Translating SW into the Bedroom

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chesya
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Translating SW into the Bedroom

Post by chesya » Tue Apr 16, 2019 10:03 am

I'm not sure how well the community as it stands can take on this subject, but I have long had a commitment a personal commitment to promoting 'sexual health' and commensurate 'mental hygiene', so I'll try. I often bang on about having a low sex drive, but this has given me a chance to think. Sex is a continuum between the highly physical and the highly cerebral. It is often said that the mind is most erotic of the organs. Deep intimacy is not just about 'getting on with it', it's about reflection and sharing and growing together. This said, it would be fascinating if people people could share their thoughts, feelings and passion. If you are a virgin (there is no shame), your thoughts and feeling are important. Here's few examples to kick off.

Having SW fantasies without telling your partner. This can go two ways. Sometimes it it just kicks in and belongs to the moment and actually increases the satisfaction of your partner. On one occasion approaching ecstasy, it was if I was holding my partner in my hand - she could see what was in my mind, but she certainly felt it in the form of passion. More often it ends up with masturbating inside your partner as your fantasies become out of sync with his/hers. At this point it's time time to talk. It can go wrong, I had a partner once who threatened to report me to he police, but overall I still think it's the best way forward.

Sharing SW with a non SW partner. I need to bring up 'assault fantasy'. This has nothing to do with actual assault, which is brutal, toxic and narcissistic. 'Assault fantasy' is the interplay between partners using shifting and differential power as an aphrodisiac. SW provides us with hundreds of such scenarios. A partner who is open to role play will very often be open to SW or related ideas.

Masturbation is crucial here. It doesn't need to be something sordid or shameful. SW can only truly take place in the imagination, but this can be advantage because it opens up all sorts of possibilities and scenarios. Even in the most passionate phases of a relationship, I have needed my time alone exploring a universe of beauty which could only exist in my mind. You might need to talk with partner about it at some point.

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gladewalker
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Re: Translating SW into the Bedroom

Post by gladewalker » Wed Apr 24, 2019 11:03 pm

I think talking is underrated in the bedroom. Most of sex is in your mind anyway. Just describing what you'd LIKE to do with someone can go a LONG way to actually fulfilling the enjoyment factor.
In my experience anyway.
The actual "act" is just the icing on the cake. It's good, but the rest of the cake is what fills you up =-)

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