Shrunken women board

D_T wrote: ↑

Wed Dec 09, 2020 4:29 am

*slow claps, then stands, clapping faster.* Bravo! Well done, my friend!

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

*slow claps, then stands, clapping faster.* Bravo! Well done, my friend!

Thanks to everyone who read my little opus. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Part 29-"So Here We Are, Kid"


Wait for me 'cause I waited for you
No, that's not what you should do
Don't hate me 'cause I don't hate you
Insane eyes
You made me realize

-My Bloody Valentine


"Laure... it's crazy! It's... fucking... unbelievable! You're not... going... to believe it!" Emma was nearly to the point of hyperventilating, and I'm sure her mask wasn't helping the matter.

"Jesus, Emma! What is it?!" I cried out.

She carried me out the apartment door and down the stairs towards the entrance. She stopped just before the door and knelt down next to a potted fern, one of two that bookended the doorway.

"There... was... a spider, Laure... a big... nasty spider!" She panted, "I killed it."

"Did you really bring me down here to show me a dead spider, Emma?" I asked sarcastically.

"No no no, just listen. I heard it... after I killed the spider. It's faint... I don't know how... I heard it... just listen." She was almost frantic at that point.

"Emma you're freaking me out!" I replied.

"Sssssssshhhhhhh! Just listen," she ordered.

I didn't hear anything at first, except Emma's heavy breathing and the beating of her heart. I looked up at her and she put her index finger over her lips.

And then I heard it.

It wasn't much more than a squeak, but it drew itself out... more like a scream. Chills ran up my spine.

"Emma... what is that?!" I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

"You're not... going to believe it... Laure!" She exclaimed.

"You keep saying that!" I replied.

"I'm going... to set you down, Laure. I need you... to walk around... to the other side... of the pot."

"Ok, now I'm really freaking out here, Emma!"

I began sweating as she lowered her hand to the ground. The high pitched screaming was more obvious now. I looked back up towards Emma's face. Much of her face was still covered with a mask, but her eyes were filled with... fear? Excitement? I couldn't quite tell. She nodded at me and gestured me towards the darkened corner with her hands.

The fern rose above me like some gigantic ancient tree, the pot it was growing out of was the size of a house. Spider webs crisscrossed the space between the pot and the wall. I felt like I was walking into a trap... what was Emma putting me through.
I crept forward, past the still twitching, gooey wreckage that was what was left of the spider, having met its end under Emma's sandal. It's legs still discernible in the mess. It had to have been as big as a mid sized dog to me.

The screaming resumed, this time I was close enough to hear whatever it was echo off the walls around me. I pulled the sticky webbing out of my way, terrified that the eight legged horror had friends... or children. The screaming persisted as I rounded the corner...

...my god, it sounded... human.

And then there it was. A dark silhouette caught in a silken trap. It was a person... a woman. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"EMMA! HOLY FUCK!" I screamed back in her direction.

"I know! I told you! She so small... I was afraid... I might hurt her... if I tried to pull her out." Emma said, nervously.

She was small. Much smaller than me.

I don't know if it was adrenaline or what people call 'maternal instincts', but the fear drained from me instantly as I tore through the remaining webbing to get to her. I finally reached the tiny figure, she was barely longer than my forearm. As I reached out to touch her she let out another horrific high pitched scream. Her back was to me so she probably didn't realize I wasn't the spider. I yanked the sticky silk away from her as quickly as I could. She dropped into my arms, kicking and screaming. As I pulled the remaining web from her face I nearly dropped her in shock.

It was Madelyn.


It was... you.


Your eyes were wild and feral. You were starved and dehydrated. God, you'd probably spent days in that entryway, too small for anyone to notice. You continued kicking and screaming like a wild animal trying to escape.

I ran out of the dark space between the pot and the wall, gripping you like a baby to my chest as you continued to flail about. There were no wounds in your skin so the spider hadn't had a chance to get to you yet.

"EMMA! MY GOD! EMMA! ITS MADELYN!" I yelled upwards as I met her waiting hand.

"What?! It-it can't be...," Emma couldn't find the words to express her shock.

"It's her! Oh my god, Emma, she's terrified!" I screamed.

Emma rushed us back upstairs and into the apartment. She headed towards the counter when I yelled at her to change directions.

"THE DOLLHOUSE, EMMA! TAKE US TO THE DOLLHOUSE!" Emma complied and rushed us over to the tiny Victorian. She opened the front access door and set us down on the bedroom floor.

"This is insane! Why... for what... I don't know...," Emma was having trouble even being able to complete a thought.

"Emma... you need to go." I screamed. I knew what needed to happen.

"What? Why?" She asked sounded puzzled, and maybe a little hurt. I continued to try and hold on to your flailing body.

"Emma, let me handle this please. You're like a mountain to her, I'm used to it, but she's clearly in a state of shock. Let me deal with this, please. Besides you're going to be late. Please go! I love you... please! I've got this!"

Emma thought about it for a second and then understood. She had nothing but kindness in her heart, but she could understand how something so small could see her as a monster. She closed the front panel and whispered as quietly as she could, "I love you, Laure. I'll be home as soon as I can."

"I love you too, Emma. Now go! Go kick some ass!"

I saw her raise her thumb through the window and then quietly slide out the door.

I continued to press you against my body, slowly stroking your hair and back to try and calm you. Eventually you stopped kicking, but your screaming turned to sobs. Not long after that you either fainted or fell asleep from exhaustion. I placed you on the bed and just let you sleep.

I watched over you from the foot of the bed in total amazement. Was this done for Emma's benefit... or for mine? You'd think I'd be filled with some sense of justification. That you'd got what you deserved. But no, I just felt... sick. God knows what hell you'd been through the last few days, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

You slept for a few hours and I stayed right there with you in case you woke up. When you finally did, the fear filled your eyes once again and you scooted yourself across the bed as close to the wall as you could. I kept my distance and tried to calm you.

"Sssshhhh, it's ok... it's ok... ssssshhh... I'm not going to hurt you. Don't you remember me?" I asked in as quiet a voice as I could. You just stared at me.

"Do you understand me? Just nod if you do, ok." You continued to stare for a few more seconds and then gave a single nod.

"Good. That's good. You look like you're starving. There's some ham and water downstairs, can I leave you alone for just a minute while I go get it?"

More staring... and then another lone nod.

"Ok, I'll be right back."

I slowly raised myself up off the bed and backed out of the room. I rushed down the stairs and grabbed the bottle cap full of lunch meat and another cap with a couple drops of water from the kitchen. I rushed back up the stairs, unable to take more than one step at a time because of how spaced apart they were. I reentered the bedroom and you were gone from the bed.

"Hey? Hey?! Are you ok?"

I found you crouched in the corner between the bed and the wall, sobbing into your hands... trying to cover your nakedness.

"Hey, hey... I'm here... look... food and water." I slid the caps to you across the floor and you looked up at me, absolutely scared out of your mind.

I sat back and crossed my legs, still trying to keep my distance. "It's ok, take your time. I'm not going anywhere. You really should drink some water at least."

I scooted back further to give you even more space. The bottle cap was nearly big enough for you to bathe in. You slowly stood up and reached over the edge and tried scooping out some water. The surface tension was so much stronger at your size that you had trouble separating one drop from another. You sunk back down in the corner and began crying again.

"I know, liquids feel... weird at first. Can I help you?" I offered out my hand.

You stared at me distrustingly for a moment and then nodded. I scooped a single drop of water out of the cap and held it in front of you. It was much larger than your head, but you grabbed a hold of my hand and slurped as much down as you could. I dumped the remainder back into the cap, then pulled off a piece of ham and presented it to you.

"Try and eat something, ok?"

With much less hesitation you snatched the ham out of my hand and inhaled it.

"More?"

You nodded and I pulled off another piece. That one disappeared almost as fast as the first. After that you curled back up into a ball and glared at me distrustingly, your eyes peaking up just above your arm.

I resumed my spot on the floor towards the other end of the bed. "Is it alright if I ask you a few things?"

You gave the slightest of nods without raising your head from behind your arms.

"Can you speak? You don't have to say anything right now, just shake your head or nod."

Another solitary nod.

"Ok, that's good. Do you remember your name?"

You shook your head.

Do you remember Emma?"

You shook your head again. As I continued the 'interview' I slowly scooted closer with each question.

"Do you remember your past, who you were?" I crept ever closer.

You shook your head yet again... damn, They'd about wiped your mind clean.

"What's happening to me?! Who are you?! Why is everything so huge?!" You suddenly shouted, catching me off guard.

"You still don't recognize me, huh?" By this point there was now only a couple of feet between us. "Let me give you a hint...," I closed my thumb and forefinger together until there was just a few inches between them, "when you knew me I was about this size to you."

You thought hard for a moment and then your eyes widened with clarity, "L-Laureline?!"

I nodded... blinking with surprise. I couldn't believe it. I was the only thing you could vaguely remember. It became clear that They'd done this for me. For benevolent beings, this came across as almost... petty.

But I knew it wasn't. I knew They weren't. If you're still here, you must still have some role in all of this.

You stood up and walked towards me, "Laureline, how did you get so... so huge?! How did everything get so enormous?!"

"Afraid it's not the world that's changed, kid. We're just a couple of tiny creatures within it." I replied.

Tears began to fall down your face and your lip quivered, "How... how small am I?"

"Hard to say right now. Emma could measure you when she gets home, but I'd say you're... you're less than an inch... I'm... I'm sorry."

It was too much for you and you collapsed to the floor in complete and total anguish. I couldn't think of anything else to do but stroke your hair... like Emma had done so many times to comfort me. Eventually you cried yourself into exhaustion and passed out again. I picked you up and carried you back to the bed where I held you like a small child while you slept.

Your tiny, naked body was filthy and malnourished from whatever hell you'd been through over the past few days. I stared at you wondering why I wasn't happier. If ever there were a cosmic comeuppance, this was it. I should have reveled in my newfound superiority to you. You tortured me and acted like you were doing me a favor. Hell, technically... you killed me. I should have hated you...

...but I didn't.

You see, love is a hell of a drug. When you find yourself lost in that sea of hopelessness I've brought up so many times before... it's more than just a piece of driftwood to keep you afloat. It's an ocean liner... ready to pick you up and carry you off to some tropical paradise. It can change you, giving you strength in some ways and softening you in others.

I had every reason to hate you, but... again... I didn't. I felt sorry for you. I thought about what Emma would do, and at that moment, I made a vow to myself. I was going to protect you... because Emma would. When you awoke I would tell you my story... I guess it's really OUR story... in hopes that it may help you in some way...

...and I would take my time with it... with all the gory details... because time is the only thing we have an abundance of... until there's no time left. I don't know how much time there is left until the world dies... years I would assume. So the three of us are going to have to figure all this out.

But it's going to be ok. I know it. I love Emma and she loves me and that's all that really matters. She'll not only take care of us, but the whole world... because that's who she is. She's selfless and she cares. If more people were like her, maybe this world wouldn't be doomed.

We've lorded over this planet like it was ours to use and abuse as we please. We're lucky there are forces out there willing to forgive us... willing to let us learn from our mistakes instead of burn in them. And that's why I'm going to forgive you, Madelyn... because maybe you can learn from the mistakes you've made.

The entire human race will eventually find out how small it truly is in the grand scheme of things... but I'm here to tell you...

...being small isn't such a bad thing.


The end... until The End.

Part 28-"To Here Knows When" 


Well The Rolling Stones wrote a song for me
It's a minor song in a major key
But the stars still shine, the museum's free 
No, I don't need much when I still have thee

-Teenage Fanclub


"Was that Loveless you were listening to earlier?" Emma asked.  

Once again, we'd spent the entire afternoon in bed.  It was Sunday and Emma would be heading back to class the next morning.  I don't think either of us were ready to be separated from one another.  So we were just going to enjoy each other as long as we could.

"Loveless?" I asked.

"Yeah... Loveless by My Bloody Valentine.  I thought I heard it coming from your tank when I walked in." 

"Is that the one with the pink swirling cover art?" I didn't notice the album title.

"Yeah yeah!  Thats the one.  God, I love that album.  That band birthed a small sub genre of music called Shoegaze in England in the early nineties...".  It'd been a while since I got one of Emma's music rants.  I didn't realize how much I'd missed them until that moment.  "It took them something like two years to make that album, nearly bankrupting the studio.  It took them over twenty years to release another album.  I can't believe I never played it for you before... it may be my favorite album."

"Can we listen to it?"  I asked.

Emma smiled and then placed me on her pillow while she got up and headed for one of her record shelves.  She knelt down and, after fingering through her records, pulled out the familiar pink cover.  She carefully pulled the black disk out of its liner and placed it on the turntable.  With the turn of a knob and a pop, the needle dropped and she crawled back in bed.  She dropped me back on her chest and I propped myself up against one of her naked breasts with my arms behind my head.

The familiar intro hit, but it sounded... new somehow.  Fuller.  I realized I was missing a lot from the tinny sounding speaker on Emma's phone.  I felt chills run up and down my spine, and judging from the goose flesh raising around me, Emma was too.  I ran my hands across the little bumps as I felt the motion of Emma starting to writhe.  

Almost in an instant I found myself straddled across her lips as her tongue flicked at me from below.  Music swirled in the air combined with the vibrating moans and warm breath from Emma had me intoxicated with ecstasy.  I reached climax... and again... and again.  She just kept going until I couldn't take any more.

The pop from the speakers as the needle lifted off the record indicated that side one was over. 

Emma set me on the pillow again and got up to flip the record.  I laid there, dripping in sweat, trying to catch my breath... completely orgasm drunk.   Emma returned to the bed and started running her finger along my body.  I suddenly got an idea.

"Turn over on your stomach, Emma."  I ordered.  

She tilted her head for a moment and then flipped over, causing a small bed-quake.  I climbed up onto her shoulder and began my trek across her body.  Her curves formed hills and valleys for me to climb and descend.  Goosebumps would form as I made my way down her back.  Emma moaned as she got more and more excited.  

I made my way to the top of one of her cheeks.  The flesh was so soft and squishy to stand on, it made it difficult to walk.  The fall towards her sex was further than I was willing to risk so I continued down the back of her thigh and across her calf.  Emma was already starting to grind herself into the bed in anticipation.  

Her heel was the last obstacle until I found myself on her smooth sole.  As I crawled down the incline, the whole foot began to shake.  Her toes were wiggling in front of me.  Suddenly, I felt my stomach drop as she lifted her foot into the air.  I was high above the bed now, clutching to the wrinkles in her sole for safety.  Emma was giggling.

"Easy down there, Squirt... it tickles."  She slowly lowered her leg again and I slid myself off the end of her toes.  

I walked along the curves of her legs towards my goal.  Running my fingers along her skin as I walked, I felt more goosebumps rise.  I finally arrived at her vagina, already moist and hungry.  I lightly ran my hands along the lips, causing more moans from Emma which ran through her whole body.  Her sex was easier to manipulate in this position.  I was able to rub myself against it and manipulate her clit with my foot.  I worked my arms and legs inside and out.  As I ground myself into her, we both achieved orgasm... and again... and again.

I eventually collapsed onto the bed in total exhaustion, covered in her scent and laying in the puddle that was soaking into the sheets.  Emma pulled me out from between her legs and rolled onto her side.  She held me in her hand and kissed me intensely... almost furiously.  She licked at my body, tasting her own juices.  I wanted more, but was too worn out to move.  Emma just kept going... cupping me in her hand and lapping at my sex ever so slowly... ever so lightly.  It was almost painful as I began to feel raw... but I didn't care.  I came again and curled up into a ball, completely spent.

Emma gently placed me back on her chest between her breasts.  The sweat that had beaded up on her felt cool to the touch on top of her warm body.  I flipped onto my back sucking wind, feeling the most pleasant exhaustion I've ever felt.  Emma's hand was working at her vagina as she brought herself to climax one last time.

The speaker popped as the needle lifted off the record again.

I rubbed my hands along Emma's moist skin.  I forced myself up enough to turn around so I could see her face.

"You know what, Emma?" I asked, panting.

"What's that, Laure?" 

"I think this is my favorite album, too."  My grin slowly turned into a smile and then into full on laughter.  Emma did the same.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The afternoon passed into night too quickly.  We didn't do much talking.  We didn't need to.  There wasn't any kind of awkward silence that you'd normally feel the need to fill with pointless banter.  Both of us seemed perfectly content to stare into each other's eyes in the quiet.

Emma eventually grabbed her laptop and began scrolling through streaming services for something to watch.  She picked out some Swedish vampire film (Let The Right One In) that sounded ridiculous, but she'd been dying to see.  I nestled down in my usual spot on her stomach and she hit play.  The subtitles started rolling by and I felt like something was missing.

"Hey Emma?" I asked.  She tapped the space bar to pause the movie.

"What'd ya need, Squirt?"

"Would you mind reading the subtitles to me?"  I said with a little pout.

Worry suddenly washed over Emma's face, "oh Laure... is... can't you read again?"

"Oh no... no no no.  I'm fine.  I just... uh... I always like it when you read the subtitles out loud.  Its weird, I know.  It always made an average movie night into something... I don't know... special?"  I found myself feeling slightly embarrassed about my request.  I may be less then four inches tall, but I'm still a grown woman.  You don't have to think about it too hard to realize I was basically asking for a bedtime story.

Emma's characteristic sly half-grin began to spread.  "Alright then," she said.

The film was fantastic... so much more than I was expecting.  Emma voice acted every part in the film like she was auditioning for a theater troop.  In the final third of the film she became to emotional to continue and by the end we were both sobbing our eyes out.  I've watched a lot of films with Emma, but that one keeps haunting me.

Emma set me on the pillow and then slid her computer under the bed.  She laid her head down next to me.  We talked about the film, Emma clearly being very excited about finally being able to do so with me.  She talked about being nervous about going back to class.  She was also worried about running into Madelyn.

"Emma... you've got this," I reassured her.  "Trust me."

"I don't know.  I did fine last semester, but the workload was more than I anticipated.  The stress really took its toll."

"I can't pretend to understand the stuff your doing because it's all Greek to me.  But keep in mind you were also carrying Madelyn's ass for months as well.  Just worry about yourself, and if you DO run into her again, don't let her manipulate you."

Emma turned onto her back and covered her eyes with her hand, "god I feel so stupid.  Fuck!  Why did I do that shit to myself?"

"Rational thinking kinda takes a back seat when your in love," I probably shouldn't have brought that up... I didn't think about it.

Emma's rotated her head back towards me, "y-you... you could tell?  Oh fuck, I'm so embarrassed!" She turned back and this time covered her eyes with both hands.  "Shit, you couldn't even speak to me yet and you tried to warn me."

"Emma, it's ok.  I get it.  You're human.  You were lonely and she was this beautiful girl who wanted to spend time with you.  I get loneliness, trust me.  If you could have only seen the dark places my mind went as I watched the two of you get closer.  I felt alone and trapped.  I couldn't communicate my feelings for you and you were rendered incapable of receiving them.  Im not going to lie... I thought about ending it."

Her hands lifted off her eyes and her head quickly rotated back to face me.  A look of shock on her face.  "Laure?  I... I'm sorry... I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to say, Emma.  It's ok.  I was in a dark place.  I spent days alone to swim in my thoughts and feel sorry for myself.  I was honestly more upset about not being able to be with you than I was about being shrunk."

"I'm so sorry I wish... I wish I could have-," she cut herself off not knowing how to finish... not really knowing what to say.

"Here's the thing though Emma, every time I thought I couldn't take it any more... you were there to pull me back.  My love for you just grew stronger... deeper.  It was pretty maddening."

"Laure... how long have you felt this way about me?" She asked.  She rolled back onto her side.

"Gosh... I think I really became aware of it when we first arrived in LA."

"Oh my god... it's been that long?!" She said covering her mouth with her hand.

"Yes... and no.  A feeling had been brewing before that.  The few weeks before that I came to realize that I didn't want to be around anyone but you.  We seemed to bond so quickly, I couldn't quite explain it.  Even before we met... it was, well... how do I explain this?"

Emma looked at me inquisitively.

"I was still dealing with the shock of my new situation.  I was terrified by everything that was happening, but when it came time to be presented to you... it was, like, all I could thing of.  That I hoped you'd like me.  It was so weird, with everything that had happened to me up to that point, I needed you."

"That's... that's really intense, Laure."  She said.

"Yeah, you ain't kidding.  With everything that's happened to me since... god, I have such clarity about it all now.  Emma... I was made to love you.  That's all there is to it."

A single tear dropped down the side of her face and soaked into the pillow.  She wrapped her hand behind me and leaned in, enveloping my face in her lips.

"Me too, Laure."

"Aren't we just a couple of saps!"  I joked and she let out a relieved laugh.

"I just wish I knew why.  Why you... why me?  What does all this mean?"  She said, placing both hands against the side of her face.  

"There is something I need to tell you, Emma."  I knew this was going to be tricky.

"What's that?"  She asked, wiping away her tears.

"I... I can't tell you everything.  It would be wrong... and unfair to you."  My mind raced around for the best way to say what I needed to say.

"Now you're freaking me out, Laureline," she'd said... half joking... half not.

"I... fuck...," shit... here goes.  "Emma... I've seen things.  When I was gone... They... They showed me things."

Visible fear appeared on Emma's face.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you what... that's my burden.  No one else should have to carry it.  But I will tell you that They care about you.  You're... special, Emma.  They know it, I know it, and you need to know it."

Emma was now visibly shaking, "this doesn't make any sense!  Who the fuck am I?!  If They have such power as to do what They've done to you, why couldn't they keep me from getting sick all the time?  None of it makes any fucking sense!"

She was right of course.  It didn't make any sense... unless... well, she wasn't always a 'sick girl'.  Her various conditions just started appearing a few years ago.  The only way I can rationalize it is that she isn't meant for this world.  She's was being, I don't know, prepared(?) for another.  I couldn't tell her this of course.

"It doesn't matter, Emma," I continued, "you're just... you.  That's all you have to be.  You're going to go out there tomorrow and kick ass.  And the day after that, and the day after that.  When I tell you 'you've got this' it's because I know you're capable of greatness."

"Jesus, no pressure there, is there?"  She interrupted.

"Don't think of it like that.  I'm telling you that you're brilliant.  Whatever gets tossed at you over the next few years, you can handle it... better than you realize.  You've just got to get out of your head.  Trust me, as someone who's spend months going around in circles in her own, you'll just drive yourself crazy.  Just don't look at the big picture, take things one day at a time.  There's no rush."  I scooted myself up next to her face and wiped the tears from her cheek, feeling the large droplets slide down my arm.

"You know what I think, Laure?"  She asked.

"What's that?"

"I think they made you to be my own little fuck-able Jiminy Cricket."  Her oh so familiar grin began to return.  I laughed pretty hard at her comment, but to be perfectly honest, she probably wasn't far off.

"Laure?"

"I'm here..."

"Thank you... I love you."

"I love you too, Emma."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morning came.  

Emma leapt out of bed with an energy I hadn't seen in her before.  She set me down on the top balcony of the doll house and began to get ready.  After her shower, I watched her dart from one part of the apartment to the other.  She seemed more... focused, more... determined.  Could I really have had this much of an impact?

She put a pinch of sliced ham in a bottle cap for me and kissed me on the head before slipping into her sandals and grabbing her book bag.  My gut sunk a little having to spend the rest of the day without her, but I also felt a little pride.  I was proud of her, for who she was... for who she was going to become.  I knew in my heart that morning that nothing was going to stand in her way.  She blew me a kiss from the door and I returned the gesture as it closed behind her.

I turned from the balcony into the bedroom. The silence was almost deafening.  I looked at the bed Emma'd made me, the tiny posters taped to the wall.  I slowly made my way down the stairs and into the 'entertainment room'.  It was the first time I really took in the strangeness of it all.  There was a familiarity to a home, but very artificial.  I sat down on the hacky sack bean bag and stared at the blank screen of Emma's old phone.  The silence was suffocating.

She'd been gone five minutes and my heart already ached for her to return.

"Come on you sad sack, she'll be home later.  Get over yourself," I said out loud. 

I leaned forward to hit the power button on the phone when I heard the apartment door swing open.  I ran to the dollhouse window to see Emma standing there, her eyes looking wild.

"Laure, get dressed!  I need your help!"  Emma said panting.

I climbed upstairs as fast as I could and grabbed my makeshift dress from off the edge of the bed and threw it over myself, then ran to the balcony.  Emma was already there, her hand outstretched and waiting.

"W-what's going on Emma, you look like you've seen a ghost!"  I exclaimed.

"Hop on, Laureline, you're not going to believe this!"


End Part 28

Part 27-"Out With The Old..."


You speak your fears
Thinking in circles 
And checking what mirrors don't see
You live your life like a page  
From the book of my fantasy  

How I love you

-Warpaint


I was still feeling pretty exhausted the next morning from the workout I got making love to Emma the previous afternoon... and evening... and night.  I need to start stretching first.

Emma emerged from the restroom and wiggled into her jean shorts.  "I need to go out for a bit, you gonna be alright here without me, Squirt?"

I knew she'd have to leave me here alone eventually, but I wasn't ready for it just yet.  "I could come with you," I suggested sheepishly.

"Um... not this time.  I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise.  Can I put you in the tank while I'm gone?  You can just chill out in your bed till I get back."

I reluctantly agreed.  She dropped some fresh fruit in my bowl before slipping on her sandals and heading out the door.  Before she closed it she blew me a kiss and said "I love you."

I pulled up some music on her old phone.  I was happy to finally be able to fit names Emma had mentioned to album covers.  I pressed play with my palm on a dark pink, swirling image of a guitar I've found myself listening to over and over again.  I could finally read the band's name:  My Bloody Valentine.  Something about it... I don't know... felt warm and comforting.  I never thought distortion could sound so... ethereal.

I climbed into my bed and stretched out with my arms behind my head and my legs crossed.  I could see the dress Emma made me draped over the edge of the tank high above me where it landed the previous day, inducing a light chuckle.

I felt happy, anxious for Emma's return, but... happy.  All the shit that had been weighing me down over the last few months had drifted away.  I was so in love with Emma I felt like I might turn inside out.  

So of course... thoughts of Madelyn had to sneak in to disrupt my otherwise contented morning.

What happened to her?  She hadn't tried to contact Emma since her face connected with Emma's fist.  Did she just leave?  As I wondered before... did 'They' do something to her?  Why did I care?  After what she put me through, I should just be glad to be rid of her...

but...

Madelyn was deeply flawed, and a lot of her problems were of her own making.  But she was still a person.  And the way I felt at that moment, I didn't harbor any ill will towards her.  In her own twisted way, she thought she was helping me.  I...

"Goddamnit stop doing this to yourself!"  I yelled out loud.  Even I was sick of my brain spinning in different directions.  "Just let yourself enjoy this, stupid!"

I tried physically shaking the thoughts from my head.  I closed my eyes and cleared my mind and listened to sweet, swirling sounds bouncing off the walls of the tank.

Emma returned about three hours later.  God it felt good to be able to tell time again.  She burst through the door backwards, clumsily carrying a large cardboard box with her.  She set it down next to the closet.  I jumped out of bed and shut the music off.  I pressed myself up against the glass, eagerly waiting to feel the warmth of her hand under me.

"Sorry I was gone so long.  I don't think I'll ever get used to LA traffic," she said as she offered me a lift out of the cage.  

She carried me over to the bar and set me down on the smooth surface.  She returned to the tank and started pulling everything out of it until it was empty.  Needless to say, I was confused.  She set everything aside and returned to the bar.  

"I have a surprise for you," she pulled a hammer seemingly out of nowhere and flipped it in her hand.

"Uh... yeah... it's great?" I said sarcastically.

"Not this, you dork... this!"  

She ran back to the tank and smashed the front of it in with the hammer.  The sound was ungodly loud, forcing me to cover my ears.  She whacked the remaining sides with the hammer, causing the rim to collapse in on itself.  Glass scattered across the rug.  Emma tossed the hammer into the wreckage and dusted off her hands, smiling ear to ear.

I'll admit, I was a little freaked out.  I pulled my hands from my ears and stood up.  "Uh, Emma... WHAT THE FUCK?!"  I shouted, half laughing.

Emma walked back towards the counter, still smiling, "no girlfriend of mine is going to be kept in a fucking cage."

"Uh... well... that's great and all... but that was a little dramatic, don't you think?" I replied. "You could have just dumped it off at a thrift store or something."

"Nah, this was way more punk rock," she joked.  "But this still isn't the surprise..."

She picked me up and set me on the lower side of the counter inside the kitchen.  

"It'll take me a few minutes to get it set up and I don't want you peeking."

The upper bar section was about three times my hight.  There was no risk of me seeing what she was up to.  I could hear her remove something from the box.  Some shuffling noises followed by a large crash.  I assumed it was the tank getting pushed into the box.  More shuffling sounds... creaking... it almost sounded like she was tinkering with something.  Then silence.

Emma popped her head over the bar in a deliberate attempt to scare me, "Ready!"  She laughed at seeing me flinch and then lowered her hand for me to hop on.  "Close your eyes."

I felt myself lifting and moving through the room, without being able to see... which somehow was more unnerving than I was expecting.  I could hear tiny bits of glass crunching under Emma's feet.  The motion finally stopped.

"Ok, Laureline... open your eyes..."

Before me was a beautiful Victorian style dollhouse.  Blue with white trim.  Bay windows on the ground floor, balconies on the upper two.  It was three stories high, but narrow, like the kind of home you'd see in San Francisco.  It had to be really expensive.

"Emma... it's... beautiful.  You did this for me?"  I was starting to get choked up.

"Well, I didn't make it.  I looked up places to buy one last night after you... uh... passed out."  She giggled.  "I made a few alterations though."  She reached to the side of the structure and pulled open the entire front on a hinge.  "You ready to check it out?"

I looked up at her, trying to fight back the tears of joy, and nodded.  She set me down on the top floor first.  It was a single large room with the bed she made me for Christmas dominating it.  There were balconies hanging off two of the four walls, when the access door would be closed.  She'd even printed off tiny band posters for The Cure and The Ramones and stuck them to the walls with giant pieces of tape... an absolutely adorable, and very Emma, touch.

"Go on, check out the next floor!" She ordered.  

I smiled back at her and ran down the stairs.  They seemed to be spaced strange, taller than I was expecting.  The banister seemed high as well.  I arrived on the next floor to find Emma's old phone set up against a wall, the cord running out the window.  What looked like a bean bag was sitting in front of it.  She even had movie posters for Vertigo and, in what I think was a sly joke on her part, Attack of the 50 Ft Woman.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a hanky sack this day and age?"  She asked.  "All the doll furniture they had was plastic, so I'll see if I can find some little couches online."

It was getting harder hold back the tears.

"Keep going...," she ordered again.  

As I made my way down the stairs I realized what felt so... off.  The dollhouse was scaled for dolls bigger than I was... not much, but enough that I kind of felt like a child running through a new house.  It was kind of a dizzying feeling, especially when I could look out towards Emma and see how small I really was.  I'm not complaining by any means, it was just... disorienting.

The stairs emptied me out on the ground floor.  There was a large open living room area that was bare of furniture.  

"I wasn't sure what to do with that area so I thought I'd just let you decide," she explained. 

There was a kitchen towards the back where she'd set up a water bottle so the metal spout came in through the window over the sink.  "That sink is just for show... don't try to use the non existent plumbing," she cracked.

There was one last door off from the kitchen.  I swung it open to find a good sized bathroom, complete with a plastic doll tub, blue and white painted on tile, and...

"My god... is that what I think it is?!"  There was a round wooden box with a hole drilled toward the front of it.  It had a lid with a hinge attached.  I ran over to lift it up to have the smell of lavender scented kitty litter hit my nostrils.  "Oh god, Emma... you made me a toilet!?"  

Don't mock me until you've spent months going into an overly tall bowl in the same room that you eat and sleep.  It was all too overwhelming.

"Yup.  I built a little drawer on the side of it so I can easily change it out, and... hey... hey are you alright?"  Emma's voice suddenly filled with concern.

Me knees gave out on me and I toppled to the floor in tears.

"Laure... hey... I'm sorry... if you don't like it I'll...," the disappointment and hurt in her voice rocked me out of what was actually a fit of happiness.

"No! NO EMMA!  I love it... goddamnit... it's wonderful... I love everything about it.  I can't remember anything, but I can guarantee this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.  YOU BOUGHT ME A HOUSE, EMMA!"

And then a certain sadness did take hold of me.

"I'm... I'm so... I'm so small.  I'm so small and useless.  You're so good to me and I don't deserve it.  I can never give you the things you deserve.  I love you so much it hurts, Emma... but I'll always be a burden to you."

I know, it was a hell of a mood swing in a matter of seconds.  I'm sure this wasn't the reaction Emma hoped for; me on my knees, balled up and crying my eyes out.

"Hey now, that will be quite enough of that stuff,". Emma said sternly.  "I can't begin to imagine how hard it is being you.  To be totally reliant on someone for their every need, that has to be exhausting.  To be stuck in a world you feel you no longer have a place in... that's some existential shit, Laure." 

I looked up at her face as she began stroking my hair.

"If roles were reversed, I'm not sure I could have handled it with the strength and grace you have.  I probably would have died in, like, an hour.  You tried to warn me about Madelyn.  Shit, you've traveled to the ends of the goddamn universe and came back from fucking death, Laure!  I wish I was half the person you are!"

"So like... an inch and three quarters," i joked through the tears, trying to add some levity.

"Easy, smartass... I'm having a moment here."  She rubbed her finger into my hair, messing it up.

"I know, I know... I just wish I could be the person you deserve, Emma."  I lowered my head and stared at the hand painted tiles on the floor.

"Aren't you listening to me, dummy?!  Have you forgotten what I told you just a few days ago at Christmas?!  I told you you don't owe me anything... that I wish I could give you the world.  The only thing that's changed is that now I wish I could give you the universe."

I suddenly felt her fingers lift me up, off the floor and plop me down onto her other palm.  I looked into her kind, loving eyes and she looked into mine.

"I'm telling you, Laureline that you do deserve me, and I deserve you.  I'm not saying this might not get hard at times.  I can't see the future.  Well, I guess that's not entirely true... I can't see a future without you in it."

Probably not the best time to bring up that I've ACTUALLY seen the future.

I buried my face in her lips and sobbed, "Emma, I love you so much... I'm sorry... I love you... I love you...."

She pulled me away to look me in the eyes again.  She began stroking my hair again.  "I love you too, you little drama queen." She laughed, wiping a single tear away from her eye.  "Now, if you're done, do you mind if I get naked and ravish you?"

My eyebrows shot up as a smile began to grow on my face.

"I'll take that as a yes," she said as she wiggled out of her shorts.  Then her panties.  Before I knew it we were back in bed.

"Just... just one more thing, Emma..."

"Yeah, of course... what is it?"

"Did you buy that hammer specifically for that little performance earlier?" 

I couldn't help myself.

"Why... you little..."


End Part 27

Part 26-"A Little Bit Naughty, A Little Bit Wholesome"


You've got heaven
Heaven in your hand
You've got heaven
Running through your land

-Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians


Emma and I made love again the following morning. She was more confident this time. The things she did to me... well, I'll just say, if you ever have a chance to make love to a human skyscraper, I fully recommend it. Nothing can compare. I can only hope I was as generous to her.

Emma finally dragged herself out of bed. She went into the bathroom for a minute or so and returned. She held her hands out for me and carried me into the restroom with her. She had a bubbly bath ready for me in the sink.

"I wish this place had a bath tub instead of just a small shower so we could bathe together," Emma said.

I couldn't agree more, though it would be like swimming in a lake for me. She tilted her hand into the sink and I slid into the warm, soapy water. I cleaned myself while I watched Emma's silhouette behind the curtain, like I've done so many times before. Even the familiar felt so much more... special that morning.

Emma stepped out of the shower. Her body glistened as rivers flowed down the front of her. Her green, wet hair like the canopy of a rainforest. Her...

"Enjoying the show, perv?" She cracked what seemed to have become her favorite inside joke, interrupting my train of thought.

I just smiled and nodded. It was strange... even though I could talk to her now, I was so used to having to pantomime things. I still caught myself doing it from time to time.

She toweled herself off and then wrapped herself up. She lifted me out of the sink and set me down on the counter. She began to towel me off and... I felt myself getting randy again. I grabbed her pinky finger with both hands and mounted it. I slowly began rubbing against it, just like I'd tried to before.

"You're insatiable, aren't you?" Emma joked.

I looked up to her and smiled, riding the digit harder. Emma worked her finger back and forth until I came, falling off the finger in a state of pure joy.

"Are you quite finished, m'lady?" Emma said in a British accent.

I shook my head at her and climbed up on my hands and knees. I crawled towards the edge of the counter. I looked over the edge to see Emma's feet far below me, then back up to her face.

"Come closer... as close to the counter as you can get," I asked.

Emma complied, closing the gap to the floor.

"Now... drop the towel."

The towel fell revealing her enormous vagina, her lips longer than I was tall.

"Closer."

It now hovered over the counter and I threw myself towards it. I rubbed my body along the insides of her lips, teasing her clit with my hands above my head. My body slid easier as I became covered in her wetness. It was quite a workout, but a lobor of love. The threat of falling somehow making it even more intense.

Emma's hands gripped the counter's edge with an earthshaking force as she orgasmed. I slowed my movements and fell backwards... exhausted, but happy. Emma leaned down and kissed me, enveloping my entire head. Without warning she pinched me under the arms and dropped me back in the sink. I struggled back to the surface to see her panting... yet laughing.

"Alright, let's try this again, shall we?" She said, giggling.

She pulled me out and began drying me off again. I felt my body flush again... I looked up to her with desire in my face.

"Uh-uh, Squirt. I really need to get dressed. I'm supposed to meet my parents for lunch before they fly back today. We could keep going in circles like this all day." She joked.

"Fine," I said with a fake pout and folded my arms over my chest.

I sat on the counter while Emma got dressed. A pair of cut off jean shorts, black flip flops and the same Bikini Kill shirt she was wearing when we first met. The thought of being apart from her, even for a few hours, was killing me.

"So, what exactly is your stance on clothes, Laure?" Emma asked.

I was caught a little off guard by the question, "w-what do ya mean?"

"What'd YOU mean what do I mean? The only time I ever tried to dress you you completely freaked out on me. I thought I was trying to dress a cat or something." She cracked.

I blushed, "oh yeah... that. Something about the oversized doll dress hanging off me triggered some part of my brain into thinking I was shrinking again. I knew I wasn't, but I still had a panic attack for some reason. Sorry about that." I explained.

Emma's face went from slyly happy to concerned in a split second. "Oh, fuck, I'm sorry... I... I didn't mean to make fun."

"No no no, it's totally cool, Emma. There's no possible way you could have known. I didn't have any control over it anyway and it hasn't happened since." I assured her.

Emma's face lightened again, "well that's because you've been walking around naked as a porn star this whole time." She chuckled lightly to herself. "How 'bout I figure something out for you before we go meet my parents?"

"W-we? You're taking me with you!?" I was genuinely surprised.

"Of course, weirdo! You already know mom, but dad hasn't met my new girlfriend." She smiled at me and winked.

Girlfriend. I was pleasantly surprised to hear the words... but they sounded so inadequate to describe what we were. I'll admit it, I got a little misty eyed. Emma started digging through the third drawer of her dresser.

"Let's try this!" She exclaimed as she pulled out a long, slightly sheer green scarf.

"Sure, if you want me to parachute off this countertop with it." I joked.

"Smart ass," she shot back.

She pulled a piece of paper out of her desk and laid it down next to me. "Here, lay down on this for me, will ya?"

I did as instructed. She pulled out a ruler and laid it down next to me. She took a pen out and used it to trace around my body onto the paper.

"Hey Emma... I'm a little afraid to ask... but how tall am I?" I had a general idea of how small I was, but a part of me was curious to know just how small.

"Uh, yeah... that's weird, I can't believe I never tried measuring you before."

"That's because, as far as you were concerned, I was the exact height I was supposed to be," I replied.

"Looks like you're a couple of marks over three and a half inches."

"I guess four inches was too much to ask for." I joked.

"You can go ahead and hop off the paper now." She instructed.

She measured the outline of my torso in several different directions, writing them down as she went. She added a few more lines and then started cutting out the template. She set the green fabric down on the counter and stretched it out. Placing the template on the fabric, she started tracing around the outside of it. Then she started cutting the fabric. She retrieved a needle and thread from the desk and added a few stitches. When done, she turned it outside in and presented it to me. I was amazed at how fast she managed to complete it.

"Put your arms up," she instructed.

I raised my arms and she pulled the dress down over the top of me. It was actually more of a tunic. The bottom came to just above my knees. The sides were clasped together at the waist with a single black cross stitch on either side. The shoulders were narrowed at the top with another pair of stitches. The 'V' of the neck extended down past my breasts, nearly to my naval, only held together by another cross stitch on the back. The material felt light and soft. It was just sheer enough to reveal my shape underneath, but none of the details. I loved it.

"Emma!? I can't believe you just threw this together... it's... it's beautiful." I exclaimed.

Emma lowered herself down to rest her head on her hand. She lifted my chin with a curved finger, "my talents are many, Squirt. It certainly does bring out your pretty green eyes."

I felt myself beginning to blush as she leaned over to kiss me. I threw myself enthusiastically into her lips, reveling in their warmth. She stood up and held out her hand, palm up.

"Your coach awaits, m'lady," she said in a terrible cockney accent.

"If you keep calling me "m'lady" you're gonna have to start wear fedoras and grow a neckbeard," I joked. We both had a laugh as I climbed onto her palm.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I assumed my usual spot on the dash as Emma drove to the cafe, finding it harder to stay in one spot when my bare skin was sticking to it. I'd gotten so used to being nude all the time it felt strange to wear anything, even as thin as the material was. Emma just giggled as I slid around the dash, jumping occasionally if she thought I might go over the edge to catch me.

"We may need to figure something else out for you," she chuckled as she plucked me off the dash and set me on her shoulder. "I should have just worn a polo."

"No worries, babe. I'm good right here." I replied.

"Babe, huh? That's original." She cracked, laughing to herself.

"Would you prefer Gargantua?" I cracked back.

She laughed harder than I thought she would, feeling it rumble through her neck. "No no, babe is fine... Squirt." She said, messing my hair up with her finger.

Emma had to park a ways down the street from the cafe. She clutched me in her palm against her chest as she walked.

"I really should have worn a polo," she complained, "how the fuck am I supposed to hide you?" Her voice was slightly muffled by her surgical mask.

I hadn't thought about it myself really. It had been so long since I'd seen anyone, other than Emma and Madelyn, that I'd forgotten how intimidating this world of giants could be. The apartment may have been enormous to me, but it was also my entire world, completely separate from everything else... a sort of sanctuary. All I could do is bury myself in her palm like a frightened puppy as the anxiety took hold.

Emma finally reached the door to the cafe and pushed through. Almost immediately she raised the hand that wasn't holding me to wave. She must have spotted her parents. My view was mostly obscured, which was fine by me. Emma walked towards a corner booth and slid in.

"Mornin," she greeted.

"Morning sweetheart, how are you feeling today?" The familiar voice of her mother asked.

"Much better... just a little tired," Emma looked down at me and winked as she said this.

My cheeks felt warm as I began to blush.

"Whatcha got there, sweetheart?" A male voice asked. I recognized it as her father's.

Emma looked down at me again, "you ready?" I nodded and smiled. She set her hand down on the table and I stepped off.

"Dad, this is Laureline... Laureline, this is my father."

I found myself on a dark lacquered wood surface, pitted from years of use. The typical cafe adornments... silverware wrapped in napkins, salt and pepper, sugar packets, tall glasses of water with sweat beading down their sides. All of it familiar, just blown up and spread out. The place wasn't busy at all, which was a relief. Just a hipster couple wearing ridiculous wide brimmed hats, completely engrossed in their phones. Two giant faces leaned down in front of me, one very familiar, the other I've only seen briefly. Emma's mom was wearing a white short sleeved top and her dad was wearing a dark blue collared shirt.

"Well, hello again, Laureline... I trust you're taking care of my baby here?" Emma's mom said with a smile. She lowered a finger over my head and gently scratched my head.

Her father just stared, his jaw nearly hitting the table.

"That's a lovely dress you have there. Did Emma make that for you? It's very cute." She asked like I was a toddler. It used to annoy me, but I just found it kind of funny at that moment.

I opened my mouth to answer, but she cut me off, "don't you think it's a little risky to bring her here, Emma? I told you I didn't know if it was legal to own her."

Emma lifted a trifold display card for pecan pie and placed it between me and the open end of the table. "Just hide behind this when the waitress comes by, ok?"

"She-she understands you?" Her father asked. It dawned on me then that Emma's parents still only saw me as some kind of exotic animal.

"Of course she does," Emma said, "just talk to her like a normal person."

Her father's gaze returned to me. I didn't know what else to do but wave.

"Wow! Did you teach her that, Emma?" He exclaimed.

"What? No, dad... she's just like us. She's... she's my..."

"EMMA WAIT!" I screamed.

Emma froze mid sentence. I realized that she had no idea she was the only one who could see me as a person. She couldn't tell them about... us.

"What's wrong?" Emma seemed nervous. I'm sure she was. Her mom knew about her sexuality, but who knew if her dad did. She could not only be coming out to him, but also introducing him to the woman she loved. I could see her hands shaking.

"Don't say anything about us, Emma. Trust me on this," I continued.

I looked back to her parents who both looked confused as to what was going on. Her mom finally cut in, "she really does make the cutest sounds, doesn't she?"

Emma's attention left me and focused on her mother.

"See! They don't see me like you do. They can't. I'm still just some strange creature to them. If you tell them about us it... it could be bad, Emma. They might think there's something wrong. They might... they might take me away from you."

For once, I was the one protecting her.

"It's crazy, dear... I'd swear Emma can understand it," her father said, perplexed.

Emma's gaze didn't leave me. The look of disappointment painted all over her face.

"Emma, I love you more than I ever knew I could love another person. I want to scream it from the mountain tops... but no one will understand. The fog won't let them." I had to fight back the tears as I could see she was as well.

Emma understood. She sort of half smiled and gave me a single nod. She looked back towards her father, "yeah, you could say we understand each other. She's my best friend." She began stroking my hair with the back of her index finger.

"Well, you certainly are a cute little thing, Laureline," her father said as he wiggled an index finger at my face. "I suppose this is where that dent in the checking account came from, dearie?" I heard him slap his wife's knee under the table and then slyly grinned at her. "Does she know any other tricks?"

I was feeling a little put on the spot, but Emma stepped in to my rescue, "all kinds, dad, but she's not here to perform for us. She just wants to eat like the rest of us." Emma gave the slightest of nods and a tiny grin. I flashed her a thumbs up, hidden close to my chest.

"Alright, alright...," her dad said, giving up with his hands.

The waitress finally approached the table and I hustled inside the cardboard standee for some Christmas themed desert like it was a tent. I could see Emma's face trying to hold back her laughter as her eyes darted from me to the waitress and back again. She ordered a salad, her mom... French dip, and her dad... a bacon double cheeseburger. Her mom scolded him about his cholesterol.

"I'm on vacation, it's fine," he joked.

I watched the three of them and enjoyed the family dynamic. They joked and reminisced. They asked her about school and Emma asked how things were back home. Her dad told her about his latest business trips.

It's strange, but I felt kind of jealous. I couldn't remember my family. I couldn't remember whether we were like this or if we didn't get along. I guess it doesn't matter. Emma is my family now.

The food arrived, two enormous steaming plates and a pool sized bowl of salad for Emma.

"You want one of these little tomatoes, Squirt?" Emma asked.

"Actually, can you ask your mom if I can have some roast beef. It smells really good," I replied.

"Hey, mom... the little one here is eyeballing your sandwich." Emma cracked.

"Aaaahhh... would you wike some wost beef, cutie?" Emma's mom asked in the most over the top baby voice possible.

I nodded, having to cover my mouth to keep from bursting out laughing. I looked up to see Emma was doing the same, not helping the situation. Her mom pinched off a piece of beef and set it on a sugar packet, then placed it at my feet. I looked her in the eye and collected myself enough to give her a 'thank you' sign.

"That's amazing!" Her dad blurted out. You have any idea where we could get more of these things? We could make a fortune!"

That was it, I couldn't hold back the laughter anymore. It was contagious, cause Emma snorted and about spit her mouthful of leafy greens out. Her parents were extremely confused.

"What? What did I say?" His question only made us laugh harder. Her mom just shrugged and caught the bug herself. "I tell ya, if I live to be a hundred I'll never understand you women," he said before taking an enormous bite of his burger.

"Alright, let's tone the misogyny down a hair, pop," Emma said as she tried to regain her composure.

"I'm not a misogynist, I'm just outnumbered," he said through a full mouth.

Emma wagged her fork at him, "and don't you forget it."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a nice to enjoy something as mundane as a lunch with Emma's parents. They're sweet people, extremely humble for being wealthy. Maybe that comes with their religion, I don't know. Emma's lucky to have them as parents, and I think she knows it.

They stood outside the cafe afterwards and chatted some more. Her mom worried she was getting too skinny, her dad offering her more money if she needed it. Emma got weepy when it came time to say goodbye. Her father took her aside while her mother retrieved the rental car.

"Emma, something's been weighing on me... and I really need to talk to you abut it," I could see him getting visually nervous.

"Sure dad, what is it?" She replied.

"I'm not... I'm not really sure how to say this...". He wiped sweat dripping from his brow.

"Well spitting it out would be a good start," she sassed.

"Well... your mom... she told me about... you know."

"Oh," her head slunk down, her face becoming red. I tapped on her palm to let her know I was there for her.

"I gotta tell ya, Emma... I struggled with it. I didn't want to accept it. You know how the church sees these things." His head slumped down as well. "I didn't know what to make of it. I wondered if I did something wrong. I prayed about it nightly. When we decided to come out to visit I had it in my head that I was going to 'fix' it... even now I don't know how I planned on doing it."

Emma was physically shaking at this point.

"The thing is... when we arrived and you weren't at the airport, I got worried. And then we found out you were in the hospital. Emma, all that other stuff faded away. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're my daughter and I love you. I just want you to be happy. I feel like my prayer was answered. Can you forgive your old man for being so close minded?"

I found myself behind her father's back as she wrapped both arms around him.

"There's nothing to forgive dad. Thank you for talking to me about it. I know it isn't easy for you. It hasn't been easy for me. But as I told mom, I'm still the same person."

Emma's mother pulled up in the grey rental SUV as Emma and her father wiped the tears out of their eyes.

"Did I miss something?" She asked from the window.

"No mom, I'm just going to miss you guys."

Her mom jumped out of the car for one last hug.

"Are you sure you're good on money?" Her father asked again.

Emma looked down to me and grinned a little, "actually I could use a little help..." She whispered something in his ear, but I couldn't hear it, amazingly enough. He reached into his wallet, pulled out a wad of cash and slapped it into Emma's hand. They both looked down at me and smiled.

What the hell had just transpired?!

"It was nice meeting you, Laureline. You take care of my daughter now, ok." He reached down and scratched me on the head like her mother had.

"Yes, sir... more than you'll ever want to know, sir," I said saluting him. Emma pulled a spit take, covering her mouth in disbelief at what I'd just said.

"Incredible...," he said scratching his head, "if I didn't know better I'd think the two of YOU were dating." He walked around to the passenger side of the vehicle and hopped in. They waved goodbye one last time as they pulled away.

Almost as if scripted, Emma and I met each other's gazes and began laughing all the way back to the car.


End Part 26

Part 25-"Quantum Entanglement"


And no more shall we part  
It will no longer be necessary  
And no more will I say, dear heart
I am alone and she has left me

-Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds


Emma and I stared at each other in disbelief. 

"Emma?"

"Laure?"

"Emma... can... can you understand me?!"  My heart was racing so fast I thought it might explode.  

Her jaw dropped... and she nodded.

"EMMA!  OH MY GOD... YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME!"  I was so excited I thought I might jump right out of her hand.  "HOLY FUCK!  EMMA..."

I didn't even know where to begin.  I had so much I wanted to say to her but it all got clogged up in my brain trying to get it out.  The realization hit me that I hadn't seen her since the night she went to the hospital, which felt ages ago.

"JESUS CHRIST, EMMA, ARE YOU OK?!  I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!  Madelyn wouldn't tell me what was going in with you... she was so horrible.  She treated me like a slave... like a dog while you were gone!  OH GOD I WAS SO WORRIED I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!"

My mouth was running a mile a minute.  Could you blame me?  

Emma was still slack jawed in disbelief.  

"EMMA... FUCK... I HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO TELL YOU... I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN...".  At this point I was in near hysterics.  She still hadn't said anything... to be fair, I didn't give her a chance.

Then her mouth closed, forming a wide smile.  I finally stopped myself long enough to let her speak.

"Wow, you've got quite a mouth on ya, don't you?"  Was all she said.  

She tried to fight back the laugh that was about to consume her.  I was already so happy I didn't even try to fight my own.  She let hers loose in a spit take and we both lost it.  I gripped her thumb trying to catch my breath.  Then suddenly tears began to well up in her eyes again.

"Jesus, Laure... I thought I'd lost you!  What's happening?!  I was holding you... your body was broken... you weren't breathing... this doesn't make any sense... how the hell can you speak now?  How is any of this possible?!"  

Now she was the one working herself into a joyous frenzy.

As Emma tried to make sense of all of it, I caught a glimpse of one of her posters on the wall.  A series of wavy lines resembling mountains with the words Joy Division above them.  

Words.  

I could fucking read again!  

It was like I was getting rewarded for finally 'getting it.'

I gasped, I was so overwhelmed.  I frantically looked around the room, reading everything I could.  The sheer amount of joy in my heart at that moment was too overwhelming.  I broke down in tears, but laughing so hard it hurt.  My memories were still gone, but I didn't care.  I didn't need them anymore.

"Laure... LAURE, are you ok?"  Emma's voice snapped me back into the moment.  "Laureline?  What is going on?!

I looked into her big brown eyes and hugged her thumb as tightly as I could.  And then I told her my story.

"Emma... my name is Emily.  Emily Green.  I'm... well?... I'm nobody really.  I don't remember who I was , but I WAS a person once.  Then one night I found myself reduced to this size.  No one could tell I was a person, just some kind of weird animal.  I would try to talk to the giants that surrounded me and no one could understand me.  My memories and even my literacy were taken from me." 

"Oh-oh my god... I'm so sorry.  I feel so stupid, I-".  Emma was clearly in shock with what I was telling her.  She had no reason to feel bad about any of it so I cut her off.

"No no no, Emma, you have nothing to apologize for.  What happened to me affected everyone that I had contact with.  It's... like a... a fog.  You and I have always had a bond.  We understand each other, but anytime I tried to tell you what happened to me the fog wouldn't allow you to understand.  It's not your fault, get it?"

Emma wiped the tears out of her eyes and nodded.  She carried me over to the bar and set me down.  I sat down cross legged and she rested her head on her arms and listened as I continued.

"Emma, if it weren't for you... I don't know if I could have survived this.  Other than when Madelyn first entered the picture, you've kept your word to me.  When we first met you told me you'd always treat me like a friend, and even though I may sleep in a glass tank, you have.  I may not be able to remember who I was, but I am who I am because of you.  I owe you everything."  

I held her pinky finger as I began to cry again.

"Is-is there any way to, I don't know, fix this?  Who did this? Is there, like, a cure?  I'll do anything to help you."  Again, Emma being her awesome, selfless self.

In a split second, a feeling came over me that I'd never expected.  I couldn't believe it, but it felt right... I didn't want to go back.  I felt at peace with who I was.  I just wanted to be hers, forever.  I smiled at her and shook my head.

"It's... ok, Emma.  I'm ok with this.  It's too complicated, and frankly weird, to explain... but their are forces in the universe that want this.  Forces so far beyond what we will ever understand.  These forces made me, or rather, remade me for you."

I continued, "They also sent me back to you.  I think I was dead, Emma... maybe... I don't really know... or fully understand any of it.  I traveled across the universe for what seemed like forever.  I saw other galaxies and other dimensions... or maybe it all happened in my head, I can't be sure.  But do you know what the most beautiful thing I've seen is?"

Emma's eyes were locked on me.  It was possible I was about to ruin our entire relationship, but I had to tell her.  

I've wanted to tell her for so long.  

"When I opened my eyes from the endless void of space and saw you again, Emma... I... I love you Emma... I'm IN love with you.  I have been for months now.  All I could think about as I traveled through time and space is that I'd never see you again... and then there you were... and I felt complete."

Emma didn't say a word.  

Had I just fucked this up?  

"I don't expect you to love me, Emma.  After all, there isn't much left of me.  Just know that, no matter what, I'll be here for you... even if it's from behind glass.  I'll always be yours, Emma."

Her eyes fluttered trying to hold back more tears.  Her head tilted to the side and she began stroking my hair with her finger.  Did she still only see me as a pet?  My heart felt like it was about to shatter,  but then...

"Oh god, Laure................... I love you too!"

Her finger stopped stroking my hair and pulled me towards her awaiting lips.  I buried my face in the soft, pink flesh.  I could feel a slight suction pulling me inward.  I kissed her back, making my away across her lips.  She'd give a slight giggle when my soft touch would tickle them.  I squeezed at her lips with my arms, embracing them like warm pillows.  Her fingers teased me as they worked their way up and down my back.

She pulled away momentarily and then kissed me again on top of my head.  She stood up and held her hand out for me.  I climbed on and she carried towards to the bed.  

Oh god... was this really happening.

She set me down on the pillow and stood back.  She slipped her jeans off her hips and stepped out of the pile on the floor.  She was visibly shaking... nervous... of course she was.  It was her first time.

Hell, it could have been mine for all I knew.

Next, she pulled her t shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor.  She reached behind her back to unhook her bra, revealing her beautiful, pale breasts.  She looked even more nervous than before as she covered them with one arm.

"I've... I'm a... I've never d-done this before," she stammered.

I shifted onto my knees and reassured her, "Emma, NO ONE has ever done this before!"

She thought about it for a second and began laughing.  She lowered her arms to her sides and wiggled out of her pink panties.  

Truly, the vision before me was awe inspiring.  A nude goddess towering over me, ready to make love to a lower being.  The bed shook as she climbed in, like so many times before... and yet not.  She rested her head on the same pillow I was on which made me slide down towards her face.  It's happened before, but this time as I slid into her face, she started kissing me.  First my feet, then up my legs.  She crossed my stomach and my breasts and then up to my face.  I was so flushed with ecstasy I felt like I might cum before we even got started.  Emma stopped kissing me and looked over me with her gorgeous brown eyes.  She began stroking my hair, her hand trembling.  

"How... how do we do this?"  She asked.

I kissed her again on the lips and stood up.  I stumbled my way down the pillow onto her shoulder.  I pulled myself up and walked towards her breasts.  The fleshy ground beneath me rising and falling with each breath, shaking as she nervously trembled.  I could feel her goosebumps under my feet.  I crawled to the top of one of her breasts and settled myself onto her nipple.   I nibbled and licked at it, watching my goddess become more and more aroused.  The bowl sized nipple grew and and got harder.  I positioned myself over it and began grinding myself against it.  

"Oh god... oh god, this is amazing!"  I screamed in pure sexual intoxication. 

Emma began to moan and writhe, squeezing her other breast.  Her left hand slowly made its way toward her eager vagina.  She began rubbing it vigorously, causing more vibrations under me.  I grinded harder and faster.  The warmth of her skin under my legs growing hotter as she worked herself towards orgasm.

"Oh god.... mmmmm.... I'm gonna cum!" Emma moaned.  I wasn't far off myself.  

Suddenly her body clenched up as she obtained glorious release.  I squeezed my legs around the nipple tighter to keep from falling off, only to make me cum simultaneously.  I felt like puddly after the intense orgasm and rolled off the nipple and into the space between her breasts.  Emma continued to rub at herself.  I managed to get onto my hands and knees and began crawling down her torso.  I crawled slowly, looking back occasionally to see just how excited Emma was getting.  I reached the tall, dark grass of her bush.  Emma's breath intensified as my movements tickled the thin, black hair.

Emma's hand was furiously at work in front of me.  She lowered it from her clit and inserted her fingers lower.  I leaned over the edge and began working at it for her, her hand working away below like some piece of flesh colored Victorian machinery.  The heat and smell of her sex filled the air.  My god... it was so intense.

Emma came again and the shock waves below me unexpectedly sent me over the edge where I fell into her wet, sticky fingers.  She raised me towards her face, passing over the playground that was her body.  She kissed my face... and then my breasts.  She worked the tip of her enormous tongue along my feet and legs, tasting my skin and her own wetness.  She continued across my ass and my back... along my stomach and my breasts.  I was so worked up I could hardly stand it.  Her tongue finally found my sex and I thrust myself into it.  I writhed as she flicked at it with the tip.  Her taste buds sending waves of pleasure with each bump.  I gripped at her fingers behind me as I orgasmed harder than i could have imagined.  Euphoria washed over me, leaving me an exhausted, tiny pile in her palm.

"Did I... did I do it right?" She asked shyly.

I laughed, surprised by the question, continuing to writhe in ecstasy and exhaustion.  "Yes, Emma, you were incredible!"

Emma kissed me slowly and then set me down between her breasts.  She sat up slightly so she could look at me and began stroking my back.  I kicked my legs up into the air and watched her back, completely enraptured by what had just happened.

"Well.... I guess we figured that out," I joked.  

Her chest below me began to rumble and shake as she laughed.  She continued to stroke my back, realizing something was missing.

"Laure, the scars on your back are gone!"  The entities had completely restored me apparently. "How did you get those anyway?"

"Climbing into my purse trying to avoid being eaten by raccoons," I replied.  

Emma stopped petting me and began laughing again.  Yeah, it sounded ridiculous.  

"Sure laugh it up.  I'd like to see how you'd react to a pair of monsters the size of whales crawling out of the sewer in the middle of the night."

She tried to calm herself, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm sure it was quite the ordeal."  She grinned at me and then lost it again.  I just laughed along with her.

Emma finally got her laughter under control and tried to bring her voice into a more serious tone.  

"I have to ask you something...," her face suddenly losing a bit of glow.  "You said the universe did this to you, that it... 'made' you for me.  W-why?  Who am I?  Why should someone else's life be completely turned upside down... for me?"

"Uh... I... I don't know..."

Yeah... I lied.  What would you have me do?  Tell her she may be the most important person on earth, that the survival of the human race may depend on her?  It would devastate her.  No one could handle that.  So, I lied.  It's the only lie I will ever tell her. 

 "I guess inter-dimensional god-like beings work in mysterious ways?"  I shrugged.

Emma raised an eyebrow and chuckled at my response.  She began stroking my hair again and I laid my head down on her chest.  I closed my eyes and listened to her heartbeat.  It didn't take long before I fell asleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up sometime that night.  I was still laying on Emma's naked chest.  The sound of her snoring was amplified as it rumbled through her throat and down to her lungs.  I quietly laughed to myself, realizing what had woke me up.

I watched her sleep for a while.  I thought about the series of events that had to happen to get here.  How many dominos had to fall so that Emma and I could be together.  My mind wandered more.  The pet store owner, The Cheeto Man, he said there were others like me.  I wondered if they found the people they were supposed to.  I wondered if they even existed, like, were his memories of seeing one just another trick of the fog?  If they were real, I hoped they were as happy as I was right then.

One of Emma's hands was laying on her stomach so I crawled down towards it.  I lifted a finger and snuggled down under her palm.  I could still see her face between the two hills that were her breasts.  I closed my eyes and then she snorted herself awake.  She felt me in her hand and then wrapped her fingers around me.  She lifted me up as she flipped over into her side.  She rested her hand close to her face so she could kiss me again.

"Sorry, Emma.  I didn't mean to wake you." I said quietly.

"No worries, Laure."  Her eyes began to close again and then popped back open.

"I'm sorry... Emily.  It's going to take a while to get used to calling you that."

I rubbed her finger and told her, "it's ok... Emily... is who I used to be.  I don't know who that person was anymore.  I'm... I'm your Laureline."  

Emma smiled and kissed me again.  

"I do have one question though... why 'Laureline'?"  I asked.

"Naaaaah... you'll think I'm weird," she replied.

"I already think you're weird," I cracked.

"Dick," she said giggling.

"Seriously, how did I escape an eternity of being called... fucking... LeeLoo?"  I joked.

"Aaargrrrrrrr...ok.  When I was a lot younger I was really into comics, like, way more than I am now..." she began.

"I find that hard to believe," I interrupted.

"Do you wanna hear this or not?" She asked with a sly grin.

"Sorry, sorry... go on."

"There were several websites about cool French comics and they all glowed about Valerian and Laureline.  The first issue I read was the one where this mad scientist shrinks her so he can keep her in his pocket.  Valerian saves her, but she spends a good chunk of the comic sitting on his shoulder or in his hand.  

"It only happened that once, but I was hooked.  I fantasized about having my own tiny friend I could carry around with me.  I read all of their stories over the course of the next few weeks.  I loved Laureline.  She was so sassy and always questioned what the establishment wanted her and Valerian to do.  It's weird to think about now... but she was the reason I knew I was into girls.  She was my first crush, even though she was just made of ink."

It all began to become clear to me.

"I hadn't thought about those comics for a while and then mom presented you to me for my birthday.  It didn't come to me right away, but you looked familiar to me.  Then when I was thinking of names it hit me.  You look a lot like her the more that I think about it."

That was it.  That was the answer to everything.  Whether I was born for this purpose or chosen randomly, I was created simply because Emma desired it.  These creatures cared for her happiness and wellbeing so much that they'd manipulate the very laws of physics for her.  I didn't really know how to react other than to start laughing.

Emma furrowed her brow, "well, thanks for nothing... I told you you'd think I was a weirdo."

I patted her finger trying to reassure her, "no no no, I'm not laughing at you.  Yes I think you're a weirdo, but I love you for it.  I'm just happy is all."  

I crawled out of her hand and approached her face, giving her a peck on the cheek.  "You'll have to show me these comics sometime.  I like 'Laureline.'  It sure beats 'Squirt' or when Madelyn calls me 'rat.'...............wait a minute....."

"Oh... don't think I'm going to stop calling you 'Squirt," she joked.

Something suddenly didn't add up.

"Hey, what happened to Madelyn?"  I asked.

"Huh?  Why?"  Emma sat up a little, confused by the sudden change in topic.

"How long was I gone... dead?"  The words sounded weird coming out.

"I don't know, a minute, maybe two... why?" 

"I saw you knock her out.  I'm sure of it, I even laughed.  Did you see her leave?"  I was feeling very confused.

"Come to think of it no... that is weird.  I was pretty upset, maybe she left and I didn't notice?"  Now she was as confused as I was.

"I don't think so, she was out cold.  You don't just get up from that in a minute or two."

"Shit, I don't know.  Maybe she was abducted by your aliens," she joked.  Why are you so worried about it?  When I walked in she was burning you alive.  I never want to see her again."

It dawned on me that Emma's joke could actually be true... maybe the entities took care of the Madelyn problem for us.  Weirder shit has definitely happened to me at this point.

"Uh... yeah... I guess you're right."  I said it, but I still struggled with just shrugging it off.

Emma settled back down into the pillow and placed her hand around me.  She pulled me close to her face and closed her eyes.  "I love you... Squirt."  She opened one eye to catch my reaction and then slowly drifted back to sleep. 

I laid in her hand wondering if it could be true... could we be rid of Madelyn for good?  The thought felt comforting.  I snuggled down into Emma's hand and closed my eyes.  I was just about to fall asleep when Emma's snoring brought me right back out of it.  I laughed it off and watched her sleep some more.


End Part 25

holy moley!! Loving this story as it progresses, great job!

Oh man, 22 and 23 were a bit hard to get through...

Part 24-"Things Got Weird On The Day That I Died"


There's more than two ways if thinking 
There's more than three ways of being 
There's more than four ways of knowing
There's more than one way of going somewhere

-Bikini Kill


I'm not sure what I thought dying would be like.  

Would my consciousness simply end?  The bright light so many talk about?  Fucking... St. Peter standing at the Pearly fucking Gates?  Whatever I thought would happen... it certainly wasn't this.

In a flash, as quickly as the lights went out, I was surrounded by stars.  I was floating... in space.  I looked below me to see a blue and white glowing marble... the Earth.  That's when I saw that my legs were still mangled, I was still unable to feel them.  The pain from my punctured lungs was still very much present.  I continued to cough up blood as it formed into little balls that floated off into infinity.  

How was I still breathing?  I was still in my broken body... I should have frozen solid in the vacuum of space, but felt only slightly slightly chilly.  I began to panic as I gasped for breath, drowning in my own blood... but unable to actually drown.  

I thought I knew hell.  Was this what hell really was?

I looked out into the infinite and felt smaller than ever.  Was I still tiny?  In the vastness of the universe... did it even matter?

The Earth suddenly disappeared into nothing, the stars around me stretching into long streaks of light.  The light spun around me as I toppled end over end through a psychedelic kaleidoscope of space and time.  It could have been seconds... it could have been eons.  My mind couldn't process it either way.

The light swirled, expanding and contracting, changing color.  I thought I might black out... but if I was dead, would that even happen?  And then... as if it had never happened I found myself floating in the stillness of space.  Stars stretching out for an infinity all around me in the black... with exception of the strange cloudy nebula below me... it's pink, misty glow the only exception to the darkness.

I don't know how exactly to describe what happened next.  It was as if everything... contracted?  The universe folded in on itself.  I found myself surrounded by what looked like a... cloud.  Pink and yellow swirling all around me, stars peaking through beauty.  I must have been inside the nebula, but I can't know for sure.  I floated there for a long time, taking in the awe inspiring scene.

...then it appeared.

It was faint at first... I almost mistook it for dust floating across my eyes.  If I tried to look directly at it, it would disappear.  It had no real form to speak of, more of a distortion in the bright, swirling color of the nebula.  It seemed to grow larger... no, it was approaching me.  My heart was racing already from my journey across the universe (and possibly through dimensions) but I thought it might beat out of my chest.  Blood continued to bead up as it flowed out of my mouth and open wounds, like little red satellites.  

The form got closer and closer.

As I watched it from the corner of my eye, I could see that it was enormous, growing more as it approached.  I didn't want to scream, but found myself doing so anyway... only there was no sound... there was no air in the vacuum to carry the sound waves.  Again, how was I still breathing?  I had to be dead because there is no way I could be surviving this.

The distortion finally halted its approach.  It filled my vision, disappearing in my direct eye line, but dominating everything around it. It seemed to change shape constantly, like watching a mountain being formed.  It was overwhelming.

Then it began to shrink.  Smaller and smaller, it formed a pair of appendages.  Then another pair.  By the time it had reached roughly my same size it had formed something approximating a head.  

It was trying to mimic a humanoid form... my form.

Two protrusions formed and grew out of the front of it.  They formed long tentacles that slowly, almost apprehensively, felt their way towards me.  I shook my arm that still worked at the probes, trying to shoo them away.  I thought I was about to be eaten.  The tentacles actually recoiled for a moment, but resumed their path.

The first one touched my foot.  It coiled its way around the ankle and worked its way up my leg.  I couldn't feel it due to my paralysis.  It continued across my waist and then down my other leg.  I felt the second one hit me right in the chest.  I was in full fledged panic mode as I waited for it to slowly consume me like some kind of intergalactic amoeba.

A faint tingling brewed in my legs, I could almost feel them again.  I could also feel the creature... inside them.  It had phased through my skin and I could feel it doing... something as it spread.  My broken bones pulled back into the skin and locked back into place, the skin heeling behind them.  It should have been painful... but the sensation was almost... pleasurable.  I wiggled my toes and flexed my leg muscles as full strength seemed to be restored to my lower extremities.

The second tentacle phased into my chest spreading outwards from my heart.  It felt warm... sedating.  If this thing was eating me, it at least had adapted to make the experience easy on its prey.  The warmth spread out through my arms all the way to my fingertips like a wave.  The alien appendage pushed its way upward along the back of my neck... into my jaw... my face... and finally, my brain.

As it hit, it was like a feeling of pure happiness washed over me.  I felt comfort like I'd never known... I felt... loved.  Thoughts that weren't my own filled my head.  This creature was responsible for everything that had happened to me... from millions of light years away... maybe even from another reality, but still close enough to keep tabs on me.  I could feel it as clearly as I could feel my own skin... it cared for me.  

Was this... was this god?  If not, it may as well have been.  I understood that it had no vocal way of communicating with such a lesser being as myself, not unlike me trying to convey my intent to an insect.  But it was able to convey emotion... emotion seemed to be universal... cosmic even.

Again... was this thing god?

Talking to it wasn't going to work if I couldn't create sound.  So I tried asking it questions in my head.  

Am I dead?  Why am I here?  What do you want with me?  Why did it take me from my old life?

Why me?

I got no response... maybe it couldn't.  Of course, did I think this thing could understand English?  Did it even communicate through language?  

A sort of shimmer began to form across its surface, like moonlight across a mountain lake.  Pink and yellow dust began to swim towards the being.  It even seemed to pull light from the stars.  The two spun and mixed forming a sphere.  The light formed continents, the dust swirled into what looked like oceans... it was Earth.

"Yes... that's Earth, that's where I'm from!"  I shouted inside my mind.  

I don't know why I did, it obviously knew that already.  I wouldn't be there otherwise.

The globe spun for a few more seconds and then the pink dust seemed to evaporate off the surface.  The light forming the continents dimmed out little by little.  What was left appeared to be a dry, barren planet.  

I became fearful... were they plotting to destroy Earth?!  Almost as fast as the thought appeared, I felt another pulse, flooding my brain with endorphins.

As the sphere dimmed completely, what looked like hundreds... maybe thousands of lights shot from the surface.  They followed one another and disappeared into the distance.  The Earth seemed to dissipate and the dust it was made of began swirling again.  

This was a message.  

It wasn't some Lovecraftian monster coming to consume the human race.  It wasn't going to destroy our planet... we were.  

It was showing me our future... our planet was past the point of saving.  The human race was going to have to leave or face extinction.  The thought sent chills through me.  I panicked again... why was it showing me this?  If I'm dead, what role do I play in all of this?  What could I possibly do to impact any of this... especially being a fraction of my former size?

The being hit me with another pulse of its calming, loving energy.  It shimmered again and it began to pull more dust and light towards us.  The material congealed and compressed until it began to form a human shape.  More definition continued to be added... I could tell then it was female.  The face took shape... and I knew.  I knew that face as well as my own... the most beautiful face I'd ever seen.

It was Emma.

As the realization came to me, the being pumped even more energy into me.  I was filled with ecstasy... exploding with joy.  I didn't know then why it chose such a strange way for me to find her, but I knew that finding her was what was important.  

None of this was ever about me.  It was about her.

Emma was important to this creature, and apparently, important to the entire human race.  She was going to do great things, helping send us to the stars.  It needed her on a certain path to get there though.  She needed companionship.  She needed someone who would love her unconditionally and push her forward.  Someone who would protect her from people like Madelyn because she didn't have the self esteem to push parasites like her away.

As these revelations came to me, the being pumped one last shot of cosmic bliss into me and its tentacles began to retract.  As their touch left my body, a sudden melancholy overcame me.  I yearned for the creature's contact.

And then I saw them.

More distortions appeared all around me.  Dozens... and then hundreds.  Each one spinning space dust and light into images.  Some of their creations looked human, many did not.  Whatever these beings were, I felt that they held life dear to them.  The human race may be total fuck ups and will ultimately destroy their very home, but these beings still see worth in us and don't want us to die out.  They're there, pushing us in the right direction... and seeming to do it for dozens of other intelligent species.

A smile slowly stretched across my face until it became a full fledged laugh.  Tears poured out of my eyes and instantly froze as they left my face.  I felt a sense of happiness and peace I thought I'd never feel again.  And then I thought...

"Alright guys, so what next?"

No sooner had I thought it and the scene surrounding me whipped away, faster than the speed of light.  Again the universe folded and contracted as I toppled head over heels across space and time and reality.  The process whipped to a stop and I found myself floating above the Earth again, this time much closer.  The giant blue planet filling my view in the ocean of black.

What a shame it will be to let something so beautiful die.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I opened my eyes, struggling to adjust to the light.  I could hear loud sobbing coming from above me.  As things came into focus I realized it was Emma.  I was laying in her cupped hands.  Her eyes were winched shut with waterfalls of tears streaming down her face.

At first I thought it had all been a strange dream.  I sat up slightly to examine myself.  Not a scratch on me.  My wounds and broken bones were healed.  

I don't know why... but I began to laugh.  Just a chuckle at first, but it blossomed into pure joyous laughter.  Emma's eyes burst open in shock, unable to understand what she was seeing.  She lifted me closer to her face.

"Is-is this real?!  You're alive... YOU'RE ALIVE!  Oh, god thank you!"  She shouted with a force comparable to jet engine.

I didn't care.  

I shot up to my feet, still laughing, and threw my arms around her nose.

"Oh god, Emma, I thought I'd never see you again!  I LOVE YOU!  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" 

I kissed her on the tip of her nose over and over, but suddenly she pulled me away with a look of even greater surprise across her face.

"I-I love you, too, Laureline..."

My jaw dropped...


End Part 24

Part 23-"Deathdream"


You put it to me and now we'll play my game
I'll wrap you up and you'll go insane
It took so long and I waited my turn
You pay your debt I'm gonna make you burn you know

-The Runaways 


I opened my eyes to find myself in a tub... a normal sized bathtub.  I must have fallen asleep while taking a bath.  

"Oh thank god... that had to be the longest, most elaborate dream I've ever had."  I thought to myself.

I put a washcloth over my face and laid back into the tub again.  

Suddenly I found myself floating.  I pulled the wash cloth off my eyes to see the tub expanding outwards around me... fast.  I kicked my legs in terror, knocking the stop out of the drain.  I tried to get to my feet, but by the time I did I could no longer touch the bottom.  I was treading water in my own tub.

"No... god, this can't be really be happening!" I screamed.  I felt myself being pulled towards the growing whirlpool as the the tub slowly drained.  I tried swimming to the edge, but the pull was too powerful.  By that time the edge of the tub was too high for me to reach anyway.  I kept shrinking as the whirlpool drew me closer.  The walls stretched higher as the water fell and I got smaller. 

I was pulled into the spinning wall of water, fighting desperately not to drown.  I hit the cross shaped strainer and held on for dear life until the rest of the water passed through.  The strainer grew in my arms until I couldn't hold on any longer.  Droplets of water grew to the size of cars... then houses.  I was shrinking so fast.  

Then a face appeared.  It was miles above me, framed by the cavernous ring of the strainer basket.  

It was Madelyn... a contented grin on her face.  

"MADELYN!  IT'S ME!  HELP ME PLEASE!"  My voice echoed through the drain as it continued to expand outwards and upwards.

Madelyn raised a single hand and waved goodbye... reaching downwards to turn on the faucet.

"MADELYN, PLEASE!  NOOOOOOOO..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up in a sweat, nearly jumping out of my bed.  

I was still in the tank.

Madelyn didn't return that night... thank god.  I was on edge the entire night though.  I didn't dare turn Emma's old phone on to cut through the silence.  I was too afraid I wouldn't hear the key enter the door knob and have to endure more punishment.  Even though my chest was battered and bruised, my butt was in worse shape.  Red and bruised, it hurt too much to lay on my back so I laid on my stomach instead.  

Visions of the scuzzy pet store returned to my brain... along with the same feelings of dread.  Madelyn's attempts to psychologically break me down were working... and she wasn't even there.

Sleep wasn't any better.  I kept waking up screaming from nightmares.  My bed was soaked in sweat.  Whether it was her or I was doing it to myself, Madelyn had gotten into my head.

Morning came and went with no Madelyn.  I remember thinking about how Emma had asked her to look after me... and what a shitty job she was doing at it.  Not that I wanted to see her... but the food in my bowl no longer looked edible.  

And the dread... the dread was killing me.  I sat with my back against the tank, ready to turn onto my knees at any given moment.  Hoping I might pick up vibrations from outside the room from the glass... anything to keep from being beat anymore.

I had no idea what time it was, but it had to be the afternoon when I heard the key finally grind into the lock.  I hoped to God it was Emma, but quickly turned onto my knees and placed my hands behind my back in case it wasn't.  I sat up straight... the knob turned...

"How we doing today, rat?"

My heart sank.  My stomach turned.  My body began shaking.  

Madelyn approached the tank and tapped on the glass, "I see you enjoyed your treat yesterday."  

I stared at the litter bowl out of the corner of my eye... a sudden, irrational fear that she might find it there overtook me.  What would she do to me?

"You hungry, rat?"  

I nodded.  

She went the fridge and returned with a single square of cheese and dropped it in the food bowl, not bothering to throw the uneaten stuff away first.

"Staaaaaay."

I didn't move.  I felt like a fucking dog.

Madelyn kicked her sandals off and jumped onto Emma's bed.  She whipped her phone out and began scrolling through celebrity gossip news.

This was obviously another one of her 'games.'  I didn't move.  I'd catch her checking on me out of the corner of my eye, making sure I was being a good little doggie.  It had to have lasted over a half an hour... or at least it felt like it.  My legs were killing me against the hard bottom of the tank.

"Good job, rat... you can eat now," she finally said. 

I staggered to my aching legs and walked to the bowl.  I gulped down as much of the cheese cube as I could, not wanting to risk starving for another day.  Eating that much cheese didn't exactly do any favors for my stomach.

"When you're done I want you to return to your knees, ok?"  

Was that really a question?

I milked it for as long as I could and then returned to my kneeling position.  

Madelyn looked back again from her phone and then hopped out of bed.  "Good job, rat."

I stared at the floor of the cage.

"I just realized I didn't get a proper greeting today."  Her hand was wrapped around me before she even finished the sentence.  

She pulled me out of the tank and then dropped me at her feet.  The light from the window made the dark polish on her nails shine.  I closed my eyes, knowing what was coming next.

"Well... go on.  Show me how much you missed me."

I crawled on my hands and knees to each toe, kissing the tips the way I knew she wanted.  Her feet smelled even worse than they did the day prior, nearly a full day's worth of sweat having accumulated.  I felt like vomiting, especially after eating nothing but cheese earlier.  I swallowed it back, knowing if I did it would result in more punishment.  I finished the last toe and crawled backwards away from her intimidating feet.

"Good girl.  You really are turning into a good pet, aren't you?"  Her patronizing voice devolved into baby talk.  

I felt so humiliated... but I wasn't getting flicked, which was what was important.

She kneeled down and then kicked her legs out from under her, propping her elbows on the floor and resting her chin on her hands.  "I've got a surprise for you..."

I wasn't sure I could take any more of her surprises.

"The docs say Emma can come home tomorrow!  Isn't that great?!  She's gonna be so happy to see what a good girl you've become!"

I knew Emma... we knew each other so well... and on a such a deep level that I knew she wouldn't tolerate this shit.  I hoped that this would end their friendship.  Suddenly there was hope.  I was lost at sea again... but there was driftwood floating towards me, then more.  

"Alright, Madelyn.  I'll play the good little doggie for you.  It's just another day.  You don't realize how much you've fucked things up."  I needed to hear myself say it out loud.  It didn't matter that she couldn't understand me, I needed to hear it.  My entire mood changed and I was ready for whatever she had planned next. I sat up straight, ready to show my acting chops.

"So... we can't very well have you looking like that when she gets here, we need to get you groomed."  

Madelyn wrapped her fingers around me again.  My face rubbed against her palm.  I was unable to see out of her fist at all, only small slivers of light peaking through her fingers.  There was a few seconds of intense movement and then her fist slammed against something hard.  She opened her hand and I slid down onto what I quickly realized was the bathroom counter.

She reached under the counter to grab the bag of cotton balls and pulled the acetone out of the mirrored cabinet behind and above me.  She dabbed a ball with the acetone and then pinched me beneath my arms, lifting me up.  I hated being held like that, my legs dangling high above the counter... it absolutely terrified me.  

"Come on Emily, just get through it," I repeated to myself.

"Alright, let's see if there's a rat under all this paint," Madelyn joked.  

She rubbed the cotton ball hard against my skin.  The enlarged fibers feeling more like a Brillo pad.  The cold acetone sent shivers through me, and after a few minutes of scrubbing, began to make me feel dizzy.  Getting tossed around so she could clean every centimeter of me didn't help.  I finally couldn't hold it back any longer and I vomited onto Madelyn's thumb.

"Oh fuck," I knew I shouldn't, but I looked up at Madelyn's face.  The visible look of disgust was all I needed to know I was about to be in a world of hurt.

"Oh, gross!  Laureline, goddamnit!"  

I was surprised to hear her call me by my... sort of... name.  

"No no no no no no," she scolded me while wagging her massive index finger at me.  

She turned me over her thumb and I braced myself for the pain.  She flicked her nail across my ass repeatedly.  Again and again... the pain was unbearable.  She must have flicked me a dozen times.  Tears and drool were pouring out of my face as I screamed out in pain.

She transferred me to her other hand and ran her soiled thumb under the faucet.  I felt her fingers pinch me at the ankle and drag me off her hand.  I dangled upside down above the sink, panicked out of my mind.  She lowered me under the running faucet, a waterfall's worth of water rushing over me.  She didn't even bother to turn on the hot water.  My body locked up under the freezing cold water.  I choked and struggled as I felt like I was drowning.  I looked upward toward the drain and thought about the dream I had the night before, hoping it wasn't prophecy.

Madelyn finally pulled me away from the deluge and dropped me down on the countertop, head first.  I turned over on my stomach and coughed up water from my lungs.  I was shaking, cold and completely freaked out.

I wasn't sure at that point that I was going to make it to the next day.

Madelyn tore off a square of toilet paper and told me to dry myself off.  Thoughts of how Emma would hold me and dab me dry... how good it made me feel.  I dried myself off and threw the wet wad of toilet paper to the ground.  I kneeled down and assumed 'the position' before she had a chance to tell me to.  It didn't matter, she pinched me under the arms again and raised me up to just under her nose.  Incredible rushes of air pulled into her two gapping nostrils.

"Well, you at least smell a lot better," she didn't even try to mute her voice with me being so close to her mouth.  Her voice boomed all around me.  "But puking on your masters is a big no no."  She wagged her finger at me again.

Suddenly I felt her middle finger push against my back and my entire body tilt backwards in her fingers.

"I don't know what sorts of beauty standards you little rat people have, but this is unacceptable among humans."  She ran her finger along my legs, feeling the overly long hair, which was probably nothing more than peach fuzz to her.  She shuffled around inside the cupboard, moving bottles around as she searched.

"Emma doesn't have any Nair, so I guess we'll have to shave you."  

She pulled out a pink and white razor.  The handle was longer than I am tall.  The head approached my legs and I started kicking and screaming.  All she would have to do is nick me and I might bleed out.  If I made enough of a fuss she wouldn't be able to do it.  I kept throwing a fit even though I was worried I might slip out of her fingers and fall to my death.

"Hold still, I'm not going to hurt you."  She ordered.

What the fuck did she know?  I didn't relent... throwing the biggest tantrum I possibly could.  She turned me over and flicked me on the butt a couple more times, but i still didn't stop.  I couldn't.

"Ok, ok... fine.  I'll figure something else out," she set the razor back in the cabinet and I immediately stopped struggling.  In this power struggle, I finally won a battle... or so I thought.

She scratched at her chin in thought until I could almost see a lightbulb appear over her head.  "I know...," 

She carried me out into the main room towards the bar.  She unzipped her purse and began digging around inside.  Her hand stopped, but I didn't see what she grabbed.  She turned me towards her face before I had a chance.  She seemed to look right through me... judging me.

"If you won't hold still we'll have to singe it off...". Her other hand lifted up next to me... her thumb flicked at the metal object she was holding causing a spark.  A flame appeared above her fingers.  

I started screaming.

"I hate body hair so much.  I've literally broke up with guys because they looked like gorillas under their shirts," she explained.

She lowered the flame far below me.  I could feel the heat rising up, much hotter than I was remotely comfortable with.  She slowly raised it towards me, the air around my legs getting hotter and hotter.  I screamed louder, kicking and squirming... trying to escape the oven below me.  The hair on my legs began to curl up into little black balls and fall off as they approached my skin.  I could feel my skin beginning to burn.  I kicked and thrashed hysterically.  

I was convinced that this was it... this was the end... I was going to burn to death.  My mind shot back to the burning truck on the interstate... I pictured myself inside of it.  Suddenly my pubic hair caught fire, burning briefly and disappearing.  The skin on my legs and feet was beginning to blister.  The pain was unbearable.  I pleaded with Madelyn to stop.

"PLEASE NO PLEASE HELP STOP PLEASE!"  It didn't matter.  She couldn't understand me.  She couldn't even tell how much pain I was in.  She just thought I was throwing another tantrum.

"PLEASE STOP PLEASE AAARRRAAAGH PLEASE...."

And then I called out to her... the only one who could save me from burning away in this living hell.

"EMMA PLEASE I NEED YOU... HELP ME!"

The door swung open.  An angel appeared in the frame... the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.  

It was Emma.

The doctors had released her early, saying that she was completely in the clear.  Her parents had dropped her off since Madelyn had her car.  I'm not a person of faith, but I couldn't help but feel like my prayers were being answered.

Time seemed to slow down.  Emma's face went from happiness to be home, to shock,  to outright rage in a matter of a second.  

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MADELYN?!"  

Madelyn was so startled by Emma's sudden appearance that she released her grip, on the lighter... and on me.  I felt myself slip out of her fingers and free fall towards the floor.  Emma's eyes enlarged as she tried to dive to catch me... her reflexes just didn't kick in fast enough.

The floor rushed up towards me.  My legs hit first, the most excruciating pain I've ever felt in my life.  And then it was gone... my tailbone hit the floor next.  I lost all feeling below my waist instantly.  My torso caught the edge of the rug.  I thought initially that the wind had been knocked out of me, but the impact broke my ribs and forced them into my lungs.  All this happened in a fraction of a second.

Emma dived towards the floor and cupped her hands around me.  She was afraid to touch me and cause more damage.  She started screaming and her tears rained down on top of me.

"I-I'm sorry... I was just...," Madelyn struggled to find the words to make this all better.

Emma's face turned beet red and she shot up off the floor and got directly into Madelyn's face.  "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!  LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

Madelyn opened her mouth to speak, "I-I...," and before she had a chance to say another word, Emma stepped back and threw a fast right cross into Madelyn's jaw, knocking her clean out.  Her body hit the floor with the force of an atom bomb.

Despite being paralyzed... despite the multiple compound fractures protruding from my legs... despite the blood pooling up around me... I couldn't help but laugh.  It was short lived though, as I immediately started coughing... choking on the blood filling up my lungs.

Emma's face appeared directly above me again.  Tears pouring out of her eyes, crying out in complete and utter anguish.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry... Laure... please don't die... I'm so sorry... this is all my fault... please... god..."

I could still move one of my arms... I raised it upwards... towards her.  She lowered her face as close to me as she could.  I touched the tip of her nose... thinking this would be the last time I got to touch her soft, beautiful skin.  She brought a finger to the side of my head and stroked my hair, like she'd done a hundred times before.

Something inside me knew that Madelyn would no longer be around to manipulate and take advantage of her.  She could be her own person again.  The young woman I fell in love with.  I knew she was going to do great things and touch everyone's lives for the better.  I felt peace as the world around me began to grow dark.

Emma's cries became more intense as she could tell I was slipping away, too.

"I'm so sorry, Laure... I'm so sorry... I love you so much... I'll love you..."

"I... (cough)... I... love... you, too... (cough)... Emma...

...always."

And with my final words... I felt my muscles relax... my lungs stopped fighting for air...

Emma's face blurred... and then faded away into darkness. 



End Part 23

Part 22-"Training Day"


No fun my babe
No fun
No fun my babe
No fun
No fun to hang around
Feelin' the same old way
No fun to hang around
Freaked out for another day

-The Stooges


Madelyn gripped me so that my limbs were immobile. Only my head was free, barely peaking out from her fist. She held me up until I was just below eye level. Her hot breath filled the air around me. My heart was racing with panic.

"So... where do we start...," once again, there was no ill intent in her voice, no emotion on her face.

What was about to happen simply needed to, like brushing your teeth. Her gaze left my face momentarily, shifting just below me.

"Would you look at my nails! I've gone way to long without a manicure."

I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or herself. She walked towards the counter and unzipped her purse. I saw her hand reach in but couldn't see what she pulled out.

"After everything I've been through these past couple of days, I think I deserve to treat myself."

Everything SHE's been through?! Jesus Christ.

She carried me towards the bathroom where she pulled a towel off the rack. She then walked back out into the main room and rolled it out onto the floor with one hand. The walls around me rushed upwards as she laid down on her stomach. Suddenly her grip released from around my body and I fell... much farther than I was expecting. A scream escaped me and I crumpled as I landed on the soft towel.

"Ok, rat... the first trick I'm gonna teach you is to 'stay' on command. Sit up."

She placed both elbows on the floor and propped her head up with her hands. Her feet kicked up into the air behind her.

I was laying on my side staring up a her. I didn't move fast enough for her and one of her hands suddenly darted around behind me and flicked me hard on the ass. Her hand quickly returned to its previous position. By this time my butt was feeling pretty raw from the constant abuse. I forced myself up, sitting on my rear with my knees bent to the sides of me.

"Good girl. I think I like you like that... sit with your legs directly underneath you."

I did as she instructed, my eyes never leaving hers in fear of what she might do next.

"Sit up straight and put your hands behind your back."

Again, I followed orders.

"Now, lower your head. We humans are your superiors and you will not look us in the eye unless instructed, understood?"

I lowered my head and nodded. Tears were beginning to drown my eyes.

"Good job. See I told you this would go smoothly. Now, anytime I say 'stay' you are to assume this position until I say otherwise. Do you understand?"

I nodded again, continuing to stare at the floor. I was shaking uncontrollably.

"Quit shaking you goofball! I told you I wasn't going to hurt you. You should be proud of yourself, you're doing such a good job." Her voice was calm, yet condescending. "Now, I've got to get a few more things and I'll be right back, ok? Now... stay."

I didn't move... I didn't dare. She's repeatedly told me she isn't going to hurt me, but my reddening ass would beg to differ. She's so calm about what she's doing to me, I didn't want to find out what she'd do if I pissed her off.

"Just get through this... just get through it... Emma will be ok... Emma will help me... just get through it...," I repeated to myself.

Madelyn had gotten up and walked back into the bathroom. I couldn't see what she was doing but I could hear her opening cabinets and shuffling things around. She came back out with a bag of cotton balls and some acetone. She laid back down in her previous position in front of me and pulled a cotton ball out of the bag, dabbing it in the acetone. She placed one hand palm down with her fingers stretched out directly in front of me and began wiping away her red polish.

"You're doing very well, little mouse. I knew you could do it."

"Yeah, tell that to my aching knees," I muttered under my breath.

My legs were beginning to fall asleep. I didn't look up, worried that it would result in more punishment. I just continued to watch the damp beach ball sized cotton ball erase her nail polish. The smell of the acetone filled the air. I worried that it might make me pass out.

She finished one hand and worked the paint away on the other. Then she got up to wash her hands in the bathroom sink.

She still wouldn't let me move. I didn't know how much longer I could sit like this. Madelyn laid down once more on her stomach and leaned her head against one hand placing the other directly in front of me.

"Alright mouse, follow my directions closely. I know you can do this... you're doing so well already. You're going to paint my nails for me. Be very careful. If you get any polish on me hands I'm going to have to correct you. I don't want to, but this is how training goes. I'm rooting for you here, don't forget that."

How could she sound so cruel and so nice at the same time?

She unscrewed the cap on the black nail polish bottle with a single hand, loose enough for me to be able to lift the applicator. Her arm resumed supporting her head.

"Ok, you can start."

I fell over on my side and started rubbing the pins and needles out of my legs. I made the mistake of looking her in the eyes while i did it and I was met with a nail smacking against my breasts. The impact knocked me on my back. My skin throbbed like I'd just bellyflopped at the pool.

"Tsk tsk, I didn't say you could look at me , rat," she said with a light chuckle. "C'mon... these nails aren't gonna paint themselves."

I struggled to my feet, my legs still numb as the blood rushed back in. I was very careful not to look at her. She lifted the black polish bottle up and set it next to me. It looked tiny in her hands, but the top of it came up to my chest.

Madelyn lifted her hand slightly and snapped her fingers, which sounded like a gun firing. "When you're ready..."

The sound scared the living hell out of me and I stumbled backwards. Regaining my bearings, I wrapped my hands around the applicator cap. It slid out easily enough, but the wet polish on the end weighed down the end. As the brush cleared the rim of the bottle, it swung back like a pendulum and covered my stomach in thick, black paint.

Madelyn just laughed, "careful there... let's try not to make a mess."

She presented her thumb first. I was grateful she did, the applicator was cumbersome and I needed a larger 'palette' to figure out how to maneuver the instrument if I was going to get through this with as little abuse as possible. I took a deep breath to calm myself and placed the brush down on the steering wheel sized nail and pressed down, allowing the bristles to fan out. I dragged it along to the edge of the nail. So far so good. I repeated the action along the edges near the skin to damn near perfection.

"Ok Emily, you got this," I reassured myself... as best as I could anyway.

I dipped the applicator back into the bottle and moved onto the next nail. And then the next... and the next. When I reached the pinky I was able to do the entire nail in one swipe of the brush. I was sweating... but I could almost feel a sense of pride in my work.

Almost... I was still terrified by what was happening. But still, keep in mind I've spent the last few months in a cage with nothing to do... so doing anything was bound to feel... good?

I'm sorry, I know, I'm going in circles again.

Madelyn lifted her hand to her face, examining my work. "Wow, rat! You didn't even get any on the cuticles. I may have you do all my manicures from now on."

Aaaaaaaaand just like that, that fleeting feeling of pride was replaced by dread.

She lowered her other hand and gently blew on the finished ones to dry them. Once again I carefully worked my way from finger to finger, doing just as an immaculate job as before. That is until I moved from the ring finger to the pinky. My foot caught on a loose thread in the towel and sent me toppling forward. The applicator flew out of my hands... it seemed to hang in mid air as time slowed down.

Luckily it landed on the towel. Me on the other hand found myself draped over the massive digit, just above the nail. I had to peel myself off because the polish on my stomach made me stick to her skin. I stood back and closed my eyes, bracing myself for the impact of my punishment... it didn't come.

"You lucked out, rat. These aren't quite dry yet. I'll have to owe you one though," she promised as she continued to admire my work.

She pulled a cotton ball out of the bag and and dabbed some more acetone onto it. She rubbed it against the dark spot on her finger and then tossed it aside, not even thinking about using it to clean the polish off of me.

I finished the pinky nail quickly and then returned the applicator to the bottle, screwing it down as tight as I could. I felt relieved to finally be done with the task. I wiped the sweat from my brow not realizing I had nail polish on my arm, smearing it across my face.

"You've done a fine job so far, rat. Just think, you're already halfway done. It's all down hill from here."

Half way done?! What the fuck was she talking about?! I reflexively looked up to her face in confusion... not thinking about what it would cost me.

"Ah, rat... that's another one I owe you. Eyes back to the floor now. Are you ready... now... STAY!"

I dropped to my knees and locked my hands together behind my back as taught. It was so humiliating. I was crying out to Emma inside my head to save me from this nightmare. Madelyn rose to her knees and then rotated her legs forward placing her bare feet together and sliding them towards me.

"Oh... fuck," escaped my lips as I realized what my next task would be.

Madelyn removed another cotton ball from the bag and dabbed more acetone onto it. She began working the cracked red polish off her toenails until they revealed the fresh, natural color underneath.

She finished cleaning her pinky toe and finally spoke, "Ok rat, you may begin."

I stood up and walked back towards the nail polish bottle. I wished I hadn't screwed it back on so tight because it didn't want to loosen at all. Madelyn's thumb and forefinger appeared from above and, with the slightest twist of her fingers, broke it loose.

"You're welcome," she said.

I dared not look at her.

I began to remove the applicator again when her voice boomed down again.

"Wait," she ordered, "you're gonna need these first." She lifted the bag of cotton balls above my head and shook it, raining pillow sized white balls down on top of me. She giggled lightly as I was buried in the soft, itchy cotton. I crawled out of the pile, being very careful not to make eye contact with her.

"You need to space the toes out before you start," she said. She wiggled her gigantic toes around in front of me and then spread them out for easier access.

I climbed back to my feet and picked up one of the fluffy beach balls. I walked to the pinky toe first and stuffed the ball between it and the next toe. I turned around to pick up another when she interrupted me again.

"Stop,"

I froze in place... now what?

"I think you need to great each of my toes properly. You need to return to my pinky toe and kiss it hello before you may move on."

She almost goaded me into giving her another dirty look... but I held back. I couldn't give her the satisfaction of hurting me more, whether she thought she was abusing me or not. I swallowed my pride and turned back to the toe. I leaned over and kissed it above the nail. The smell of her feet filled my nostrils with salty sweat and vinegar. It was awful. I stood up straight and began reaching for another cotton ball when, once again, she interrupted me.

"No. Try again. This time I want you on your knees. I want you to bend over and kiss the very tip of the toe, then you may move on to the next."

I don't know which was in charge of my emotions at that point, my fear or my rage. I wanted to scream at her, but knew it would only result in more discipline. I clenched my fists and closed my eyes. I kneeled down in front of the toe and bent down to kiss it below the nail. I stood back up and waited to see if she had something more humiliating in mind.

"Good girl. You're doing such a good job. Now remember, every toe.."

I grabbed another cotton ball and jammed it in between the next two toes as fast as I could, trying to get this over with. I knelt down and kiss each toe on her right foot as I went, the smell becoming more unbearable as I reached her big toe. The space between it and the next being able to collect more sweat and grime than the others... it was disgusting.

I was weary of her big toes... they were far wider than my entire body and she could easily crush me with the slightest movement, if she so chose. Maybe that was what she was trying to beat into my head. I kissed each and moved on quickly.

I finished the left foot and scurried back over to the polish. I was much more careful this time not to get it all down the front of me. Not that it would have mattered... I was already a mess by that point. Once again I started with the biggest nails and worked my way down to the smallest. It was much harder this time. The toe nails were much smaller, with the exception of the big toes, so I had to be steadier and more accurate. Not so easy when you're shaking in anger and fear.

I did it though... another damn near flawless job, even the difficult pinky toes. Nailed (pun intended) those in one swipe of the brush. I returned the applicator to the bottle, not even bothering to screw it down this time. I just sat down on the towel with my legs crossed, hunched over in exhaustion. The feeling of accomplishment I had from completing her fingernails was nowhere to be found. I could still smell her feet on my lips.

"Uh-uh... that's not how I taught you to sit," she chastised. "That's another one I owe you."

I adjusted onto my knees and put my hands behind me... like the good pet she wanted me to be. I was too tired to even think about fighting it at that point.

Madelyn admired my work, looking down from above her knees. She made me sit on my legs until she was satisfied that everything was dry enough. Once again my legs began to fall asleep.

"You know, I'm not sure I'm crazy about the color. The red was prettier... I think I'll have you redo them."

A gasp escaped my mouth and my eyes filled with tears. Could she really be so cruel? I tried desperately not to let her see me cry... that she was winning.

"I'm just fucking with ya, rat. Lighten up! You've done a fine job today, better than expected. We've still got more to accomplish, but yes, you've done very well. Good for you." Her patronizing voice would have normally pissed me off, but I was relieved that I wouldn't spend the rest of the day redoing her nails.

What did she mean?

What new demeaning training did she have for me? I pointed my face as far to the floor as I could in the position I was in... I didn't want her to see that she was, in fact, breaking me. How could a teenage girl be so adept at this... and in such a short amount of time. Was she really that much of a sociopath or was my weakness at this size just like having someone spit in your face and having to thank them for it?

"I think we've done enough work for now, so I'm gonna give you some time off. I need to go check on Emma in the hospital anyway." She examined her her nails again and chuckled. "She and I are gonna be twins!"

She held her nails up to show me, only seeing them out of the corner of my eye... too afraid to look up.

She stood up and told me to move off the towel. I did as instructed and then returned to my kneeling position. When she wasn't looking I'd pounded on my legs to try and feel something other than the pins and needles. She threw the towel on a pile of Emma's dirty clothes and then walked back to me. She stood over me, trying to show off her height once again. I didn't look up, only her heel resting on top of her other foot filled my vision.

"Now... I'm going to pick you up and put you back in your tank... but first you need to remove the cotton balls and kiss each of my toes goodbye, ok? Show me how much you appreciate what I'm doing for you." She adjusted her feet to sit side by side.

I wasn't even surprised. I just crawled to her feet like the pathetic creature I'd become. I didn't even bother standing up... I just crawled from toe to toe until she was satisfied.

I wonder if she could feel my tiny tears falling on her skin.

When I finished she lifted me up under my arms, my legs dangling beneath me... kicking at the air in fear. She held me up to her face like this, making it hard not to look her in the eye.

"You've done such a good job today, rat, that I think you've earned a reward. Unfortunately... we do have to address your three violations first."

"Oh god no, please!" I screamed in vain.

I suddenly felt my body turned so that my face was pointed down towards the floor far below me, my butt pointing upwards. My heart raced and I kicked my legs out of some animal instinct.

The first blow hit my right butt cheek, causing a lingering stinging sensation. Then she hit the left cheek. God the pain was excruciating. She hit the right cheek again, causing me to scream out in pain. I thought it was over until she whacked my left cheek again. She turned me upright again.

"Sorry about that fourth one. I had to address the mess you've made of yourself... and besides, I don't like leaving things uneven."

I don't think she had any clue how much she hurt me. I could no longer hide my tears as I completely lost it.

"Now now, don't do that. It's all over with. Hey! It's time for your reward!"

The only thing I wanted from her was to fucking leave.

She set me down inside the tank and told me to 'stay.' I did as told, tears still streaming down my face. She walked to the counter and dug around inside her purse, pulling out a pouch. She pulled a single item from the pouch and carefully bit it in half. She walked back to the tank and dropped the item in the food bowl with a clank.

"I wasn't sure you could get through the hard shell, so I made it easier for you. I think you'll love it! Now... I want you to stay in that position until I've left, and when I return... which may be tonight, it may be tomorrow. I don't know yet. I want you ready before I walk through the door. Do you understand?" Her voice was almost sweet in its delivery.

I nodded, still staring down at the newsprint cage lining.

"You may look at me now, mouse."

I tilted my head up hesitantly. I didn't want to look at her, but was afraid she hurt me more if I didn't.

"We'll see you later, ok?" She tapped on the glass directly in front of me. "I'm starting to see what Emma sees in you."

She turned away, grabbed her purse and Emma's keys, then disappeared out the door. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as I began to sob uncontrollably. I rubbed at my legs to deal with the discomfort of the blood returning to them. I was finally able to stand up and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had nail polish smeared all over me... along with bruising starting to form on my ass and chest.

Combine all that with the hair that had grown far too long on my legs, I looked like a goddamn cavewoman. A feral animal being broken into domestication.

I looked into the food bowl to see my 'reward.' There, next to the morning's breakfast I never had a chance to touch, was a red item. It was about the size of half a dinner plate. An 'M' printed on the shell. My reward was half an M&M. The print of her teeth clearly visible from where she bit it in half. I held it in my hands... staring at it as I tried to force myself to stop crying. I took it to the other bowl and buried it under the kitty litter.

I wandered back to my bed and buried my face in the pillow... trying to blot out the day's events. Dreading what tomorrow, and Madelyn's return, would bring.

I begged... you could even say I prayed. I needed Emma to hear me. I hoped she was ok, feeling left in the dark with what was happening to her. I begged her to save me from Madelyn. I don't know if there's a God, or some sort of cosmic phone line, or whatever... but I had nothing else. I think everyone hopes for help from above when there's none to be found here.

"Emma... please... I need you..."


End Part 22

Part 21-"The Can" 


Step back and watch the sweet thing
Breaking everything she sees
She can take my darkest feeling
Tear it up till I'm on my knees

-The Jesus and Mary Chain


I had no idea how much time had passed.  Every minute felt like hours.  In the quiet I could hear voices... laughter through the walls... people celebrating the holiday, completely oblivious to anything else.  I came to realize I hadn't been at ground level since Emma's parent's house.  The harsh glow of florescent lights from the kitchen and the dim light from the candle being the only sources of light.  I felt smaller and more useless than ever.

Emma had kicked one of her worn shirts under the bed, whether wittingly or unwittingly.  I crawled on top of it and pulled some of the fabric over me.  The shirt smelled of her and I buried my face into it, beginning to sob again.  Who knows when I finally passed out from exhaustion.

I awoke some time the following morning.  It was still pretty dark under the bed, but the morning light coming in through the window lit up the rest of the room.  My stomach growled at me, but I was still so full of worry I wouldn't be have been able to eat even if I could get to any food.  I felt stranded, and desperately concerned about Emma.  I must have paced off miles around the apartment that morning.  Every time I heard someone jangle their keys in the hallway my heart would jump.

I was coming around near the base of the dresser when I heard a key's distinct grind as it entered entered the knob.  I stopped in my tracks and looked towards the door.  A figure pushed into the room... it was Madelyn... still wearing the dress Emma gave her.  She looked exhausted, deep dark circles around her eyes.  She must have been up all night.  She threw the keys down on the counter and began scanning the floor.

"Laureline?  Here, laureline."  She whistled as she searched.  

If it was any other day I would have been extremely pissed about being called like a dog... but I was too distraught to care.  I ran in her direction.

"MADDY!  I'M HERE!  ON THE FLOOR," I shouted as I ran.  She finally spotted me as I rounded the corner of the trunk.

"Ah, there you are, come here..," she patted at both her knees.  Ok... I reeeealy had to try to shrug that off.

As I ran to her I became overwhelmed by her enormity... like standing before a living skyscraper.  She bent down to pick me up, not offering her hand the way Emma does (or...did),  but pinching me at the hips and lifting me straight up.  I never realized until then just how much having a hand beneath me gave me security.  Dangling between Madelyn's fingertips was absolutely terrifying.  Luckily she dropped me into her other hand as I tried to catch my breath.

"Emma... EMMA!? IS.... SHE... OK!?"  I yelled as much as my lungs would allow.  She couldn't understand me, but maybe she could tell how upset I was.

"You can understand me, right?" She asked.

I nodded enthusiastically.  

"I almost killed her last night, Laure.  I almost killed my best friend.  Because of... because of fucking cookies... I didn't know.  I-I... I didn't know she was allergic to peanuts.  Fuck, I didn't know there even were any in them.  I j-just wanted to do something nice."  She clutched her mouth as the tears began to flow.  "I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to...I--"

She pulled her hand away from her mouth and stiffened her lip.  She wiped the tears away with her arm.  She looked even more drained than before.

"I froze, Laure.  I fucking froze and I didn't know what to do... but you did.  You knew exactly what to do.  You saved her life, Laureline.  You're a pretty special pet."

I gripped my chest, feeling like the world was lifted off of it.  I cried, but they were tears of relief.  Madelyn tried choking back her tears, but failed.  For the first time since wed met, I truly felt a connection to Madelyn, despite everything.  I crawled over to her thumb, not knowing what else to do, and wrapped my arms around it.  She looked up in shock and I made sure to look her straight in the eyes and nod.  She lifted a finger over me and hesitantly began stroking my back.

"I stayed with her all night.  The doctors say she's gonna be ok, they just want to keep an eye on her for a couple of days.  She was lucid this morning.  She wasn't even mad at me, she was just worried about you.  She asked if I could look after you until she gets home."

As usual, Emma goes through something traumatic and all she's worried about is if I'm ok.  She really is too good for this world.

"So I'm gonna stay here with you until they call me to come pick her up.  Are you hungry?" 

I couldn't even believe this was the same girl I've hated for so long.  I nodded and she carried me over to the tank and set me down inside... this time allowing me to walk off on my own.  She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, returning with a single massive strawberry... almost half my height.  She dropped it into the food bowl.  

"Do you like these?"

I nodded and gave her a thumbs up.  

She smiled and then turned around placed her hands on her hips.  She examined the room and then began cleaning up last night's dinner that had set out all night.  

Was this really Madelyn?!  She washed the dishes by hand and put what she thought she could save in the fridge.  She pulled a trash bag out from under the sink and threw the rest away.  She then came back into the main room and gathered up the shreds of wrapping paper.  After that she twisted the bag up and took it outside.  After returning, she folded up the bed sheet table cloth and moved the trunk to the end of the bed.

I was flabbergasted.  I don't know if she'd ever done anything like that in her life.  I guess guilt is a hell of a drug, too.

She sat down on the bed and looked in my direction.  "I'm... I'm pretty tired... I think I'll try getting some sleep.  Are you gonna be alright?"  

Madelyn was asking me?!  I just smiled at her and and gave her a thumbs up.  She stood up and pulled the dress off, revealing her gorgeous curves.  A tiny(er) version of myself scratched at the back of my brain thinking Emma would be jealous of the view.  She reached into the closet and pulled out one of Emma's t shirts and slipped it on.  After using the restroom, she flopped down on the bed and rolled onto her side, her back facing me.  I think she was trying to hide that she was still crying from me, but didn't think I could hear her.  She fell asleep in Emma's bed... and did so until nearly evening.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night there was a sudden knock at the door.  It startled Madelyn out of her sleep.  Muffled voices announced themselves from behind the door.

"Hello?  Emma?  You home?"

Madelyn crept out of the bed and cautiously approached the door.  She put the chain on and cracked it open.  "Uh, hello?"

"Oh... um... I'm sorry, we must have the wrong apartment.  Sorry to bother-," said the male voice.

Madelyn cut him off, "you're looking for Emma?"

"Yeah... yes, who are--," Madelyn closed the door on him before he could finish so she could take the chain off and let them in.  He came in first, he looked familiar but I couldn't place his face... then the woman walked in.  It was Emma's mother.  I'd completely forgotten her parents were coming to visit her.

"Alright what's going on?  Who are you?  Where's Emma?  Why isn't she answering the phone?  What are you doing here?  Why are you wearing her clothes?"  For someone who's hardly around, Emma's dad had the protective father schtick down pat.  

Madelyn backed up as he continued berating her with questions.  She was couldn't get a word in edgewise and was frankly too nervous to even try.  

"Well?!  Ya gonna answer me, young lady?"

"Sh-sh-she's in the h-hospital...," she cringed slightly waiting for the blowback. 

"Why?  What happened?!" He raised his voice even more.

Madelyn began to cry, "it was an accident, I swear.  I didn't mean to hurt her... it was just a cookie... I didn't know she was allergic to peanuts... I'm so sorry... please I'm so sorry."  She actually fell to her knees and clutched at base of his polo shirt.  "Please... the doctors... they said she's going to be ok... please... I'm so sorry."  She was having trouble forming coherent sentences at that point.

Emma's mom knelt down next to her and placed her hands on Madelyn's shoulders, "sssshhhhh, it's ok.  This isn't her first trip to the ER and it probably won't be her last.  Why didn't you call us?  Why are you living in her room?  She doesn't have a roommate."  

More questions.

Her voice was much calmer than the father's, but his expression softened when he realized how much he'd frightened the young girl.

"I-I-I was w-with her all n-night.  When she finally came to this morning she asked me to look after Laureline until she got home.  I was just doing what she asked, I swear.  Please... I'm so sorry."

Emma's mom looked up to her father and nodded.  "Can you take us to the hospital,  miss...?"

"Madelyn, my name's Madelyn... yes, yes of course... let me get some clothes on."  

Madelyn wiped the tears from her eyes as she stood up.  She scooped up the long dress she was wearing when she first arrived the day before for dinner and walked into the bathroom.  In a matter of seconds she returned, grabbing her ballet flats and holding them against her stomach.  

"Ok, I'm ready."

I jumped out of bed towards the glass and began pounding on it, "WAIT!  TAKE ME WITH YOU!" 

Madelyn grabbed Emma's keys and walked out first.

Emma's dad suddenly looked puzzled, "wait, who's Laureline?"

Her mom urged him out the door, "I'll explain later, lets go."

He took one last glance back and saw the tank.  I was standing right up against the glass... I didn't know what else to do... so I waved at him.  His brow furrowed in confusion just as Emma's mom shoved him out the door, closing it behind her.

I slumped my shoulders in disappointment and returned to the bed for another night of worried, restless sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Madelyn returned the next morning to feed me.  She was wearing different clothes, a loose fitting white shirt, a pair of jean shorts and gladiator sandals.  She must have stayed the night at her place.

"You hungry, rat?"  

Well... I guess the old Madelyn was back.  I suppose the guilt of having nearly killed someone could only be measured in tens of hours for her.

She went to the kitchen and returned with some leftover ham and a cheese cube.  She dropped them into the bowl from nearly the height of the cage, leaving the remains of the yesterday's dried up strawberry.  After that she kicked her sandals off and crashed onto Emma's bed.  She pulled her phone out of her pocket and got lost in it for hours.  

Maybe it was just me, but the silence was incredibly awkward.  Maybe because I was used to Emma talking for hours about movies or music.  I was going stir crazy inside the tank... so I decided to, I don't know... try to... bond(?) with Madelyn.  Seeing her break down the day before and show some actual human emotion made me a little more comfortable with her.  I knocked on the glass...

Madelyn craned her neck backwards to see what the sound was.  "What'd ya need, rat?"  

I tapped my chest and pointed upwards.  Her gaze followed towards the ceiling... I tried not to laugh.  Clearly our ability to communicate need some work.  I knocked again.  This time I tapped my chest and made a lifting motion with one hand.

"You... do you want out?" 

I clapped my hands and nodded.  

"Well... uh... ok, I guess.  You're not going to try and, like, run away or something are you?"  

I felt mildly insulted by the question, but shook my head anyway.  She got up and reached into the cage, pinching me at the sides again and lifting me towards her face.  

Yup... it was still a terrifying ride.  Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

She carried me across the room like that into the kitchen where she pulled a soda out of the fridge and then walked back towards the bed.  It was literally only about a twenty foot round trip, but watching the room fly by around me about made me pass out.  Instead of laying back down on the bed, Madelyn sat down on the floor with her legs spread out in front of her propped up against the side of the bed.  She set me down on the floor and reached back onto the bed for her phone.

"Knock yourself out, rat."

I didn't really know what to do.  It's not like I was a dog needing to run around the room.  I just continued to awkwardly stare at her.  She must have caught me staring out of the corner of her eye.

"You need something else?  What exactly is it you and Emma do together?"

I pointed at one of the record shelves.

"Nah, I can't stand that weird old shit Emma listens to.  I suppose you wanna watch some boring old black and white movie, too?"

I just awkwardly shrugged at her and looked towards the floor.  

This was going really well.  

She felt around for the giant soda can, her eyes never leaving her phone.  As her hand found it she started to pull the tab... and suddenly stopped.  I looked back to her face and she was... side-eyeing me.  Her head turned completely in my direction with a mischievous grin on her face.  

A worried feeling started brewing in my gut.

"Hey rat, how bout you give me a hand with this."  

Her hand wrapped behind me and she pinched my sides again with her fingertips.  She lifted me off the rug and placed me on top of the can.  

"Open it."

I looked up at her, both annoyed and confused.  Suddenly I felt the hard surface of her nail smack against my ass.  I fell to my knees to save myself from falling off the can.  Both knees landed right on the tab sending a reflexive shock of pain through my legs.  My hands caught the edge of the can, which would have been a significant fall for me.  I looked back up at Madelyn... a contented grin beginning to form.

Now I was angry.

"What the fuck, Madelyn?!  You could have really fucking hurt me!"  I screamed as I leaned back on my butt.  

Without warning, her finger appeared in front of me and flicked me against my left breast, sending me backwards.  My back hit the lip of the can, which felt less than amazing.

"You really are spoiled little pet aren't you?"  She said.  

What was strange was her tone of voice... there was no malice in it.  No real emotion at all, like, what she was doing to me mattered as little as making a sandwich.  Now I was really fucking worried.  

"I told you to open it."  She lifted a finger and brought it right down between my legs, taping it on the pull tab.  

"Madelyn?  What the fuck is wrong with you?!  I--," her finger whipped around me and pushed me down from behind onto the cold aluminum surface.

"I can do this all day... can you?  Open the can."  

She lifted her finger off me.  I was shaking now... absolutely terrified at what was happening.  I looked back up to her and aggressively nodded, causing the faintest grin to appear on her face.

The only leverage I could get on the pull tab was if I knelt over the unopened mouth and tried lifting it toward me.  I squeezed my fingers between the tab and the top of the can and pulled back as hard as I could... it wouldn't even budge.  I tried again... nothing.  I looked back to Madelyn who just looked down her nose at me and nodded.

"Come on.  I'm thirsty.  I don't have all day," she prodded.

I readjusted so my heels braced me against the lip of the can and pulled as hard as I could.  It moved about a third of the way.  The mouth began to hiss beneath me.  I stood up, planted my feet and pulled as I fell backwards.  The tab gave as the mouth opened, releasing its pressure under neath me.  The bubbles from the carbonation tickled my bare skin.  I stood up and turned back to Madelyn.

"There!  Are you fucking happy you stupid bitch?!" I screamed at the living tower that was Madelyn.

"Good job, rat... but I still don't like the way you're looking at me."

She raised her hand to me and flicked me with her middle finger much harder than before.  This time I went airborne.  I flew backwards off the can and landed on the rug.  I landed hard, knocking the wind out of me.  My ass and elbow hurt with rug burn.  I couldn't believe I didn't hurt my back.

Madelyn began to stand up, lifting the soda can with her as she did.  As she reached her apex she took a sip from the can and then set it on the dresser.  She stared down at me, then positioned herself so that her gigantic bare feet were on either side of me, showing me her sheer, awe inspiring size.  I instinctively began scooting backwards, shaking in terror at what she might do next.

She placed her hands on her hips, showing me just how powerful she was... then suddenly a laugh escaped her lips.

"Jesus, lighten up will ya, rat?  I'm not gonna hurt you."  

Could've fooled me.

"Emma has coddled you for far too long... you have no respect for those of us that are so much bigger than you are."  She held her elbow and tapped her chin.  "I'll never make up for what I did to her...but this can be a start."

Where the fuck was she going with this?

"I think a little training is in order... and when Emma gets home she'll see what a loyal and obedient pet you can be.  Most animals can take months, or even years to train... but you, you seem pretty smart for being the size of a mouse.  I think you'll catch on very quickly."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but couldn't.  I couldn't stop shaking.  I tried to get up and run... like all small creatures do when threatened.  A shadow fell over me as her hand descended faster than I could take a single step, wrapping me in her warm, powerful fingers.

I should have just stayed in the goddamn tank.


End Part 21

Part 20-"The Dress"


I will try not to breathe   
The decision is mine
I have lived a full life
And these are the eyes that I want you to remember, oh

-R.E.M.


Emma and Madelyn planned to meet on Christmas evening to have dinner and exchange gifts.  Emma once again loaded up on food the day before.  This time buying a small ham for the main course.  She still had some powdered potatoes leftover from thanksgiving.  She steamed some mixed vegetables and just used store bought dinner rolls instead of baking them this time.  Not quite as elaborate as Thanksgiving was, but it still looked really good.  She set out the trunk table like before, only this time she set a single candle burning in the center.

Madelyn arrived with more booze in tow.  I don't know who was supplying her with it but she managed a couple of bottles of Riesling this time.  She also picked up a box of artisanal cookies from some bakery.  Actually a fairly nice gesture from her.  There was also a wrapped present under her arm.  

Madelyn downed nearly an entire bottle of wine during dinner.  Emma wasn't very vocal at all.  She also drank way more than I was expecting.  I had a few drops in a bottle cap, but unlike before I made sure not to go overboard.  Still, there was a weird tension I couldn't quite place throughout the meal.

Would you be surprised if I told you Madelyn didn't help clean up after we'd had our fill?  Emma was clearly getting tipsy, nearly falling over when she'd stand up too fast.

"Shit, I guess this is what being drunk feels like."  She laughed at her own clumsiness and took the plates and left overs into the kitchen.  On her way back in to the main room she shut off the overhead light, leaving just the kitchen's glow and the flickering candle flame.

"Ready to do presents?"  She sat down and pulled a flat, oblong box out from under bed.  I watched her wrap it a few days earlier, but never saw what was inside.

"Gimme gimme gimme!" Madelyn was very drunk already.  

They handed each other their gifts and as Madelyn was about to rip into her's, Emma stopped her.

"Wait a second Maddy.  I've got to give Laure her gift first." 

I looked up at her from the top of the trunk, surprised to hear the words.

"That's right, Squirt, I didn't forget about you."  

She offered her hand and I climbed on.  She placed me back inside the tank where a gift, wrapped in shiny red paper with a gigantic gold bow on top, waited for me.  She must have snuck it in when I wasn't looking.

"Go ahead, Laure, you go first."  

I stepped up the gift, easily the size of a large car.  I started ripping away the paper, which wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.  I was eventually able to peel away the layers and what was revealed to me was a large wooden box.  An ornate ivy pattern was carved into the dark wood sides.  Emma's hand suddenly appeared over it and opened it up.  Inside she had laid in padding and soft silk fabric.  Another piece of fabric folded up on the end to form one long pillow.  A sponge inside for a mattress.  She'd made me a bed out of an old jewelry box.

"I thought you might be getting tired of sleeping in that old sock.  I hope this is more comfortable for ya."  

I was speechless.  My eyes started to well up, my heart full with love for her.  It may not seem like much, but little things like this... just to feel close to normal again... were priceless to me.  I looked up to Emma, tears streaming down my cheeks.  I was smiling but it quickly faded and I suddenly filled with guilt for having nothing to give her in return.  I hung my head and covered my eyes.  The familiar touch of her finger along my hair startled me.

"What's wrong, Laure?  Don't you like it?"  Her voice was filled more with concern than hurt.  

I waved away her question with both hands and crossed my chest with my arms and pointed at the bed, 'I-love-it.'

"Then what's wrong, Squirt?" A small calming laugh came from her in confusion.  

I tried to think of a way to convey what I was feeling.  I extended my hands like I was holding a present and then pointed at her, followed by me raising my hands and shaking my head, 'present-you-none.'

It's amazing how tuned we had become.  She understood my nonsensical, made up sign language perfectly.  "You don't owe me anything, Laureline.  Don't ever think you do.  I'd give you the world if I could."  

She kissed her finger and then resumed stroking my hair.  

"And besides, I'm not sure they have checking accounts for Squirts," she cracked.  

I blurted out an unexpected projectile laugh through my tears.  I followed it with a 'thank you' sign, followed again by a 'love you' one.

"Ah, don't get all mushy, Squirt.  You'll have me tearing up soon.  Why don't you go try out your new bed."  

I nodded in compliance and climbed onto the foot of it.  I turned around and spread my arms and legs out as far as I could... then fell backwards into the soft, squishy material.  Emma giggled and reached in to tickle my stomach.

"Jesus, will you two saps give it a rest already?  My teeth are gonna fall out."  Another nice moment ruined by Madelyn's mouth.  

Emma winked at me with a sly grin and then walked back towards the trunk.  She sat down and picked up her present.

"You open yours first," Madelyn instructed.  

Emma peeled it open to reveal a record, the cover I never did see. 

"I remember you saying you were having trouble tracking that one down.  I must have gone to fifteen different record stores here trying to find a copy.  I couldn't even find it online.  Then there it was at store number fifteen."

Emma's eyes grew large, smiling from ear to ear.  "God, Maddy... this is too much!  I can't believe you found it!"  She stared longingly at it like she'd just discovered buried treasure.  

"I also got you this...," Madelyn reached into her purse and pulled out a small, framed photo of the two of them.  It was genuinely kinda sweet.  

"Damn, Madelyn.  Well fucking played," I said to myself.

Emma emerged from her trance, "well, go on!  Open yours!"

Madelyn ripped the paper off in one swoop of her finger.  The wrap gave way to a white box.  She cut the tape holding it shut with her fingernails and opened it.  Inside was a beautiful black dress.  It was very expensive looking.  

"Oh, god... Em... it's gorgeous!  You... this is way too much... I don't deserve this."  I could hear it in her voice.  The walls holding back the guilt of taking advantage of Emma's kindness were crumbling.

"Go try it on... see if it fits ok."  Emma instructed while chewing on one of Madelyn's cookies.

"Uh... yeah... of course."  Madelyn sounded almost distant.  

She walked into bathroom and and a few short minutes later emerged.  She was truly a stunning sight to behold on any given day, but just then... she was on another level.  I could see it... and I could see it in Emma's eyes as well.

Oh no.

I could sense it then.  Her quiet nervousness all evening.  The candle.  The dimmed lighting.  Hell, even putting me away in the cage.

Emma had planned to make her move that night.

My heart took an express trip out of my chest.  My stomach turned and I felt like I was going to throw up.  

"God please no.  Please don't make me watch this."  I remember pleading out loud.  

I didn't want to watch... but still found myself out of the bed and pressed up against the glass.  Waiting for my complete emotional destruction.

"Well don't just stand there with your jaw open... how does it look?"  Madelyn spun around to show herself off from all angles.  

Emma set her cookie down and took a giant swig of her wine... then stood up. She walked up to Madelyn and took her hand.

"No, please... god... why?"  I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.

Emma stared deep into Madelyn's eyes... and leaned in...

"Woah, there, Em," Madelyn recoiled as Emma tried to kiss her, "what are ya doing?"  She nervously laughed and looked at Emma like she was nuts.

Now... if you think I ran around in circles in my own head before...

My heart was breaking.  I was in shock.  I could have jumped for joy... all at the same time.  But then... my own selfish bullshit blew out of my brain like a bullet...

"Oh, god Emma... oh god..."

Emma stood there horrified... embarrassed... clearly not knowing what to do.  The two of them stood in silence for what was probably seconds, but felt like eons.

"Hey, Em... it's ok.  Don't freak out on me, alright."  

Emma said nothing.  

"Seriously it's ok.  We've both been drinking... stuff happens.  It's totally cool."  Madelyn was trying to calm her, but Emma looked like she was going to fall apart.  

Tears began falling down her face.  Madelyn grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Em?  Emma... I... I didn't realize you thought about me like that.  It's ok, but I... I'm not into girls, ok?  I'm deeply, deeply flattered... but you're my friend... honestly my best friend... ok... my only friend.  I know I'm a bitch.  I've never really had a close female friend before... mainly because I drive everyone away.  You're kind to me even though I don't deserve it.  You're my friend, Emma, but that's all I can be."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  That was the most genuine and self aware I'd ever seen Madelyn be.  I was actually kind of moved by it.

Emma on the other hand was turning pale, still not speaking.

"Are we... ok, Em?  I don't want to lose you over this."  Madelyn wrapped her arms around Emma.

Something was wrong.

As Emma's face landed on Madelyn's shoulder I could see that she wasn't pale anymore... she was turning blue.  She went limp in Madelyn's arms.  Madelyn didn't expect it and Emma slipped out of her arms, hitting her head on trunk.

She wasn't breathing.

Madelyn stood over her speechless, scared and confused.  

I was terrified.  

I screamed and pounded on the glass as hard as I could, coming completely unglued.  Madelyn completely froze.  Suddenly a wave of clarity hit me... like it was someone else's mind suddenly taking control.  

The cookie.  Emma's allergies.  I don't know the ins and outs of them, but she was going into anaphylactic shock just after eating one.  

It had to be a nut allergy.

I screamed at Madelyn, "HER POCKET!  MADELYN! CHECK HER POCKET!"

Madelyn still didn't move.  I grabbed the edge of the food bowl and in an adrenaline fueled state tossed it as hard as I could at the glass.  She finally looked my way, a thousand yard stare in her eyes.  I pointed frantically at Emma and signaled for her to come get me.  She reached into the tank and lifted me out.  She didn't look like she was even on this planet.  I clapped my hands together frantically trying to get her attention.  She finally blinked and looked directly into my eyes.

All I could do was point at Emma and mime pulling something out of an imaginary pocket at my hip.  I repeated twice before Madelyn finally stooped down and started feeling the outsides of Emma's pants.  She felt something and pulled it out.  

It was the  EpiPen!  She told me when we first met that she always carried one on her. 

 Madelyn stared at it, not knowing what to do.  I clapped my hands again to get her attention.  I mimed popping the the end of it off with my thumb and then jabbing it into my thigh as hard as I could.  Madelyn didn't say anything, but nodded.  She popped the end off and jammed it into Emma's leg. 

Nothing happened for long... agonizing... seconds.  I couldn't breath.  Neither could Madelyn.  My heart pounded out of my chest.

"Please for the love of God, Emma...brea-"

"Hhhhuuuuuuhhhnnnghh!"  Emma's eyes popped open.  She strained to catch her breath.

"Em!  Emma!  My god!  What do I do?!"  Madelyn finally cracked, tears pouring down her face.

Emma strained to speak, "a-a-a-a...ambulance!"

Madelyn whipped out her phone and dialed... whatever number it is to get an ambulance.  Fuck my brain.  God, what if I was alone with her... I can't even remember how to call emergency services!  

Madelyn set me on the floor and held her hand.  I gripped tightly to her index finger, for some stupid reason thinking the tighter I held her, the less likely she'd leave us.

Luckily, it didn't take long for paramedics to show up.  As soon as they came through the door,I ran and hid under the bed so they wouldn't see me.  Less for myself than not wanting to be the tiny, naked redhead distracting them in anyway.  They put her on a stretcher and one of them pumped air into her lungs while they carted her out the door.  Madelyn left with them closing the door behind her.

And there I was.  Left there alone on the floor.  Not knowing if my best friend... the woman I loved... my entire world... was going to die.  I shook in complete terror and sobbed in the darkness under the bed.


End Part 20

Part 19-"Drunksgiving" 


I never thought this could happen to me
This is strange why should it be 
I don't deserve somebody this great
I'd better go or it'll be too late 
  
-The Damned


Emma suddenly burst through the door, dragging a small pine tree behind her.  Madelyn followed carrying a round red tree stand; the bare minimum of helpfulness as usual.  

How was it December already?  How does time seem to drag on like it does and still fly by so fast?

It'd been a few weeks since the night of my complete emotional meltdown.  In the days that followed I couldn't eat... or rather, didn't want to.  I hoped to just waste away.  Emma would come home to a shriveled carcass in the corner of the tank and flush me away... out of sight, out of mind.

Emma knew I was upset... attributing it to the scare Madelyn had given me.  She would come home from school and immediately remove me from the tank.  She'd hold me, trying desperately to pull me out of it.  She'd try to force tiny bits of food into my mouth, but I'd just spit it back out.  She even tried using an eye dropper full of milk.  I wasn't having any of it.

After about the third day, she wasn't either.

She was trying the dropper again and I just turned my head away.  

"Goddamnit, Laureline!"  She'd never yelled at me before, her voice booming all around me.  It scared the living shit out of me.  

"What the fuck is wrong?!"  Are you sick?!  What do you need me to do?!"  Her voice got so loud that I had to cover my ears.

I stared at her wide eyed and shook my head.  She could tell she'd scared me and lowered her voice.

"What then?  What am I doing wrong?  Are you mad at me?  I know you don't like Maddy very much, and if she had treated me the way she treated you, I'd feel the same way.  Are you punishing me for it?"  Tears were falling beneath her intense eyes.

I felt pretty weak, but propped myself up on my side.  Was I trying to punish her?  Maybe... mostly though I just wanted a way out.  I just shook my head again and stared into her palm.  Her finger appeared under my chin and lifted my head towards her gaze again.

"Nope, you don't get to shut me out like that," she said sternly. "If I've gotta shove this dropper down your throat to keep you from starving yourself, I'm gonna do it.  I can't lose you... and I won't.  I've fucked up a lot, and maybe I've lost your trust... but I still need you.  You're the most important thing in the world to me and I will not let you do this to yourself, do you understand me?"

She presented the tip of the dropper just inches (or should I say millimeters?) from my face.  She proceeded to poke my cheek with it.  I was too heartbroken to care... but also too weak to fight it.  She squeezed the end of the dropper just enough that a drop of milk began to form and cling to the tip.

"Drink it... now."  She pushed it against my mouth, the surface tension causing it to stick to my face.  I did as instructed, sucking in the thick drop and gulping it down.

"Again."  She hit me in the mouth with the tip this time.  "Do it."  

I did as instructed, only to have it all rush up from my stomach and purged onto her palm.  She didn't even flinch.

"Try again.  Please, Laureline.  You have to try again."  She forced more liquid from the  dropper. 

This time I took it into my hands and sipped it slowly.  I managed to hold it down.

Emma carried me into the kitchen where she opened a bag of bread and pulled off the tiniest crumb her oversized fingers could.  It was still larger than a hamburger bun to me.

"Please, Laure... try to eat it."  Her voice was calmer now.  Her tears had stopped flowing.

I choked down what I could of the spongy bread.  Normally a full stomach would feel satisfying.  This felt like... defeat.  I couldn't even starve myself to death right.  I wanted to devote myself to her, and I could have.  But I just couldn't keep having my heart broken.  I was stuck... I didn't know what to do.

"Thank you, Laure.  I'm-I'm sorry I got angry with you.  I'm just scared.  If... if anything happened to you I... I don't know what I'd do... I..." she stopped herself short and her eyes sank to the ground.  

"Do..." her voice choked in her throat, "do you want to leave?  Do you wanna leave me.  It would break my heart to have to do it... but if you need to be free... I'd do anything for you."  She covered her eyes as she began sobbing.

Goddamnit.

She loved me... with all her heart... and I her.  I wanted an escape from my own self pity, not from her.  I was still just an animal to her though.  One whose domestication was not going well, to say the least.  

Even then... she was willing to let me go if it meant I'd be happier.  Of course it wouldn't.  Was she just gonna turn me loose in Griffith Park or something?  There's no scenario there where I survive on my own.  And more importantly... she wouldn't be there.

So there were were again.  One of us in tears.  Our inability to communicate with one another threatening to tear us apart, no matter how desperately we needed one another.  Would it be best for me to go away... maybe... but I'm just not strong enough to do it.  Hope is a hell off a drug... but apparently, so is codependency.

Emma continued to sob into her hand.  I pushed myself onto my hands and knees and crawled to her thumb, wrapping myself around it.  She lowered her hand from her eyes only to cover her mouth.  I stared deeply into her beautiful brown eyes, now bloodshot from crying.  

I couldn't leave her if I wanted to.

She removed her hand from her mouth and asked again, "Do you want me to let you go, Laureline?" 

The words may have left her mouth, but her pleading eyes betrayed her.  I closed my eyes and shook my head, squeezing her thumb tighter.  A tearful, surprised laugh escaped her mouth and she covered it again.  

"Thank you, Laure...I thought--," she cut herself off and instead just kissed me on the top of my head.  Her warm soft lips nearly enveloping it whole.

Over the next few days Emma continued to feed me like a baby animal from the dropper until my strength returned.  She didn't say anything about it, but she was clearly trying to keep Madelyn at a distance for my sake.  I still struggled to come to terms with things, but not having Madelyn around definitely helped.  I didn't see her again until Thanksgiving break.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neither Emma or Madelyn were going home for Thanksgiving.  I'm sure Emma wasn't thrilled about the idea of having to drive through the Rockies again anyway.  She asked me if it would be ok if Madelyn came over for Thanksgiving dinner.  She assured me that I wouldn't have to have any contact I didn't want with her.  It felt nice to be asked, like I was an actual roommate and not just the hamster in a cage that I really was.  I reluctantly agreed.  

Emma bought provisions the day before and stocked the fridge.  The next morning she started preparing.  She swept up the apartment and dusted.  In the afternoon she started baking dinner rolls, but everything else looked like it was store bought and prepared.  Green bean casserole, boxed stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy.  She bought a precooked rotisserie chicken instead of a turkey.

"There's no way the three of us are getting through a whole turkey," she joked.

Madelyn finally made her grand entrance that evening.  I was already annoyed at her for not being there to help Emma out.  To be fair, there wasn't much I could do to help either.

"Hey, bitch!  Check out what I snagged!"  Madelyn pulled a blue bottle of what must have been Prosecco out from behind her back with a pair of wine glasses.  "It isn't nearly as good as real champagne, but it'll still get you buzzed.  Can't exactly walk into a liquor store yet, ya know."  

Emma had a bit of a nervous look on her face.  It was obvious that this was going to be her first drink... especially with her Mormon upbringing.  Madelyn walked into the kitchen where she filled a bowl full of ice and nestled the bottle into it.  

There was no room for a table in the apartment so Emma threw a bed sheet over a trunk and set two pillows of either side to sit on.  She already had two dinner plates set out.  I thought this was really cute, even if I hated that one was for Madelyn.  She pulled the reheated chicken out of the oven and set it on a large plate, then placed it in the center of the trunk.  She set out small bowls of the rest of the side dishes.  Madelyn set the wine glasses down near the plates.  There wasn't much room for anything else.

I watched patiently from my tank.  Having got my appetite back, it all smelled so good it felt like torture.  Smell is one of the strongest triggers for memory... so believe me when I tell you how strange it was to be feeling nostalgia with no memories to accompany it.

Madelyn kicked off her shoes and sat down first.  She poured herself a glass of the cheap sparkling wine and downed it like it was water.  She then poured some into Emma's glass and then filled her own again.

"It's defiantly not great... hahahaha," Emma had gone to all this trouble setting everything up and all Madelyn was worried about was the booze.  I don't think she thanked Emma once the entire night.

Emma finished up in the kitchen and then came to fetch me from the tank.  "Ya hungry, Squirt?"  

I nodded enthusiastically.  

She carried me to the makeshift table and set me down next to the roller rink sized dinner plate.  Giant steaming bowls laid out like some alien housing development.  She already had two bottle caps set out, one filled with water, the other... she had somehow fit tiny portions of everything inside.  She even used the eye dropper to put a drop of gravy on the potatoes.  It couldn't have been easy.

"What'd ya think, Squirt?  Does it look good?" Emma smiled down at me and gave me a wink.  

I smiled back and signed 'thank you' to her... then turned away.  I didn't want her to see how choked up I was getting.  It was more than just a meal.  She'd worked hard at it and wanted to share it with me... like I was... a person.

"That thing isn't eating at the table with us is it?"  Leave it to Madelyn to kill a moment.  "It's filthy."

"Maddy...," was all Emma had to say, pointing her finger at her like a misbehaving child.  Madelyn threw her hands up in surrender.

Emma finally sat down and began shoveling dump truck loads of food onto both of their plates.  "Alright, dig in everybody."  

Madelyn picked at her food for most of the meal, too busy complaining about some barista who committed some social atrocity against her.  Emma inhaled hers, even helping herself to seconds.  Being as there are no utensils my size, I had to eat everything with my hands.  Mashed potatoes on palm is a messy experience, to say the least.  I didn't care, it was delicious... and such a welcome change from my usual diet of berries and lunch meat.

I caught Madelyn staring at me several times.  She seemed pretty disgusted that some feral beast such as myself would be allowed to share a table with someone as grand and important as herself.  I loved every second of it... even smiling at her smugly just to drive it home.

"Hey Emma, ya think the pipsqueak wants some of this?"  She raised the bottle of Prosecco and took a swig.  

"Knock it off, Maddy."  Emma actually sounded like she was getting tired of Madelyn's endless bullshit that night.  Maybe it was the booze amplifying her obnoxiousness.

"Come on, I'm trying to be nice.  How bout it, mouse... you want some bubbly?"  She dangled the bottle in front of me and giggled.

"I mean it Maddy, leave her alone."  Emma was clearly getting pissed.

Me... yeah... I... kinda wanted to get fucked up.

I stood up and walked to Emma's hand that was resting on the table.  I patted it to get her attention.  She softened her glare towards Madelyn and looked down.

"What is it, Laure?"

I tapped my chest and mimed drinking from a glass.

"Really?!"  Emma was more surprised than I had expected.

"Now we're fucking talkin' ha ha!  This'll be just like when I got my mom's Shitzu drunk!"

Emma and I both shot Madelyn a dirty look.  She threw her hands up again... spitting as she tried to hold back her laughter.  Emma got up and went into the kitchen, returning with the dropper.

"You sure, Squirt?"  

I nodded, giving her a crooked smile.  She dipped the dropper into her untouched glass of Prosecco.  She emptied the water cap onto her plate and squeezed a few drops into the cap.  Then she placed it at my feet. 

"Be careful, ok."  

I gave her a thumbs up and lifted the cap towards her.  Emma lifted her glass and tapped it against the the cap.  This made Madelyn start laughing hysterically.  

"Bottoms up, I guess."  Emma lifted the glass and tipped it towards her mouth.  First sipping at it.  Her eyes wincing at the strange combination of sweet and burn.  

I tipped the cap and sucked in an entire drop.  Then another.  Then another.

"Damn the little thing can drink!  Good for you pipsqueak!  Chug!"  Madelyn was grabbing at her sides with laughter.  

I tipped the cap and downed all but the last drop because the surface tension held it to the threads.  I scooped it out and sucked it down... shooting Madelyn a pair of finger guns.  She absolutely lost it, rolling on the ground, her laughter filling the room with its thunderous roar.  It was contagious, I started laughing uncontrollably.  I looked up to Emma who looked both like she couldn't believe what was happening, and was trying to keep from laughing herself.  I held my cap up for more.

"Alright, but please be careful," she squeezed a few more drops in. 

I didn't chug them this time.  I was already past buzzed and needed to pace myself.  Emma finished her glass and emptied the rest of the bottle into her glass.  She finally burst out laughing as well.

It was... fun.  No one was more surprised than me.  I still hated Madelyn, but I also felt like I could maybe stand being in the same room with her.  Or maybe getting drunk just made her seem like less of an asshole.  Emma didn't drink enough to even get a buzz, but I could tell she was really tired.  She'd spent most of the day prepping this dinner and now she was ready for a food coma.  Madelyn passed out before anyone, though, even before me... who got damn near black out drunk.  I passed out right there on top of the trunk.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning my head felt like it was in a stamp press.  I didn't puke, but felt like I could at any minute.  I looked around the room to find Emma asleep against the dresser with a pillow behind her and Madelyn curled up on the floor between the trunk and the door.  

"God, I need some water," luckily there were still a few drops left on Emma's plate from the previous night.  Sucking water off a dirty plate was not one of my prouder moments, but then again, I couldn't remember any of my prouder moments.

I laid back down and tried to block the morning sun's light from my eyes.  Eventually both girls stirred awake.  It was like watching two mountain ranges come to life.  Emma strained her back, looking completely stiff from the way she'd slept.  Madelyn didn't look like she was in much better shape than me.  She crawled into the bathroom and pulled herself to the sink.  She started drinking water straight from the tap.  Maybe we weren't so different after all.

Emma dragged herself up onto the bed, leaning over to slide me onto her other hand. Jesus Christ, the drastic elevation changes were killing my head.  Madelyn emerged from the bathroom looking nothing like the well put together socialite she pretends to be.

"Fuck, my head.  I'm gonna go back to my place and sleep for about a week."  She reached down to try and put on one of her shoes and lost her balance.  She fell forward and nearly slammed her head into the door knob.  Emma burst out laughing, and as much as it hurt my head, so did I.

"Yeah, yeah.  Laugh it up you two.  She walk towards us and gave Emma a hug.  "Thanks for dinner last night, Em."

It was the most genuine I'd ever seen Madelyn act.  She then looked down to me with a sly grin.  I was trying to hold back the laughter after watching her fall.  

"Get it out of you system, pipsqueak."

She held out the knuckle of her index finger to me and I tapped it with my fist, causing her to release a small laugh.  She messed up my hair with the tip of her finger and then turned towards the door.  She snatched up her shoes and walked barefoot into the hallway, closing the door behind her.  In true Madelyn style, she wasn't going to stay and help clean up.

Emma carefully placed me on the pillow and began dry swallowing her morning meds.  She then flopped down onto the other pillow, causing the whole bed to shake.  She scooted in close me and put her hand over my body like she'd done so many times before.  We both slept well into the afternoon.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few weeks, things were better.  Madelyn began coming over more frequently again.  She was much kinder to me and I made an effort to be more accepting of her.  Her manipulative nature still infuriated me and I wished she'd stop using Emma.   But I also began to understand why Emma was so enamored with her.  

Emma had little to no self esteem and here was this beautiful, confident girl spending all her time with her.  She was crushing on her because no one had ever paid attention to her.  And Madelyn really did seem to care about Emma, in her own bizarre way.  This made the homework situation all the more frustrating.  

Sorry, I'm thinking in circles again.

It still hurt to see her look at Madelyn as longingly as I looked at her.

Which brings us back to the week before Christmas.  The two of them decorated the tree.  Madelyn joked the entire time about dressing me like an angel and sticking me on top.  Emma's parents... yes, even her dad, were going to fly out the day after Christmas to visit her, so Emma and Madelyn planned on having their own little Christmas party. 


End Part 19

Part 18-"Of Israel and Palestine..." 


Love's in your eyes
Making me cry
Why isn't it me?
She's looking good
Just like I would 
If it could be me

How much more can I take
Before I go crazy, oh yeah 
How much more heartache   
Before I go crazy, oh yeah

-The Go-Go's


Monday came and went.  Emma got loaded down with homework that night and was up past midnight trying to get through it.  I'm glad she has the energy to deal with it cause I get exhausted just watching her.

Normally I would spend the day just trying to endure the boredom.  Whether I was trying to run away the time on the wheel or binging some stupid sitcom on Netflix.  That day though, I embraced it as a distraction from the worry filling my gut.  

I was not looking forward to meeting Madelyn.  I knew it had to be done, but when you're as small and vulnerable as I was, being able to trust the giants that dominate your life is a huge fucking deal to, say the least.  I was worried how the dynamic would shift between Emma and myself letting someone new into our secret little 'club,' for lack of a better word.  Emma and I were so emotionally tied together, would a third party completely destroy that?

My stomach twisted and turned all day.  

Emma arrived home around her usual time. She threw her bag in the floor and her laptop on the bed in a continual motion as she approached me.  She kissed her fingertip and tapped me on the top of the head as usual.

"How'd it go today, Squirt?  I'm glad to see you didn't thrash the tank again, you little punk rocker," she joked, shooting me a crooked grin.  

I blushed and replied with a shrug.

"Well, Madelyn will be here soon, so I'm gonna cover your tank for... let's call it a dramatic reveal."  She was smiling ear to ear, maybe to try and get me more excited about it.  

Mostly I just felt sick.   

She threw the towel over the tank just as I heard knocking at the door.

"Gawd, you would t believe the day I had!" 

No 'hello'... no 'how are you'... textbook Madelyn, talking about herself as soon as Emma was there to listen.  She went on for, like, fifteen minutes about her manicure getting botched... like she'd just experienced a hate crime.  I hadn't thought about it till now, but she must have blown off class that afternoon to get it done.  

What the absolute fuck did Emma see in this vapid bitch?

She finished her story of privileged oppression and Emma finally spoke up, "I'm sorry about all that... that sounds... rough...," the hesitation in Emma's voice made me burst out with an unexpected laugh.

"What was that?"  Asked Madelyn.

I must have laughed louder than I thought, or the tanks walls amplified it.  

"Oh god, here we go," I said under my breath.  

When I was given to Emma for her birthday, I felt anxious... but I also felt, I don't know... hope?  But not at that moment.  I hated this bitch already... my whole body was filled with dread.

"Is your little hamster actually awake?"  She spoke to Emma like she was a kid for having a pet rodent.  

My brain searched for some way out of this.

Emma finally spoke, "Sh-she's not a hamster."  For once there was silence coming from Madelyn.  "I've been waiting to show her to you until she was ready.  She gets kind of nervous around strangers."

"Yeah, no shit," I whispered to myself.

"Maddy, I want you to meet Laureline."  As she spoke the words, the towel lifted off the tank and filled it with light.  

And there she was.  She was taller than Emma, but that could have been the six inch wedges she was wearing.  She had a beige sun dress on and still had her backpack hanging from one shoulder.  My gaze continued up to her face.  

Madelyn was absolutely stunning.  Long curly brown hair.  The face of a fashion model with big blue eyes.  Nothing of the troll I expected to see on the other side of the glass.

"Holy shit!  What is it?!"  Of course Madelyn would call me 'it.'

"I'm not really sure.  My mom rescued her from a sleazy pet store back home and gave her to me for my birthday this year.  The guy who ran the shop said they're ridiculously rare.  You can find just about anything on the internet... but I haven't been able to find out anything about them."  Emma lightly tapped her finger on the glass in front of me as she spoke.

Emma lowered her left hand into the tank.  "Would you like to come out, Laure?"  

For the first time the tank was looking pretty cozy.

I really didn't want to leave, but I wasn't doing this for me.  I climbed onto her hand, the sudden rush not doing anything to help my twisted stomach.  She lifted me up near her face so that I sat between her and Madelyn.  Both of their giant eyes were locked on me.

"She was in a pretty bad way when I got her, but you can see how beautiful she is now.”

I appreciated the compliment from Emma, even if it made me sound like a garage sale find. 

"She's pretty important to me... she's... she's my best friend,” Emma added.  

If I wasn't so nervous just then, I probably would have started crying.

"Laure, this is my friend Madelyn, can you say hi?" 

I looked at Emma and she gave me an approving nod.  I turned back to Madelyn and raised a half hearted wave.

"Hello Madelyn," I don't know why I felt the need to say it.  Emma just gave a muted giggle, apparently happy to hear me coo.

"Wow, did you teach her that?!"  Madelyn exclaimed.

"No, actually.  She's really smart... as smart as we are really.  She can understand us perfectly, she just can't speak, but she does make some adorable sounds.  She usually communicates to me through pantomime."

It's amazing how thin the disconnect is.  She can almost see me as a person, just not enough.

Madelyn suddenly lifted a finger and ran it down the front of my body.  I recoiled in surprise.  I was used to being nude by this point, at least in front of Emma.  I suddenly felt my nakedness again and tried to cover myself.

"Ssshhh, it's alright, Laure," Emma assured me as she saw me jump.  She began stroking my hair to try and calm me.  "Would you like to hold her?"

I stared up at Emma in disbelief.  I don't know why, it wasn't really, but it felt like a... betrayal.  That's a strong word,  but it's all I could think of.  Madelyn cupped both of her hands together and brought them next to Emma's.  She said nothing.

"Is it ok, Laure?" 

I felt slightly relieved that Emma asked my permission instead of just dumping me into this stranger's hands.  I still didn't like this, but again... I was doing it for her.  I nodded and stepped down into Madelyn's waiting hands.  They were soft, a little slippery from using too much lotion.  I instantly sat down with my legs out to one side to avoid falling off.  She brought me so close to her face I could nearly reach out and touch her nose.  Her eyes felt like they could see right through me.  She shifted me onto just one hand causing me to fall onto my side.

"Easy now, Maddy.  Don't scare her," Emma instructed.

Madelyn's index finger appeared from below my view and began touching my hair.  Then down the contours of my body.  When Emma touched me like this it brought me so much joy.  But this had me terrified... physically shaking in fear.  Why wasn't she talking?  This bitch never seemed to shut up otherwise, but just then it was like she was in a trance.  

"Doesn't she have lovely red hair?"  Emma finally broke the silence, thank god.  Madelyn pinched at it and let it fan out as it dropped.

"It could use a good grooming."  Madelyn finally spoke, only to insult me.  Then out of nowhere she grabbed one of my legs and lifted me upside down over her hand.  I screamed out in shock.  

"Look at how hairy her legs are... it's kind of gross, isn't it?"  Her eyes were darting all over, examining my every flaw.  

*As a side note here... yeah, my legs were hairy and they itched like a motherfucker.   As soon as they invent Schick Nano, let me know, would ya.  Anyway, lets carry on, shall we?*

I looked back to Emma, her face inverted from my perspective, filled with panic.  Suddenly I felt something hard strike my ass with extreme force.  I can only assume Madelyn had flicked me with her nail.  

Emma reached out with both hands and cupped them around me.  The light blotted out in an instant.  As she opened her hands I could see I was being held close to her chest... safe again.  She looked down at me and stroked my hair with her thumb.  Her brow furrowed as she looked back to Madelyn.

"Maddy don't handle her like that.  She's beautiful just how she is... she's delicate... and she's been through some kind of hell I'll never know.  Please be gentle with her."  

Thank you, Emma.

Madelyn started laughing.  "Jesus Emma!  If you keep coddling that thing it's never going to respect you.  You've got to break a pet so it knows you're in charge."

What.  The.  Fuck.

Emma shot her a dirty look, "it's not like that Maddy.  I told you... she's my friend. She's not a pet."  

God I love you, Emma.

"Do you consider me a friend?"  Madelyn asked.

"Of course, Maddy!" Emma seemed shocked by the question.

"Do you have a glass tank for me to live in?"  Madelyn smirked.

God, she was such an asshole.

"Don't be ridiculous, Madelyn."

"Was I bought and paid for?" Madelyn continued.  Was she trying to hurt Emma?  She seemed awfully proud of herself at that moment.

"Knock it off, Maddy.  She can understand everything you're saying."  Emma's voice began to crack a little.

"Good.  Then she can learn her place easier than a dog can."

This was obviously going really well.

"Do you still want help with your homework, Madelyn?"  Emma was clearly done with this conversation.

"Alright, alright... chill out Emma.  I'm just fucking around with you."

Such an endearing individual.  I was more confused about their relationship than ever.

Emma placed me back in the tank and stroked my back a couple of times before pulling her arm out.  "Let's get this over with."

"Emma, hey, I'm sorry ok!  Don't be a drag... you know I can't do this without you."

"This was really important to me, Maddy.  I was really excited about the two of you meeting... and all you could do is treat her like an animal, and me like a joke.  How am I supposed to feel about that, Madelyn?!"  

I don't think I'd ever seen Emma that mad.  Good.

"Look, I said I was sorry.  Here look... hey Laure, I'm Maddy.  Emma's the fucking bomb and neither of us deserve her."  

For once I agreed with her.  She gave a half assed wave and a pair of finger guns pointed in my direction.  I struggled to not give her the finger. 

Madelyn turned back toward Emma and began stroking her her arm.  "Seriously, I'm sorry, Em.  Forgive me?"  She lowered her head and pouted at Emma.  Emma's face began to crack into a crooked smile.

"Aaaaah, thanks, Em."  She leaned over and pecked Emma on the cheek.  Emma's face went flush and her eyes sunk to the ground.


Oh No.


Please...


Please god.


Not this.


My legs gave out from under me.  I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to let Madelyn see me break.  It didn't stop the vomit from raising in my throat, though.  I  jumped up and ran to litter bowl, purging my guts out.  I gripped the edge of the bowl and looked around the cage.  A moment ago it was a familiar refuge from a cruel giantess.  Suddenly... it looked like the prison it really was again.  The tears had fought their way out of my eyes so I crawled inside the sock so they couldn't see me.  They were already on the bed, busy with their laptops to notice anyway.  It was like I'd already been forgotten about.

I cried harder than I had since the beginning of all this.  Everything that happening was so cruel... but this... this was the cruelest. 

Why her?  Why did it have to be her.  I loved Emma with every fiber of my existence... and she was crushing on Madelyn.  It was so unfair... so fucking unfair... so goddamn motherfucking cruel.  Am I some cosmic joke?  Is the universe doing this just to see how far it can push me before I break? 

I had to sit there and listen to Madelyn's fucking voice for hours before she left.  Emma hardly got two words in the entire night.  Imagine losing all hope and then having to endure the mindless ramblings of the one who stole it from you.  How do you escape?  How do you escape yourself?  Suicidal thoughts filled my head again.

Eventually I heard the bed creak as Madelyn got up to leave.  I pulled the lip of sock down off my head in mild relief.  It was quick but I caught a glimpse of something I hadn't seen before.  Emma had just pulled a thumb drive out of the side of her laptop and handed it to Madelyn.

"Thanks Em!  I owe you again!" She leaned down and pecked Emma on the cheek again.  

It was like some kind of veil was lifted from off my eyes.  I started piecing things together.  They hadn't talked about the mathematics work the entire night.  In fact other than those first few sessions, they never did.  Just Madelyn's incessant selfish ramblings.  Emma is cute... obviously, I'm obsessed with her, but she was also a shy, awkward, (lovable) weirdo with health problems.  What did this girl, who I'm sure in high school was asked what she wanted to do as a career and answered 'influencer,' want from a punky sick girl?  

Emma had been doing the work for her.  

The flash drive was the finished assignment.  Remember when I said that I had a feeling Emma was being taken advantage of?  Well here it was.  At first I thought she might be using her cause her family had money.  That obviously didn't fit because this girl was clearly used to being on top.  She was manipulating Emma for grades.

Even the little gestures I witnessed tonight... the arm rubbing... the little kisses on the cheek.  Emma's a lonely girl from a conservative family, at college, never having had a chance to explore her sexuality.  Madelyn was exploiting it.  

The bitch finally left with her hand wrapped around the flash drive.  Emma followed her to the door to lock it behind her.  I jumped up and pounded on the glass.  Emma approached.

"What's up, Squirt?  Ya hungry?"  I shook my head and continued pounding.  She lowered her hand into the tank and I climbed on, raising me to eye level.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking confused.

I gestured towards the door with an exaggerated look of disbelief across my face.

"I know, I'm sorry.  That went pretty bad, didn't it?  I'm sorry you had to hear the things she said.  She'll come around... maybe she'll even learn to love you half as much as I do."  

She moved in to nuzzle me with her nose and I pushed her away.  She pulled back looking even more confused.   I waved off what she had said and then mimed typing on a laptop.  Then I pulled an imaginary flash drive out of the side of the imaginary computer.  I held up the invisible drive to her with a look of concern on my face.

"It's called a flash drive."  She'd completely missed the point. 

I shook my head and slapped my face.  I stood up in her hand and held out the imaginary flash drive again.  I changed the expression on my face to that of disapproval and gestured towards the door.

She got it this time.

"Oh...uh.  She's just struggling with some of her other classes so I'm just helping her lighten the load a bit... that's all."  

I folded my arms and gave her another look of disapproval.  Then I held my hands out to the sides, pointed at her, and then mimed carrying something heavy.

"What about my load?"  She asked.  I threw my hands out to let her know she was on the right track.

"I'm doing fine.  Really, it's not a big deal.  I've always liked math and the stuff she's doing is like child's play to me.  Really, don't worry about it."  She tried reassuring me, but sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

Of course I was worried about it.  As soon as this bitch gets what she needs from Emma she's gonna kick her to the curb.  She's gonna break her heart and she's gonna make Emma feel like it was her fault... and only thing worse than the emotional pain I deal with everyday is seeing Emma hurt.

Emma was clearly not happy about me questioning what she was doing.  Whether she was actually mad at me or herself I can't say.  She put me back in the tank and then went to fridge to get me a pice of cheese for dinner without saying anything.  Then she just shut the lights out and went to bed.  At least she was having to look at things differently.  Maybe it was the first step to get that bitch out of our lives.  

Or so I'd hoped.

I only ate a few bites of cheese, I really couldn't stomach much of anything at that point.  I felt exhausted from the night's events and went to bed myself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wasn't asleep long before I awoke to pale light reflecting inside the tank.  I got up and went to the glass.  Emma was on her phone, staring at Facebook.  Madelyn's page to be exact.  She was scrolling through the photo section and stopped on a picture of Madelyn on some boat, in a bikini.

Her hand moved under the covers.  Through the darkness of the room I could barely make out it's movement under the blanket as it found its target.  She tried to mute the sound of the rustling fabric as best as she could, but she didn't realize I was already very much awake... very much having my heart broken for the second time in one night.  Her breathing got heavier and faster.  Her eyes rolled back into her head.  Her hand rubbing faster and faster.  The sweat on her face was catching the light from phone.  Faster and faster until she was quietly moaning.  And then her chin raised and her backed arched slightly as the orgasm hit.  She couldn't contain her final moan as her hand began to slow.  She wiped the sweat off her brow and then shut the phone off, the room returning to darkness.

I was on my hands and knees... sobbing again.  

"Why... god... why... it's not fair... why... aaaarrgh... please... make this stop..."

Tears and snot and drool pored out of my face.  I called out to an indifferent universe to please end this living hell.  

Of course... I was just left there... in the dark.

I had to feel my way back to the sock.  I flopped down on top of it, still hysterical with grief.  I started rubbing myself as hard as I could, desperate to feel anything but what I was feeling.  Aggressively, joylessly.  Warmth flushed through my body.  I rubbed faster, even slapping at my sex.  

The release never came, just emptiness and sadness.  

I was screaming out in anguish by that point to deaf ears.  I remember thinking that suicide would do no good.  I had done something horrible in a previous life... and now I was dead... and this was my hell.  It was the only way I could rationalize any of it.

...and I haven't even got to the bad stuff yet.


End Part 18

Part 17-"Madelyn"  


Standing
On the corner
Watching
The ladies 
Pass by
Imagining me behind your eyes
And then what did I see?
I saw hips, I saw thighs 
I saw secret positions that we never try
I saw jealousy 
I saw jealousy  
I can't, I can't believe it
But it's here in this place and I see it
It's all I can do to conceal my feelings of jealousy 
Jealousy 

-Liz Phair


Madelyn's visits became a regular thing over the next few weeks.  At first it was once a week for help with math.  I figured out it was always Tuesdays because eventually she'd show up on Fridays just to hang out.  Then then she started stealing Emma away over the weekends as well.  

I was spending a lot of time alone.  I'd only see Emma when she was studying or doing homework.  The rest of the time I was stuck in the cage.  If Madelyn was there then Emma would cover the cage to hide me like a bad secret.  I'd hear them laughing and talking about school.  Emma would try to talk about what she cared about most in the world, music... but Madelyn never seemed to have any interest.  She talked about herself constantly and with great enthusiasm.  If you're asking yourself how she could ignore a covered cage for weeks at a time, I can only guess it's because she was too preoccupied with herself to notice.  

I had never seen her face... but I hated her guts.  

Madelyn would show up on Saturday mornings wanting to go shopping.  I had no way of proving it, but I had a feeling that she was taking advantage of Emma somehow.  Even though I couldn't see them interact, I could tell they had nothing in common.  

Something just felt... off.

And me... I was left to stew in my loneliness and jealousy.  Was I being selfish and petty?  Probably... but you try spending your life inside a glass prison.  And when the person you care about most in the world... your best friend... the only thing that brings you any joy, seems to lose interest in you... then you can judge me.

The towel would soon remain draped over the tank even when Emma was at school.  She'd forget to put fresh food in my bowl and I'd have to eat berries that had sat out for days, becoming soft and moldy.  The litter bowl was going uncleaned, filling the tank with the smell of my own filth.  I felt like a gerbil some kid had grown bored with.

Things finally came to a head.

I was jarred out of sleep one Saturday morning by the sound of pounding on the door.  Of course it was Madelyn.  She couldn't just knock like a normal person either.  She had to announce her arrival through the door.

"Get up, bitch!  Let's go shopping!"

I heard Emma stumble out of bed and let her in.  "Give me a minute to get dressed."

The sound of shuffling clothing, keys jangling and the door closing was all I heard.  Emma left the food bowl empty.  Flies the size of cats had made their way into the cage, collectively feasting at the litter bowl.  I was furious.  I turned over the food bowl in a blind rage.  Then the litter bowl, sending the flys buzzing away only to return for easier access to their meal.  I kicked the phone over, jamming my pinky toe in the process... which only made me angrier.  I screamed out of frustration.  I caught myself in the mirror, looking like a lunatic.  

"Fuck you," I screamed at my own reflection.  I punched the mirror hard.  Again... harder.  I wanted it to break, but the glass was too thick.  All I managed to do was bloody my hand.  I wanted to cry... but I wasn't giving anyone the satisfaction.  Not even the bastards watching me... the ones causing me to live through this nightmare.  I collapsed onto the sock.  I wrapped my arms around my knees and watched the blood trickle from my knuckles, soaking into the fibers of the sock as it fell.  

I wanted to kill myself.  I didn't know how but I had to end it.  This was all too much.  Remember my little metaphor at the beginning of this story about being lost at sea?  Well, the sharks were circling and I was ready to let them choke on me. 

Emma was my rock.  The only thing that made this weird, miserable life worth continuing.  Had I just become a burden to her?  If so... I saw no point in sticking around.  I just didn't know how to do it.  There was nothing sharp enough to open my wrists in the cage.  I'd already proven myself too weak to break a simple mirror.  I could possibly climb out through the phone's power cord and jump off the dresser.  But then what if the rug breaks the fall... and instead of a small stain for Emma to clean up with a tissue, I end up paralyzed?  Would she take me to a vet to be euthanized like an old cat that can't shit in its litter box anymore?

My mind went round and round all day.  Was I really going to do it?  Probably not.  It gave me something to focus my anger through though.

Emma didn't return until that evening.  She was alone... I couldn't hear Madelyn's stupid voice bragging about how great she looked in this or what guys were thirsting after her.  I turned my back to the front of the cage, still clutching my knees.  The towel suddenly lifted from the tank, I pretended not to notice.

"Laureline!  Wha-what'd you do?"  The condescending tone in her voice made my blood run cold.

"Laure... what's going on?!"  I continued ignoring her.  "Please, what's wrong?!"  Her tone of mild annoyance switched to that of slight panic.  She must have seen the blood on the mirror.  Good.

I finally stood up slowly and turned around.  The tears wanted to come but I beat them back.  I casually walked over to the food bowl and flipped it upright presenting it to her with the most snarky body language I could muster.  I ran to the other side  of the tank and waved my hands causing the flys to take off once again.  I tried in vain to rip the wheel off the wall, but I couldn't even do that.  I stood in the middle of the tank, my arms crossed staring up at her.  

Tears began welling up in her eyes.

"Oh fuck... oh god Laureline... I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry... I--," she knew exactly what she'd done.  

Let me drink those tears in, baby.

I didn't move a facial muscle, no matter how hard I wanted to cry.  She reached in to lift me out and I backed away from her hand... causing her water works to really start running.  I savored it.  I knew I was being an fucking asshole, but it felt justified at the time.

"What the fuck, Emma?!"  I screamed at her as if she could understand me.

"Laure, please, I'm so sorry.  I'll clean this up... it won't ever happen again, I promise.  Just please forgive me."  Her hands were pressed up against the glass now.  Her face pointing at the ground. 

I felt powerful... this giant was groveling, begging for my forgiveness.  I was nearly drunk on it.

I hated it.  

What the fuck was I doing?  This wasn't me.  This wasn't us.  We'd lost each other somehow.  

It was time to find each other again.

The tears finally broke through.  I was still angry... but I also still loved her.   I made my way to the glass and knocked loud enough for her to hear.  Her head shot up, makeup smeared down her cheeks.  I placed my hand opposite hers from the glass and nodded, wiping the tears from my eyes.

She sniffed, wiping the tears from her own cheeks, smearing her makeup further.  "Can... can I pick you up?"  

I nodded solemnly.  She reached her hand in quickly, allowing me to climb on.  I sat down with my legs out in front of me.  She lifted me to her face.

"Oh god, Laure I'm--,"

I lifted my hand, cutting her off.  I don't know why I hadn't thought of using the 'love' sign before... I guess it slipped my mind until then.  I pointed to my chest, crossed my arms over it and pointed at her.  I then pointed at her again, crossed my arms and pointed back at myself... lifting my hands in a questioning gesture.  Essentially 'I love you... you love me?'

She squinted her eyes looking hurt by my mimed question, "of course I love you.  More than anything.  I-I feel shitty for even making you question it.  I've got to wrapped up in school and hanging out with Madelyn.  I've neglected you and I'm so so, so sorry.  It'll never happen again, I swear it.  Even if it means I never talk to her again."

As pleasant as the idea sounded, I wasn't going to be that asshole.  I wanted her to be happy, I wanted her to have friends.  I just didn't want to be replaced.  I waved away her last statement.  

It was clear what was going to have to happen. I wasn't thrilled about it, but it was the only way to fix this.  

It was time to meet Madelyn.

Trying to use made up sign language to convey this was difficult.  It took a bit of gesturing before I found the right combination of ridiculous movements.

"You want Madelyn to see you," she finally pieced it together and I threw my hands up, both thumbs pointed towards the sky.

I was gonna have to give a little if I expected Emma to as well.  I couldn't stand Madelyn, but if Emma saw something in her, then I was willing to try... for her.

"Yeah, ok... sure.  That would actually make things easier.  I hoped that I'd get to show you to her at some point, but I didn't want to force it on you."  At least we were on the same page again.

"How about we do it Tuesday.  She'll be coming over for her usual math tutoring then."  

I shrugged and then nodded.  

"Ok.  Tomorrow's Sunday and I'm all caught up on school work. How about you and me spend the whole day together... and I spend all of it trying to make up for being a terrible friend."  She pleaded with her eyes and a crooked little grin.

I only answered by throwing my arms around her thumb and nuzzling it... I felt like I'd finally got my friend back.  As I've probably made pretty clear by now... this was no world I wanted to live in without her.

She kissed me on the head and held me against her chest, stroking my hair.  I can't speak for her, but maybe she was feeling as relieved about not fucking this up as I was.  And as much as I enjoyed being held by her again... there was something I need to tell her.  I tapped on her thumb to get her attention.

"What'd ya need, Squirt?"  

I couldn't believe how happy it made me to hear that stupid nickname again... normalcy felt like it was being restored.  I rubbed my stomach and pointed at my mouth.

"Oh, shit!  Of course!  God , you must be starving!"

She leapt to her feet, making me slightly dizzy with sudden rush upwards.  She set me down on the countertop and ran to the fridge.  She started dumping container after container on the counter.  I though she was going to empty the entire thing.  

"Do you want fruit, ham, veggies... I could fry up some eggs...," she probably would have baked a cake if I asked.

I pointed to the ham and raspberries and she threw everything else back into the fridge.  She opened the ziplock on the ham and pinched off a piece and presented it to me on her finger.  She then pulled out the biggest, plumpest raspberry from the plastic container and plopped it down in front of me.  It was way more than I could eat in days.  I gave her a 'thank you' sign and she put the rest of the containers away.  I rolled up and ate all of the sliced ham. The raspberry really was huge, bigger than my head.  I didn't even eat a quarter of it before I was full.  I had juice all over my face and down my chest.

"You get any in you," Emma joked. 

She reached down and snatched the rest of the raspberry up from between my legs and popped it into her mouth with a sly smile.  "You get enough?"  

I grabbed my stomach and fell backwards giving her a thumbs up.  She laughed heartily, the same cartoonish nonsense that always got a reaction out of her.  I could listen to that laugh for the rest of my life.

She pulled a piece of paper towel off the roll and ran it under the sink for a few seconds and returned to the bar.  She dabbed it against my face and chest.  I felt a pleasant chill go up my spine and leaned into her finger as she cleaned me off.  She then took my bloodied hand in her finger tips, examining it.  It looked so insignificant compared to her giant, but delicate fingers.

"How about from now on you leave the boxing to Rocky Balboa," she said as she turned my hand over in her fingers.  She walked into the bathroom and then returned with a bottle of rubbing alcohol.  She turned the bottle over on the paper towel, allowing a little to soak in, and then took my hand again.

"This might sting a little," she warned.  

She dabbed it at my my knuckles as lightly as she could.  It didn't sting a little... it stung like a motherfucker.  I winced in pain.  The dried blood soaked into the into fibers of the towel, leaving clean open wounds beginning to darken with fresh blood.  Emma pulled a small corner off a fresh piece of towel and handed it to me.

"Hold this on it, ok.  I don't think there's a bandage made that's small enough for your hand unfortunately."  

I nodded in compliance. She walked away, returning the alcohol bottle to the bathroom.  I watched my fist as the blood began slowly soaking through the thick paper towel.  

Emma left the bathroom and headed straight for the tank.  She looked over it with her arms akimbo.  "Well, Squirt... I'll give you this... you definitely know how to make a point when you want to."  She looked over her shoulder at me, shooting me a sly smile.  

My body instantly flushed with guilt.  Yeah, it's hard for me to communicate with... well... anyone, and I needed to let her know how I felt.  But still, I felt like a child who'd just thrown a temper tantrum, leaving the adult to clean up my mess.

Emma washed out the bowls and bleached out the inside of the tank.  She laid new paper down.  I was glad to see it was glossier stuff so my feet wouldn't turn black.  She left the food bowl empty until the morning, but filled the other bowl with fresh cat litter.  God I missed using a simple toilet.  She finished wiping down the outside and then stood aside, presenting it like Vanna White.

"Your chambers m'lady," she said with a bow. 

I stood up and curtsied, which must have looked pretty strange from a naked person.  She just laughed.  I could spend all day wondering why she didn't think it was strange that I knew what a curtsy was... but I already knew the answer.  It was just a part of whatever fog hung over both our brains, just in very different ways. 

"Feel like watching something, Squirt?"  She set her laptop on the bed and then came to retrieve me from the counter.  

I gave her pair of thumbs up and hopped onto her hand.  After about a half an hour of scrolling through different sites, for some reason she settled on some ridiculous movie from the seventies about this kid buying a big yellow van to impress women with.  I think something was lost on me, generationally.  Didn't matter though, we both had a great time laughing at it.  It was a nice change of pace from all the serious art films and violent horror she'd usually want to watch.

All in all... that night felt closer to when we first met than they had in a months.  I knew that it was temporary, and that things were going to change drastically... for both of us.  But... as I keep saying... this was it.  This was good.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emma jarred me out of sleep the next morning, tapping lightly on the side of the tank.  I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and and crawled out of my sock.  I remember thinking about how to convey to Emma that it was getting kinda funky and could use a wash... sorry, not really important to the story.  

She had on her familiar striped polo, which could only mean we were going somewhere.  She also had a pair of shorts and running shoes on.  I don't think I'd ever seen her wear either before.

"Get up, we're going on a hike," more accurately she was going on a hike, I was going for a ride.  I raised my hands in a questioning gesture.

"Where," she asked.  I nodded curiously. "Well, that's just going to have to be a surprise."  She gave me a crooked smile before lowering her hand shaped elevator.  She dropped me in her pocket.  

I could hear her shuffling drawers around in the kitchen.  She eventually spread the pocket open and dropped half a blueberry in for me.  "You never eat a whole one anyway," she cracked, and then threw the other half into her mouth and inhaled a boat sized banana.  

"Do me a favor and get more of that inside you than the inside of my pocket, " she said with a giggle.  

And in a flash we were out the door and in the car.  She left me in her pocket the entire drive instead of placing me on the dash.  She must have really wanted to keep this a secret.  

We didn't drive long before she shut the engine off and stepped out of the car.  She put her mask on and began walking.  I leaned over the edge of the pocket to see where we were going, only to have Emma poke my head back down inside.

"Uh uh... no peaking," she wagged her finger above me and then closed the opening with her other hand.  

Normally I'd have been fine with this, but it was hot out that day and the pocket started to feel like an oven.   I could hear the crunch of rocks under the feet of others passing by.  As we went on, buckets of sweat were not only pouring off me, but started soaking through the shirt from off of Emma.  I finally had to tap on her chest to get her attention.  She opened the pocket to see me soaking wet.

"Oh shit! Sorry, Laure," her voice sounding muffled through her mask.  

She let me out to get some air, but being careful to hold me so as to obscure what was behind her.  I was surprised to see that we were on the side of a mountain, the city stretching out and blurring into the smog.  "We're almost there.  How about I just carry you until we get there, ok?  Just keep your eyes closed."  She sounded really excited.

I did as instructed with only the sound of Emma's footsteps to indicate we were climbing.  Finally she stopped.

"Alright, Squirt... check this shit out!"  

I opened my eyes, adjusting to the bright California sun.  As things came into focus I could see a gigantic 'H' towering above me on the side of the hill.  Then a pair of 'O's--it was the 'Hollywood' sign! I was stunned that I could even read it, perhaps its immense size made it harder for the letters to get jumbled up in my brain.

"God, its huge..." Emma said in awe. 

To her it was huge... to me it was impossible.  The letters stretching across the side of the mountain, looking slightly worn and aged.  I looked up towards Emma's face.  I couldn't see her mouth, but judging by the way her cheeks squinted up her eyes, she was smiling from ear to ear.  So was I.

I hadn't noticed until then, but Emma had brought a bag with her.  She found a flat-ish clear spot and pulled a blanket out and spread it on the ground.  Then she pulled out a small snack pack with meat and cheese and crackers.  We sat up there for hours staring out over the city.  Emma rambled on about this and that... school, Madelyn, her parents... and I was glad to listen... well... except for the Madelyn parts anyway.

It was a good day.  It was the last good day.  Remember when I said things would get a lot worse... and a lot weirder?  Well, cue the ominous music and jump cut to Tuesday, kid, 'cause shit's about to go south real quick...


End Part 17

Part 16-"Emma Goes To College"  


Take what she gives you
Don't cry when you kiss her 
Poor little girl...

-X


The boredom... the boredom was... very real.    

The first couple of weeks, I passed the time as best as I could.  Emma would get up early to get ready for school.  She'd shower, get dressed, usually have some fruit for breakfast.  Before leaving she'd lift me up and kiss me on the top of the head and then out the door she'd go.  

The first couple of days... I really couldn't bring myself to do much.  I'd gotten so used to being near her all day, everyday... it was hard not having her there.  I loved her so much and I ached when I wasn't with her.  I'd mostly just lean up against the glass of the cage and wait for her to come home.

When I'd hear her fumbling with her keys before the door swung open, my heart would race with excitement.  Almost reflexively I'd jump to my feet and press myself against the glass.  

I had truly become a pet.  

Emma seemed equally happy to see me, though.  She'd throw her bags to the ground and slap her mask on the counter and then rush over to scoop me out of the tank.  She'd cover me with kisses and nuzzle her nose against my breasts.  This was the best part of the day.  She'd spend most nights bogged down with homework.  I'd stay near her, either sitting on a pillow or on an open textbook.  She'd type away at her laptop, occasionally looking away to check on me and scratch my head or stroke my hair.  Her touch would send pleasant chills through me every time.  

She always had music playing, but was too busy with schoolwork to go into her usual rants about it... I missed those.  We'd usually eat late when she either finished her work... or couldn't take looking at it anymore.  If she wasn't too tired, we'd watch a film before bed.  Most nights I slept in the cage, but some nights... I'd sleep on the pillow next to her... so I could watch her sleep.  I know it sounds kinda creepy... but she was my whole world.  I'd even try sleeping while she was gone so I could stay up at night and watch her.  I even looked forward to her snoring.

After the first couple of weeks, I couldn't sit around anymore.  I'd run on the hamster wheel for exercise while listening to Emma's music on the old phone.  Listening to it kind of made it feel like she was near.  I couldn't read any of the band's names so I'd just choose them by the prettiest album covers.  When I'd find one I really liked I'd play it for Emma later and she'd give me her usual lowdown before hitting the books.

Eventually I started using the video streaming apps on the phone.  She had several so there was no shortage of stuff to watch.  I'd have to choose things at random not knowing their titles.  I'd burn through entire seasons of tv shows in a day.  It was boring, but easier than the silence.  I felt like a housewife addicted to soap operas, waiting for an indifferent husband to come home from the salt mines.

But... I started to form a routine.  Emma would kiss me goodbye, I'd eat breakfast, run on the wheel, and watch tv until I heard Emma's keys jingle in the door.  I would have given anything to be able to go outside some days, but then the thought of being eaten by a passing bird would wash those impulses from my mind.

And that's how the first couple of months passed for us.  Well, I can only guess... to be honest... I've kinda lost track of the days.  I could only guess it was sometime in October because Emma only wanted to watch horror films at night for weeks.  She seemed to like it when I'd instinctually curl up in her hand for protection when I'd get scared.  She'd stroke my hair and give long drawn out shuuuuuuushes.

Things were good..... well..... until...... ugh.  

Enter Madelyn.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't tell what time it was at anytime of day due to the only clock in the room being Emma's digital alarm clock.  But out of routine I could start to kind of sense when she'd be home.  It was later than usual that day when I finally heard the key wiggle into the lock.  A smile crept over my face out of relief and I jumped up towards the glass to greet her.

"...give me just a moment to clean up a little."  She walked into the room and kicked her dirty laundry under the bed.  She hadn't even looked at me.  She quickly moved into the bathroom returning with a towel.  She finally looked down at me from the other side of the glass and raised her finger to her lips.  She had a nervous look in her eyes.  Before I knew it the towel was thrown over the cage.  It moved all around me as she adjusted it to completely cover the front of the cage, only leaving the side facing the wall open.  I couldn't help but feel like I was back in the pet store again.

"Ok, come on in," she yelled towards the hallway.  

She was letting someone in?!  Was it a maintenance person or something?  I did as instructed and stayed quiet.

"Daaaayum, girl!  This place is bigger than my dorm, and there's two of us living in there!"  The voice came from another girl, clearly another student.  Had Emma made a friend?  It seemed odd that she wouldn't have said anything about it.  It's kind of a big deal!

"Yeah... uh... well.... thanks, I think," Emma stammered in reply.  "I don't really have anywhere to sit down yet so we'll have to sit on the bed."

"Works for me," the other voice said.  "Hey!  Do you have a hamster or something?"  

A lump filled my throat.  I wasn't sure I wanted anyone else to see me.

"Uh... yeah... it's asleep though, try not to bother it... let's... uh... get started shall we?"

I felt a little relieved that Emma was covering for me... but dwelt on the 'it' statement a little more than I probably should have.  I couldn't remember if she'd ever called me 'it.'  

"Boy, its all business with you, isn't it... all right then," the other girl said playfully.

"No no no, just... I... I have a paper I have to finish tonight and..," I'd never heard Emma sound so nervous before.

"I'm just fuckin' with ya, girl, lighten up a little!"  The other girl laughed as I heard the loud thump of her landing hard on Emma's bed.

She was there for over an hour.  They went over their math equations the entire time.  Apparently Emma was tutoring this girl.  Or rather trying to... I was getting the impression from how side tracked she'd get that ADHD was no stranger to her.  Emma was clearly struggling with keeping her on track.
 
She finally left, saying, "same time next week?" from the doorway.  Emma concurred.  

Finally the towel lifted from the cage.

"What the fuck, Emma?!"  I stood there with my hands out to my sides.  I didn't care that she couldn't understand me.

"I'm sorry Laure, she's failing and approached me after class, begging me for help."  She scooped me out of the cage and stroked my hair apologetically.  "I didn't mean to leave you in there so long.  I didn't plan this."

Emma has a big heart.  Despite people treating her like a fucking alien her whole life, she's still kind to everyone.  I felt a little guilty for getting mad.  She was holding me close to her face so I stretched upwards and kissed her on the nose and gave her a thumbs up.

"Thanks, Squirt.  Unfortunately now I've gotta spend the rest of the night on this fucking paper.  I flexed my arm and pointed at her like I've done in the past.  

"Yeah, I wish I was as confident about it as you are, Laure.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm gonna get out of college alive."

I hadn't realized how stressed out she was.  I wished there was something I could do to help... but it's hard to give help when you're helpless yourself.

She didn't eat that night.  Just chugged energy drinks trying to stay awake.  I tried to help keep her up by nudging her hand when she'd drift off.  Eventually she crashed, passed out propped up against the wall.  The computer screen bathing her in its glow until the screensaver kicked in.  I tried sleeping on the pillow but was worried she would fall into it in the night and possibly crush me.  She never did.  

As dawn crept up I didn't hear her alarm go off. 

"Shit.  She forgot to set it." 

I didn't want her to be late, but I also wasn't sure I could wake her.  I slid down the pillow and walked towards her open hand.  I tried nudging it, nothing.  I pounded on her palm with my fists... nothing. 

It was going to be a risk,  but if I did it fast enough and ran for my life... it might work.  I took her pinky in my hands and bit down on skin next to her nail as hard as I could.  There was no time to run... Emma woke instantly shaking her hand.  Her pinky hit me in the gut sending me flying back, knocking the wind out of me.

"Ooooow, fuck!  Did-did you just bite me?!" She looked confused and annoyed.

I was doubled over trying to get my breath back.  I looked up at her and pointed to the alarm clock.

"Oh, fuck!  Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!" 

Emma sprung out of bed causing a magnitude ten for me, still trying to breath.  She threw off her shirt and grabbed another from the closet, cursing herself the entire time.

She grabbed her bags and slid into her sandals and ran out the door... leaving me to fend for myself on the bed.  I finally caught my breath.

"Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now?"

I walked to the edge of the bed,  which was like looking over a cliff.

"How am I supposed to go all day without using the bathroom."  Seriously.  That was my first thought.

Suddenly... the door burst back open.  Emma ran to the fridge and brought back two raspberries and dropped them in the tank.  She then knelt down toward the edge of the bed and carefully shoveled me onto her hand.  She lifted me towards her face.

"Sorry, Laure, I didn't mean to forget you.  Thank you thank you thank you...".

She kissed me about a half a dozen times all over my body between each thank you. And then carefully dropped my in the tank. She bolted out the door, blowing me a kiss as she closed it.

Ok... I'll admit it... feeling her soft giant lips all over me... my whole body flushed.  I crawled into my sock and thought about what her lips could do to me... her tongue... 

I had to finish myself off.  

The last thing I remember thinking before drifting off into an orgasm coma... if this was what school was like for me in my previous life... I'm glad I couldn't remember it.


End Part 16

Part 15-"Aftermath"  


All I want is a room with a view
A sight worth seeing, a vision of you
All I want is a room with a view, oh oh
I will give you my finest hour 
The one I spent watching you shower 
I will give you my finest hour, oh yeah

-Blondie  



Emma left early the next morning.  She had to pick up her books and schedule for her classes... which she probably would have done the previous day had i not had a complete meltdown.  My stomach twisted from the combination of shame and frustration.  I'm sure not eating for a day and a half didn't help either.  There was nothing in the cage to eat.  It wasn't Emma's fault, she hadn't had time to fill the fridge yet.  I tried filling my belly with water, but it didn't help much.

Hours passed and she still hadn't returned.  I was kind of starting to get worried.  Was she avoiding me?  Had I driven her away?  God, please don't let me have fucked this up.  My heart was broken by the fact that she couldn't know how I felt about her... but the thought of not having her in my life at all was much worse.  

Is this what dogs go through every time their masters leave the house?

It had to be mid afternoon before she finally came through the door.  I shot up and pressed myself against the wall of the cage.  She was carrying several plastic bags full of books and food.

"Heeeeeey, Laure.  Sorry I was gone so long.  There was a problem with getting one of the books I needed and it took them forever to find one.  I had to go to the grocery store to get us some food.  I made one more stop to get you something...," she lifted me out of the cage and set me on the bar style countertop that separated the main room from the kitchen area.  "I'll be right back."

She disappeared out the door again.  I sat down down crosslegged and wondered what I could have possibly done to deserve a gift from her.  Guilt flooded through me.  She returned, struggling to get through the door with the cardboard box she was carrying.

"Ok, turn around and close your eyes.  It'll take me a few minutes to set this up."  She was smiling at me like nothing had happened yesterday.  "Go on!"

I looked at her a little confused and did as instructed.  Maybe ten-fifteen minutes passed while I listened to her shuffling bags and paper and items I couldn't recognize.  Finally she was finished.

"Ok, keep your eyes closed, I'm going to slide you onto my hand."  She pushed me with a pair of fingers onto her other hand and I felt myself rise into the air.  "Alright... open your eyes."

Before me was a large glass tank covering most of the top of the dresser.  The bottom was lined with newsprint.  There was a corner with a new litter box partially obscured by newspaper taped to the glass for privacy.  There was a hamster wheel, a new food bowl and my sock sleeping bag.  A new water bottle hanging from the lip of the cage and a mirror glued to the glass.  

She'd bought me a new cage.  Much bigger than the last... but still a cage.

"I thought your old cage was kinda small and depressing so I got you a bigger one so you can have some room to breath.  There's privacy for when you need to use the restroom.  There's an exercise wheel if you need to run.  And just like before, I will never force you into it unless you consent.  It's just for your protection when I'm in class.  D-do you like it?"

To be honest, it really wasn't what I need to see at that moment.  I was already clinging to my humanity by a thread and this... this just... confirmed that I was no longer a person.  

Still, Emma was trying to do something nice for me, her heart was in the right place.  I wasn't going to let her see me break again.  I choked back the tears and forced the biggest, fakest smile I could conjure up and gave her an approving nod.

"Oh, thank god... I was worried you'd hate it.  Look, we'll decorate it however you like, make it real comfy.  Oh!  And there's one more thing..." she said reaching into her pocket.  

“Please, no more surprises,” I complained to myself.

"This is my old phone, I found it when I was emptying boxes.  It still has all the music and movies I downloaded onto it.  There's also several apps to streaming services on there and I'll show you how to use them.  The password protection is off so you don't need to worry about that."

I was a little confused, especially since I couldn't read anything.

"I was thinking about how boring it will get in there all day.  This is all I could think of to give you something to do until i get home and we can hang out.  What'd ya think?"
She set the phone inside the cage and then ran a power cord out and plugged it in behind the dresser.

Would anyone else have even cared?  Is it any wonder why I was in love with this girl?  I looked up at her, wiped a tear out of my eye and gave her a 'thank you' sign.

"Aw, no need to cry, Squirt."  She wiped the tear away from my cheek with her thumb.  "I wish I could just take you with me everyday, but that might be a little dangerous.  Besides, it might be more boring for you than sitting in there all day."

I laughed a little harder than I normally would.  But she was right.  God knows what could happen to me out there.  Someone could accidentally bump into her in the hall and smash me into paste.  Or worse... I could get lost... or kidnapped by someone who doesn't have the kind heart Emma has.  Who knows what they would... or could do to me.

"We'll worry about that stuff later.  I need to go figure out where my classes are... you up for a walk?"

Even after everything that just went through my head... I really wanted to feel the sun on my skin.  I nodded enthusiastically.

"Good deal.  How about you get acquainted with your new digs while I throw on a polo shirt?"  I nodded and she set me inside the tank and then started ripping open boxes.

There was definitely more room inside the tank, but the higher walls made it feel more oppressive.  The sound of my footsteps on the newspaper lining echoed strangely off the glass walls.  It was still a cell, even if it was a building sized one.  She'd placed some blueberries in there for me so I inhaled about half of one before she got back.

Emma found a pink polo after some digging and pulled it over her head.  She returned to the cage, "ya ready, Squirt?"  

I nodded and she lifted me out and deposited me in her pocket.  A familiar and comforting setting.  The pulse of her heart pounding through her chest on the other side of the fabric felt more like home than a tank ever would.

We left the apartment and descended the stairs out the door.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emma compared the map on her phone to a sheet of paper in the other hand as she walked.  I can only assume it was a class schedule being that the characters lined up on the paper changed shape inside my brain every time I blinked.  I hung over the edge of the pocket by my elbows, my feet not quite touching the bottom of the pocket.  Every now and then I'd have to rest my arms and fall back inside.  It felt safe in there from the overwhelming size of the outside world.  

It was Friday evening so there weren't that many people around campus, but it was enough to scare me.  All of my interactions with these giants has been one or two at a time.  But to see many of them walking around made me very nervous.  No one saw me... who would be looking for a tiny woman peaking out of a pocket anyway?  But watching their hulking frames move by at speeds objects their size shouldn't be able to was too much.  Eventually I just hid inside the pocket, trying to block it all out.

"God, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do this.  Everything's so spread out.  How am I gonna make it to each class on time."  Emma's voice was slightly muffled by her mask... but I could still hear the panic in her voice.  Although I sympathized with her, it was kinda funny to see her overwhelmed with the size of something for a change.

I patted on her chest to get her attention.  She spread the pocket open with her fingers and looked in.  I pointed at her and then flexed my biceps... and then smiled at her and gave her a thumbs up.  She gave a muffled laugh... a little bit of normalcy restored.

"Thanks, Squirt.  I'm glad you think so."  She kissed her fingertip and rubbed it into my hair, messing it up.  She giggled again.  "I've got just one more class to find and then what'd ya say we find somewhere to feed our faces?"  

I nodded in agreement.

We went back to the apartment so she could get her car.  She placed me on the dash and pulled out her phone looking for a nearby restaurant.

"Oh, shit!  In and Out!  You always see those in movies!"  The choice had been made.

The drive thru took a while because it was apparently the place to be on a Friday evening.  Emma ordered a cheese burger and fries... and a strawberry shake.  She made sure to drop me back in her pocket before anyone saw me in the order window.  It smelled so good, filling the car with greasy fast food emanations.

Once home, Emma dropped our dinner on the counter and I soon followed.  She emptied the bag and laid it all out on the counter.  I thought I'd be cute and drag a French fry as long as I was tall out of the box.  Emma giggled and snatched the fry away from me, laughing as she chewed.  I mugged my best cartoony expression with my arms crossed and my foot tapping.  She just laughed harder... don't choke, girl.

"Alright here you go."

Emma laid a napkin down in front of me and broke off the end of a fry and a pinch of meat and bread.  She then retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge.  She unscrewed the cap and placed it next to my feast of crumbs.  She placed her finger over the top of the straw and pulled it out of the oversized cup.  She lifted her finger at the end just briefly so a small amount of milkshake dripped into the cap.

She lifted her cup, "Cheers Laureline."  I tapped the cap on the bottom of the giant cup and smiled.  We stuffed our faces with her finishing her meal, me not so much.  As usual the tiny scraps I was given were more than I could eat.

Things felt... better.  My heart still felt broken... but she was still there.  I was still with her and that's all that mattered.  No matter how hard I tried, my feelings for her still clawed at the back of my skull.  But this was good, too... and I wasn't going to ruin any time I had with her wishing for more... something that couldn't be.

The rest of the weekend passed pretty quietly.  Emma finished setting up the apartment, getting her records put away, getting her bed frame put together, hanging posters on the wall.  I tooled around with her phone inside my new glass mansion.  It was easier to navigate than I thought.  I couldn't read the words, but the logos still looked familiar.  I didn't waste a lot of time staring at it though.  I mostly watched her, both of us smiling when she'd catch me doing so.  At night she'd hold me and stroke my hair and rub my back as we watched movies on her computer.  As much as I ached for more... this was good, too.

Monday came too fast.


End Part 15

Part 14-"Sexual Existentialism"  


Loose nut in my head 
A bolt of lightning between my legs 
I can't think straight my mind's a mess
I only see straight when I'm being led 
 
-Black Flag



It didn't matter that the words had left my mouth... she couldn't understand me anyway.  How deeply I felt them was what surprised me.  I'd only known this girl for less than a month, but we've spent all that time together... and at that moment I couldn't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else.  I completely depended on her for everything and anything, and a part of me... seemed to like that.  

She needed me as well... emotionally.  I couldn't remember any of my past relationships so I wasn't sure I was ever into girls.  I was still clearly into guys because of how attractive I found the leading men in so many of the films we'd watch together.  

Did it really even matter?  I've cared about her since the first day we met, but this was the clearest and strongest I could remember feeling about anything.  

I was in love with Emma.

I didn't sleep much that night.  Partially due to sleeping through half the drive that day... mostly just unable to shut my brain off.  I just laid there watching her sleep, laughing to myself when she'd start snoring.  Her hand was still drapped over my naked body, feeling familiar and warm.  I'd trace the dermal ridges in her thumb with my fingers, causing tiny muscle ticks when I tickled a nerve.  

Eventually I drifted off to sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was jostled out of a restless sleep the next morning, as seems to be the way I wake up most mornings now.  Emma got up to use the restroom causing the usual morning earthquake for me.  She returned and lifted me off the pillow.

"Your turn, Squirt," she said through a yawn.  She set me in the cage to do my business.  She returned to the bathroom where I could hear her turn on the sink and then the shower.  "Ya done?"  

I nodded.  

"Alright let's get cleaned up."

She lifted me out of the cage and carried me towards the bathroom.  She already had a sink full of bubbly water waiting for me.  Instead of letting me get in myself, this time she hovered her hand about ten feet (from my perspective) above the water.  Her hand tilted quickly and I was dumped into the warm water.  I screamed, not expecting the fall, and I toppled in head first... getting a mouthful of soapy water.  I bobbed back to the surface where Emma was standing over the sink trying to contain her laughter.

"Sorry, Squirt.  My hand just slipped," said while trying not to giggle.  

I folded my arms and gave her a fake pout and spun my back to her like a spoiled child.  She laughed again and then poked my head underwater with her finger.  I got another mouthful of bitter water.  When I popped back up she was doubled over laughing.  I just laughed along with her.

"Alright Squirt, you have fun.  I'm taking a shower."  She pulled off her shirt and stepped out of her panties.  

This beautiful skyscraper of a woman stood nude before me.  It wasn't the first time, it wouldn't be the last... but it was the first time I felt my body go flush with desire.  She stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain closed.

I couldn't help myself... 

I know, it'll make me sound like a creep... but my hand found its way south.  I rubbed myself furiously, desperately seeking release.  It'd been so long since I'd had ANY kind of release.  When I finally came... I came hard.  The joyful tension followed by the relaxing euphoria that only comes with an orgasm.  Feeling content and ashamed at the same time, I laid back in the water waiting for her to finish her shower.

The shower's rumble stopped with the squeaking turn of the faucet and she stepped out, a cloud of steam accompanying her.  Streams of water cascading down her mountainous body.  

I felt myself wanting another round.

"Ah shit, I forgot to unpack the towels."  She walked out into the main room naked, leaving a trail of wet footprints behinds her.  I could hear her fumbling around through boxes until she came back with an enormous towel for herself and a hand towel for me.  She began moving the towel back and forth against herself and then rubbing it in her hair vigorously.  Then wrapped the towel around herself.

I sank into the water up to my eyes.  

"You enjoying the show, perv?"  It was the same joke she'd made before, but this time it made me panic.

Oh god, she'd caught me.  Oh god, I've fucked up.  Oh god, you idiot.  

Then she just giggled and placed a hand under the water and scooped me out.  It was the same little game we'd played before... except now... things were different.  At least for me.  As she dried me off all I could think about was her massive fingers rubbing against my tiny, vulnerable body.  My god... I was so turned on.  I don't know what had gotten into me.  I wanted her... I needed her.  

Reasonable thought took a vacation... I made my move.

As she pulled the wash cloth away I grabbed ahold of her index finger.  She stopped surprised.

"What is it, Squirt?"

I looked up into her big brown eyes and cautiously climbed onto the her finger, my eyes never leaving hers.  I slowly started grinding my sex against her finger, feeling the ridges of her fingerprint sending waves of pleasure through my whole body.  No sooner had I started... and she pulled it right out from under me.  

Fear overtook me... what the fuck was I doing?!  What the actual fuck was I doing?!

"Ok, you little weirdo that's enough of that.  You win, I'll stop calling you a perv.  Such a naughty little girl."  She kissed her finger and then tapped me on the ass with it.  "Love ya, Squirt."

And that was it.  I felt humiliated, ashamed... what the fuck was I doing?!  She loved me, yes, I knew it in my heart.  But she loved me like someone loves a cat.  She wasn't mad at me for what I just did... she had no emotion about it.  I was just her dog humping her leg.  

I was devastated.  I was so blinded by my feelings that I ignored my reality.  I'm not her equal... and I never will be.

Emma carried me to the dresser as I tried to fight back the tears.  She set me down next to my cage.  My home.  The reality I'd been ignoring.  She sat down on the mattress and swallowed her meds then began to fiddle with her laptop.  

I didn't want to be seen... I didn't want to be there... why was this happening to me?!  What did I do to deserve this?!  I can't even leave!  This is torture.  This is hell.  To care for someone so deeply and not even be able to tell them.  To love someone who isn't able to love you back... that is hell.  Who, or whatever had done this to me wanted me to suffer, and with my memories gone, I couldn't know why.

I balled up behind the cage gripping my knees trying not to cry... but ultimately giving in.  I felt so alone again, like I was back in the pet store... maybe it'd been best if I just died there.  Emma was blasting music and making a racket as she tore open moving boxes, completely unaware of what was happening.  The morning came and went that way.  She'd get her room damn near set up before she even noticed she couldn't see me.

"Laure?  Laureline?  Squirt?  Where are you?  Oh shit, I'm sorry I forgot to feed you earlier, give me a minute."  I could hear her scrounging around in her purse.  Suddenly I felt the cage disappear behind me and I fell backwards.  I instantly tried to hide that I'd been crying.

"Hey, I've still got a little beef jerky left if you want some."  

I didn't even turn around.  

"Hey are you ok?  Are you sick?"  Her voice was full of genuine concern.

I covered my ears and started crying again.

"Oh god, Laureline what's wrong?!"

I closed my eyes and started screaming.

"God, please Laure, what's wrong?!"  Panic began to fill her voice.  I suddenly felt her finger on my hair and reflexively I jumped up and hit it away, still screaming.

She jerked her hand away like I'd just tried to bite her.  The look of terror and confusion filled her eyes... and why shouldn't it.  How was she to know what this lowly creature on her dresser was feeling.  Tears flooded her eyes and released down her cheeks.

"Laure... please... what's wrong... what did I do?  I don't know what's wrong, I'm sorry!  Please..." her voice choked as she spoke.

"I LOVE YOU GODDAMNIT!"  I screamed hoping to god I could get through.  "I FUCKING LOVE YOU!  PLEASE PLEASE LOVE ME!  Pleeeeease...".  I fell to my knees feeling more naked and pathetic than ever.  

Suddenly I felt her finger gently stroking my hair.  I looked up... into her eyes... and saw love there.  It may not have been the kind of love I wanted... but it was love just the same.  I instantly felt ashamed for making her upset.  I grabbed ahold of her finger with both arms and bawled my eyes out.  I nuzzled it just like a good pet should... my heart breaking as I did.

The rest of her fingers gently pushed me towards the edge of the dresser into her other awaiting hand.  She'd said she wanted to go exploring that afternoon, but that didn't happen.  She shut her music off and she just held me in the quiet.  Stroking my hair, holding me close to her gorgeous face.  Gently kissing me on the head.  Humming anonymous tunes to try to calm me.  

It didn't help.

As close as I was to her right then, it was the most distant from her I'd felt.  Why did I have to ruin it?  Why did I have to make this so much more complicated?  Things were fine... great even.  I'd pretty much accepted my new life with her and it felt right.  And now... what do I do?  

The heart wants what the heart wants I guess.  And it isn't rejection I feel.  No, rejection is strong and it sticks with you.  I don't remember much of anything from my past, but I know I've felt rejection.  The faces are gone, but the feeling lingers.  This was not rejection... this was worse.  Somehow it would make it easier if she could just say no.  How do people of faith continue to express their love for their higher being and accept the silence?

It's maddening.

Emma held me well into the night, trying to calm me, terrified of what was happening.  She hadn't eaten all day.  She looked exhausted... and I did that to her.  I'm a fucking asshole.  

She finally broke the silence, "do you want to sleep with me again or in your cage," she asked in a whisper.

I couldn't even look her.  I'd ruined everything.  I didn't deserve to be with her.  I hung my head and pointed to the cage.

"Oh... uh... ok," I could hear the disappointment in her voice.  She stood up with me in her palm and held me close to her face.

"I'm sorry I don't know what to do to help you.  If I'm to blame then I'm infinitely more sorry.  You're the best friend I've ever had... the only friend I've ever had.  I would never, ever do anything to intentionally hurt you.  I wish I could understand you the way you can understand me, but I'm doing the best I can.  Please don't be angry with me...," she cut herself off, choking on her own words.  Tears were pouring out of her eyes.  

I felt like even more of a heal.

I signaled her to come as close to me as possible and I threw myself around her nose.  I kissed it over and over.  I kissed her cheeks and pressed myself against them as hard as I could.  She cried harder and kissed my head repeatedly.

"I love you so much, Laureline.  You'll never know how much I love you."

So there we were... me, desperately trying to convey my romantic love for her.  Emma, desperately trying to convey her unconditional love for me.  How could two people who care about each other so much have such a wall between them?

"Do you still want to sleep in there tonight?"  Her eyes were almost pleading for me to say no.

Every fiber of me wanted to wake up next to Emma... for the rest of my life.  But right then... I would only be torturing myself.  I nodded and she set me down gently on the sock.  

"I'll leave the lid open, ok?"  She leaned down and looked at me through the clear plastic wall, "I love you."

She kissed her finger and pressed it up against the cage.  I stood up and kissed my hand and placed it on the opposing side.  She laid down and on her side, her back to me.  I could hear her sobbing... and it broke my heart.  I couldn't put her through this again.  

No matter how much it hurt, I had to push these feelings down.  I had to suppress them.  If there's one thing the universe has shown me over the past few weeks... it's that I don't matter.  What I want... what I need... what I feel... inconsequential.  I have no real place in this world.

So I'll focus on her.  Her wants... her needs... her feelings.  She's special... and the whole world's gonna know it someday.  I can feel it in my gut.

I stared up at the ceiling from my sleeping bag sock... trying to accept my nothingness... and cried myself to sleep.


End Part 14

Part 13-"Home Sweet Home"  


You spurn my natural emotions
You make me feel I'm dirt and I'm hurt
And if I start a commotion 
I run the risk of losing you and that's worse

Ever fallen in love, in love with someone 
You shouldn't have fallen in love with? 

-The Buzzcocks


Joshua trees zipped by on either side of the road as we made our way towards Vegas.  Casino billboards promising instant wealth... beckoning us closer.  I may not have been able to read the signs, but the images of slot machines exploding with change and people being showered in money aren't hard to decipher.  Emma was sipping on what was left of her overpriced coffee she bought from a drive thru in St. George.  I was sitting crosslegged at my station on the dash, picking at a crumb of scone she'd bought from the same place.

Emma was unusually quiet that morning.  Her music was as loud as ever, but she wasn't singing along or talking about any of it.  I'd turn around and smile at her to make sure she was ok.  She just smile back and then scratch me on the back of the head.  Maybe she didn't want this little road trip to end either.  I can't know for sure.

The mood lightened as we approached the outskirts of the city.  Tall, ridiculous looking buildings seeming to have sprung right up out of the barren desert floor, surrounded by urban sprawl.  Emma really wanted to see The Strip, so we got off the interstate and went cruising.  Enormous, gaudy themed hotels stretched into the distance.  There were plenty of tourists out on the sidewalks and people dressed up as superheroes for some reason.  Guys handing out cards for prostitutes, religious zealots damning everyone who walked by them.  Las Vegas really is a strange place.  Emma was loving it.

"God, we should have stayed here last night!  I could have got ya a hooker, Squirt!"  She barely got the sentence out before she started laughing.  

Visions of having my entire body inserted into some streetwalker's damaged goods suddenly filled me head.  I shook my head at her in disapproval which just made her laugh harder.  We cruised up and down a few times enjoying the freak show.

Having her curiosity sated, she eventually found her way back to the interstate.  We were on our way to our final destination.  Emma resumed her singalong and I laid down on the dash with my head on my hands.  I fell asleep sometime after we crossed the California border.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shit!"

I awoke to feeling the entire car stopping beneath me and my body sliding towards the windshield, only being stopped by falling into the vent indentation, banging my funny bone into the side.  Luckily the slats weren't wide enough for me to fall through.  The cold air blowing from below gave me goosebumps all over my naked flesh.  I was disoriented, but glad I didn't end up like one of the smears on the opposite side of the glass.

"Oh, god... fuck, sorry, sorry, sorry Laureline!  Are you ok?!"  

I was surprised to see that we were sitting in horrendous LA traffic.  I'd slept through nearly an entire state!  I crawled out of the vent and gave her a thumbs up, rubbing the offending elbow.  I was irritated with myself for wasting the time I had with her snoring away on the dash.

"There must be a wreck or something ahead, everyone started slamming on their breaks.  Are you sure you're ok?"  

I examined myself to be sure and gave her another thumbs up.  She was looking pretty stressed out.  

"You better come here just in case this gets worse."  

She lifted me up and placed my on her shoulder.  Obviously if we stopped hard again there was nothing to keep me from flying off.  But I could try to keep her calm... which, without saying it, was what she really wanted.  

Traffic was moving at a crawl.  The drive time traffic combined with whatever was holding it up turned The 405 into a parking lot.  Vehicles merged slowly for what felt like an hour.  Emma was all clenched up and I did what I could to help.  Once again wishing I was big enough to hold her hand and tell her it's going to be ok.  Finally, I could see what was happening.  A semi truck was completely engulfed in flames surrounded by cops directing traffic.  Most of them looking clueless how to handle it, not a firefighter in sight. It was something to behold.

"Jesus,  I hope the driver wasn't in there," Emma said, finally breaking her silence.   

The thought of being inside that thing sent chills through me.  I couldn't think of a worse way to die than burning alive.  I threw myself against Emma's neck and she stroked my back with her thumb.  

I couldn't help but feel like this was some kind of bad omen.

The freeway finally opened up again and we were able to move freely.  We exited onto Sunset Boulevard and followed it towards the school.  Her parents had paid for an off campus apartment, worrying that dorm living might not be best for her health conditions.  I wasn't exactly keen on the idea of her having a roommate anyway.  Just because she's a good person and treated me well doesn't mean I could trust anyone else to do the same.  I'm completely at the mercy of these giants.  

We pulled up to the the building.  Emma placed me in me cage and stepped out of the car.

"We made it, Squirt!"  She raised her arms high above her head and stretched her back.  "How 'bout we go check out our new digs?" 

She grabbed her bags and my cage and headed into a tall brick building.  She carried me up the stairs to the second floor and pulled a set of keys out from under the rug where the movers had left them.

"Here we go..."

The dark space suddenly filled with light as Emma flipped on the light switch.  It was small for an apartment, one room about the size of an average bedroom a small kitchenette divided off from the main room, a closet and and a bathroom.  Emma's belongings still boxed up and piled against the walls.  I'm sure a place like this in LA was more than most people's mortgages in the Midwest.  

Her bed leaned against the wall.  It wasn't much, but it was probably bigger than the average dorm room.  I say all this trying to see it with a regular sized person's eyes, cause to me it was cavernous.

"Home sweet home," she said, sounding exhausted. 

She set my cage down on top of the dresser and let me out. 

"I'll be right back."  She left for just a couple of minutes and returned with the remaining pizza from the previous night.  "I hope it's still good."

Botulism seemed like a hell of a risk for someone with as many health problems as she had.  She microwaved it anyway and we finished it off.  Pizza never tastes as good the next day, even when your eating crumbs.  I'm glad to say neither of us got sick.

"Let's just chill out tonight and I'll worry about unpacking all this tomorrow, ok?  Unless you wanna get a jump on it yourself?"  She giggled while poking me in the stomach.   

I brushed my hands together and then jokingly flexed my biceps which induced a laugh from her... she has a great laugh.  She pushed her mattress onto the floor with boom I wasn't prepared for.  She started looking at box labels until she found one that had bedding in it.  Once the bed made she kicked off her flip flops and wiggled out of her jeans.  

"You sleeping with me again tonight?"  She asked.

I confirmed with a nod.

She propped up a couple of pillows and then laid down on the bed with her laptop and yours truly.

"Tomorrow I'll get all this stuff cleaned up and then we can go exploring."   She said as she set me in her stomach.  

It hadn't occurred to me just then how little time I'd spent outside since this happened.  I was either locked up in a cage, in Emma's room, or in the car.  The idea excited and scared me at the same time.

The sun slowly dropped and the room got darker... and Emma scrolled through whatever movie pirating service she was using until she found some Italian zombie movie to watch.  The gory bits were more extreme than I was expecting and found myself closing my eyes in parts.  Emma would just laugh at the less than convincing effects, which made it easier.  She'd stroke my hair and run her finger along my back which gave me all kinds of tingles.  Like I said before... this really was it.

After a nihilistic climax to the movie, Emma put her laptop on the floor and then set me on the unused pillow next to hers.  She rolled onto her side, her hand draped over me like a giant warm blanket.  She watched me as I snuggled in with a slight smile on her face.

"Goodnight, Squirt, I love you..." she said as she closed her big brown eyes.

"I love you too, Emma..."

Oh...uh........................uh oh...


End Part 13

jeffrey-dallas wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 27, 2020 4:43 pm

"The last nosy fellow who come through Barstow, somebody done come out and punctured all his tires."

lolololololololol

"The last nosy fellow who come through Barstow, somebody done come out and punctured all his tires."

Part 12-"Motels and Blacktop"   


All I wanna do
All I wanna do 
All I wanna do 
Is do nothing with you
 
-The Descendents


We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold... 

...just kidding.

Emma's plan was to follow I-80 across Nebraska, then connect with I-70 in Denver.  We'd then take that through the Rockies and connect with I-15 in Utah.  We'd ride that all the way to LA.  She'd never seen the mountains before and was excited to see the western states.  As for me, well... if I had been out there... those memories had been taken from me.  

It became easier to let go.  One tends not to yearn for that which one does not remember.  Everything you experience becomes new, both terrifying and exiting at the same time.  I guess that's as positive a spin as I could put on it at the time.  Mostly... I was just happy to be with Emma.

She'd let me ride on the dash and watch as the giant world sped by at 80 miles an hour.  It feels so much faster at this size.  Familiar, but gigantic objects seem to zip by at light speed.  In the plains, curves in the freeway are few and far between.  The road would become almost hypnotic and I'd find myself nodding off.  Emma would scoop me up and put me in her shirt pocket to prevent me from rolling off the dash when I did fall asleep.  I'll admit it... it was pretty cozy in there.  The sound of her heart beat making it even easier to fall asleep.  I'd tap her chest when I wanted out and we'd start the thing over again.  The first day we only made it as far as Denver.

"What'd ya say we find somewhere with minimal blood stains on the towels to stay tonight, Squirt?"

I gave her two thumbs up from my post on the dash.  She pulled into a motel just off the interstate.  The sun was just setting behind the mountains.  She grabbed her overnight bag and my cage and walked in to the lobby to get a room, locking the car behind her.  

She paid for a single on the second floor.  It was fine.  Typical ugly motel carpet and furniture left over from the '90s.  A single queen bed in the middle of the room, bathroom, fridge and tv.

"Shouldn't be too bad, that is if the bedbugs don't drain us dry in our sleep," she joked.  

I laughed... but then wondered if that should be something I should actually be concerned about at my size.  She must have seen the worry in my face.

"Don't worry, Squirt, I'll check," she reassured me while lifting up the corners of the mattress.  "All clear."

I wasn't so sure.  The thought of parasites and germs hadn't occurred to me until just then.  What happens if I get sick?  Can my now much smaller cells deal with something like the flu?  A fucking cold?  Luckily I still haven't had to find out.

Emma interrupted my train of thought, "I'm feeling pretty gross from the drive... and you don't exactly smell like a bed of roses yourself, little Laure," she cracked as she leaned over, sniffing the air above me.  "I'm gonna take a shower and I'll draw you a bath in the sink."

I can't remember the last time I've been so excited about anything... let alone because I can't remember much.  I'd pretty much been cleaning myself off with the water bottle in my cage for the past few weeks.  The thought of soaking in a swimming pool sized tub sent waves of joy through me.  I cupped my hands together and nodded, giving the best silent film happy face I could give.  Emma giggled and carried me over to the sink.  

She set me down next to the huge basin and turned the faucet on.  This was the first time I'd seen my own reflection in a mirror since before I shrank... looking completely out of place amongst the giant world around me.  I could see now that the scratches on my back were much deeper cuts than I had thought. They'd healed, but I'll probably carry the scars the rest of my life.  

Emma ran her fingers under the waterfall to test the temperature.  When she felt it was warm enough she pulled up the drain stop.  She reached behind me and opened one of the tiny hotel shampoos... which was almost as tall as I was.  She squeezed it into the flowing stream of water creating a floating layer of bubbles.  She shut off the faucet.

"There ya go, Squirt... have fun!"  She closed the cap on the shampoo bottle.

I walked away from the sink and stood with my back to her, trying to hide my smile.

"What?  What's wrong?"  She sounded both annoyed and concerned at the same time.  

I turned around and took off on a dead run towards the sink.  Just before I reached the edge I jumped as high and as far as I could and tucked my legs up into my chest, creating the world's tiniest cannonball.  I swam back up to the surface to Emma's laughing face.  There was a small spot of water on the bottom of her shirt from the splash.

"Alright, wise guy, I'm gonna go take my shower now."  She pulled her shirt off exposing her braless breasts and then pulled her jeans and panties off in one motion. 

She really was quite beautiful.  A little skinny in the way people who get sick a lot tend to be, but beautiful all the same.  She clearly thought nothing of being naked in front of me, as she really couldn't see me as human.  I tried to convince myself that we were just that comfortable with each other, but I knew it was a lie.  She stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain shut.  The sound of rushing water from the room sounded like rolling thunder.  The steam created floating cloud cover over the sink.

I floated around on my back, lightly scrubbing myself.  I stared up towards the top of the mirror high above me.  It was the best I'd felt in weeks.  

Emma finished her shower and pushed the curtain aside.  She grabbed a towel off a shelf above the toilet and began drying herself off.  She caught me watching her.

"Like what ya see, perv?"  She giggled to herself and walked over towards me.  

I playfully covered my eyes with my hands but spread the fingers on one hand wide enough for her to see me peaking through.  She chuckled and then stuck her hand inside the sink and playfully splashed me with a tidal wave of water.  She laughed again and then walked over to her bag, still drying her hair.  I was left rubbing the burn of soapy water out of my eyes.  She put on a pair of white panties and a blank white tank top and then returned to the sink.

"You ready to get out?"

I continued rubbing my eyes with one hand and gave her a thumbs up with the other.  She lowered both hands into the water on either side of me, causing the water to raise slightly.  Then her hands met underneath me and lifted me out of the sink, the warm water straining out of her fingers around me.  She set me down on the counter and then released the drain stop.  The gurgling sounds coming from the basin were a little unnerving.  

I sat down on the countertop feeling a little cold after leaving the warm water, the surface tension causing the water to form baseball sized beads on my body.  Emma grabbed a hand towel from the bathroom and gently wrapped me in it, applying the lightest pressure to force the thick cloth to pull the water away.  It felt strange to be enjoying this. She pulled the towel away and then examined the wrap around my ankle.  I've gotten so used to wearing it everyday that I didn't really notice it was there.  The pain in my ankle was almost non existent by this point.

"How's your foot doin'," she asked rubbing her finger against my lower leg.  

I smiled gave her a thumbs up.  

"I'm glad to hear it.  We should probably take that off then.  It'll be easier when it's wet."

I sat down and presented my foot to her.  She pinched her fingernails on one of the ends and began slowly pulling it off my ankle.  The adhesive ripped at the hairs on my leg... it hurt like a sonofabitch.  I mimed a motion to her to rip it away quickly.

"Ok, close your eyes and we'll count to three."

I complied.  

"Ok, one... two..," she ripped it off on two... somehow I knew she would.  "Got it!"

The tape left a black residue outline around my ankle and foot that I was able to work off by rubbing at it.

"How's it feel?"

I rolled my ankle around a bit, enjoying the feel of fresh air on my skin.  I stood up and walked around on it. No limp.  I looked up at Emma and gave her a 'thank you' sign.

"Hey, no problem, Laureline," she said with a smile.  You want to watch some tv and go to bed?"  I nodded.  "Ok, do you want to sleep in the cage or with me tonight?" 
I pointed at her.  She smiled and offered me her hand.  She carried me over to the bed and set me down on one of the giant pillows.  I was still feeling a little chilly so I started clapping my hands to get her attention.

"Whatcha need, Squirt?"  

I pointed at the cage sitting on the table and mimed pulling a blanket over myself.  She looked at the cage and then back to me confused?

"I thought you wanted to sleep here tonight..."

I waved my hands at her, dismissing her statement, then pointed at the cage again and mimed pulling the blanket up again.  This time I pointed to my foot and then mimed putting on a sock.  She reached in and pulled out my fuzzy sock shaped sleeping bag.

"This what you want?"  

I nodded.  She walked back over to my side and laid the sock next to me.  

"There ya go."  She kissed her index finger and tapped me on the head with it.  She walked back around to the other side of the bed and then crawled under the covers.  She grabbed the remote off the nightstand and clicked on the tv.  I nestled into my cozy sock.  She turned on the news because there wasn't much else on at that time of night.  Didn't matter, within minutes she was sawing logs.  Exhausted emotionally from the previous night's events, and physically from the long drive.  I was glad to see her go to sleep in a better place than she was in the previous night.  Between Emma's snoring and the sound of the tv, it took me quite a while longer to fall asleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sound of Emma closing the door behind her, having just returned from the motel lobby, jostled me awake.  I must have really been out because I can't believe I didn't feel her get out of bed.  

"Do I still remember my name... Emily Green... yup, we're good."

"Mornin' Laure.  They didn't have much downstairs so I just snagged a couple of muffins and some OJ."  She set our breakfast down on the table next to the cage.  

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and slid down the pillow, dragging the sock behind me like a child dragging its blanket.  I made my way across wrinkled plain that was the bed towards Emma's awaiting hand.  We shared a muffin (well, I had a good sized crumb and Emma inhaled the rest) and she putt some orange juice into a water bottle cap for me.  Emma dug around inside her bag, pulling out her prescriptions.  She hard swallowed her daily meal's worth of pills then threw the orange bottles back in the bag.  She threw it over her shoulder.

"Ready to hit the road, Squirt?"  

She had a red t-shirt on that day with no pocket so I had to stay in the cage until we got to the car.  Once inside she opened the cage lid and placed me on my perch on the dash like a little naked hula doll.  I'd spent so little time in the cage lately that I'd really grown to hate it when I had to go back in. She pulled out of the parking lot and onto the freeway on ramp.

There would be no sleeping that day.

As we drove into the foothills of the front range I was instantly struck by how beautiful it all was.  From my position the windshield stretched wide and far above me till it met the ceiling, providing me with a view unparalleled.  Only obscured by the occasional bug splattering across the glass... which I'll tell you, at this size, will make your heart leap out of your throat.  The foothills gave way to green forested peaks, impossible in size.  The interstate weaved through the narrow, craggy spaces between.   Mansions precariously scattered along the mountainsides.  We passed through old Victorian mining towns, now just mining tourist's wallets.  If I'd seen this all before, I was glad to be seeing it like it was new.

I realized Emma hadn't said anything for quite some time... which was odd for her.  She would normally be going on about some obscure band that had just shuffled through her iPod.  I turned to check on her.  Her hands had a death grip on the steering wheel and I could see her jaw clenched through her cheek.  Her face seemed paler.

"You ok Emma," half forgetting she couldn't understand me.  

My coo must have surprised her out of her trance.  She readjusted her grip on the wheel.  I hadn't thought about how intense driving through the mountains at freeway speeds could be for someone who'd never done it before.  I crawled on my hands and knees to position myself directly in front of her and then sat down, crosslegged.  I clapped my hands to get her attention.  I took a deep breath, held it and then slowly exhaled.  I repeated and then pointed at her.  She did the same... and then again.  She glanced back at me from the road and I rotated my arm, gesturing her to continue.  I had another idea and pointed to myself, then tapped my shoulder and then pointed at her's.

"You wanna sit here?"  She dipped her head towards her right shoulder.  

I nodded.  

She placed her hand in front of me and I rode it the short distance between the dash and her shoulder.  I sat right up against her neck and began rubbing the base of it.  I also rambled nonsense to her.  I couldn't remember any stories or songs so I just made shit up.  I didn't matter, she couldn't understand me anyway, but the cooing sound she did hear seemed to calm her.

"Thanks Laure... this is really stressing me out.  It's all so beautiful, but these nutjobs speeding around these curves are really freaking me out," she said with a quiver in her voice.  She scratched me on the back of the head to show her appreciation.  I could feel her voice vibrating through her neck.

The road climbed high into the mountains, until we were nearly above tree line.  There we were swallowed up by a long tunnel through the mountain.  The tunnel dumped us out on an extremely steep downhill grade, causing Emma to lock up again.  I continued rubbing her neck and making exaggerated breathing sounds, trying to calm her down.  When we finally reached the bottom, Emma pulled off the interstate and into a gas station.  We didn't really need fuel, she just needed a break and it was the perfect excuse.  

Emma let me out onto the grass to use the 'restroom,' which was fine at her house, but felt kind of degrading in a public place.  She didn't know any better.  Even though she treated me like a friend... I was still a pet.  She picked me up when I was done and put me in the cage while she went inside and did the same.  She returned with a bottle of water and a stick of beef jerky.  Before I knew it, I was back on her shoulder with a piece of beef jerky the size of a football to snack on.  It was too tough to pull apart by hand so she broke off a piece with her teeth and gave it to me.  I didn't mind.  

The next leg awaited us.

There was just one more steep pass after that.  It dropped us down into some expensive looking ski town.  The kind of place only people like Emma's parents could afford.  The terrain started to change almost instantly.  The lush green forests were giving way to red rock and sagebrush.  The tall rock walls around us seeming to spread apart, feeling less claustrophobic.  It was like this for a while until the road dropped into a narrow canyon, so narrow the interstate was built over the eastbound lanes.  Emma became very nervous.

"Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god...," she kept repeating.  No amount of breathing or talking to her was helping.  If she didn't have to drive, I'm sure her eyes would be shut.  

The rock walls stretched up past my ability to see the tops.  The traffic was thick and indifferent.  She was on the verge of a full blown panic attack.  And then the walls opened up again into another tourist town.  The canyon disappeared behind us.  Red rock mountains all around us, but spreading further away from the road.  Emma started breathing normal again.  

The mountains turned to flat topped mesas.  Wide open desert valleys.  Everything looked so dry and unforgiving.  It was beautiful in its own way.  I could feel the tension in Emma's body begin to let go, returning to her regular chatty, rambly self.

"Well, that was wild," she said with a chuckle.  "Let's not do that again anytime soon, ok?"  She picked me up off her shoulder and placed me back on the dash.  "Thanks for trying to help, Squirt."

The Utah border came and went.  In the distance to the south you could see light penetrating through the rocks of what must have been Arches National Park.  I wondered if I'd ever been there.  The road continued to wind through the arid terrain.  Yellow and brownish soil with green and purple banded hills stretching out towards the dark cliffs to the north.  The car climbed through what looked like a giant rock gate into stunning red rock desert and then into higher, yellow rock desert, full of giant mounds of sandstone.  It amazed me how much our surroundings would change in such short periods of time.  Very different than the Midwest.

The freeway dropped us once again into some of the most gorgeous red rock desert you could imagine.  It stretched on to the north and south for what seemed like forever.  Hardly a plant in sight.  It was absolutely breathtaking.  Then... almost as soon as we started across it, we were back into forested mountains again.  It's almost like Utah was created by a god with attention deficit syndrome.

Emma was in good spirits again.  She'd blast her music as loud as she could until she'd see me covering my ears and lower it back down again.  She'd pretend the steering wheel was a guitar or a keyboard or whatever instrument she wanted it to be.  She'd sing along to her favorite songs... if you can call it singing.  

I'd alternate between watching the road and watching her for entertainment.  She did have great taste in music.  I couldn't say if it's something I would have listened to before.  I can't remember what I liked before, so all of it sounded new and exciting.    If there was something I really liked I'd wave at Emma and point down toward the stereo.  She'd tell me who it was and then, incredibly, the entire history of the band.  It really was impressive how much she knew.

"Oh this one... this is Joy Division.  They were from Salford, England.  They put out  a couple of really amazing records and then their lead singer killed himself.  They then reformed as New Order with the guitar player taking over on vocals and more of a dance music style.  They're great, too."  That was just about as short an answer as she could give.  I often wondered if she may have a mild case of Aspergers.   Still, it made me smile every time.  

I-70 ended and we headed south towards St. George, where we would end up spending the night.   A beautiful town looking out of place in its desert surroundings.  It wasn't as late when we checked into a motel as it was the night before.  Emma showered her panic sweats away as I swam around in the sink.  Afterwards she ordered a pizza to the room.  It arrived and Emma opened it up on the bed.  I climbed into the box, a little over exited to be eating pizza... something I still remembered I loved.  I could feel the heat coming off of it.

"Hey!  Save some for me," Emma joked. 

She cut off a nice big cheesy piece and blew on it to cool it off.  She placed it in front of me and I watched as a massive slice slid away from the rest and lifted into Emma's awaiting mouth.  I scarfed down my piece and Emma helped herself to three more.  I was a little in awe watching half a pizza the size of a parking lot disappear into her.

We finished dinner and settled into bed.   We watched an old French film on Emma's laptop and she read the subtitles to me as she usually did.  I remember thinking that night that this... this was it.  I mean, like... this is what I want.  I'd pretty much let go of the idea of being 'rescued' by that point.  I no longer longed for a life I had no memory of.  Yes, I wished I could still read; and yes I wished I could communicate to others by more than pantomiming.   But if the future held nothing more than Emma and I traveling the country and staying in motels every night, I would have loved nothing more.  Obviously, that wasn't going to happen.  We'd be in LA by the next evening and she'd begin her schooling the following Monday.  The two of us would not be spending nearly as much time together... and that thought saddened me.  

But this... this was good... and I savored every last second of it.  It was just a fantasy... and in the coming weeks... i would learn that reality could be so much worse... 

...and so much weirder.


End Part 12