by jeffrey-dallas » Fri Oct 30, 2020 12:37 am
(Part 2) (The Finale)
“My, my,” said Dr. Horner. “I hope you’re up to it! That’s a pretty heavy schedule for just one night.”
“One night?” Farley scowled. “But I was thinking more along the lines of seven years -–”
Dr. Horner shrugged. “Sorry, that’s the old contract. We don’t use it anymore. In the old days, with only a few clients -– people like Faust, you know –- we could afford to give them personal attention. But now there’s just too many deals to keep track of. I’m afraid one night is all I can offer.”
Farley picked up the picture of the red-haired girl and studied it. The sound of heavy breathing filled the room. “I’ve got to have her,” he said. “Got to.”
Dr. Horner smiled. “I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Of course. They don’t call me Old Horny for nothing.” He reached into a desk drawer and produced a parchment covered with crabbed handwriting. “Sign here,” he said.
Farley’s eyes narrowed as he scanned the document. “I can’t read Latin.”
“Too bad. It’s really the only civilized language.” Dr. Horner shook his head. “You needn’t worry, though -– it’s a standard contract. Covers everything except acts of God. We have the services of some pretty big attorneys.”
“That figures,” said Farley.
“What’s bugging you then? If it’s the sight of blood, don’t worry. We can dispense with that formality.” Dr. Horner held out a pen. “Here. All I want is a legal signature.”
Farley took the pen, then hesitated once more.
“Now what?” said Dr. Horner.
“I’ll level. You have a reputation for cheating on your bargains.”
“That’s a damnable lie!” Dr. Horner said. “I’m not a crook.”
“Seems to me I’ve heard that before,” Farley told him.
Dr. Horner shook his head. “You’re getting a fair deal. One night with the girl in the picture, Linda Duvall. How could I cheat you?”
“Lots of ways,” Farley said. “I tried to locate her myself, you know, but I came up with zilch. And then I realized twenty years must have changed Linda as much as they’ve changed me. Suppose you find her and I end up with a fat, middle-aged klutz?”
“She won’t be, I promise you.”
“For all I know she might even be dead. I don’t want a revived corpse, either.”
Dr. Horner chuckled. “Don’t worry. She won’t be dead, and she won’t be a day older or younger than she is in the picture. And to anticipate your other objections, I also guarantee that she won’t be mentally or physically ill, she won’t be frigid, and she won’t be a lez. Tell you what I’ll do -– just to sweeten the deal, I’ll make her a virgin.”
“Yeah.” Farley licked his lips, then frowned again. “But suppose she hates me?”
“I’ll take care of that, too. I give you my word she’ll be just as eager as you are.”
“You won’t make me impotent?”
“What a suspicious mind you have!” Dr. Horner beamed at Farley appreciatively. “I promise you’ll be able to perform indefinitely. And definitely, too.”
“Then what happens?”
“I’ll come for you at dawn.”
“But we’ll have the night together?”
“Assuredly.”
“Just as she is here?” Farley pointed at the picture.
“Exactly.”
Farley gripped the pen and signed.
Dr. Horner picked up the parchment and put it back in his desk drawer. “There we are,” he said.
“But where is she?”
Dr. Horner smiled. “Linda is waiting for you now -– in your apartment.”
Leo Farley smiled then too, for the first time. “I hate to eat and run,” he said. “Or vice versa. But if you’ll excuse me -–”
“By all means.” Dr. Horner waved Farley to the door. “Drive carefully,” he said.
Farley drove very carefully.
One thing he had to say for himself: He was always careful. That’s why he’d taken such pains to make sure about the contract -– he had no intention of being outwitted. As a matter of fact, he was a little surprised that the Devil didn’t have more smarts. The truth was that Farley had cheated him.
Now, driving home, it was his turn to chuckle when he thought of how his life story had gone down so easily. Because it hadn’t really been such a bummer after all.
His childhood was never unhappy; his parents spoiled him rotten and he was always the biggest bully in the neighborhood. The only reason he didn’t do well in school was because he preferred goofing off to studying. He could have been on the football team if he wanted, but he used his time to set up a betting pool instead and made a bundle off his fellow students. His service in Nam was a crock; he’d spent all his time in Saigon as a company clerk by day and a black-market operator by night, which got him an even bigger bundle. And when gambling wiped him out, his parents’ death left him a nice chunk of inheritance after he returned. Sure, he’d worked in the paint store, but actually as a silent partner who got 50 per cent of the take. With the chicks through the years he got 100 per cent of the action. And that’s what really blew his marriage, when Margaret found out. Slipping her the infected guitar pick was his own idea; it solved all his problems.
Except for Linda Duvall. That part -– about the twenty years of frustration -– was true. He had the hots for her in school, he had the hots for her all those years, and he had the hots for her now. She was the only thing he wanted that he hadn’t been able to get -– but he was getting her tonight.
Farley grinned. He’d already damned himself a dozen times over, so there’d been no need for the Devil to make such a bargain. Farley had ripped him off.
Just to make sure, he reviewed the terms of the contract, but he found no loopholes. He was going to get just what he asked for -– Linda Duvall, the way she was in her picture, alive, willing, eager. And then –-
The mere thought of what was going to happen then set his heart pounding as he parked the car, set his hands trembling as he unlocked the apartment door, set his blood racing as he entered.
But the living room was silent and empty.
For a moment Farley wondered if the Devil had lied to him after all. Then he saw the light in the hall, streaming forth from under the bedroom door.
Of course -– that’s where she’d be waiting for him. Well, she wouldn’t have to wait long.
He ran down the hall, flung the door open, entered.
And there she was.
Farley stared at her. Linda Duvall, in the flesh –- a gorgeous redhead, stark naked, sprawled across the bed and smiling up at him in invitation.
The Devil hadn’t lied; she was as pretty as a picture. In fact, she was just like her picture.
Leo Farley turned away with a sob and stood waiting for the dawn. There was really nothing else he could do.
Not with a girl who was exactly two inches tall.
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- "Linda Duvall"
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[b](Part 2) (The Finale)[/b]
“My, my,” said Dr. Horner. “I hope you’re up to it! That’s a pretty heavy schedule for just one night.”
“One night?” Farley scowled. “But I was thinking more along the lines of seven years -–”
Dr. Horner shrugged. “Sorry, that’s the old contract. We don’t use it anymore. In the old days, with only a few clients -– people like Faust, you know –- we could afford to give them personal attention. But now there’s just too many deals to keep track of. I’m afraid one night is all I can offer.”
Farley picked up the picture of the red-haired girl and studied it. The sound of heavy breathing filled the room. “I’ve got to have her,” he said. “Got to.”
Dr. Horner smiled. “I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Of course. They don’t call me Old Horny for nothing.” He reached into a desk drawer and produced a parchment covered with crabbed handwriting. “Sign here,” he said.
Farley’s eyes narrowed as he scanned the document. “I can’t read Latin.”
“Too bad. It’s really the only civilized language.” Dr. Horner shook his head. “You needn’t worry, though -– it’s a standard contract. Covers everything except acts of God. We have the services of some pretty big attorneys.”
“That figures,” said Farley.
“What’s bugging you then? If it’s the sight of blood, don’t worry. We can dispense with that formality.” Dr. Horner held out a pen. “Here. All I want is a legal signature.”
Farley took the pen, then hesitated once more.
“Now what?” said Dr. Horner.
“I’ll level. You have a reputation for cheating on your bargains.”
“That’s a damnable lie!” Dr. Horner said. “I’m not a crook.”
“Seems to me I’ve heard that before,” Farley told him.
Dr. Horner shook his head. “You’re getting a fair deal. One night with the girl in the picture, Linda Duvall. How could I cheat you?”
“Lots of ways,” Farley said. “I tried to locate her myself, you know, but I came up with zilch. And then I realized twenty years must have changed Linda as much as they’ve changed me. Suppose you find her and I end up with a fat, middle-aged klutz?”
“She won’t be, I promise you.”
“For all I know she might even be dead. I don’t want a revived corpse, either.”
Dr. Horner chuckled. “Don’t worry. She won’t be dead, and she won’t be a day older or younger than she is in the picture. And to anticipate your other objections, I also guarantee that she won’t be mentally or physically ill, she won’t be frigid, and she won’t be a lez. Tell you what I’ll do -– just to sweeten the deal, I’ll make her a virgin.”
“Yeah.” Farley licked his lips, then frowned again. “But suppose she hates me?”
“I’ll take care of that, too. I give you my word she’ll be just as eager as you are.”
“You won’t make me impotent?”
“What a suspicious mind you have!” Dr. Horner beamed at Farley appreciatively. “I promise you’ll be able to perform indefinitely. And definitely, too.”
“Then what happens?”
“I’ll come for you at dawn.”
“But we’ll have the night together?”
“Assuredly.”
“Just as she is here?” Farley pointed at the picture.
“Exactly.”
Farley gripped the pen and signed.
Dr. Horner picked up the parchment and put it back in his desk drawer. “There we are,” he said.
“But where is she?”
Dr. Horner smiled. “Linda is waiting for you now -– in your apartment.”
Leo Farley smiled then too, for the first time. “I hate to eat and run,” he said. “Or vice versa. But if you’ll excuse me -–”
“By all means.” Dr. Horner waved Farley to the door. “Drive carefully,” he said.
Farley drove very carefully.
One thing he had to say for himself: He was always careful. That’s why he’d taken such pains to make sure about the contract -– he had no intention of being outwitted. As a matter of fact, he was a little surprised that the Devil didn’t have more smarts. The truth was that Farley had cheated [i]him.[/i]
Now, driving home, it was his turn to chuckle when he thought of how his life story had gone down so easily. Because it hadn’t really been such a bummer after all.
His childhood was never unhappy; his parents spoiled him rotten and he was always the biggest bully in the neighborhood. The only reason he didn’t do well in school was because he preferred goofing off to studying. He could have been on the football team if he wanted, but he used his time to set up a betting pool instead and made a bundle off his fellow students. His service in Nam was a crock; he’d spent all his time in Saigon as a company clerk by day and a black-market operator by night, which got him an even bigger bundle. And when gambling wiped him out, his parents’ death left him a nice chunk of inheritance after he returned. Sure, he’d worked in the paint store, but actually as a silent partner who got 50 per cent of the take. With the chicks through the years he got 100 per cent of the action. And that’s what really blew his marriage, when Margaret found out. Slipping her the infected guitar pick was his own idea; it solved all his problems.
Except for Linda Duvall. That part -– about the twenty years of frustration -– was true. He had the hots for her in school, he had the hots for her all those years, and he had the hots for her now. She was the only thing he wanted that he hadn’t been able to get -– but he was getting her tonight.
Farley grinned. He’d already damned himself a dozen times over, so there’d been no need for the Devil to make such a bargain. Farley had ripped him off.
Just to make sure, he reviewed the terms of the contract, but he found no loopholes. He was going to get just what he asked for -– Linda Duvall, the way she was in her picture, alive, willing, eager. And then –-
The mere thought of what was going to happen then set his heart pounding as he parked the car, set his hands trembling as he unlocked the apartment door, set his blood racing as he entered.
But the living room was silent and empty.
For a moment Farley wondered if the Devil had lied to him after all. Then he saw the light in the hall, streaming forth from under the bedroom door.
Of course -– that’s where she’d be waiting for him. Well, she wouldn’t have to wait long.
He ran down the hall, flung the door open, entered.
And there she was.
Farley stared at her. Linda Duvall, in the flesh –- a gorgeous redhead, stark naked, sprawled across the bed and smiling up at him in invitation.
The Devil hadn’t lied; she was as pretty as a picture. In fact, she was just like her picture.
Leo Farley turned away with a sob and stood waiting for the dawn. There was really nothing else he could do.
Not with a girl who was exactly two inches tall.