person" - and other feels take a while to develop, if they do at all. I don't tend to get romantic for a [i]long[/i] time.
There's people out there for each of us, but yeah - finding them is the real PITA!