"Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas"

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"Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 17

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Mon Sep 05, 2022 8:00 pm

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-08-25
Words: 5,849

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?


Chapter 17: Go Go Israfel Rangers!

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


"-And so Second Impact is directly responsible for the shattering of mainland China into multiple successor states, including the Second Taiping Heavenly Kingdom, the Hong Kong Free State, and many others."

A notification from his computer brought Shinji out of his musings.

ALSoryu: Hey Third, I thought this was supposed to be a Math class. Why is this old windbag talking about the geopolitical climate of China after 2I

It took her a while to notice that. Perhaps she had tuned him out from the beginning and only now just noticed.

SIkari: Apparently he does not talk about anything aside from Second Impact. Aida once told me that he thinks the teacher is stuck in some kind of mental loop. I am not sure if that is true or not, but I have not seen evidence to the contrary.

ALSoryu: Jeez Third your typing is way too formal. Anyway, when do we have a teacher that isn't this weirdo?

SIkari: Miss Nachi for Science after lunch.

ALSoryu: Ugh, that's way too long. I wish an Angel would attack and save me from this hell.

Suddenly three phones rang in unison, then an Angel alarm rang out.

"Ha!" Asuka shouted triumphantly. "Score!"

Shinji sighed, it was going to be a long day.

Image
(Kyouko Nachi)

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"Alright Shinji, Asuka, Rei. The Angel will be making landfall shortly after you arrive, so we won't know what to expect. Asuka, keep it engaged with melee combat. Rei, stay behind and hit it with ranged fire. Shinji, support Asuka but fall back to help Rei if needed. Got it?" A trio of affirmatives rang out in response, music to Misato's ears. "Alright, let's see what this one has in store for us."

"I suspect it will be unexpected and frustrating," Ritsuko muttered. "Also that the gremlins will show up and be a nuisance."

"Hey! Don't talk about the mini-mes like that! They're me, therefore they're awesome. Except for the one with the eyepatch - she's a little shit."

One could almost hear Shiki flipping Asuka the bird. Ritsuko apparently decided to ignore all of this and return to her tablet.

"T-Minus sixty seconds!" Maya called out.

"You heard her! Let's get this show on the road!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Shiki," Leader chided.

"What? I didn't start it."

Leader sighed indignantly. "Whatever. Let's worry about Israfel now."

"Is everything going to be okay with the Ayanami-type here?"

"The what type? You mean Wondergirl?" Leader made a mental note to question that later. "We should be fine. Perfect synchronization is required to beat both Israfels."

"I see." The Angel appeared from the waves, approaching the trio of Eva units. "Hey, Leader. There are two Israfel halves, right?"

"Right."

"Meaning the core would be split in two, right?"

"Also correct."

"Then what does that one having a core with five sections mean?"

"….Scheiße."

"Leader, what does it mean?"

"It means-" Unit-02 charged the Angel and cut it in half. "-hold onto something because this is gonna be a bumpy ride."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright guys, let's show the Lilim what teamwork looks like!

Israfel's two bisected halves separated into five different colored blobs that quickly took shape.

Israfel Red! The red blob morphed into a smaller Israfel that has its 'arms' in a cross shape.

Israfel Blue! The blue blob morphed into a smaller Israfel with one 'hand' in front of its 'face' and one to its side.

Israfel Black! The black blob morphed into a smaller Israfel that pointed one 'finger' forward.

Israfel Yellow! The yellow blob morphed into a smaller Israfel that put one 'hand' on its 'chin' and another on the opposite 'hip'.

Israfel Pink! The pink blob morphed into a small Israfel that crossed both 'arms' above its 'head'.

Together we are THE ISRAFEL RANGERS!

An unexplained explosion erupted behind them.

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The NERV command center was dead silent after this spectacle. Not a word was spoken as jaws were collectively on the floor.

Aoba managed to collect his thoughts first. "Oh shit. "They're a super sentai team."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shortly after the newly dubbed 'Angel Sentai Skirmish (name pending)'

"Well..." Fuyutsuki gazed upon the trio of pilots, who were mostly fine, save for Shinji, who was holding an ice pack to his head. "I would ask what you did wrong, but I can't exactly blame you for being unprepared for a sudden multiplication of enemy forces."

Asuka groaned. "Fucking bullshit is what it is. What the hell were you two doing?!" Asuka shouted at her teammates.

"I was being suplexed into the ground," Rei stated, her normally dull tone laced with annoyance.

"One of them stole my hammer and kept hitting me over the head with it. Ow."

Leader patted Shinji on the neck reassuringly, while Shiki just glared at Asuka.

"Oh buzz off, you little shit! Where were the rest of the mini-mes in that fight anyway?!"

"Anta Baka?" Leader inquired while displaying one finger. She unfurled another and then gave a so-so gesture. She unfurled all five fingers and gave a look that said 'how do I deal with five enemies suddenly appearing?'

"As much as I hate to agree with the gremlins, I doubt anyone would have planned for the enemy to suddenly split into a team of five coordinated fighters," Doctor Akagi added, not looking up from the stream of data being fed to her tablet. "As it is, the N2 strike has disabled the Angel for about a week, so we have time to prepare. Additionally, initial MAGI reports indicate that damage not done simultaneously would quickly heal. So we need to figure out a way around that."

Fuyutsuki glanced at Misato. "There you have it. I believe you have your work cut out for you, Captain Katsuragi."

Misato pinched the bridge of her nose. "Right. May I ask where the Commander is Sub-Commander?"

"He is…."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile in Tokyo-2

Gendo idly scratched at his face mask as the car approached him in the alleyway. This was not something he ever wanted to do again but he didn't trust anyone else to do this for him.

A lanky man who was the definition of skeevy exited the car along with a large man, foreign muscle most likely. "Hey there tall, dark, and mysterious. Heard you was looking for a wild ride." Skeevy spoke with what the man most likely thought was a menacing tone.

"If you have the ride I'm looking for, I've got the green to show you what I mean," Gendo recited the code phrase. He really hated this, but he needed something to deal with his-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-Problem.

"Righto, my man. Whatchu lookin' for? Round the World? Switcharoo? Mindsploder?"

"All of it."

"A risk taker, I see! One'O each it is."

"You misunderstand. When I say all of it, I mean I will purchase everything you currently have on you right now."

Skeevy looked surprised but quickly collected himself. "My man, I don't think ya understand. That would require quite a lot a green-"

"Then you'll have it." Gendo opened a briefcase filled with banknotes, all sourced from one of his private businesses he knew the Old Men were aware of. They had undoubtedly infiltrated the business, meaning all these bills were marked. By releasing them out into the wild like this, the Old Men would be chasing false leads for months—two birds with one stone.

"Daaaaamn. Aight, I gotchu. I can tell this gon be a beautiful relationship."

Gendo couldn't help but agree.

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"…..attending to matters elsewhere. I will be in charge for the time being. Now I have a large amount of paperwork to do - you are all dismissed. Keep me apprised of any developments." He moved to exit but stopped to look at Leader and Shiki. "Oh, Leader and Shiki, was it? I would appreciate it if you would keep us in the loop about your plans as well." He left without waiting for a response.

"Alright," Misato ground out. "You kids head back home and get some rest. I need to get some coffee in me."

Shinji groaned, Asuka muttered something potentially unflattering, and Rei nodded silently, leaving the Captain to her thoughts as she went to her office.

"Psst, Katsuragi. Over here."

"Gyah!" Misato drew her sidearm with frightening swiftness, aiming it at the intruder. She lowered it after seeing who it was. "Oh, Kaji." There he was, Ryoji Kaji, her ex. Currently hiding in a potted plant. "What are you doing? And where did that potted plant come from?"

"Good questions, but instead of answering them, how about I give you an answer for your Angel problem?"

Misato's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

"I need two favors."

"What are they?" Misato had a bad feeling about this.

"One, I need you to house Asuka. She's getting suspicious that I might not actually live in the apartment I put her up in and I don't feel comfortable having to ward off her advances if she finds out where I actually live."

Misato winced. "Yeah, that's reasonable. The second?"

"Do you have a way to ward off those Minisukas?"

"No."

"Crap. Then, dinner?"

Misato eyed her pistol before sighing. "Fine, but you're buying. And it better be a decent place!"

"Deal. Now, here's my plan….."

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The next day

"I hope Asuka is okay," Shinji exposited aloud. "She didn't come to school today."

"Anta Baka?" Leader questioned, wondering why Shinji chose now of all times to say that.

"It's just that I made this lunch for her so she would feel better, and now she won't get to eat it…" Shinji muttered. He blinked as he thought he saw a spider-shaped cloud in the sky, but it proved to once again be a cloudless summer day.

"Baka," Shiki growled from her position in Shinji's pocket.

"Shiki, please don't antagonize Asuka. I don't want either of you to get hurt."

He blinked as he recognized a moving truck in front of his apartment complex. "Who's moving in? Is that girl Mister Aoba was talking about getting here early?" Shinji liked Mister Aoba - they discussed music whenever they met each other around the complex. He would have to introduce himself to the girl later.

As he approached the apartment, he noticed the movers were entering Misato's apartment. They made no notice of him as he entered and found stacks of boxes. "Did Misato bring some stuff out of storage?"

He opened one box and found a bunch of dresses. "Hey!" a familiar voice shouted out. "Get the hell away from my stuff before I get my crowbar!"

Shinji turned to see Asuka standing before him. "Asuka!? What are you doing here?"

"You're being-"

"Oh, here's your lunch. by the way." Shinji offered her the lunch box. "It's schnitzel."

Her face brightened. "Oh, thanks, Third! I'm starving!" She greedily grabbed the box, making to open it before stopping herself. "Hey! Don't distract me with delicious food!"

"You think my food is delicious?" Shinji asked with a hopeful expression.

Asuka's face quickly matched her hair. "S-Shut up! You're being replaced! Misato is trading in for the newer model. Being as magnanimous as I am, I already packed your stuff."

Asuka winced when Shinji's hopeful expression shattered into something that resembled a kicked puppy. "O-oh. Of course. I guess I'll go then….." For once in her life, Asuka felt a little bad about being so abrasive. The glare Leader and Shiki gave her didn't help.

"What's going on here?"

""Gyah!"" Shinji and Asuka nearly jumped a foot in the air at Misato's sudden and inexplicable appearance, almost throwing Leader and Shiki off Shinji's shoulders.

"Gott Misato, don't do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack! Anyway, I was informing Third that you were kicking him out and I'm moving in."

Misato stared at Asuka in plain confusion. "But I'm not. You're living here with the both of us now."

"What!? You… you expect me to live under the same roof as a pervert like him?"

"I'm not a pervert!" Shinji shouted indignantly. He, however, was ignored.

"Tough, because we need you together for training!"

""Training?"" Shinji and Asuka questioned in unison, earning a smile from Misato.

"Glad to see you're already on the same page! That's right, sync training! We're going to need to be perfectly synchronized to defeat the Angel. Now, we just need to wait for Rei to get here."

"I am already here."

"""Gyah!""" Shinji, Asuka, and Misato nearly jumped a foot into the air at Rei's sudden and inexplicable appearance. This time, however, Leader and Shiki had hunkered down in Shinji's shirt pocket, ensuring their footing.

"Gott, First, don't…. I suddenly have deja vu."

Misato quickly recovered. "Rei, glad you got here so quickly. Now we can get down to the nitty-gritty of this training. Now pay attention! You guys are going to be training to be perfectly in sync. That means dancing together, eating together, breathing together, sleeping together but not in that way Asuka shut your mouth I'm not done yet." Asuka clamped her mouth shut with a scowl. "Basically, anything that doesn't involve the more private uses of a bathroom you'll be doing together. Any questions? Yes, Asuka?"

"I hate this plan."

"Not a question. Also too bad, you're doing it."

Asuka muttered some choice German words that would make a sailor blush.

"Yes, Shinji?"

"Yeah, uh, there are three of us and five…. sub-Angels? What about the other two?"

"Anta Baka," Leader stated proudly, Shiki giving her a blank stare.

"There you go, Shinji. The Minisukas have us covered. Now enough talk, get into these leotards, and start dancing!"

"I really hate this plan," Asuka growled as she attempted to incinerate the leotard with her mind.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later

The obnoxiously loud sound of the buzzer rang out once more.

"Argggghhhh! Come on, Third! It's pivot step step pivot spin step jump pivot step, not pivot step step pivot spin step jump pivot jump! How hard is it to memorize that?! Even First is managing that!"

"I like to believe my memory is like an elephant's - they never forget. They also never forgive," Rei provided ominously.

"See! Be more like an elephant, Third! Wait, that sounded weird…"

Shinji panted as he tried to catch his breath, managing to give Asuka an indignant glare.

"Alright, that's enough," Misato called out as she glanced at the clock. "It's getting late so we should wrap up for the day. You three did well for your first session. If you keep this up, you'll be kicking that Angel's ass in no time."

"I do not believe the Angel possesses a gluteus, Captain Katsuragi."

"Figure of speech, First. Now get started on dinner, Third."

"Nice try, Asuka, but all three of you will be making dinner together. Remember, everything together."

Asuka groaned, hoping Misato would've forgotten that.

"I would like to state that I do not eat meat, so I would like a portion of the food to be free of such."

"Alright, Ayanami, we can do that. Come on, Asuka, cooking isn't that hard once you get the hang of it," Shinji tried reassuring Asuka, somewhat(?) successfully.

"Oh, you think I can't do it, Third?" Asuka retorted with a glare.

"That's not what I-" He tried to defuse but the bomb known as Asuka Langley Soryu was already detonating.

"Well, I'll show you! I'll be the best damn cook ever! So good that whatever I make will knock your gottdamn socks off!"

"Oh, well, uh, I'm looking forward to it?"

"You damn well better!" Asuka huffed as she made her way to the kitchen, leaving behind a grinning Misato and a confused Rei.

"But none of us are wearing socks?" Rei's confusion remained as she went to go assist her fellow pilots.

Watching from atop the refrigerator, Leader held out her hand to Shiki with a smug grin. Shiki grumbled as she slapped a wad of tiny yen bills into Leader's outstretched hand.

Image
("Fry Me to the Moon") (Art by puuakachan)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hikari stared at Touji and Kensuke, and they stared back. The three Minisukas on Hikari's shoulders stared at the two as well before dismissing them as unimportant and returning to whatever they were discussing, making Touji let out a sigh of release.

"So, Class Rep, what are you doing here?" Aida spoke up, wanting to break the awkward atmosphere.

"Delivering Asuka her missed work since she hasn't been at school for a few days. What are you two doing here?"

"Same, but with Ikari. So the Red Devil lives here, too." Touji suppressed a shudder. "Geez, Ikari must have it rough."

"Perhaps all the pilots live here?" Kensuke provided. "Keeping them all in one place makes them easier to protect." Touji and Hikari nodded in understanding, Kensuke's reasoning seeming plausible. It's when they all got on the elevator and arrived at the same floor that they guessed that all the pilot rooms were on the same floor. However, when they all stopped in front of the same door, they started getting suspicious.

"Ya don't think….." Touji fought back a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

"Surely they're not….." Hikari felt a surge of unease as she hoped what she thought was going on wasn't actually going on.

"Of course…." Kensuke, however, accepted that whatever was happening was going to be nonsensical or unbelievable. He knocked on the door, looking to get this over with.

What he was not expecting was the trio of pilots to open the door and answer them in unison. """Suzuhara/Monkey, Aida/Glasses, Hikari/Class Rep/Horaki what are you doing here?""" Well, almost in unison. Kensuke kept a grip on Touji's shoulder to prevent him from running away - he wasn't going to suffer whatever this was alone.

"You…" Hikari's face was tomato red and her eyes were wide. "You three are living in sin!"

""It's not like that!""

"Which sin?" Rei would once again be left unanswered.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So lemme get this straight… yer gonna defeat a giant monster through synchronized dancing?"

"Yep." Misato sipped her beer as she eyed the practicing pilots.

"Oh. That makes sense."

"Yeah, I thought it was going to be something weird." Kensuke was browsing through the dance choreography with interest.

"Suzuhara, Aida, I feel you two have a skewed definition of what is weird or not." Hikari had semi-willingly become Pen-Pen's chair as he watched the dance routine, idly petting the penguin's crest. She was unwilling to question why the penguin was drinking beer.

"Whaddaya mean, Class Rep?" Touji would not receive an answer as a loud buzzer once again rang out through the apartment, shortly followed by a loud German swear.

"Come on, Idiot! Pivot step step jump pivot step! Get it right!"

"I'm pretty sure it was pivot step step jump step pivot, though?"

"I believe Pilot Ikari is right."

"They're right. It's pivot step, not step pivot," Kensuke provided as he pointed it out in the choreography.

Asuka, frustrated from days of this nonsense, took exception to that. "Oh, commentary from the peanut gallery now?!"

"Just trying to help," Kensuke stated blankly.

"Help?! I'm a gottdamn Evangelion Pilot! I've been training for shit like this for years! I don't need your help! I'd like to see you do this and succeed!"

Kensuke's eyes hardened at that. "Is that a challenge?"

"Try me, Glasses. I dare you."

"Alright, Touji?"

"Right behind ya, Ken." Both of them got up and approached the dance machines. Asuka scoffed and backed away, glaring at the duo. Shinji and Rei followed suit.

"Alright, queue the music!" In one swift motion, Kensuke and Touji ripped off their school clothes, revealing flashy white clothes reminiscent of male idol outfits underneath. What followed was a four-minute-long dance routine to a song about Cinderella - Kensuke and Touji being completely in sync throughout it.

"Well..." Touji wiped the sweat off his brow. "How was dat, Red Devil?"

Asuka was speechless, as was everyone else in the room. Everyone from Misato to the Minisukas was staring at them, mouths agape in shock. After what seemed like an eternity of tense silence, Asuka wordlessly stood up and left the apartment. A few minutes after, Shinji collected his jaw and hurried after her, Leader and Shiki scrambling after him.

A voice spoke after a moment of silence. "Well... I thought you guys did great!" the eyepatched man in the kitchen trash can complimented. Everyone yelped in surprise at the sudden appearance of the intruder, except for Rei, who assumed hostility and assaulted him with a kitchen chair.

Image
(RWBY Chibi)

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Tracking down the irate redhead was not difficult - Shinji only needed to follow the trail of destruction and offended people to an average convenience store, where she had nestled herself in a corner of the drink section.

"Hey Asuka, are you alright?" Shinji inquired, not entirely sure how to deal with this situation.

"Do I look alright, Third?!" she snapped at him, before letting out a frustrated sigh. "Not only was I screwing up constantly for the past few hours, I got shown up by those two Stooges."

"I still can't believe that happened," he muttered in disbelief.

"You might as well replace me with the mini-mes. They're already dealing with two sub-Angels, why not a third?"

He gulped and prepared to take the plunge into unknown waters. He sat down next to her and looked her in the eyes. She returned his stare with a flat look.

"Asuka, you're an expert Eva pilot, right?" he tried.

"You're damn right I am. I've trained for around ten years to be one."

"It, uh, shows. I only have a few months of training but even I can tell piloting an Eva is second nature to you-"

"Hold up," she interrupted him. "What do you mean 'a few months of training'? What, did they get you out of basic right before the Third Angel attacked?" She looked at him with incredulity.

"No."

"Well what-"

"I arrived in the middle of the Third Angel's attack and my father told me to pilot or he'd have Ayanami, who was severely injured, do it."

She looked at him with an expression she couldn't place. He really hoped he didn't anger her further.

"So let me get this straight - your father forced you to pilot a giant robot against an alien monster with no training by basically holding the First's life hostage?"

"Yes?" Oh no, she was getting that angry tone in her voice.

"Gott and I thought my dad was terrible." He may not be good at this whole social thing yet, but even he could see the landmine she just dropped. He was not going to be the one to step on it. "So, you managed to beat the Angel without any training?"

"No, I tripped and fell. Then the Angel beat me up, then the Minisukas appeared and killed it."

She stared at him blankly before erupting into a fit of giggles. "Wow Third, you suck." Despite the harsh words he could tell there wasn't any bite behind them. He giggled along with her. "So were you trying to make a point?" Oh, right.

"Well, I was going to say you're being too hard on yourself and I wanted to ask you for some help with all the Eva stuff but I think I kinda ruined the mood." He looked away, blushing.

"Yeah, you kinda did." She slapped him on the shoulder. "But you're kinda right, even if you did go about it in the stupidest way. This whole training thing has been grinding on my nerves, and your stupidity did help me with that so I agree."

He turned back to her, confused. "Agree?"

"Yeah, I'll help you with your Eva training, Idiot. If NERV is too incompetent to give you timely training, it seems like I have to take it upon myself to guide you." She stood up and puffed out her chest. "With my help, you'll be the second-best Eva pilot the world has ever seen!"

"Oh, thanks!" He stood up as well, dusting himself off. "We should head back then."

"In a bit. I'm parched and it looks like they have the soda I like here. Spot me, Idiot?"

"Uh, I don't exactly have any pockets on this thing…" He gestured to his leotard. "And I didn't exactly expect to be buying anything."

"Fair," she grumbled.

"Baka?" Leader and Shiki approached them, dragging a bag filled with drinks.

"Thanks, Leader, Shiki!" He grabbed the bag from them and held it open for Asuka to take her pick. She grabbed a strawberry soda while staring at Leader and Shiki as they climbed back on his shoulders.

"Where… how did they pay for it?" Unfortunately, Asuka's question would remain unanswered.

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The four of them returned to the apartment to find that their classmates had left and most of the kitchen furniture was broken.

"Oh hey," a frazzled Misato greeted nonchalantly. "Get all of that out of your system?"

"Yeah…." Asuka stared at the remnants of the kitchen table. "What happened here?"

"Self-defense," Rei instantly provided. "You cannot prove otherwise."

"What Rei means to say is….. uh… you guys ready to get back to training?" Misato tried to redirect the topic.

Shinji, Asuka, Leader, and Shiki glanced at each other and decided it was best to let sleeping dogs lay. ""Sure,"" Asuka and Shinji provided in unison, surprising each other.

"Oh, Captain Katsuragi. I must inform you that I am required for a medical appointment tomorrow and I will be unable to be a part of the last portion of our training."

"Yeah, I heard from Rits. I'm also stuck at base tomorrow as well. Will you two be okay by yourselves tomorrow?"

Asuka glanced at Shinji and huffed. "We'll be fine, right, Idiot?"

"Of course, Asuka."

Misato had a knowing smirk but surprisingly didn't say anything else. "Alright, then let's continue training!"

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The next evening

"Do we really have to hide away like this?" Shiki asked Leader as they watched Shinji and Asuka finish up for the day.

"Trust me, the less outside interference the better. We've given them the tools, they just need to use them."

"What if they don't?"

"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it."

"Don't you mean 'cross'?"

"I know what I said."

"I suddenly have a bad feeling about this."

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"Alright, listen here, Idiot. I'm using this opportunity to get some sleep alone."

"Okay?" Shinji wasn't sure why she was announcing it like this but he was making sure to listen.

Asuka entered Misato's room and stood at the door. "This-" She pointed to the sliding door. "-is the impenetrable Wall of Jericho! No entry!" She slammed the door shut. He blinked, where had he heard of that before? He sat on the futon for a few moments wracking his brain for the information he was seeking. Suddenly, it hit him like a runaway truck designed to send him to a parallel world. He got up and approached the door.

"Asuka?" he knocked gently, hoping he wouldn't anger her by interrupting her sleep.

"What is it, Shinji?" Did she just use his name instead of calling him Idiot or Third? She must be really tired.

"You said the Walls of Jericho, right?"

"Mmmhmmm." Why did her tone sound almost hopeful?

"Uh, didn't they fall?"

"Yes."

"Then, why would you say they're impenetrable?"

Suddenly, he heard the motion on the other side of the door (and what sounded like a distant groan along with a hand meeting a face) as it opened to reveal Asuka, giving him the flattest stare he had ever seen. "Third. What do you think I was talking about when I call the door the Walls of Jericho?"

"I, uh, was trying to figure that out by asking you?"

Asuka pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep, frustrated sigh. "Idiot. Alright, I've changed my mind. I'm sleeping out here again."

He wanted to question why but he decided against it. He watched her lay back down on her futon, muttering something about 'density' and 'baby steps'. He soon lay back down on his own futon and began to drift off to sleep.

Image

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He awoke when he felt a pressure on his chest. He opened his eyes to see a mop of red hair engulfing his vision. It seemed that at some point Asuka had rotated to a horizontal position and had decided to commandeer his chest as her new pillow, her face angled away from him.

"Huh...." he whispered, hoping he wouldn't wake her. His newly awakened mind came to two conclusions. First, she was asleep. Second, this was likely a dream, therefore not real. His tired brain settled for an action that would most likely get him a pummeling if she was awake and this was real. He lightly patted her on the head. "Good night, Asuka, sweet dreams." He returned to unconsciousness swiftly soon after.

Unknown to him, Asuka had awoken at his first whisper, wondering how she got into this position. Now she had a blush that could be seen from orbit and a mental civil war within her head that would upheave her mind's status quo forever. She attempted to get back to sleep, trying to ignore how comfortable her new 'pillow' was.

"Idiot Shinji." She did not fall asleep for a long while.

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Leader stared at the scene before her, evaluating and assessing it like a predator to prey.

"So," Shiki began. "Did it work?"

"It's not the best-case scenario, but it's not the worst either. It's kinda in the middle, but leaning towards the better end. We can work with this."

"Fantastic. Now can we get out of the air vents? I don't like the way that cockroach is looking at me."

"Fine."

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The Day of the Battle Against the Angel

Asuka got into her entry plug with practiced finesse, getting ready to beat this Angel once and for all. On the outside, Asuka was the picture of calm confidence. Inside, she was screaming.

'Oh Gott, what was that?' she thought as she went through her pre-activation checklist. 'My signals went completely over his head, but I ended up accidentally using him as a pillow and he pats my head and wishes me sweet dreams?! Not to mention he is the best Gottdamn pillow I've ever used to the point of not even having a nightmare?!' She was glad she woke up first and managed to put some distance between them before Misato returned or Shinji woke up.

"Asuka?" Lieutenant Ibuki called out. "Your heart rate is elevated. Are you alright?"

"Just pumped to give the Angel the thrashing it deserves." And not thinking about how despite barely knowing the Idiot Shinji, he's making her feel things she's only ever felt about Kaji. 'It's a fluke, just an effect of the sync training, you'll be back to normal soon Soryu, just give the Angel what for and it'll be over soon.' Yup, if she kept telling herself that enough, it'll come true.

"Well, you'll get your chance soon - deploying in t-minus ten minutes. Hope you're ready to dance like your life depends on it," Misato informed her.

Oh boy was she. She needed a distraction and killing an Angel was the perfect distraction.

"I was born ready! How about First and the Idiot?"

"I am ready, Pilot Soryu," the First stated, her ruby red eyes boring a hole into her through the visual feed.

"Ready, Asuka!" Idiot Shinji shouted, and she could see the mini-mes in the background fiddling with something. It occurred to her that she now probably knew the reason the mini-mes hung around him. But she wouldn't fall for his idiotic charms so easily!

"Then let's kick this Angel's ass to next week!" First began to open her mouth. "Figure of speech, First." She closed her mouth.

"Well said, Asuka. Eva Units, Launch!"

Image

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Angel Sentai Skirmish 2 (name pending)

They did it. Through the three Evas performing a perfectly executed synchronized dance, and the creative use of two ballistas, the pentuple Angel was felled. Humanity was victorious once more, but not all were celebrating.

"What do you mean they're not working?"

"Like I said, Fuyutsuki, the drugs aren't working." Gendo grimaced. "It appears that Adam is nullifying the effect of the drugs."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I see. What are you going to do next?"

"More alcohol. Otherwise, I will have to endure the screaming."

"And the aftermath of the Seventh? What shall we do about the Second Child's living arrangements?"

"Keep them as is. Having two pilots in the same building allows for better protection, and will act as a lure to anyone foolish enough to target them. Also, apply Captain Katsuragi for a promotion. While unorthodox, her plans have proven useful repeatedly. Giving her a promotion will endear her towards us."

"Understood. Oh, and I may have found an interesting opportunity to get us a pilot for Unit-05." Fuyutsuki offered a folder to the Commander, who took it with interest.

"Already?" He flipped through the files and frowned. "I thought the S-type series was discontinued and decommissioned?"

"It was, look at the last page."

Gendo did so. One of his eyebrows raised in a rare show of surprise.

"A very fortuitous coincidence. No foul play was involved?"

"None. This was pure happenstance."

"Hmmm. Make preparations, but only observe for now. Unit-05 is far from complete and we need as many hidden aces as we can find."

"Understood. I'll begin immediately."

"One more thing. I recall Yui was friends with her. Send her daughter a condolence gift, flowers, or a fruit basket. Anonymous, of course."

"Of course, unless there's anything else?" Gendo made no motion to say anything else. "Then I shall leave you be." Fuyutsuki left, leaving the Commander with nothing but his thoughts and a bottle of whiskey.


Notes: “And so fall the Israfel Rangers. I'm a bit iffy about this chapter, I could've shown more but I didn't want things to drag on or retread old ground. I also feel the romantic and waffy bits aren't to snuff, but it shouldn't be hard to iron out the kinks as things go on. Also, Miss Nachi is Kyouko Nachi, a character from Detective Evangelion (Evangelion Detective? I'm not entirely sure of the correct order) where she is Tokyo-3 Junior High's Science Teacher, and a murder victim. And to answer the burning question on everyone's mind, yes Shinji managed to get the hammer back. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed, leave a review if you want, and have a pleasant day.”

Note from me: A schnitzel is a thin slice of meat. The meat is usually thinned by pounding with a meat tenderizer. Most commonly, the meat is breaded before frying. Breaded schnitzel is popular in many countries and is made using veal, pork, chicken, mutton, beef, or turkey. (Wikipedia)
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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"Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 18

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Sat Sep 10, 2022 3:36 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-08-25
Words: 3,619

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?


Chapter 18: Death Mechs and Turnips

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


T-RIDEN-T secret training and manufacturing base (Next to the Happy Hoshida's Chicken Farm) a few days after the battle against the Seventh Angel(s?)

"So, what have you found?" General Taihou fixed a level stare at his agent.

"For one, Kyoto Zeppelin Industries has been around for a while. It was founded after WW2 during the postwar construction period. However, it never produced any zeppelins due to being unable to source parts. Instead, it picked up manufacturing deals from various companies throughout the years until it settled on pachinko machines."

"Alright, where does that leave us now? How can we get the Jet Alone away from their grubby hands?"

"Hard to say, sir. A few weeks before the JA incident, the company was bought out by a reclusive investor by the name of Pengaldo Pengelton, and our attempts to contact them to work out a deal have so far been rebuffed."

"Damn foreigners, trying to get a piece of something that is rightfully Japan's! Send some men undercover. See if we can't steal the plans from under their noses."

"Of course, sir."

"Oh, and tell them to send Kirishima in on your way out. I have a vital mission for her."

The agent saluted and left, leaving the General alone for a time. He retrieved a cigar from his stash and lit it. He took a long drag of the cigar, exhaling a large cloud of smoke like a dragon of myth. "That Ikari bastard will never know what's coming. Does he think he's the only one who can use teenagers to pilot giant mechs? Ha! I'll show him. My teenage mech pilots are infinitely better than his, and easier to get as well. I just had to roll up to an orphanage and ask them for three teenagers with attitude. One bribe later and I got my pilot corp, ready to secure Japan's future."

"Sir?"

"Ah!" General Taihou nearly launched himself out of his chair at the sudden interruption to his monologue. He glared at the newcomer, revealing one Mana Kirishima saluting him. "Soldier, what did I say about interrupting my monologues before?!"

"Sir, you have never given me instructions on that situation before, sir!"

Oh, so he didn't. "Right. Well, don't."

"Understood, sir! Why have you requested my presence, sir?!"

"At ease, Kirishima. Do you know why I called you in here today?"

Mana's professional demeanor evaporated, replaced with a wide smile. "Am I finally getting my own death mech?"

"Don't call them that, and no." She visibly deflated at that. "But if you succeed at your new mission, you'll be guaranteed a spot for the next pilot."

Her smile returned along with a shine in her eyes. "A new mission?! What kind?! Do you need me to kill someone?!"

General Taihou blinked at the casual mention of murder. He glanced at the profile of her he previously brought up, the psych evaluation stating 'no issues'. "No murder, Kirishima. Side note, how was your last session with the base psychologist?"

"We have a psychologist?!" she exclaimed with genuine surprise. "Since when?! I didn't get them a welcome jello…."

"That explains a lot….." General Taihou sent a quick message to his secretary to have the psychologist thrown in the brig. Perhaps bailing out a man fired by NERV and then hiring him might not have been the best idea. "In any case, your mission, Kirishima, is one of seduction."

She blinked at that. "Seduction? I don't think I was trained in seduction." Her brow furrowed in thought. "But I am always up for trying new things. Especially if they get me a death mech."

"Don't call them that. You shouldn't have too much trouble with this one." He slid the folder containing Shinji Ikari's portfolio towards her. "Initial reports say he has a thing for redheads, so you already have a massive lead."

"Wow, he's pretty cute," Mana said with a giggle. "Kind, gentle, awkward. He's my kind of boy!" She flipped a page. "Aw, his mom died when he was young, poor guy. Well, if he needs a mom, then I'd be more than happy to be his new mom!"

General Taihou visibly cringed at that. "Okay, full stop on that. Never say that again, please." He took a long drag of his cigar, nearly depleting it. "Anyway, your target is the son of the NERV Commander as well as an Evangelion Pilot, so he has to know something. Extract that something out of him using whatever means required."

She began to open her mouth.

"Except murder and torture."

She closed her mouth and gave him a thumbs up. "Righto, anything else, boss?"

"You'll be infiltrating the target's school as one of his classmates. We'll be slipping you in after the next Angel attack. Your point of contact is the P.E. teacher. Any questions?"

"Do I get cool spy gear?"

"Maybe. We'll see what the budget allows."

"Awesome! I'll go study this file so I can knock his cute little socks off!"

He nodded at that, always good to see someone study up on their duty. "Good. Dismissed."

She skipped off, leaving him alone once more. He put out his cigar in the ashtray and sighed. "Perhaps I shouldn't have trained emotionally unstable teenagers to pilot weapons of mechanized destruction? Eh, too late to worry about that now. Now I need a new psychologist to hopefully decrazy my pilots."

Image

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, NERV medical ward

"Thanks again fer this, Ikari. Sakura has been wantin' ta meetcha."

"It's no trouble, Suzuhara. I've been meaning to apologize to her about…. well, you know." Shinji's eyes fixated on a very interesting spot on the floor before a hearty slap to his back nearly sent him and his passengers to the floor.

"Don't worry 'bout it, it's all water under da bridge. Seriously, she'll go off on ya if ya even try. Just do me a favor, make sure her personal little devil don't attack me."

"Her own personal….. oh, you mean a Minisuka?"

"Yeah, it always gives me the stink eye and makes threatening gestures at me. I'm worried it's just gonna up and stab me one of these days."

Shinji furrowed his brow at that. The Minisukas didn't really engage in prolonged hostilities with anyone. Well, except Doctor Akagi. And Kaji. And apparently his Father. Now that he thought about it, this sounded par for the course for the Minisukas, except there was just one Minisuka being hostile to one person. Curious.

"I'll see what I can do Suzuhara, but I can't really control them."

Touji snorted. "Ikari, yer basically the local Devil Wrangler. I'm pretty sure if ya asked them to usurp the Emperor fer them they would."

"Don't talk about them like that," Shinji said with a dusting of venom in his voice.

Suzuhara raised his hands placatingly. "I ain't insulting them. I'm just saying they're pretty loyal ta ya."

Shinji's hard stare remained for a moment but abated. "Oh, thanks." He rubbed his arm in embarrassment. "Sorry if I raised my voice there. But I think that even they would think that conquering a country is a bit much. They're pretty smart, you know?"

"Yeah, I know they wouldn't actually do that. I was just using an example." The both of them shared a laugh at the thought of Shinji being Emperor of Japan. Leader joined in, though hers was more of a nervous chuckle as she made frantic signals to one of the unseen Minisukas following them to put a stop to all plans to conquer Japan.

Shiki just stared at Leader incredulously. "Anta Baka?" Shiki inquired to Leader, who averted her eyes from everyone present.

"Here we are, Sakura's new room!" Touji opened the door and quickly ducked out of the way as a small lance flew through the space he previously occupied. "Dammit ya little Devil, stop that!"

"Crimson Septuple Hypermax, stop throwing lances at my brother or I'll put you in the naughty corner again."

"Baka!"

Shinji blinked as Leader and Shiki sputtered out a giggle, holding their sides as they tried to prevent themselves from bursting into full-blown laughter. Shinji waited for the lance to return before peeking his head through the doorway.

"Wait a second, you're not my brother!" A girl he assumed was Sakura Suzuhara shouted out in surprise. The Minisuka on her bed looked at Shinji in surprise before going red from embarrassment and trying to hide her face behind her twin tails.

"Hi, I'm, uh, a friend of your brother." Shinji eyed said brother who was slowly peeking around the corner to look into the room.

"Hey, Sakura. This is Shinji Ikari. He heard you wanted ta meet him."

Sakura's face instantly morphed from suspicious to elation. "You're the big robot guy?! Wow, you're so cool!"

Shinji couldn't help but blush at the genuine praise. "T-thanks. It's nice to meet you, Sakura, and you as well, Crimson Septuple Hypermax."

Crimson Septuple Hypermax made a pained sound as she fell to her knees, tried to curl up into a ball, and decouple herself from existence. Leader and Shiki were still trying to hold in their laughter.

"It's nice to meet you too, Shinji!" Sakura beamed as her eyes fixated on Leader and Shiki on Shinji's shoulders. "And you have your own imaginary friends, too! What are their names?!"

"Oh, this is Leader and Shiki." He pointed to each of them.

Sakura stared at them intently. "Those names are boring!" Sakura pointed to Leader. "You should call that one Scarlet Sistine Superczar!" She then pointed to Shiki. "And that one should be Burgundy Buccaneer Blastcaster!" Sakura crossed her arms with a huff and sported a proud grin. Leader and Shiki had stopped trying to hold in their laughter. Instead, they had looked away in embarrassment.

"I'd…. rather not? They have their own names," Shinji tried to reason, not knowing that the average eight-year-old was the antithesis of reason.

"Come on! They're awesome names! And as thanks for those awesome names, maybe you could get me some-"

"Ikari is not getting you robot legs, Sakura," Touji spoke up, putting his foot down on the bionic leg situation.

Sakura took exception to that. "You know what, Touji? you're being a butt! If you won't help me fight crime as a cyborg, then I'll become a doctor!"

Touji blinked, suddenly confused. "Good?"

"Yes, good! By becoming a doctor, I'll have access to all the cyborg legs I could ever want!" Touji pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "And when you get into an accident involving giant robots and need cyborg limbs because you lost your human ones, I won't be there! Do you know where I'll be? Laughing at you while fighting crime in the night as a vigilante!"

Touji threw up his hands in frustration. "Ya know what? Fine! If ya can become a doctor, then ya deserve robot limbs at that point!"

"Score! Now all I need is to pass medical school! Sakura wins again, suckers! Did you hear that, Crimson Septuple Hypermax? I'm going to be a crime-fighting doctor! My catchphrase will be 'Malpractice makes perfect'!"

Crimson Septuple Hypermax did not hear her - she was too busy trying not to die from embarrassment.

"Is she always like this, Suzuhara?" Shinji eyed Sakura as she punched the air with kung fu moves she probably learned from a movie.

"A chaotic ball of boundless energy who thinks she's too clever fer her own good? Yeah, but I still love her, no matter what." Touji cracked a smile while he watched his sister. Shinji couldn't help but smile at the sight. He couldn't help but wonder what it was like to have a sister.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Image

NERV breakroom 7-E, at the same time

"So…." Hitomi Amagi began as she stared at her new patient as she lay on the break room sofa. "Why don't you tell me about your…. parents, Rei." She tried to act familiar with the Pilot to help ease any worries. Despite the fact that she was the one who was worried right now.

"That is classified."

Hitomi sighed. She had a feeling that was going to be something she heard a lot.

"Well, who raised you? Was it the Commander?"

"Yes, I was raised by Commander Ikari."

Good, she could work with that. "And how do you feel about the Commander?"

"I feel… pleasant, I think? It is a warm feeling in my diaphragm, like heartburn but not as unpleasant."

An unusual description but workable. "And do you feel that with anyone else?"

Rei furrowed her brow in deep thought, taking a moment to answer. "I feel similar when I spend time with Pilot Ikari and Pilot Soryu. Even if Pilot Soryu could do with cutting her word usage and volume level down to a fraction of what she currently uses."

Hitomi giggled at that. "My, a bit catty, aren't we?"

"I am not a feline, Pilot Soryu is more catlike than myself. Though, perhaps I am biased because of the Ishim that wears a catlike hat that has attached itself to Pilot Ikari."

"Ishim? Do you mean the Minisukas?" A nod. "I see, I have heard that you see one as your 'rival'. Would you care to elaborate on that?"

"It is simple. The Prankster has made a mockery of me. I am merely following something Commander Ikari once said. 'Leave no slight unpunished, Fuyutsuki, merely find the punishment that helps us the most.' By following this, I have engaged myself in a brutal war of attrition." Hitomi wanted to say something about how that probably wasn't meant for her, but Rei continued on. "And my foe is a cunning one, truly a mastermind without comparison. But I shall not falter in avenging the slight against me. I have no doubt that my grand rival is planning her next action right now in her Fortress of Prankery." Hitomi sighed. This was going to need more than one session, wasn't it? "She is undoubtedly listening in on this now, but I am not afraid. Learn of me so I may learn of you my rival, wherever you are!"

Image

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Image
(Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion video game)

Bus station in the middle of nowhere, three hundred miles from Tokyo-3

"commit tax evasion." Prankster batted away the illusory turnip and its anti-tax propaganda. It still hung around, just in the corner of her sight. It seemed like a good idea at the time - an abandoned backpack in the middle of the woods filled with vacuum-sealed bags of mushrooms, why would she think they were anything but normal? Of course, she was also starving from days of wandering through the woods so that probably eroded her decision-making process.

"Anta Baka…." Really, after getting abducted by a swallow, a fox, a bear, a gang of beatboxing rabbits, and a monkey on a unicycle, could you blame her for not considering if the mushrooms were hallucinogenic or not? On the bright side, fighting a vision of a giant cyborg onion with a turnip was a novel experience. Coming down from the high and having to run away from a very real murderous clown that made these woods its home was not.

'honk honk' Prankster stiffened and started scanning the area for any homicidal harlequins, but to her relief, it was only the bus horn. The bus stopped in front of her, the door opening to reveal an elderly bus driver.

"Hey there, tiny girl, heading to Tokyo-3?" Prankster nodded vigorously. "Well, hop on in! Don't worry 'bout fare, I don't charge for things smaller than the average child." Weird policy, but she wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She scrambled up into the bus, heading straight for the back. On her way, she saw a seat occupied by a coyote with a briefcase. She wanted to question that, but it still wasn't the strangest thing she's seen all week. She quickly climbed up the seat and sat down next to a pink-haired girl in a tracksuit.

"Pocky?" the pink-haired girl offered. Prankster gladly accepted and quickly started devouring the snack. "Wow, you're hungry. Take all the Pocky you want." It was official, this girl was now on Prankster's good list.

"Aw dammit, that clown's back again! You think it would learn after the fourth time I gave it a face full of bumper. Well, fifth time's the charm as they say." The bus suddenly accelerated and the feeling of something getting run over reverberated through all the passengers. Prankster, the pink-haired girl, and the coyote all shared a look before suddenly finding the floor very interesting.

"commit tax evasion." the hallucinatory turnip repeated.

Prankster sighed. It was going to be a long trip.

Image

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Katsuragi apartment, around the same time

"Hmmm." Asuka paused the footage and cross-referenced the AAR before jotting something down in her notebook. Now that she was actually in Tokyo-3, she had no trouble getting the combat footage against the Angels and the associated reports. Right now she was using them to go over Shinji's battles with a fine tooth comb. He asked her for help and Asuka Langley Soryu was not one to go into things half-baked. Also, it helped distract her from the confusing feelings she had towards Shinji.

"Alright, it appears they gave him some basic training, but his form is so amateur and sloppy. They're lucky the mini-mes were here to help him or we'd be doomed already."

"Wark!" The penguin was also here. He was fine enough company, and talking to an animal looked less crazy than talking to herself.

"I agree. I mean points to him for using impalement as a way to prevent the Angel from escaping but that had to hurt like a bitch." She honestly had no idea what the bird was saying, but she liked to pretend it was saying something insightful about the situation. "And we can't have getting hurt as something that happens regularly. It wouldn't do to have a Pilot out of commission because they got injured due to their own stupidity."

"Wark?"

"Yeah, the battle against the Jet Alone thing was pretty interesting. To see the contrast of fighting something that thinks and acts in a way similar to a human as compared to the inhuman Angels is pretty interesting. I just wish it didn't give the Idiot head trauma - he needs all the brain cells he can get." After all, he needed all the thinking power he had to get through what she had planned for him. Maybe she could get First to join in?

"Nah, the First is probably fine, I should focus my attention on Idiot Shinji." It's not like she was worried that Ayanami was a threat to her completely non-existent plans to woo the Idiot. Or that she was kinda creeped out by the First's doll-like demeanor and weird obsession with vengeance. Nope, it's just that it would be better to focus on the Idiot. One-on-one learning is always better.

"Wark." Pen-Pen waddled away, seemingly no longer interested in the conversation. Or going to get another beer.

"Fine, be that way. I might as well take a break, too." She got up and walked to the balcony, surprised by the shade engulfing it. The shade quickly receded, revealing a single cloud in the sky, almost shaped like a spider? No, it was just a nondescript cloud shape. She stretched and gazed out onto the city, admiring the edifice of human perseverance she was tasked with protecting.

"I wonder what Shinji is cooking for dinner tonight?" As much as she hated admitting it, his cooking was fantastic, but considering he had practice with the mini-mes, it was expected. That was another thing bugging her - the mini-mes. Nobody had an explanation for them. Where did they come from? Why were they here? why did they look like her? Considering they couldn't really communicate, it wasn't like she could get an answer out of them. That little shit, Shiki, bothered her the most, and not for the obvious reasons. How did she get that eyepatch? Did she lose an eye? Why was she so… morose compared to the rest of them? It was bugging her to no end, but she would fix that problem. One way or another, Asuka was going to unlock the mystery of her diminutive doppelgängers.

Well, once she figured out a way how to do that. But lacking a tangible method to achieve a task would not stop Asuka Langley Soryu! But it would probably delay her a lot.

"Well, back to work." She returned to the TV, ready to put the finishing touches on her 'Shinji Ikari Evangelion Training Regimen'.

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, Shinji Ikari felt a chill go down his spine.


Notes:
"Another chapter down. Here we are introduced to Mana Kirishima, perhaps the most well know and used of the Evangelion extracanonical characters. I probably don't need to explain this, but she is from the Girlfriend of Steel (or Iron Maiden) game, perhaps the most ported Evangelion game. She was also in the Shinji Ikari Raising Project game and manga. Not really much else to say about this chapter. Also, local cool dudes Calborghete and his brother have created a phenomenal piece of fanart for this fic, you can check it out by braving the Asushin subreddit. Give their stuff a look, it's pretty cool. Anyway, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you want, and have a pleasant day."

Notes from Me:
Rise of the Minisukas has gotten its own entry on the TV Tropes website:
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ ... eMinisukas
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 18

Post by Enigma12 » Sat Sep 10, 2022 9:09 pm

Yeah given her size it is going to be a pretty long trip for the shrooms to wear off. And also this story got a tv tropes page. Good for it…

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 18

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Sat Sep 10, 2022 10:39 pm

Image
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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"Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 19

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Fri Sep 16, 2022 5:32 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-08-25
Words: 3,602

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?


Chapter 19: Pink and Blue and Insubstantial All Over

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


Mayumi stared at the board with fervent disdain, the images she had taken of Ikari, the Red Devils, and the 'Asuka Langley Soryu' staring back at her. They never noticed her when she took the pictures. Nobody noticed her when she did anything and she wanted to keep it that way.

"I may have no clue how to stop the transmogrification, but I know the source. I have someone already very far along, and I have the ringmaster. It's only a matter of time before I once again have the quiet life I so crave." She couldn't suppress the deranged giggle emerging from her throat like a butterfly from a cocoon. This may be challenging, but that would never stop her from achieving her quiet life.

"My oh my, quite the little setup you have here."

Mayumi blinked at the strangely familiar voice speaking behind her. She swiftly grabbed one of her thicker dictionaries and turned around to face the intruder. The last thing she expected to see was herself, but there she was, Mayumi Yamagishi. Glowing red eyes stared back at her, an amused look crossing her doppelgänger's face. "Would you like a little help with that?"

"Who the heck are you!?" Mayumi waved the dictionary threateningly around. "Start talking before I give you a walloping!"

"Fear not, little Mayumi, for I have come to help you. I am Lailah, Angel of Conception, and I have heard your woes, young Lilim. I appear before you to offer my help in your-"

"No."

The Angel was thrown off by this sudden refusal. "Pardon? W-why do you refuse?"

"I know your game! I've read enough books to recognize a Faustian bargain when I see one! You offer me help, but you're going to use me for your own nefarious purposes. Also, you're an Angel, those giant monsters that attack the city, which makes you even less trustworthy!"

Lailah was taken aback by the sudden rebuffing. "Well, I understand your-"

"Do you know who I am?" Mayumi calmly asked as she stared the Angel in the eyes.

"You are Mayumi Yamagishi-"

Mayumi dropped the dictionary and quickly gripped Lailah's spectral throat, bringing their faces merely inches away. "That's right. I'm Mayumi Yamagishi, I'm a student at the Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High School." Mayumi unblinkingly stared into the Angel's eyes, and Lailah couldn't help but gulp. "I'm fourteen years old and I live in the southwestern sector of Tokyo-3. I spend my days reading a wide variety of books, without interacting with any of my classmates." Lailah's eyes nervously darted around the room, wondering where this was all going. "I go to sleep around nine o'clock, after reading from a calming, simple book. With this, I have no trouble sleeping until morning, waking up refreshed."

"What are-"

"What I'm trying to say is that I like having a peaceful and quiet life. I can't have that if I have to worry about you or those little devils. So take this as a warning - if you try to disrupt my life even further, the demons of the nine circles of Hell will look upon what I will do to you and weep with envy, for they will never be able to replicate the tortures I will inflict upon you."

Lailah stared into Mayumi's eyes and found no falsehood in her words.

"Mayumi! Who are you talking to?" a voice called out from elsewhere in the home.

"Just a spectral entity offering me a Faustian bargain, Dad!"

"Alright, how do you feel about curry tonight?"

"Curry sounds wonderful, thank you!" Mayumi returned her attention to the Angel, who was now sweating bullets and refusing to make eye contact. "Well?"

"I see your point, and I would be more than happy to leave you be. It's just that….."

"Just what?"

"Well, I kinda already put my core inside your body when you weren't looking because I didn't think you would refuse. Please don't hurt me!"

Mayumi stared at the Angel with an unreadable expression, before tightening her grip and attempting to strangle the Angel with a sonorous war cry.

Image
("Hurry up and become a magical girl, otherwise it's a contract!") (art by tk8)

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The bus screeched to a halt and the coyote took the briefcase in its mouth and trotted off, the rest of the passengers following suit. Prankster took in a deep breath of the familiar Tokyo-3 air, glad to be away from the wilderness and its murderous clowns.

"Well, we're here," the pink-haired girl stated as the bus peeled away. "If you don't have anywhere to go, you wanna stay with me? I can't imagine my guardian will have much issue with you joining us."

"Anta Baka," Prankster stated with exhaustion. She just wanted to get back to her secret lair, take a bath, and sleep for a week.

"Alright, but if you change your mind, the offer is open. We're bus buddies, after all!"

Prankster gave a weary smile and a nod, hobbling off home, and leaving behind her new friend.

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Kotone Suzunami watched her tiny new friend hobble around a corner and disappear. She was disappointed she couldn't hang out with her new friend, but she understood that she had places to be. The sudden blaring of a 'La Cucaracha' horn broke her out of her musings as a beat-up van pulled up beside her. A man with shoulder-length brown hair leaned out of the window to look at her.

"Hey, are you Kotone Suzunami?" He looked at a picture to compare to her face as he squinted his eyes.

This must be her new guardian's coworker or something here to pick her up. "Yes, I am. Who are you?"

He put away the picture and began getting out of the van. "Good to meetcha, name's Shigeru Aoba. I'm your….." He paused as if trying to calculate something. "I'm actually not entirely sure what I technically am to you, so I guess you can consider me your Uncle. I'll be looking after you."

Oh, this was her guardian. "O-oh, nice to meet you, Uncle Aoba." He looked different from what she thought he might, but considering her previous experience with guardians, he was still coming out ahead.

"Just call me Aoba, calling me Uncle makes me feel old. Also, sorry about my good-for-nothing brother."

"It's no trouble. It's not your fault he's…"

"An asshole. It's alright, you can call him that."

"I just didn't want to be rude."

"Don't worry about it. So, you hungry?"

"Starving. Can we get something?"

"Sure, there's a Pho place around here my boss likes to talk about. Hop in." He opened the door for her, and she entered a van that smelled like freshly sprayed air freshener. She buckled in as he started it up.

“So," he started. "How do you feel about music?"

"Music is neat, but I'm more into dancing."

"Nice. I tried dance back in college, but I never got far. Mostly because I accidentally set the dance studio on fire. Man, that was a wild time." Kotone suddenly felt very uneasy about this whole situation. "By the way, how do you feel about eight-inch-tall redheads?"

She perked up at that. "I like them!" Was her weird new friend well known around here?

Her Uncle chuckled at her exclamation. "I think you'll do really well around here."

With that, Aoba and Kotone drove off toward their future. And a Vietnamese restaurant. Mostly a Vietnamese restaurant.

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(Kotone Suzunami)

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Secret SEELE Base, Germany

Keel flipped through the musty old tome; the ancient vellum pages stained with centuries-old ink mixed with blood. Keel grimaced, glad some of SEELE's more barbaric practices had long since died out.

"Iblis, the Angel of Despair. Auriel, the Angel of the Sun. Shateiel, the Angel of Silence. Are these names a warning, or are they red herrings?" He flipped to the next page and grimaced - the pages covered in long-dried blood, undoubtedly shed when the author outlived his usefulness. He could barely make out the words 'cycle', 'shadow', 'death', and 'Thanatos'. The rest was illegible due to the bloodstains.

He sighed and closed the old tome, putting it back with the others. “More apocryphal Angels to add to the list." He leaned back in his chair and cursed silently. The Scenario he had helped build for decades was crumbling, the only consolation was that Ikari was undoubtedly equally troubled by this sudden departure from the Scrolls. His vision turned towards the live feed of their 'guest', Tabris. The Angel was completely in the dark about these changes to the Angels, as they were, and was becoming increasingly erratic. Still, he would serve his purpose. As Ikari undoubtedly now had the body of Adam, they had the one who housed his soul, something Ikari was undoubtedly unaware of. Complementation would be brought about by the forbidden fusion of Adam and Lilith, body or soul. But it still paid to have a few aces up your sleeve.

He reached for his private phone and put in the code to direct his call to the location he desired. The ringing cut through the previously silent office like a blade before a voice rang out. "Tabgha Base, what do you need, Chairman?"

They knew it was him - he was the only person on the planet who knew of Tabgha Base. Even the other members of SEELE did not know of it. While he trusted them to an extent, some things were better held close to the chest.

"What is the progress of Project Nazareth?"

"Proceeding slightly ahead of schedule, Chairman."

"Good. Any issues I should be aware of?"

"None so far, sir."

"Excellent. Continue your efforts."

"Understood. Tabgha out." The line went dead, leaving the office silent once more.

"While things may not be proceeding to the original Scenario, the path to Complementation is secure. Ikari may be no fool, but he is not as experienced in the game as I am."

Even with the reduction to nine Mass Production Evangelion, even with the still missing three unfinished MPEs, even with the Angels defying the Scrolls, he would succeed. No matter what.

Image

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Asuka stared at the television as she idly flipped through the channels. Pen-Pen had left to who knows where at some point. She had finished reviewing the videos and her training plan was solidified. Unfortunately, that had left her with nothing to do. So here she was, flipping through channels of weird Japanese programming.

"Anta Baka."

Asuka blinked at the sudden interruption. "I know right-" She turned to look at the origin of the voice and had to do a double-take at what she saw. It was a mini-me, but wrong. The red plugsuit was there, the face shape was there, but the hair was blue and the eyes red just like- "First?"

"Baka," the mini-me(?) hissed out, as if Asuka had just insulted her ancestors.

"Uh, sorry?" She made a note to herself that the Ayanami-like mini-me(?) did not like being compared to Ayanami. "So…. can I help you?" Asuka was curious, none of the mini-mes had approached her yet, so this was an excellent chance to get some intel on them.

The mini-me(?) produced a picture of Ayanami from somewhere and pointed to it. "Baka." She pointed at the picture.

"Okay, what about the First?" The mini-me(?) pointed to Asuka, then the picture, then drew her thumb across her neck in a slashing motion. "You…. want me to kill Ayanami?!" A nod. "What in Gott's name is wrong with you?! I'm not going to kill somebody!" Asuka shouted in indignant fury. She was many things, but she wasn't a murderer!

"Anta Baka!" the Blue mini-me shouted back before a group of four other normal-looking mini-mes tackled her to the ground. After a bit of a tussle, three of the mini-mes hauled the blue one off, and a fourth stayed behind to give her a gift card to a local convenience store before running off to join them.

Asuka stared as the mini-mes disappeared into an air vent. "What just happened?"

"I'm home!" she heard Shinji call out.

Shaking off her confusion, she went to confront Shinji about whatever he knew about whatever just happened. "Third!" She sprinted off towards the entryway, nearly bumping into him in the kitchen. "Mini-me looks like me but the First, explain!"

“…..What?"

"Pay attention, Idiot! Why is there a mini-me that looks like me if I was Ayanami?!"

He blinked, tilting his head in an endearingly confused- FOCUS ASUKA! "Is there? I honestly don't interact with Minisukas aside from Leader and Shiki. Also, the ones that hang around the Class Rep."

She wanted to question that, but she knew he wasn't one to lie about the mini-mes, so she turned her attention to the only other individual who could know - Leader. Shiki joined her, staring a hole through Leader. Leader was pointedly looking away, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"Leader, right? Got something to say?" Asuka's voice was dripping with annoyance, she wanted answers. Unfortunately, she would not receive them, as a knock at the door distracted all of them, allowing Leader a chance to escape. "Hey!" By the time she'd noticed Leader's escape, she had already retreated into the safety of the air vents. "Dammit, she got away."

"Uh, sorry?"

"It's not your fault, idiot." She sighed. "Deal with dinner, I'll get the door."

She trudged towards the entryway and opened the door. On the other side was a pink-haired girl who stared at her with wide eyes. Said eyes then widened with glee. "Omigosh, how did you get so big?!"

"Wha-"

"And I didn't notice before but those are some adorable hair clips! You gotta tell me where you got them!"

"Thanks, but-"

Suddenly, Asuka was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug. "And you can use words now! This is great!"

Asuka sighed. It was going to be a long day.

Image
(Art by Nadeara Bukichi)

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Kaji crept along, his body hidden by the ingenious potted plant disguise. He stopped in front of the door, waited five full minutes to ensure that the coast was clear, then entered his office. The office was empty, save for piles of unfinished paperwork and the scent of cheap cologne. "Phew, that was nerve-wracking." He extracted himself from the potted plant and walked over to his desk. "Well, time to get some work in."

The chair suddenly swung around to reveal a Minisuka.

"Oh no."

"Anta Baka?"

Suddenly, dozens of Minisukas emerged from their hiding places, approaching Kaji with malicious intent. "W-wait!" he pleaded as he was surrounded with no chance of escape. To his surprise, they stopped, seemingly giving him a chance to talk. "Look, I figure I've slighted you in some way, shape, or form-" They all glare at him in response." -but stabbing me in the shin is not the way to go about it. At this rate, the only one who wins is the local podiatrist. Surely there is some sort of compromise we can make that doesn't involve me being stabbed?"

They all stared at him for a moment before huddling into a group to discuss something. He wasn't sure why considering he couldn't understand anything they said. Eventually, they broke their huddle and commandeered his computer. "Baka. Anta Baka." They pointed to the screen, and he carefully leaned over to look at it.

"That?" he voiced in surprise. "You want that?"

A multitude of nods.

"It's doable but getting it won't be quick. Two months, minimum."

They discussed amongst themselves again before giving him a thumbs up and an 'I'm watching you' motion. They scrambled out of his office, leaving him unscathed.

"Huh." He looked at the NERV inventory file. "Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu's Evangelion research notes, huh? Wonder what they want with that?" Shrugging, he finally began to chip away at all the paperwork he was required to deal with. One thing they never tell you about the spy business, it's all the paperwork.

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Leader emerged from the air vent into Shinji’s room, silent as a whisper and looking around to ensure the coast was clear. After making sure that Blue was kept busy and the usual meetings discussing (hopefully) upcoming events, she managed to sneak back in.

"Leader." Oh, right. Leader turned to look at a glaring Shiki. "You wanna explain about how that Ayanami-type-like us never came up?" Her tone indicated that she would be receiving an answer, or else.

"In my defense, you never come to any of the meetings, so you really aren't up to date on all the going ons."

"Yeah, well, someone has to watch over him."

"You realize he's going to be fine if you leave him alone for a while?"

A scowl grew on Shiki's face as she closed the distance between the two. "You don't know that!" Shiki hissed, her eye narrowed.

Leader took a deep breath as she tried to put a placating expression on. "Look, Shiki," she began, trying to find the appropriate words. "I don't know what happened to you, but he's going to be fine. Worrying about him constantly isn't going to help."

"Easy for you to say. You probably had a choice." Shiki's fists clenched tightly. "You probably had a chance to do something and didn't because-"

Shiki didn't finish as she was knocked to the ground as Leader's palm connected with her check with a thunderous smack. Shiki blinked in shock as she looked up at a now livid Leader.

"Don't you ever say I had a choice!" Leader screamed in rage. "I never had a choice! You think it doesn't hurt for me to look at him?! Do you think any of us see him and don't feel pain in our hearts?!" At some point, Leader had hauled Shiki up by her plugsuit collar and held her at eye level. "Every time I look at him, I see my failures looking back at me! So, get off your fucking high horse before I kick you off it myself!" Leader let go, Shiki stumbling to the ground.

Shiki turned her attention to Shinji's sleeping form, watching the rise and fall of his chest. Leader rolled her eyes and began to walk away.

"I hated him, you know?"

Leader froze, turning around to see an unmoved Shiki, sitting on the ground, knees to her chest.

"I knew him for so short a time, but even with everything, I still grew to like him. But then he disappeared, and I blamed him, hated him, but most of all, I wanted to see him again. And I did. But I fucked it up. I couldn't let go of my anger. Then he was gone."

"By gone you mean…." Shiki stared at her hands before her eyes flickered to the corner of the room for a moment.

"Gone. All that hatred, that tiny flicker of hope I had, gone. Just emptiness left."

Silence enveloped them for a while as they stared at Shinji. "Thanks for telling me this. I know it can't be easy." Shiki grumbled something that sounded like a 'you're welcome'. "Also, sorry for hitting you. Managing all of this has been stressful, and you just kinda lit the fuse."

"It's fine. I was being a bitch."

Leader snorted. "Yeah, well, it kinda comes with being us. So…. does this mean you'll start coming to the meetings now?"

"Gott, no. I hate dealing with people, especially if they're some version of me."

"Worth a shot. I'm going to sleep. Are you gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine. I just have some things I need to think about."

"Alright." Leader got up and walked towards her pillow in the corner of the room before stopping halfway. "We're going to get through this. He'll be okay. You know that, right?"

A thumbs up was her only response.

Leader sighed and flopped down on her pillow, sleep soon overtaking her.

"Maybe if you say it enough times, it'll happen," Shiki muttered as she watched Shinji's chest rise and fall rhythmically. Suddenly a thought struck her. "Oh, that bitch. She completely dodged the topic about the Ayanami-type-like us!" Unfortunately, Leader would not hear the end of this come morning.

Image


Notes:
“Bit of a weaker chapter in my opinion, hopefully that's just me. As you may guess, Lailah is the name I have given what is known as the 'Insubstantial Angel' from the Second Impressions game. Lailah in Jewish texts is the Angel of Conception, but also of the night. Kotone Suzunami (whom I hinted at back in chapter 15) is a character from Evangelion Battlefields, and is an orphan who is basically a Youtuber that is a backup Eva Pilot, and a spy for Gendo. In other news, somebody made a TV tropes page for this fic. Thanks to whomever decided this out of all fics was worth the time to make a page for. Stay tuned for the next chapter, where the Eighth Angel takes the stage. Until then, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you like, and have a pleasant day.”

Notes from Me:
For 'Faustian bargains', it's hard to beat the anime Puella Magi Madoka Magica, wherein becoming a Witch-smashing Magical Girl is quickly shown to be all fun-n'-games... NOT! And even worse (spoiler), the show's cute mascot character (called Kyubey) is behind all of this! Combine him with Gendo Ikari using Jeff Goldblum gene splicing and you get an unspeakable being!
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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"Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 20

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Thu Sep 22, 2022 12:07 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-09-16
Words: 3,570

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?


Chapter 20: Staycation’s All I Never Wanted

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


"So then I said they didn't have any idea how ad revenue works, so they took exception to that and tried to falsely flag my Spasm channel. Long story short, I mostly stream on UsVision nowadays."

Asuka wanted to strangle the pink-haired girl so much right now, and not for the usual reasons she wanted to strangle girls. Wow, now that she thought about that, it was kind of weird she had a usual reason for wanting to strangle girls. But they usually deserved it, so it wasn’t a problem.

"I… don't know what any of that means, Suzunami."

Gott, did he live under a rock this past decade? Anyway, there was her problem. That Suzunami girl was paying way too much attention to Shinji, and it was leaving an unsettled feeling in her gut, and it wasn't indigestion. Well, maybe it was. That candy bar tasted fine, and it was only a week past its expiration date, but who knew what kind of weird rules Japanese candy ran on.

"Don't be so formal, you weirdo! Call me Kotone, alright Shinji?"

Asuka wondered if being a Pilot would allow one to get away with murder. She had an inkling that Section Two had experience on how to get rid of bodies, but she didn't want to break in her crowbar just yet.

"S-sure, uh, Kotone."

At least put up some resistance, Third! He's such a pushover at times.

"Relax, I don't bite. Much~"

It would be easy to just strangle her right now when Shinji had his back turned and dump her in an alley.

"So what's with the two lunches? Make one for your favorite gal over there?"

I mean, she isn't that bad, all things considered. She could tolerate her - wait Asuka, don't get distracted! Deflect DEFLECT!

"It's not like that! He and I have a professional relationship! He is responsible for keeping the Pilot Corps well fed with his cooking." There, that should make things clear. So why did the Idiot look disappointed?

"Pilot Corps? What's that?"

Asuka blinked in confusion. "You don't know? Well, you see, the Idiot and I are-"

"Hold that thought, we're here!"

They were indeed at the school, the PE Teacher standing at the gate, watching the students enter. She noticed he'd been staring at them intently lately, especially Shinji. She’d better keep an eye on him - he's probably some perv who wanted to take advantage of Shinji's gullible nature.

"I gotta go get my student stuff, I'll find you guys at lunch later. Laters~" And she ran off, like a pink-haired ball of hyperactivity.

"She's… unique."

"She's something, alright. But I'm sure you've seen plenty like her at your old school."

"Not really. I didn't really pay attention to the others back then."

"Geez Third, you make it sound like you didn't have any friends." Not that she was one to talk, not that she would ever say that out loud.

"I didn't. I never had any friends until I came here. The Minisukas were my first friends ever."

Wow. That's….. wow. She actually felt a bit sorry for him. But at least he had an excellent choice in first friends. "And now I have Aida, Suzuhara, Horaki, Aoba, and you."

She stopped right outside the entrance, her mind freezing at what he had just said. She spun around to face him. "You….. you consider me a friend?"

"Yeah? Aren't we friends?" He looked genuinely confused, and a touch concerned. Her mind called for a ceasefire on the ongoing Kaji vs Shinji war to deliberate on her response.

After a few seconds that felt like countless eternities, she responded. "Yes," she stated as neutrally as she could. "Of course we're friends. There is no reason why we shouldn't be friends."

His face brightened as relief visibly washed over him. "Good. I was worried you might not like me."

"If I didn't like you, I'd tell you. Like I do with that little shit Shiki." Said little shit flipped her off and she responded in kind. She turned around and headed to her locker, opening it to unleash a torrent of paper. "Are you Gottdamn kidding me?! The first week, the constant love letters were amusing. Now they're a nuisance!"

"Well, that one looked like a death threat, so you're getting some variety now at least." Shinji pointed out one particular letter that had the words 'I will destroy you!' written in blood-red ink.

"Huh, so there is. Well, can't say I've had a death threat sent to me yet. Points for that at least."

"And this one is an advertisement for a new steakhouse that just opened up."

She snatched that one up quickly. "Oh! Nice find, Third! I could go for a steak. Come on, let's get to class."

"What about all these letters?"

"What about them?"

"Baka." Leader stated as if saying 'I got this'. Sure enough, a bunch of mini-mes appeared and started putting the letters in a bag labeled 'worthless trash'. Good to know that they had a handle on this.

"See? They got it covered. Now let's go, I don't want Hikari reprimanding us for being late."

He nodded and followed, obviously seeing her logic as infallible. She could tell that today was gonna be a good day.

Image

Image

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"My name is Kotone Suzunami, let's get along!" Kotone gave a small smile, taking in the other occupants of the-

"You're the UsVisioner, K-Nami! You're awesome!" Kensuke shouted, pointing at Kotone in surprise.

"No, you're awesome, whoever you are!" Kotone made the finger gun motion at Kensuke, who gasped like he just got told his favorite celebrity was waiting in the next room to give him a birthday present. Was that analogy used already? I think it's been used already.

"You hear that Touji? I'm awesome!"

"Screw you, Ken, I ain't needing an internet celebrity ta tell me I'm awesome."

"You're just jealous!"

"Are not!"

"Aida! Suzuhara! Zip it!" Hikari demanded as she menaced them with a broom.

""Yes, Class Rep.""

"Miss Suzunami," the teacher droned. "Take the seat in the corner over there. Now, to continue from last class….." The teacher paused as his eyes glazed over, his focus everywhere and nowhere at once.

"Oh, the teacher's stuck again," Hikari groaned, before directing her attention to her classmates. "Alright, use this chance to study! Also, don't forget to get your permission slips for the trip to Okinawa. I don't want another Osaka-3 incident."

"We get to go on a beach trip for school? Great! I need to shop for a swimsuit." Asuka giggled maliciously as a multitude of plans began to form in her head.

"Uh, Asuka? Do you really think they'll let us go to Okinawa for a trip?"

Asuka stared at Shinji in confusion. "Yeah? Why wouldn't they?"

"Well, what if an Angel attacks and we can't get to our Evas because we're thousands of miles away?"

"Fair, so I guess you or Ayanami will have to stay. Gotta keep someone here to hold the fort."

"But would you really want to miss a chance to fight an Angel because you're on vacation?"

Asuka opened her mouth to retort before closing it as the words died in her throat. This process repeated half a dozen times before her eyes went wide in realization. "Oh Gott, you're right."

Leader had also gripped her head in horrid realization as if she never even considered such a thing before. Shiki looked at them like they were idiots.

"Perhaps you're not as stupid as I thought you were, Third."

"Thanks? I think?"

"I mean, if the Angels are even somewhat intelligent, they're just waiting for me to leave so they can strike, and I almost fell for such a cunning trick."

Shinji opened his mouth to retort, but Leader and Shiki poked his neck to get his attention, both shaking their heads to dissuade him. Fortunately, he got the message and shut his mouth.

"I mean, even with the mini-mes here, you and First need all the help you can get." Asuka nodded to herself, pleased with her own reasoning. "You've convinced me, Shinji. Obviously, my intelligence is rubbing off on you."

"Uh…. You're welcome?"

Suddenly the teacher's eyes flickered with the dull light of life, resuming his lecture on Second Impact. The class groaned in unison as another familiar tirade about Second Impact egg prices graced their ears.

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"Of course you wouldn't be allowed to go on a trip. You're literally necessary to protect the world," Misato stated plainly as she crushed a beer can and threw it into the recycling bin.

"I figured, but I'm still pissed off for some reason," Asuka grumbled, not entirely sure what she should be angry at right now.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I can get you use of the NERV swimming pools."

Asuka huffed indignantly but eased her scowl. "Better than nothing, I suppose."

"But there's a catch," Misato interjected as she pulled two report cards and slapped them down on the kitchen table. Asuka and Shinji went pale at the sight. "Your grades. Improve them." She had discarded her guise of friendly housemate Misato, revealing the rare but powerful responsible guardian Misato.

"But I-"

"No buts, the both of you are more capable than this. You need to do better." Misato genuinely believed that they were capable of doing better. The fact that she wanted to show up that Aino bitch at the next PTA meeting was only minor in comparison.

Asuka glared at her before letting out a frustrated sigh. "Fine. But I want private pool access! I don't want some old lecher staring at me."

"Fair. Shinji?"

"I'll do my best, Misato," Shinji mumbled dejectedly, not looking forward to this.

Misato sighed but figured that was the best she was going to get. "Alright, now that that's out of the way, who wants what for takeout?" Despite being banned from the kitchen on penalty of tasering, she was still part of the chore schedule. Having to work around her lack of kitchen access, she'd chosen to just get takeout for her charges. She was met with five different answers, as Leader and Shiki decided to throw in their two cents as well. Seeing as that battle would take a bit, Misato decided another beer was in order.

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Image
("Bathing Suit Asuka - Neon Genesis Evangelion" cosplay by Mostflogged)

About a week later, NERV Swimming Facility 4

Shinji stared at the screen of the school laptop, the equations taunting him. Leader and Shiki appeared to be discussing something just behind the laptop. His mind began to wander as the equations on the screen began to melt into a blob of numbers and symbols. He thought about the strange new life he was leading as an Eva Pilot. He was fighting aliens in a giant robot, and he was friends with a horde of tiny redheads.

"Friends…." he whispered low enough to be unheard by anyone. He still had trouble believing it - he had friends! He spent so long without connecting to anyone that he suspected he might never have any. But now he had plenty! Kensuke, Touji, Horaki, Mister Aoba, Kotone, Ayanami, Asuka, and the Minisukas. He smiled when he thought about the Minisukas. How they burst into his life and added a bit more color to his life each day. It gave his heart a warm and fuzzy feeling, and he was positive it wasn't heartburn, he went to an appointment with a NERV doctor to make sure. Asuka herself only seemed to add more color to his drab life, like a crimson whirlwind that spoke German. Though she was a bit harder to figure out, while the Minisukas were easy to figure out, she was a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered in shadows. Her actions and words seemed contradictory at times, always insulting him but saying it in a tone that sounded oddly pleased. He couldn't figure her out.

"-ird?" A hand was waved in front of his face as he snapped back to reality, a slightly concerned Asuka, Leader, and Shiki staring at him.

"O-oh, sorry. I kinda blanked out trying to figure out….. whatever this is."

Asuka blinked, turning her attention to the screen. She scoffed when she saw what it was. "Thermal Expansion? Come on Third, this is easy! Changes in temperature cause the molecules of matter to expand and contract, changing its size. For instance…." She looked down at her body for a moment (which led Shinji to notice the extremely flattering striped bikini she was wearing) and smirked for a moment before furrowing her brow in thought. "Never mind. Anyway, you've been looking at that screen for too long." She closed the laptop, fixing her eyes on him. "We have the pool, let's use it!"

Oh no. "I'm okay, you go enjoy yourself." Swimming, one of his mortal enemies, right next to soccer moms who snatched up all the meat on sale and people who hated Antonio Salieri for no reason.

"Jeez, live a little! It's not like you can't swim." Suddenly the walls became very interesting as he pointedly avoided eye contact. "Oh Gott, you actually can't swim, can you?"

He turned to look, and Asuka, Leader, and Shiki were looking at him with surprised faces.

"…No."

Suddenly the three of them quickly changed from surprise to anger. "You Idiot! You can't swim and you went to a fleet in the middle of the ocean?! What were you thinking?!"

"That I wasn't going to be near the water if I stayed inside the boat?"

"Well, what about when we went to see Unit-02? We traveled by boat there! You could've fallen off and drowned!"

"Well, you kinda just dragged me there, and you looked excited to show off your Eva, and I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Thanks! But you're an idiot! Putting your life in danger is stupid!"

"But it worked out?" he tried but was met by an instant counter.

"Just because it 'worked out' doesn't make it any less stupid! That's it! I'm adding swimming to your training regimen now."

Shinji gulped as Asuka dragged him off, almost hoping an Angel would attack right now.

Image
(Best physics textbook ever)

----------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile in Okinawa

Mayumi sat underneath a tree and read her book. Her guest hovered around her.

"Why did you even come here if all you're going to do is read?" Lailah inquired, her empty eyes staring at the horizon.

"My parents insisted I 'experience the world', and I don't want to make my parents worry."

"Mmmmm. Wasn't this island destroyed by Second Impact?"

"Mostly yes, but they used artificial sandbars or something to rebuild enough of it to make a resort. How did you know the island was destroyed?"

"Television signals are easy to intercept, so I learned from them."

Mayumi scowled. "Easier than removing the core you put in my body apparently."

"I'm trying! I want to be out of here as much as you do!" Lailah paused as her head turned towards the north. "Huh."

"What do you mean, huh?"

"Oh, it's just good we're away from that city. Things are about to get hectic."

"Angel Attack coming?" Lailah nodded. "Huh. Well, not my problem." Mayumi returned to reading as Lailah continued to stare at the horizon.

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Minisuka Secret Base, a few days later

"How did nobody know he couldn't swim?!" Leader shouted, glaring at all the other assembled Minisukas.

"We're not sure,” Professor offered. “It seems odd that it never came up for any of us, but that's what appears to have happened."

"Great. Well, it's fine. They can use this as a chance to bond. Update on Prankster?"

"After being missing for two weeks, she was spotted about a week ago going into an abandoned gag toy store in the Tokyo-3 outskirts," a Minisuka juggling way too many files answered.

"Weirdly specific location, but alright. Well, we can deal with her later. We got the Eighth to deal with soon." A wave of murmurs erupted. Leader let them fade before continuing. "Now, as we discussed, we'll let this happen as is, but we're going to be on standby just in case." All present grew a determined look, ready to-

Suddenly the ground shook, Tokyo-3's plates rattling in distress. It lasted only for a moment, but the effect it caused remained.

"What was that?" Leader inquired, dread snaking its way up from her stomach.

"Mount Asami just erupted," a Minisuka on the jury-rigged sensor array responded.

Leader's eye twitched. Suddenly an alarm blared throughout Tokyo-3.

"And the MAGI detected a Pattern Blue."

Both eyes started twitching.

"Oh, two different Pattern Blues."

Leader paused, took a deep breath, and let out an enraged scream - "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

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The Evas rocketed up to the surface, once again ready to face the Angelic threat.

"Alright, where are they?" Asuka grabbed a Sonic Glaive from the weapon cache and gave it a theatrical twirl. "If they're gonna interrupt my vacation time, then they should present themselves for their execution."

"One is rapidly approaching Tokyo-3, another is currently maintaining position within Lake Ashi." Ritsuko provided the sound of her rapid typing audible through the radio.

"Alright, that's over-" Asuka blinked. "Huh, how did I not notice that sooner?"

What looked like a large sea urchin covered in an orb of yellow liquid peaked over the city's skyscrapers, its size easily matching that of the Fifth Angel.

"It's pretty big," Shinji provided helpfully as he aimed at the Angel with his Pallet Rifle. "I hope it doesn't shoot death beams like the crystal one."

"I concur, that would be problematic," Rei added in her own two cents as she set up her Sniper Rifle.

"Gott, don't say that! You're gonna jinx it!" Asuka grimaced as she stared at the Angel. "Why does it remind me of a bath bead though?"

"What's a bath bead?" Shinji asked as he tried to figure out if the core/eye thing in the center of the Angel was staring at him. Unfortunately, his question would remain unanswered as Misato interrupted.

"Focus! We have no idea of the Angel's abilities, so be cautious!"

"Major Katsuragi is right. Approach the Angel, now codenamed Baraqijal, with caution," the Commander interjected.

"Wait, Major? When did I get a promotion?"

"Not the time!" Ritsuko nearly screamed. "Try to at least damage this Angel before the other one gets here!"

The three Pilots complied, approaching the Angel in combat formation.

Image

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Forsooth, the Lilim doth arriveth in their constructs of false flesh. No matter, it shall taketh more than that to striketh down I, Baraqijal the Lightning of God! So shall ye faceth my acidic wrath Lilim! Have at thee!
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Shinji, having gained a preternatural sense for things attempting him harm through Asuka's spartan training regiment, quickly dived out of the way when he saw the surface of the Angel ripple in his general direction. The building that was previously behind him was now sporting a much more melted look, courtesy of the Angel's stream of acid.

"Acid? Well, that's new, I guess," Shinji noted as he double-checked if his cable was alright. Fortunately, it was unmarred by the attack. He noticed that Unit-00 and Unit-02 had taken cover behind some buildings, so he did the same. "Any idea?"

"Anta Baka?" Leader provided, making motions as if she was pouring something into a test tube.

"Uh… science? Chemistry?" Shinji tried to figure out what her motions meant, but Asuka was quicker on the uptake.

"Chemistry? That's right! If that's acid, it could be neutralized by something basic! Good thinking, mini-me!"

"Not a bad idea," Ritsuko begrudgingly admitted. "Two problems. One, we'd need to investigate the chemical compound of that acid to find an effective countermeasure."

"The second?" Rei asked, before noticing something on the horizon through her sniper scope. "Oh."

"Yes, the second problem is that."

The Angel descended on wings of molten magma encased in an A.T. Field, its body encased in hardened rock and its eyes the picture of absolute rage.

Image

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FOOLISH LILIM! I HAVE SEEN IT! YOUR TORTURES WILL BE UNFULFILLED. I WILL BURN DOWN ALL THAT IS A MONUMENT TO YOUR EXISTENCE WITH A TIDE OF MOLTEN ROCK. WEEP AND SCREAM, FOR THE TIME OF DEFLAGRATION HAS COME! YOU FACE SANDALPHON, THE ANGEL OF EMBRYOS. PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM!
----------------------------------------------------------------

Notes:
“I was contemplating making this a bit longer but I decided to put the meat of the fight in its own chapter. So yes, Sandalphon isn't alone, he's joined by Baraqijal, an Angel from the official Evangelion TTRPG "NERV White Paper". Baraqijal's gimmick is that it turns water into acid, which is why it sets up camp in Lake Ashi. Osaka-3 was mentioned, which is of dubious extracanonicity, as it only appears in the official Godzilla vs Evangelion Real 4-D ride that was at Universal Studios Japan (no I'm not joking, this is real). Tune in next time to see the fight versus Sandalphon and Baraqijal. Until then, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you want, and have a pleasant day.”

Notes from Me:
The image of Sandalphon (from the TV series) is an “embryo” version. Asuka destroyed it after it hatched within the magma of an active volcano Mount Asami. Thus, the description of the “adult” Sandalphon is all from the author’s active imagination.
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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"Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 21

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Thu Sep 29, 2022 12:46 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-09-21
Words: 3,719

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?


Chapter 21: Molten Acidic Rage

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Image

"Just so you know, I'm blaming someone for this. I don't know who I'm blaming yet, but when I do, there will be a reckoning."

Asuka was not having a good time. She and the other Eva Units were huddled within a hastily constructed bunker made of retractable cover. Rei had lost her sniper rifle when the flying magma Angel bit it in half, Asuka's Sonic Glaive had an unfortunate brush with Baraqijal's acid attack, and Shinji's Pallet Rifle had been discarded when it had run dry of ammo. Now they had two Handguns, three Progressive Knives, and Unit-02's Spike Launcher between them. It was a miracle that their power cables were still intact.

"Any ideas, because I'm all ears."

"We're working on it, Asuka, just hold on," Misato stated placatingly, juggling multiple battle maps and intel reports.

"Sure, I'll bet the Angels will be ever so patient."

"Cut the tone, Pilot Soryu! We're working as fast as we can!" Misato had shifted into full military mode and would not suffer any sass right now. The magma-wielding Angel, recently dubbed Sandalphon, was circling overhead like a vulture, while Baraqijal had not moved at all. Alone these would be difficult foes to face, but together it was proving impossible. When targeting one the other would strike, leaving them little room to maneuver.

"Ritsuko, do we have anything yet?"

"The armor on Sandalphon appears to be volcanic rock hardened and compressed by its A.T. Field. We haven't been able to acquire a sample of Baraqijal's acid for study yet."

"Lemme guess - we can't just throw a truck filled with baking powder at it?"

"Disregarding the facts that obtaining such a massive quantity of baking powder on such short notice would be extremely unlikely and the fact that I'm pretty sure you mean baking soda, not powder, the main problem is that we don't know the chemical compound of the acid." Ritsuko resisted the urge to light up a cigarette. "The acid the Angel is attacking us with might be so alien to us that normal base compounds might prove ineffective or detrimental. We might need to synthesize a specific counter compound to even see any effect."

"And that would be-"

"A lengthy and intensive process, yes."

"Dammit, that's just great," Misato groaned as she wracked her brain for a plan.

"Wunderbar. Does anybody have anything? What about you, Third?"

"I, uh, got nothing, sorry, Asuka. It's not like we could weaken the rock armor with the acid or anything."

Asuka scoffed at that. "Yeah, as if we'll ever be so….." Asuka trailed off as a dawning realization overcame her. "Oh Gott, that's it!"

"Is the Angel coming down for another attack?!" Shinji prepared for another attack but saw nothing.

"No, you just managed to have a brilliant idea! Using that orb Angel's acid to eat away at the rock armor would allow us to get some hits in! Misato?"

"Hmmm, Ritsuko?"

"Worth a try. The MAGI are calculating the most effective way to accomplish this. Good job, Pilot Ikari, you might've won us the day."

"Baka Shinji," Leader agreed, giving Shinji a thumbs up, Shiki mirroring her. Shinji's face flushed, not used to such massive praise.

"Alright, the MAGI's got a plan. We just need a volunteer-"

Before Ritsuko could even finish what she was saying, Asuka shot up like lightning. "ME! I wanna give the Angel a thrashing!" Asuka released her control yolks and did a few quick jabs. The Entry Plug's LCL hindered the momentum of her demonstration, but the message was clear.

"That is probably optimal," Rei interjected as she kept an eye on the Angel overhead. "Pilot Soryu's sync ratio is the highest among us three, meaning her actions would be most precise. She has also displayed the most skill with melee combat, which is undoubtedly invaluable in this instance. Pilot Ikari and I could cover her while she performs the plan."

"Yeah, Asuka is probably the best choice," Shinji agreed.

Asuka, surprised at the unanimity of the decision, quickly recovered her bearings. "Damn straight I am! So, what do I have to do?"

"Unit-02's HUD is being updated with your route. Follow the instructions and the plan will have a 94 percent chance of success."

"Those are my kinda odds! Watch and learn you two, this is how you pilot an Eva!" Asuka watched her HUD sync up, waiting for the signal. A moment later she sprung forth, following the on-screen prompts. Her power cable ejected after the second waypoint, the timer beginning to count down. After a few giant strides, she was in position, already the shadow of Sandalphon descending upon her as Baraqijal had her in its sights. With a rending scream, Sandalphon plunged its body onto Unit-02, attempting to bite and claw it to pieces. Asuka grappled with it, the heat radiating off the Angel causing her to sweat. A flash in the corner of her vision let her know her chance had come. She pivoted her body and put Sandalphon between her and Baraqijal, the recently released lance of acid striking Sandalphon in the back. Sandalphon screamed as Asuka pivoted again, facing the Angel's now exposed back towards her teammates.

"Now!" Shinji shouted, popping out of cover to pepper the Angel with handgun rounds. Rei joined him, soon enough emptying her clip into the Angel. The moment that the gunfire stopped Asuka pulled out her Prog Knife and began stabbing Sandalphon's back like Brutus to Caesar. Sandalphon writhed in rage, breaking free of Unit-02's grapple and taking to the sky once more. Asuka rolled out of the way of another lance of acid before sprinting back into cover with her teammates. Once behind the barrier of safety, Shinji plugged her power cable back in, and the two minutes remaining on her timer blanked out.

"Good work, you three!" Misato called out. "That had to have done some damage."

"But how will we do more? I don't think it will fall for the same trick twice," Shinji asked, hastily reloading his handgun.

"We'll figure it out, Shinji." Asuka paused as she regained her bearings. "Dammit! I think my knife is still in its hide." A sudden screech interrupted Asuka's complaints as Sandalphon launched itself toward Baraqijal.

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YOU DARE STRIKE UPON ME ORB?! I AM SANDALPHON, AND SUCH A GRAVE INSULT WILL NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY!

Calmeth thyself! I meanteth not to assaulteth thy, 'twas merely a play by the Lilim to soweth discord betweeneth thine and mine.

CALM?! THE LILIM NICKED MY FRUIT OF LIFE! HOW WILL I DESTROY THEM NOW?!

That sounds liketh it is noteth mine problem.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, I HAVE DECIDED IT IS YOUR PROBLEM! RAAAAAAAARGH!

Oh, fucketh.

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Meanwhile near Lake Ashi

"So the Angel won't see us coming?" a Minisuka inquired as she dragged the container.

"Not while it's paying attention to the city, probably," another answered.

"'Probably' doesn't give me good feelings."

"Look, we just need to empty this container into the lake so we can neutralize the acid."

"Professor really got that done quickly. Thank Gott, this should even out the fighting."

"Hey, is it just me or is Sandalphon heading towards us at concerning speeds."

"Oh, Scheiße. Run!" Abandoning the container, they all fled as Sandalphon collided with Baraqijal with the force of a meteor. The shockwave sent them flying along with the container. Fortunately, they were able to land safely in a smaller pond.

"Dammit, what do we do now?" a Minisuka said as she spat out pond water.

"I think we're beyond deacidifying the lake at this point. Let's wrangle some wildlife and get back to base before things get worse."

"Fine by me. I don't want to stick around to see who wins in an Angel versus Angel fight."

They scampered off, the sound of the Angels fighting echoing throughout the area.

Image

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"What is it doing?" Shinji stared as the Angels collided, A.T. Fields flaring.

"Worry about it later! We need rearmament!" Asuka shouted.

"Sending up a weapon cache, waypoint data uploaded." Their HUDs updated and they sprinted as the weapon containers breached the surface. Asuka grabbed a bazooka to put on her back mount and a Smash Hawk axe. While Shinji-

"Seriously Shinji? The hammer again?" Asuka stared at him incredulously.

"Look, I just want to hit something with it once and not get hit with it instead."

Asuka suppressed a giggle, Leader, and Shiki doing the same. "Well, that's as good a goal as any."

"What is this?" Rei hefted an unwieldy rifle from the cache, inspecting it.

"That's our prototype Positron Rifle, based on the Positron Sniper Rifle used against the Fifth Angel," Ritsuko explained. "However, we still have yet to work out some major issues."

"Such as?" Asuka inquired, not liking where this was going.

"It has one shot before the internals are fried and is rendered useless," Ritsuko explained. "Also, it has a 50 percent chance of detonating after firing."

"The hell?! Why send it up then?!"

"It's still an extremely powerful weapon. You'll need all the advantages you can get when you're fighting two Angels."

"This is acceptable," Rei interrupted Asuka's scathing remark. "Such risks are minor if the Angels can be defeated." Rei grabbed a Submachine Gun and attached it to her back mount.

"I don't think Angels is going to be plural soon," Shinji muttered as he stared at the fight over Lake Ashi.

The colliding A.T. Fields popped as Sandalphon lunged closer. Unfortunately, this was to Baraqijal's benefit as spines burst from it like a sea urchin, impaling Sandalphon.

Image

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I believeth that iseth checkmate, Sandalphon.

NO… I AM SANDALPHON…

Verily, I believeth you hath said as mucheth.

I….. WAS BORN IN THE MOLTEN LIFEBLOOD OF THIS PLANET….

Okayeth? And?

BUT….. EVEN THAT….. DOESN'T BURN AS HOT….. AS MY UNDYING RAGE!

Oh noeth.

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Suddenly Sandalphon lunged forth once more, snapping the spines and crashing into Baraqijal's outer membrane, bursting through it. Sandalphon opened its maw and began feasting upon Baraqijal's core like a blood-starved beast.

"I don't like where this is going," Shinji whispered as he stared at the horrid sight. "What should we do?"

"We need to play smart,” Misato announced. “We need to find its core and destroy it. Ritsuko?"

"I suspect it should be around where Asuka stabbed it previously. Concentrate attacks there."

"Got it. Rei, set up away from the other two - we need to make your one shot count. Asuka, Shinji, you two need to confront it head on and allow Rei a chance to hit the core. Got it?" A trio of affirmations was the response. "Good, get to positions!"

No sooner than when she said that did the roar of Sandalphon echo throughout Tokyo-3. It hovered above the bleeding, hollow carcass of Baraqijal, its magma wings blazing with the primordial heat of the earth. Its eyes locked on the crimson form of Unit-02, remembering the insult it suffered at its hands. It roared once more and shot towards Unit-02.

"Scheiße, this is going to hurt." Asuka brought her A.T. Field to full power in preparation for the Angel flying towards her. What she did not expect was when Shinji struck it with his hammer the moment before it hit her, knocking it away and into a defensive structure. Acting on instinct, Asuka dropped her Smash Hawk and grabbed her bazooka, quickly firing it at the Angel. The rocket hit dead on, enveloping the area in black smoke.

"Did we get-" Shinji was interrupted as the Angel roared once more as it parted the smoke with a flap of its magma wings. It stared at Unit-01 with hatred in its eyes before a lance of blue energy struck it where its core was suspected to be. Rei let out a yelp as the Positron Rifle exploded in her hands and the Angel collapsed.

"Nice shot, First," Asuka muttered as she retrieved her Smash Hawk.

"Thank you, Pilot Soryu. Could you and Pilot Ikari confirm the kill? I fear Unit-00's hands are now inoperable."

"Sure, come on, Shinji."

Shinji obliged and crept closer to the Angel with Asuka. As they stepped closer to the Angel, their comms sprung to life. "Wait! Pattern Blue is still active! It's still alive!" Ritsuko called out suddenly.

The Angel quickly leapt on Unit-02, attempting to bite the Eva's head off. Asuka dug the Smash Hawk into the Angel's side as her Spike Launcher opened and unloaded its salvo into the Angel's face.

"Its power output is increasing?! Did it integrate the other Angel's S2 organ?! You need to keep up the attack!" Ritsuko shouted as Asuka was trying to prevent the Angel from turning Unit-02's head into lunch.

"I'm trying! Kinda hard with the Fire Flounder here trying to use me as a-" Suddenly, the Angel was no longer trying to eat her face as a purple blur sped past. "-toothpick?" Asuka looked to her side and saw the speeding form of Unit-01 enveloping Sandalphon in a combination of a grapple and a football tackle.

"Baka Shinji?!" Leader and Shiki screamed in unison, but Shinji was far too laser-focused on the Angel to hear them. The Angel attempted to pry itself from his grasp, but he held tight with one hand as the other grabbed his handgun, idly noticing he dropped the hammer, and shoved it in the Angel's mouth, pulled the trigger as fast as his sync ratio would allow him. He wasn't sure what happened first, the handgun's clip emptying or the Angel biting the handgun in half, but he threw it away and reached for one of his Prog Knives. The alarms indicated his power cable disconnected as he ran past the edge of the city limits, the sudden onset of blue in his vision meaning he reached Lake Ashi. The splash of water hit Unit-01 and the Angel as they began to sink into the depths.

'Was Lake Ashi always this deep?' Shinji thought as the feeling of acid eating away his flesh enveloped him. He pushed that thought aside as he stabbed the Angel repeatedly as he held back its ravenous maw. Eventually, the knife broke off in the Angel's hide and he was without a weapon. Then he saw Unit-02's knife still sticking out of the Angel's back, so he grabbed it and twisted. The Angel roared in pain as he wrenched the blade free and drove it back down with a shout. The Angel writhed for a moment before growing still, sinking to the bottom of the lake. He let out an exhausted sigh as he crawled to Lake Ashli's shore. He saw Unit-02 standing over him, arms crossed over its chest.

"I got 'em." He weakly muttered over the comms as his battery ran dry and he was enveloped in darkness. He blinked, not thinking it took that long to do all of that. He looked to Leader and Shiki, who were giving him a death glare. "Sorry?" he tried, but that only provoked them to start pummeling him. He felt his Entry Plug shudder suddenly as if it was ejected. It then felt like it was being moved before the movement quickly stopped. "Are the recovery crews here already?" His answer came in the form of an angry German redhead opening his Entry Plug hatch. "Asuka?"

"Third." Her tone was concerningly flat. "You wanna tell me what you did wrong?"

Shinji suddenly sensed danger, and his only escape route was blocked by Asuka. He racked his brain for the answer and took a shot in the dark. "I, uh, put myself into danger when I didn't need to?"

"Well, it looks like you have more brain cells than I thought." Asuka offered a hand, which he gladly accepted. They both got out of the Entry Plug and onto the shore of Lake Ashi. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief, then Asuka smacked him over the head.

"Ow! What was-"

"Don't do that again, Third, or I'm going to hit you way harder." Her expression softened as she patted him on the shoulder. "But I'll let you have that Angel kill. Just be aware the next one is mine." She gave him a predatory grin as Leader and Shiki continued to pummel him.

"I just hope there aren't two next time."

"Don't jinx it. Oh, by the way, I'm intensifying your training."

Shinji groaned in defeat as the rescue crews approached.

Image

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"-as for the damages sustained by the Evangelions…." Doctor Akagi began. "Unit-02 suffered the least amount of damage, merely some wear and tear. Unit-00 will need to have its hands replaced. Finally, we need to replace all the armor of Unit-01, as the acid permeated throughout Lake Ashi melted it."

"I see." Gendo held his hands clasped in front of his face as he usually did, his eyes focused on Doctor Akagi. "Do you have an ETA on when the repairs will be completed?"

"Not yet. We've only managed to do a preliminary analysis at this time. But I'd estimate a month for full repairs, half that for minimum battle readiness."

"That will do. But that leaves us down an Eva unit for the time being, something we will have to correct."

"Do you mean to activate Unit-05? Isn't it far too early? We haven't even selected the core to use."

"Normally I would agree with you. But now we have seen that the Angels will not assault us one at a time like we previously thought. As such we need every advantage we can get. Load core number S2412 into Provisional Unit-05."

"S2412? That doesn't match any core we have."

"It has been designated unfit for use until now. You'll find your clearance has been updated to show you all relevant data. Is there anything else?"

"Yes. We are neutralizing the acidity of Lake Ashi to prevent further problems, and we are retrieving the spines possessed by the Angel Baraqijal to see if they can be weaponized."

"Very well. If there is nothing else, you may go."

Doctor Akagi nodded and left his office, leaving him alone with Fuyutsuki.

"Two Angels at once. How are the Old Men taking it?"

"Poorly. They are panicking now that their Scenario has gone so far off the rails."

"They brought it upon themselves. Still, we were lucky we managed to beat the Angels with relatively little damage. It could have been much worse."

"Indeed, but it also brought us insight. Did you notice how the Ishim did not make an appearance?"

"Yes. Very odd considering what we know of them."

"Very odd indeed. This leads me to believe their prescience is not as accurate as we feared."

"An interesting observation. Could the events they know be different from ours inherently? Or is there something altering events to counter them?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not."

"Do you have a theory, Ikari?"

"The beginnings of one, but I need time to flesh it out further."

"Good to see the things I taught you are still hammered into that mind of yours, Ikari."

"Your teachings have served me well, Professor, in many ways."

"Flattery will get you nowhere. Now, how will we deal with getting our new Pilot onboard?"

"Let me worry about that. Until then, we have work to do."

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Image

Yui Ikari gazed at the endless nothingness before her, the silence calmed her after that intense fight with the Angels. She just wished that Shinji wouldn't put himself in so much danger when he fights. At least she knew that he had many guardian angels looking after him. She just hated what she saw when she-

"M̵i̷s̷s̸ ̸I̵k̶a̴r̶i̸.̷ ̴H̴o̷w̸ ̶a̸r̵e̴ ̶w̶e̶ ̷d̸o̸i̷n̸g̸ ̵t̷o̴d̶a̷y̵?̵" Oh, he was back.

"Enigma. How pleasant of you to drop by. For what reason have you decided to visit?" She turned to look at the monster in his fake eyes.

"J̶u̷s̸t̵ ̶c̸h̶e̴c̶k̶i̶n̷g̵ ̸u̶p̵ ̷o̸n̷ ̷m̷y̴ ̸f̵a̷v̶o̶r̵i̵t̴e̷ ̷E̶v̷a̶n̷g̵e̷l̷i̶o̵n̵ ̴s̸c̶i̴e̶n̸t̸i̵s̴t̸.̴ ̷E̸s̷p̴e̴c̴i̶a̸l̶l̸y̶ ̷a̸f̶t̴e̶r̴ ̶t̵h̸a̵t̷ ̴f̸i̵g̷h̶t̸." He pretended to brush some dust off himself, trying to appear human to comfort her. It was having the opposite effect.

"I'm fine. Now leave," she hissed.

"L̴o̵o̶k̸,̵ ̶t̶h̸e̸r̵e̶'̷s̸ ̸n̴o̷ ̴n̷e̶e̷d̸ ̴t̶o̴ ̸b̵e̷ ̸s̴o̵ ̵h̷o̷s̵t̴i̸l̶e̸.̸ ̶J̵u̷s̸t̷ ̶b̵e̵c̵a̴u̷s̸e̴ ̷I̴ ̴p̴r̷e̴v̶e̴n̷t̷e̵d̷ ̶y̷o̸u̶ ̴f̸r̵o̸m̷ ̶w̴a̶r̴n̸i̶n̵g̷ ̸y̶o̵u̷r̸ ̶s̷o̶n̶ ̷a̷b̶o̶u̷t̶ ̴w̸h̶a̴t̴ ̶y̴o̶u̶ ̴s̸a̶w̸ ̷d̴o̷e̸s̶n̴'̷t̷ ̶m̵e̶a̴n̸ ̷w̷e̴ ̴c̴a̷n̵'̶t̸ ̸h̷a̸v̵e̶ ̶a̸ ̷p̸r̴o̷f̴e̴s̸s̸i̴o̸n̷a̵l̷ ̵w̴o̷r̴k̶i̶n̵g̷ ̷r̸e̵l̵a̴t̸i̶o̶n̸s̴h̵i̷p̵."

"That's exactly what it means! He deserves to know!"

"N̸o̶,̶ ̷h̷e̴ ̷d̸o̵e̴s̵n̵'̸t̵.̴ ̶I̷'̵m̸ ̸n̶o̷t̵ ̷g̴o̷i̵n̷g̵ ̷t̸o̵ ̵h̴a̴v̷e̴ ̸h̴i̷m̸ ̷b̷r̸e̸a̸k̵ ̴s̴o̸ ̸y̴o̵u̸ ̶c̵a̷n̸ ̸u̷s̸e̶ ̷h̸i̴m̷ ̴a̵s̵ ̷a̵ ̵f̸u̴l̸c̷r̶u̶m̷ ̸f̸o̷r̶ ̷T̶h̴i̵r̴d̶ ̴I̴m̷p̸a̷c̷t̸.̵"

"Is that your plan? Preventing Third Impact?" She eyed the monster as it stared at her in confusion.

"S̶n̷r̸k̶." He snorted humorously before beginning to erupt into full-blown laughter. "H̶a̸h̸e̶h̵a̷h̷e̶h̶a̷h̴e̶h̶a̷h̴e̶h̶a̴h̷e̸h̸a̶h̶e̸h̷a̷h̸e̸h̸a̵h̸e̶!̶!̶!̷!̵!̶!̶!̵"

"Why are you laughing!?" Yui's patience was running thin with this thing.

"I̶t̸'̵s̵ ̴j̴u̸s̴t̶…̷.̵.̶ ̷I̴'̵m̵ ̴n̸o̴t̵ ̶g̵o̶i̶n̸g̴ ̶t̸o̴ ̶s̸t̶o̶p̴ ̸T̷h̵i̷r̶d̷ ̶I̵m̶p̷a̷c̷t̵.̶" He mimicked wiping a tear from his eye. "I̷'̴m̸ ̴g̶o̶i̷n̵g̴ ̸t̴o̷ ̵u̴s̷u̸r̵p̴ ̶i̴t̸.̵"

"W-what?" Her blood ran cold, her mind refusing to believe what she just heard.

"I̶'̶m̸ ̵g̵o̶i̵n̸g̶ ̸t̴o̴ ̴u̵s̵u̸r̷p̵ ̷i̵t̵,̶ ̵a̵n̵d̷ ̶u̴s̴e̵ ̷i̸t̶ ̶t̸o̵ ̴d̵e̵s̷t̵r̵o̴y̵ ̵t̴h̵e̷ ̴f̶u̸t̴u̷r̵e̴.̷"

"That…. doesn't make any sense!" Her mind had gone into overdrive trying to decipher what that meant, and how it was possible. "Destroying the future? That's just nonsense and insanity!"

"H̷a̸v̷e̷ ̷y̵o̶u̶ ̴l̸o̶o̶k̵e̵d̸ ̵a̸r̶o̴u̸n̷d̴ ̴l̴a̸t̷e̵l̸y̴?̷ ̷I̵n̵s̴a̸n̶i̷t̶y̶ ̵i̸s̶ ̵t̸h̴e̸ ̷n̵a̷m̴e̵ ̶o̸f̵ ̵t̶h̴e̴ ̷g̵a̷m̵e̸ ̷n̷o̴w̴a̸d̴a̸y̸s̴.̷" He glanced elsewhere for a moment before returning his attention to her. "B̸u̸t̴ ̸e̵n̵o̵u̷g̵h̶ ̵c̴h̵i̸t̷c̷h̵a̵t̴,̵ ̴I̶ ̵g̴o̷t̶ ̸p̴l̵a̷c̵e̷ ̶t̷o̷ ̵d̷o̷ ̷a̵n̵d̵ ̷t̵h̴i̸n̵g̷s̷ ̴t̸o̸ ̶b̸e̶,̷ ̴s̴o̵ ̸I̴ ̷g̶o̴t̷t̶a̵ ̴h̶e̷a̷d̶ ̴o̷u̷t̵.̷ ̵W̸e̷'̷l̸l̷ ̸t̸a̷l̴k̸ ̴l̷a̸t̶e̵r̶.̸ ̷M̵a̵y̵b̵e̵ ̷b̷y̶ ̶t̶h̷e̵n̴ ̶y̸o̷u̸ ̵c̵a̸n̶ ̸f̵i̵g̸u̴r̵e̵ ̵s̴o̶m̴e̶t̷h̶i̴n̷g̵ ̸o̷u̸t̷.̴ ̷T̷o̷o̷d̶l̷e̸s̴!̴"

Suddenly he was gone, leaving Yui alone once more. "What could he…." Yui sat still, with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. Thoughts focused on deciphering the madness of the monster known as Enigma.


Notes:
“Action scene done. Feeling a bit iffy on this one but hope it's easy to follow. Lake Ashi is supposed to be only around 40 meters deep, but I made it deeper to make the fight a bit more interesting. The Eva submachine gun originated in some Unit-03 and 04 models created by a company called Revoltech. They basically look like MP5s. Not really much else to say. Anyway, hope you enjoy. Leave a review if you want. And have a pleasant day.”
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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"Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 22

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Sat Oct 08, 2022 2:30 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-09-28
Words: 3,955

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?


Chapter 22: A Map of Destiny and Farming

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


A few days after the dual Angel incursion

"I'm home," Asuka grumbled as she made her way into the apartment. Her mood wasn't great. The rest of the class was still in Okinawa so she couldn't hang out with Hikari or Kotone and now her trip to the mall was ruined.

"Welcome back," she heard Shinji answer in return. That was another problem. She couldn't understand what she felt about Shinji. She felt annoyed with him sometimes and pleased with him at other times, and not in the ways she usually felt those emotions. Sure she said she was his friend, but she wasn't sure what that really meant. She didn't have friends before coming here so she was stuck in unfamiliar territory now that she had three, possibly four, people she could consider 'friends'. Not to mention she had to live with one.

"Hey Shinji, you would not believe the day I've had." She entered the kitchen and saw Shinji sprawled out on the living room floor while staring at the ceiling. The little shit Shiki was sitting on his chest, staring at the television, which appeared to be on a channel that did nothing but display the color blue. The Leader mini-me was nowhere to be seen. Suffice to say, she was confused.

"What happened?" he asked, his eyes flickering to her. Right, worry about that later, vent now.

"Right. So, I was going to the mall, right? I wanted to try out this new ice cream place."

"I remember you saying something about that - they had a strawberry sundae? How was it?"

Oh, she must have mentioned it earlier. "Great, actually. It's called Strawberry Overdose. It's strawberry ice cream with strawberry whip cream covered in strawberry syrup, strawberry sprinkles, and fresh strawberries."

"That's a lot of strawberries."

"Yeah, it was so good but I'm not gonna eat anything strawberry flavored for a week because of that. But that's beside the point! As I was finishing up, a Gottdamn tiger wanders into the food court."

"A tiger?" Shinji's eyes widened with concern.

"Yeah, but don't worry, I'm fine." His expression relaxed. "Anyway, the tiger comes in and starts accosting people. Then, a guy in a white suit and a guy in a yellow jacket come in and start fighting the tiger!"

"How?"

"The yellow jacket guy pulled out a sledgehammer with a car battery taped to it from somewhere, while the white suit guy just punched it."

"He punched a tiger?"

"Yeah. So I got the heck out of there. And I really wanted to go to some of the clothing stores too."

"Sorry to hear that, Asuka. But there's always next time, right?"

Image
(Yakuza Kiwami 2 – “Tiger Drop” art by Mio Mäkijärvi)

He sounded genuine, but he still hadn't moved an inch. Now it was irritating her. Time to get to the bottom of this!

"Alright, what's going on, Shinji? You look like a body the police are about to outline in chalk." The sudden thought of Shinji being a body filled her with very… dark thoughts. She quickly repressed those thoughts before they could take root.

"Oh. It's just that… do you know that feeling when you have an itch but you can’t reach it and it grows to be a sharp tingling feeling that gnaws away at you?"

She blinked, wondering where the hell this came from. "Yes?"

"Well, multiply that by ten, and that's the feeling that I have right now over my whole body and scratching doesn't help. Right now I'm just trying to ignore it by not moving."

What? That's unusual, where could that-

"Oh! That's probably phantom pain from when you took a dip in that acid lake. Well, it could be worse. I hear First can barely move her hands after that rifle exploded in her Eva's hands." On one hand, she was lucky she didn't suffer any injuries in that fight. On the other hand, she almost wanted an injury to prove how hard fought that battle was. Well, there's always next time. She could take solace in the fact that she taught Shinji how to kill Angels effectively, meaning she was partially responsible for killing that Angel.

"Poor Ayanami. I hope she's fine."

Suddenly a chunk of ice formed in her stomach, and a feeling she couldn't properly identify overtook her. "I'm sure she's fine," she ground out a bit more forcefully than she intended. "Let's worry about you."

"Oh, you don't need to worry about me, Asuka. I'm fine-"

"Hush!" she interrupted, glaring at him. "I've decided to help you distract yourself from your phantom pain. You should be thankful!"

"Thank you? But how are you-"

"I'm glad you asked!" she interrupted again. "We're going to play video games!"

"Video games?" he asked inquisitively.

"Anta Baka?" the little shit, Shiki, inquired with a curious gleam in her eye.

"That's right! Wait right here!" She dashed off to her room and began to rummage around her boxes. She quickly found the object of her desire - her Segatendo Dreamcube. As she pulled out the cubical gaming edifice, something fell onto the floor. A red, tuning fork-shaped object. She set down the console and picked up the red fork. She suddenly recalled what it was - her commemorative eating fork that she got at the mail. Now that she noticed it again, she realized how it looked like those lances the mini-mes used. In fact, it looked exactly like them.

"Oh, Gott. I'm a fucking idiot." It was exactly like those lances because it was one! How did she not notice this before?! "Alright, calm down, Asuka. There's a logical explanation for this. Wait, no there isn't. You live in a place where countless mini versions of you run around and people punch tigers in malls! Logic had obviously been taken behind the shed to be put down." She took a deep breath to calm down before she got further into her tirade. "Alright, I need to get to the bottom of this, but later. I said I would distract Shinji from his woes and I'm no liar. Well, usually." She put the mini lance in her pocket and grabbed the console, a game from her collection, and brought it back to the living room. "Behold! Distraction!" She held out the console and game.

"Lunar Farming: A Marvelous Life?" Oh crap, did she grab one of her farming sims? There was no way he would-

"That sounds fun. I used to do a bit of gardening before I came here, it'd be nice to do it again."

- wouldn't like her heartfelt and well-researched pick!

Image
("Farmer Rei Ayanami Plowing the Field" art by Inisipis1)

"We'll get ready to farm your heart out!" She quickly plugged in the console to the television and booted up the console. "Hope you're prepared because we're gonna make the best damn farm ever! One you can brag to those two stooge friends of yours about!" She thought for a moment as she realized something. "Wait, are those two the only guy friends you actually have?" She noticed the little shit, Shiki, had pilfered the instruction manual from the game case and was reading it intently.

"Uh, Mister Aoba is my friend?"

"Ugh, he's old so he doesn't count."

"Uh… Mat?"

Who? "Who?" she repeated vocally.

"It's short for Matsuhide or Matsusuke, I think. I've talked with him."

Wow, he really needs to get out more. "I don't remember anyone like that." The name sounded familiar, but she couldn't put a face to it, which made this guy unimportant.

"Do you remember most of the class at all?"

She stopped fussing over the game's settings for a moment to stare at him. Did…. did Shinji just sass her? Did Shinji Ikari just sass her, Asuka Langley Soryu? Even Shiki was staring at him with a disbelieving look.

"Was that sass, Shinji? I didn't know you had it in you."

He went wide-eyed and looked away sheepishly. "S-sorry."

A flash of annoyance spiked into her temple. "Don't apologize, I wasn't offended or anything. Now come on and sit up, you have virtual farming to do." She slapped the controller in his hand, causing him to wince. He slowly sat up and fixed his eyes on the screen, his discomfort plainly visible. "Right, so how do I do anything?"

"Follow the tutorial and I'll explain from there." She looked around and had a sudden realization. "Hey, where's Pen-Pen?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A single overhead light illuminated the table he was sitting at, and the smell of machinery and cheap, non-dairy, artificial cheese substitute filled the air. He gazed at the others before him, trying to decipher their gazes for any kind of clue that would lead to his victory. To the world at large, he was a reclusive investor, Pengaldo Pengelton, but to those close to him he was known as the penguin Pen-Pen. And today, he would emerge on top.

"I raise."

"Dammit! I fold," William the Spoonbill grumbled as best as his large beak would allow as Pen-Pen collected his winnings.

"Ha! I only had a pair of threes!"

"This is why I hate playing with you guys. You take things far too seriously," Ciel the Seagull griped as she drank her beer through a straw.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ciel. This is hilarious." Tender the Chicken giggled.

"Shut it, Tender. Go back to your Yakuza overlords."

"Just because a Yakuza member runs the company I work at doesn't mean I work for the Yakuza!" Tender clucked aggressively.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

"Ladies, enough." Pen-Pen held up his wings placatingly. "If you don't want to play poker then we have a plethora of other games we can play."

"Do we have Candy Land'?" Ciel questioned intently.

"Maybe? The pile is over there." Ciel launched herself at the pile of games, leaving the three of them to themselves. "So, Tender. How are my investments?"

"Excellent, and the roaches attempting to dig into your financial records are being waylaid."

"Excellent, and how are things on your end, William?"

"Aside from being shanghaied to fight a literal Kaiju, they're fine. I've managed to scout out a few of your competitors. But I've been seeing a few of those black suits spying on me, so I might have to lay low."

"That's fine. Staying safe should be your priority. Ciel-"

"You cloacae! There is no Candy Land!'" Ciel stomped back. "Also, my eavesdropping is going well. But I'm still mad at those little red things."

"Well, perhaps you should not have tried to eat them," Pen-Pen admonished.

"If they aren't food, then why are they small and smell like blood?!"

"Well, take that as a lesson. Also, I'll see if I can grab Candy Land for our next game night."

"Thank you!"

"In any case my compatriots, we are inching closer to our goal of creating a nation of birds, by birds. With our tiny red allies, we shall soon found the land where we will rule."

"For our new land!" they all intoned as Pen-Pen interlaced his claws. All was going according to plan.

Image
("Pen-Pen Gendo Pose" from J-List)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Mana cheerfully hummed a tune as she packed her bag with the necessities she needed for her mission - like underwear, a toothbrush, her music player, a triangle blade trench knife banned by the Geneva Convention, and some shampoo. The important stuff.

"Please, Mana, don't leave me alone with Keita!" Musashi begged her on his knees. "He's crazy!"

"Musashi, don't be rude to Keita! Keita is just a bit shy. Right, Keita?"

"This world is imperfect," Keita monologued as he stared into the eyes of the skull he was holding. "I wish I could wipe away the impurities and make it as beautiful as I!"

"See?"

"How does that sound shy?! He sounds like he's going to sprout a single angelic wing and summon a meteor to destroy humanity!"

"I look upon the creatures known as humanity and see only ants. Does this make me an ant or a god?"

"All I hear is creativity being stifled by closed minds," Mana chastised Musashi with a wag of her finger. "How would you feel if someone said something like that about you?"

"What is a mind but a prison for the spirit? Once I gain the power to do so, I will shed my mind to unshackle my spirit so I may unleash devastation upon the mewling masses."

"…You know what? Fuck this shit, I'm out." Musashi flipped them off as he left their bunks.

"Rude. Welp, time to go to a fortress city designed to protect us from alien invaders to seduce a teenage boy for info on the death mech he pilots! See ya later, Keita!" Mana waved goodbye to her fellow pilot.

"Soon I shall ascend to a plane higher than one with these petty trifles, and in my wake, this land shall be engulfed in hellfire." Keita crushed the skull in his hand.

"Right, have fun with that!" Mana skipped off to her destiny. Unfortunately, to get to her destiny, she would require three bus transfers and a taxi, but who said that destiny would be easy?

Image
(left: Mana Kirishima / center: Keita Asari / right: Musashi Lee Strasberg)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Fuyutsuki sat silently in his office, contemplating the many recent happenings. Today his attention was focused on the mysterious message the 'Professor' had left him. He had yet to decipher its meaning, the illegibility haunting him. He could track down the Professor and ask for assistance or inquire the MAGI for an answer, but he was determined to solve this under his own power.

"It's not cursive Kanji script, it's not some form of Chinese, it's not any Southeast Asian script I can track down. What was she trying to tell me?" He sighed and leaned back in his chair. Perhaps his mind was starting to dull in his old age? Even so, he would solve this - his pride as a professor wouldn't allow any less. He looked at the globe sitting on the corner of his desk, a gift from one of his students a long time ago and gave it an idle spin. It wasn't an accurate globe, not since Second Impact at least.

"To think the world used to be so different not so long ago," he mused as he stopped the gentle spin. "I wonder how Yui sees the world through the eyes of the Eva?" He blinked as he turned the globe towards the Mediterranean, eyeing a certain island. "It can't be…" He held up the Professor's message as the realization hit him like a truck. "Of course, I've been looking at it wrong the entire time. It was never a message, to begin with. It was a map." He grabbed his phone and quickly called the Commander.

"Fuyutsuki. What is it?" Curt and to the point as always.

"I've got a hunch about something. Do we have agents in the Mediterranean area?"

"We do. What are you suspecting?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's important."

"You're being unusually vague, Fuyutsuki, but your hunches are rare and often accurate, so I'll humor you. What do you think needs investigating?"

"Cyprus, New Dhekelia region."

"Very well. I'll dispatch Squad Nitocris from our Egyptian branch. You're responsible for directing them – keep me updated. Anything else?"

"No, I'll leave you to your work, Commander." He hung up the phone without another word. Fuyutsuki turned to his computer and began researching. There was a mystery to solve, and his old bones were aching to uncover it.

"I'm not sure what there is to be found at the end of this tunnel, but I suppose that's half the fun, isn't it?" he mused.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Gendo hung up the phone and reclasped his hands in front of his face. His eyes returned to Doctor Akagi, her expression one of annoyance.

"So Doctor, what seems to be the issue?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"My issue is that you're being far too lax with Rei! First, she's become obsessed with 'vengeance' and now she's seeing a therapist!"

Oh, so that's what this was about. "Her therapy sessions are being monitored to ensure nothing gets leaked, and I don't believe that they will sway her from her duty." Listening to them was intriguing, to say the least. He had to admit that hearing that Rei's decisions were based on what he said stirred something akin to parental pride within him. "The same with her quest for vengeance. It is merely something to occupy her time. I doubt it will sway her from our cause." It had nothing to do with the fact that she reminded him of Yui's fights with Kyoko and Mary back in college. To insinuate that would be cause for severe recriminations.

"Do you really believe that? What if you're wrong? What then?"

He didn't appreciate her skepticism, but he could understand her concerns. No matter, he had the perfect way to allay them.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Then let me show you that you have nothing to worry about." He pressed the speaker button on his phone and hit the speed dial for Rei's cell. It rang four times, twice as much as the previous minimum, causing him some concern before remembering Rei's current hand troubles. She was probably having difficulty with operating the phone. Soon the sound of the line connecting broke him out of his musings, then he heard animalistic hissing and a scuffle.

"Rei?"

"Apologies, Commander Ikari. The local switchblade-wielding raccoon has invaded my apartment and is accosting me. What do you need?"

He and Akagi shared a look before refocusing on the phone. "Your recent behavior changes, including your blood feud with the Ishim, have raised some concerns. I would like to confirm - you will still do your duty, correct?"

"Of course," she quickly replied as if she hadn't needed to think about it. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I just wanted to ensure you would not feel unfulfilled when Complementation is achieved and the Ishim you are feuding with joins with the whole of humanity." He didn't want to say they doubted her, as that might implant a seed of uncertainty within her.

"I don't understand," Rei stated after a moment of silence. "Why would the Ishim join with humanity during Complementation?"

He blinked in surprise, Akagi sharing his confusion. "What do you mean, Rei? The Ishim are human, aren't they?" A creeping feeling of dread was beginning to worm its way into him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"No, they are aberrations in the fabric of reality that should not exist. Why would you think they are human?" Suddenly the sound of the hissing grew louder and a yelp was heard on the other end. "I apologize, Commander Ikari, I must do battle with Garbagius, The Recusant of Hakone. I will endeavor to continue this conversation with you later." The line went dead as silence engulfed the room. The both of them stared at each other as they absorbed this new information.

"I want the MAGI on this as soon as physically possible."

"Yes, Commander." She quickly left the office, leaving the Commander alone.

He sighed as he retrieved a bottle of liquor from his desk. "Solve one problem, another rears its head." He abandoned the idea of a glass as he drank straight from the bottle. He stared at his hand intently. "At least you're consistent."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I still wish you'd shut up."

Image

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"So, if I give this old guy gifts and befriend him, he'll give me a sentient plant that I can use to fuse plants together?"

"Yup. Also, you need to give gifts to some girls as well. You need to be married if you want to get past the first year."

"M-married?! But I don't-" He was having trouble forming words at this point so she decided to throw him a bone.

"Calm down, Shinji. It's just a game. Just pick one of these four and you'll be fine." She pointed to the four bachelorettes in the instruction manual. Personally, she usually chose the blonde waitress as she reminded her of Mama before- NOPE! Immediately repressing that thought!

"Uhhhhhh. This one, I guess." He pointed to the aloof redhead. She felt some level of smug satisfaction from his choice but decided to file that away for later.

"Ah, she's the hardest to romance. So you like a challenge, huh?"

"W-wait, that's now what I-"

"Don't worry, I understand. You wanna spice up the playthrough by choosing the most difficult target. I can respect that. Don't worry, Shinji, we'll make a gamer out of you yet!"

"Anta Baka?" Shiki questioned with a flat look.

"Quiet you, you're too small to even use a controller." Shiki responded with a death glare to end all death glares. She ignored her and focused on Shinji, who had meekly mumbled something and went back to playing. She noticed how he didn't look as uncomfortable as he did before, meaning her plan to distract him was working. Maybe this was a chance to get a co-op player for all her multiplayer games? Well, she'd consider that later. Now she'd just worry about explaining how this game worked to him.

"Asuka, why am I suddenly surrounded by gnomes?" he asked with a hint of panic.

She sighed, giving him a bemused look. "Those are the Farming Sprites. You see, they serve the Moon Goddess….."

And so they continued well into the day, immersing themselves in the virtual farm work, nearly forgetting the world until Pen-Pen reappeared and demanded dinner.

Image
(Cosplay by Shirogane-sama / Sasha Holland)


Notes:
“Alright not much to say here. Musashi and Keita are characters originating from Girlfriend of Steel, in which they are T-RIDEN-T pilots. I'm pretty sure Keitai isn't a JRPG villain in it, but I couldn't find much on him so he got a promotion. Next chapter might be a bit beefier, so look forward to that. Until then, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and have a nice day.”

Notes from Me:
The “punching a tiger” reference is apparently a nod to the video game Yakuza Kiwami 2.

Asuka’s video game Lunar Farming: A Marvelous Life is apparently a nod to the real game Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life.

Musashi's talk of Keita growing a single angelic wing and summoning a meteor to destroy humanity is (of course) a reference to the video game Final Fantasy VII.
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 23

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Fri Oct 14, 2022 1:10 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337268/chapters /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-10-07
Words: 5,218

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?

Chapter 23: Subtly Skating, Others Debating

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


"So….. how was it here while we were partying in Okinawa?" Kotone enquired Asuka and Shinji as they walked to school. "Anything juicy happen? And the Angel attack doesn't count!" Asuka clamped her mouth shut with a scowl. "I want to hear about something besides that or how someone is using the NERV breakroom microwave to heat up fish."

"Oh Gott, someone is microwaving fish in the breakroom? I thought the Angels were monsters," Asuka lamented exaggeratingly. "Seriously though, who does that?"

"Dunno," Kotone shrugged nonchalantly. "Anyway, hook me up with those deets, girl. I want the lowdown on what happened when I was gone."

"Not much, except the tiger at the mall."

"Oh, I heard about that. That mall always has weird stuff happening in it. Apparently, it's built on a cursed burial ground or something."

"A cursed burial ground," Asuka stated flatly. "When it's in a city made out of retractable plates built within the past decade."

"Oh. Yeah, fair point. But saying cursed burial ground gets those views." Kotone cupped her chin. "Maybe that can be my next vlog episode?"

"I've been meaning to ask-" Shinji spoke up after being silent for a while. "-what's it like being a popular UsVisioner?"

"Great!" Kotone exclaimed. "Sure, I get the occasional haters and weirdos bothering me, but every time I get a comment saying I've made somebody's day better, it makes it all worth it. Why? Interested in setting up your own?" Kotone wiggled her eyebrows knowingly. "You and Asuka gonna set up the Eva Pilot's channel?"

"Hmmm. Not a bad idea….." Asuka muttered, deep in thought.

"N-no! I mean I was just-" Suddenly the sounds of ‘Piccola Serenata’ by Antonio Salieri filled the air. Shinji blinked as he fished out his phone with a blush on his face. "H-hello? Oh. Okay." He held out the phone to Leader, who had been watching the entire scene with amusement. "It's for you."

Leader blinked as she awkwardly settled up to the aloft phone. "Anta Baka? Baka. Baka? Anta Baka?! Baka! Baka!" She had a determined look on her face as she pressed the hang-up button on the phone and let loose a loud whistle. Suddenly an RC helicopter emerged from beyond the nearby rooftops, hovering over the three students. A rope was released which Leader quickly grabbed and she was soon carried off to parts unknown, leaving behind three confused students and an annoyed Shiki.

"Wonder what that was all about?" Kotone asked as they continued their walk.

"Something nonsensical I'll bet," Asuka muttered dryly.

"Anta Baka," Shiki begrudgingly agreed.

Image
(Meme by Me!)

----------------------------------------------------------------

"So what's the deal with Blue? She's still one of 'us', right?" a Minisuka asked as they watched four of their comrades play a game of Squash.

"From what I hear, yeah. It's just weird where she comes from," another answered.

"Weird enough for her to want to kill Wondergirl. More than usual, anyway."

"Yeah, and she'll do it if we give her a chance. Still, how weird is it that she calls Wondergirl Ikar-"

Her musings were interrupted as Leader burst in. "Codename 'Red Honey' has been spotted!" Leader screamed at the lot of them, causing them all to freeze. "Operation Tyrant is entering phase two! Get to your positions! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"

Suddenly the area was a hive of activity as the plethora of Minisukas scrambled to get to their designated stations. Many of the Minisukas expeditiously exited their bunker with one clear intent, annihilation, leaving only a skeleton crew behind.

A Minisuka emerged from the break room with two thimbles of coffee in hand. ""Hey, I got the coffee! Uh, where did everyone go? Guys?" She would be left with the coffee for the foreseeable future.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Mana was ready for her big day. Her many preparations for her seduction of Shinji Ikari would allow her to snatch victory swiftly. She had her whole kit prepared - a piece of toast in her mouth for running into, her lucky underwear for risky plays, a spare lunch for sharing, a chloroform-soaked rag for desperation moves, and a silenced pistol just in case. Along with a plethora of other knick-knacks, she was ready for the best mission ever!

"I can tell this will go great and nothing will attempt to prevent me from completing my super awesome mission!"

"Anta Baka."

Mana blinked as she looked for the origin of the sudden voice. She didn't have to look far as she found she was surrounded by a horde of tiny redheads. "Wow! This is just like my dream! Except there aren't any bowler hat-wearing hippos that breathe rainbow fire."

"Baka?" a Minisuka asked incredulously.

This was all Mana needed as she quickly reached into her bag to grab one of her emergency tools. "SNEAK ATTACK!" Mana screamed as she threw the smoke bomb at her feet. The cloud of smoke obscured the area and threw many Minisukas into a coughing fit. Suddenly Mana burst out of the cloud on her emergency roller skates. "Hah! I'm too subtle for you!" she taunted as she sped away from the horde.

"Anta Baka?!" The Minisukas stared at their escaping prey for a moment before they gave chase with righteous fury. The hunt was on.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile in the SEELE Secret headquarters!

Keel sighed as he leaned back in his chair. The sheer magnitude of the apocryphal texts he had to go through was beginning to wear on him. When he was younger, he would've taken a break by enjoying a nice glass of liquor, but considering the deteriorating state of his cloned liver and kidneys, that would be folly. Soon he would have to replace them with more mechanical parts. His time was running short. Fortunately, the Scenario was soon to pass. As long as these aberrations in the Scrolls's predictions didn't throw things too far off the rails.

His musings were broken as his phone began to ring. He swiftly picked it up and waited for whoever was on the other end to speak first - a subtle gesture but he found it enforced his authority well enough.

"Chairman. Do you have a moment?" SEELE-09, their representative handling their influence in America. A difficult task considering the United States President's…. eccentricities and the treacherousness of the Vice President.

"Nine. What is it?" The other members knew what entailed interrupting him without proper reason. It stood to reason that SEELE-09 has something worthy of his attention.

"I've come across something worthwhile. You're aware of how most of our branches during our GEHIRN stage were working on developing the first Eva units?" He was aware, the both of them knew that. As such, SEELE-09 continued. "It seems that a failed model was put on ice instead of being properly disposed of. And a discreet inspection indicates that it may be functional with some re-tuning and some fixing up."

That caught his interest. "Oh? Interesting. So this would provide us with a functional Eva unit?"

"Yes, Chairman. While it wouldn't be quite up to snuff with a Production model or the Eva-Series, it would still be a useful tool to have."

Keel hummed in thought. While not the most useful card to have, an Eva unit was still an Eva unit. Especially useful when Ikari inevitably tried to buck his leash.

"Have it marked as scrap for repurposing as spare parts for the Eva-Series. Once it arrives at one of our facilities, have them discreetly repurpose it. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, actually."

Oh? This was a surprise, but Keel decided to humor him.

"Considering the instability of what we know of the Scrolls, I'm wondering if it is necessary to proceed with our plans for Unit-04."

Keel grimaced, understanding where SEELE-09 was coming from. With the Scrolls becoming less and less accurate, would crippling themselves by sabotaging Unit-04 really benefit them in the end? Of course, he knew the true reason SEELE-09 was bringing this up.

"And I assume you want the test pilot to be officially recognized as the newest Child?"

"It would benefit us to have a loyal agent within the ranks of the Pilots, something I can guarantee with her."

His points were solid, Keel begrudgingly acknowledged. The benefits were clear and outweighed any risks he could think of, as expected from the head of the CIA. SEELE-09 had a way with words.

"I will take your words into consideration, Nine, but they are favorable at first glance. You will have my answer in time."

Keel hung up without waiting for a response. He stared at the top of his desk, the small mirror displaying his visored visage chief among his attention. He was becoming less and less human with time. Soon he would be nothing more than metal. But, he once again remembered that the Scenario would soon come to pass.

"So close, yet so far away," Keel muttered to his reflection as he grabbed his cane and rose from his chair. He left his musty office to suffer through his daily dealings once again with Tabris, but such was the way of things. What he didn't see was his reflection in the mirror remaining despite his absence. The reflection smirked and dissipated into nothingness as the office lights automatically shut off, drenching the office in darkness.

----------------------------------------------------------------

NERV Commander's office

Gendo stared at the entrance to his office, awaiting the arrival of his next appointment. He steeled himself for the difficult battle that would follow, as his opponent in this battle of wits was one that was unpredictable and cunning. Undoubtedly, his usual tactics would be insufficient against this foe, so he must stay on his toes and keep his methods and wordplay fluid and adaptable.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Fuyutsuki," he addressed his old professor, seeking to warm up his mental facilities before the bout. "How is the investigation into your hunch?" He was keeping tabs on it so he already had a basic understanding of the current goings-on, but Fuyutsuki usually had some insight into matters that he begrudgingly would take longer to ascertain.

"Unfruitful as of now, though the area is no stranger to odd happenings. Supposedly in the eighties, a hospital was burned down by an army unit and 'a man on fire riding a flaming horse'. Or so the locals believe."

"Considering what we've seen, is that so hard to believe?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fuyutsuki sighed. "I suppose not, but I doubt it's anything relevant to us. Even if it was, the trail has likely gone cold as of now."

Gendo had to concede that point. "So there was nothing else?"

"There was something. Recently, a coma patient woke up in one of the local hospitals, one who has been in a coma since washing up on shore shortly after Second Impact. Shortly after waking up, the patient disappeared or perhaps escaped."

That was curious. "Do we have an identity?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"No, a Jane Doe. We only have a description to go by. Woman, brown hair, European features, late forties early fifties age range."

That sounded strangely familiar. "That is an unusually familiar description. Could it possibly be her?"

"I'm not getting my hopes up. Features like that are common around those parts. Still, I'll dig deeper into this Jane Doe."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Gendo grunted in acknowledgment. "Keep on your toes, there's no telling what-"

He was interrupted as two Section Two agents brought in a struggling man with a black sack over his head. "We got him, sir," one of the agents reported as they brought the man in front of Gendo's desk.

Gendo resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Agents, I requested that you escort him here for a talk. What is this?"

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I don't understand, sir. We brought him here for the 'talk', as requested?"

Oh. They believe he wanted him for interrogation. Considering everything, that was an understandable mistake. He would have to clarify next time.

"Yes, a normal talk. So remove the sack from his head."

The agents looked nervously at each other before complying. The sack was quickly removed to reveal the panicked face of Lieutenant Shigeru Aoba. "I swear I'm not the one microwaving fish in the break room! I just reported it! Please don't hurt me!"

Already Gendo was put on the back foot by Aoba's quick thinking. This battle of wits would be challenging. He also made a mental note to find whoever was microwaving fish in the breakroom and severing their employment. He suffered enough of that back in college, he would not allow that in the most important organization on the planet.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Relax, Lieutenant Aoba. We are not here to discuss any wrongdoing. We are here to discuss your recent ward." He planted himself into position and prepared for a defensive strategy. He would let his opponent come to him.

"Kotone? What did she do?" Aoba deflected perfectly, but Gendo was prepared for that.

"Nothing. It's what she can do." He laid the trap, wondering how his opponent would react.

"What are you….. Oh! Is this about her UsVision channel?" What? "I get it. Since she's so popular you want to improve your PR by sponsoring her channel."

Once again, Gendo was put on the back foot by Aoba's maverick methods. He needed to carefully navigate this minefield or he would be brought low.

AHHHHHHHHHH!

"No, this is not about that. This is about Miss Suzunami's potential candidacy as the Fourth Child." He tried brute force, hoping it would throw Aoba off balance.

"Candidacy as…. Wait, are you saying Kotone could pilot an Evangelion?" Aoba's surprised voice confirmed Gendo's successful pushback. He needed to keep up the offensive if he wanted to succeed.

"Potentially. Her potential status as a Pilot was earmarked back when NERV was still GEHIRN. However, her mother, who was a GEHIRN researcher at the time, left the organization due to… creative differences and refused further contact with us. As such, Miss Suzunami was filed away as unsuitable by the Marduk Institute. It wasn't until the MAGI flagged her upon her arrival to Tokyo-3 and our proceeding investigation did we realize her potential."

He waited for Aoba to process this information. Everything he said was technically true if lacking in important clarification, such as the true reason for Chihiro Suzunami's departure from GEHIRN. Fortunately for him, the only people who could clarify that were himself and Chihiro, who had recently passed away.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Huh. So what do you need from me?" Aoba was on the defensive? A surprisingly safe strategy for him, but after such an assault, it was understandable.

"As her guardian, you ultimately have the final say in the matter of her Pilotship. You don't need to answer right now as I assume you wish to discuss the matter with her. Unit-05 is still in development in any case, so she may not be able to pilot immediately." Honestly, he was hesitant about even using Unit-05, considering the construction budget forced them to use a prototype wheel system they had laying around instead of actual legs. He was doubtful of what it could accomplish, but considering that the Angels were forcing them to stay on their toes, they needed everything they could get.

"Alright." Aoba nodded in understanding. Gendo smirked in triumph behind his clasped hands. It was a hard-fought battle, but in the end, he emerged- "So if it's Unit-05, does that mean it has thirty-two eyes?"

….What. "What?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?

"Like, you know how Unit-00 has one eye, Unit-01 has two eyes, and Unit-02 has four eyes? I was thinking that the number of eyes doubled with every Unit, you know?"

Gendo blinked, trying to process the sudden assault. He was too complacent - the moment he thought he had obtained victory, his opponent attacked in a new and confusing way. He needed to withdraw. "Any inquiries into the specification of Eva units should be directed to Doctor Akagi. Unfortunately, I must cut this conversation short as I have business to attend to. I will await your answer, Lieutenant Aoba. Good day."

"Oh, alright. Have a nice day, Commander." Aoba saluted and exited the office, leaving Gendo and Fuyutsuki alone once more.

Image

"Do you think the Suzunami girl will take the bait?" Fuyutsuki inquired after a while.

"I'm confident her interest will be piqued enough for her to accept the offer. Even if she doesn't, we have other options."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Hmmm. Still, I find it odd that she just so happened to make her way here considering her history. It almost feels planned."

"It does feel odd I'll admit, but even our finest tooth combs could not dredge up any foul play or suspicious happenings. I doubt the Old Men would put so much effort into a piece like her when her importance to any Scenario was nonexistent until recently."

"But what if it's not the Old Men? What if it's something far different than them?"

"If there is a third player in this game, then we are as blind to them as we can be. Still, we are too far into things to play defensively against a theoretical foe. We must adapt and overcome whatever is thrown at us or all will be for naught."

The two of them fell into silence as they contemplated the future, unknowing of what they would face.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High School

"Hey Ken, ya ever get the feeling yer being watched?" Touji suddenly inquired to Kensuke.

"Weird way to start a conversation but yeah, a bit, yeah. But I'd chalk that up to living in a fortress city while going to school with the Pilots of giant mechs that protect humanity. So that's probably the shadowy bodyguards watching you from a distance. Like, see? There's one peeking out from the ceiling tiles right now. Hey, Yamada."

"Hey, Kensuke," the Section Two agent tasked with ceiling duty responded.

"I mean, yeah. But like, different than that. A feeling that somethin'…. alien is looking atcha."

"Like the Red Demons?"

"No. Yes. Maybe. Do they count as aliens?"

"Dunno and I'm not keen on investigating that."

"Fair. Still, wonder what Ikari's been up to while we was in Okinawa?"

"Fighting giant monsters and dealing with redheads, I suppose."

"Speaking of redheads, ya find it strange that abuncha redheads have started transferring in? There was that Matsukaze girl before but now we got Soryu and Suzunami coming in."

"Does pink hair count as being a redhead?"

"Ya get my point! It's weird."

"Touji, I think the weird ship sailed when giant monsters and tiny redheads started to become a regular occurrence."

"Ya know what? That's fair."

"Settle down, class!" the old teacher shouted as everyone returned to their seats. "Today we have a new student transferring in."

"A new student again? Well, hopefully, they're more interesting than Mat," Kensuke muttered.

"Who's Mat?" Touji asked.

"Exactly."

"Now where is-" Suddenly a redheaded girl burst into the classroom, panting heavily as if she just ran a marathon to get there. "-she. Ah, there you are. Introduce yourself."

"Hold on." The girl took a moment to catch her breath before grabbing a piece of chalk and writing her name on the board. "I'm Mana Kirishima, pleased to meet you all. I like long walks on the beach, shy boys with parental abandonment issues, and death mechs! Also, I'm not a spy for a military organization."

Suddenly attention was focused on one Shinji Ikari, who shrank at the sudden attention.

His neighbor, however, was feeling something different. "Huh. I don't think I've ever wanted to kill a stranger more in my life." Asuka glared at Mana with enough heat to fry an egg. Something about this new girl rubbed her the wrong way. She would have to keep a close eye on this new girl.

"Hey, Touji," Kensuke whispered. "You're right, all these redheads transferring in is weird."

Touji grumbled something but otherwise made no other comment.

"Hmmm?" Shinji suddenly felt something tug on his pants leg. He looked down to notice an exhausted Leader nearly collapsed on the floor. "Oh, Leader. Welcome back." He picked her up and put her on his shoulder, where she proceeded to collapse. "Are you alright?"

"Baka…." Leader groaned, giving a shaky thumbs up. Shiki's hand met her face as she sighed in annoyance.

Image

----------------------------------------------------------------

Earlier

"Dammit! She got away! Why didn't we prepare for roller skates?!" Leader slammed her hand into a nearby wall.

"I mean, can't we just kill her at school? It probably wouldn't be that hard," one of the Minisukas suggests.

"Kill her?! I don't like her but I'm not going to do something like that!"

"Wait, what were you trying to do?"

"Kidnap her and air mail her to Bhutan," Leader stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why Bhutan?"

"It's the most remote place you can ship a person-sized object to from Japan without people asking questions."

"Fair enough. But can't we still kidnap her?"

"No, now that she's made contact with Shinji and the others, Section Two will be keeping a closer eye on her. It means if we act too rashly, we'll expose our hand."

"But they still won't figure out she's a spy for the JSSDF."

"Exactly! Dealing with her too openly will bring the JSSDF's attention to us, so we need to be careful. We need to up the security on Shinji so that Hündin can't get her claws into our idiot."

"Ja, meine Kaiserin."

"Shut up with that! I'm the one who has to balance our budget with the help of a penguin!"

"We have a budget?"

Leader sighed. "Just return to prior positions but escalate to Delta status. I need to get back to Shinji."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Back to the present

"Alright, Miss Kirishima. Please take a seat."

"Sir yes sir!" Mana saluted before skipping off towards a certain Eva Pilot. "Hey there, can I-"

"Keep moving if you want to keep your teeth," Asuka interrupted as she cracked her knuckles for emphasis. Mana, deciding to not fight this battle, gave Asuka a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, then skipped off to take a seat at the only available seat, next to Kotone.

"Hey there, I'm Kotone Suzunami! How's it going?" Kotone greeted Mana with a cheerful smile.

"Great! By the way, how many people would miss that other redhead if she were to say, I dunno, mysteriously disappear leaving only a bloodstain as evidence she was ever there?"

Kotone blinked, attempting to comprehend what Mana just said. "What?"

Mana blinked before blushing, as if she just said her secret crush out loud. "Oh, I mean who does your hair?"

Kotone stared at Mana, suddenly uncomfortably with her new desk neighbor. "I do?"

"That's so neat! Could you teach me?" Mana's eyes shined like an innocent schoolgirl who hadn't implied the murder of a classmate moments prior.

"As long as you don't hurt me?"

"Silly Billy, I only hurt my enemies." Mana leaned in uncomfortably close to Kotone. "Are you an enemy?" Mana's eyes had lost their shine. Now they held only a cold calculative gaze where all warmth was drained.

"No?" Kotone was quickly sizing up her escape options in case things went south.

"Then you have nothing to worry about, friend!" The shine returned to Mana's eyes, but Kotone's comfort did not.

"It's gonna be one of those days, isn't it?" Kotone lamented silently.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The lunch bell rang and the classroom began to bustle with activity. Mana, seeing an opportunity, began to initiate her plan to seduce Shinji. Asuka, sensing a threat, began to ready herself for conflict. Leader, sensing the same, manifested her lance with malicious intent. Shiki just rolled her eye and got cozy in Shinji's shirt pocket, awaiting the ensuing chaos. Shinji was completely obvious to any of this and was retrieving his, Asuka's, and Rei's lunch boxes.

Fortunately for the random students who would've been caught in the crossfire, a savior appeared. "So Kirishima, you said you like 'death mechs', right? Could you expand on that topic?" Kotone quickly entered Mana's field of vision, blocking Asuka and Shinji from her sight.

"Can I?!" Mana nearly shrieked in joy. "Well, first we have to address the origin of the modern death mech, which takes us to Post-Second Impact United States during the Arizona Insurrection and the Floridian Secession-"

Kotone turned to give Asuka a discreet wink and thumbs up. The message was clear - 'I got your back, girlfriend'. Asuka nodded and returned the thumbs up before grabbing Shinji and Rei to escape the sight radius of her new foe.

"Touji, I think we should consider requesting a class transfer before we end up as some kind of crossfire casualty," Kensuke muttered as he and Touji exited the classroom.

"Honestly not a bad idea Ken, but I'm pretty sure with our luck it ain't gonna happen."

"I hate how right you are."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Waltoph's Abandoned Gag Toy Emporium, Tokyo-3 Outskirts

A trio of Minisukas crept through the abandoned store, wary of traps set within the once proud dispensary of pranking equipment.

"So," a Minisuka in army camo gear began, "why are you blonde?" she inquired to the lead Minisuka.

"Gott in Himmel, why does everyone ask me that!?" Blonde whisper-shouted.

"To be fair, you're the only one of us with blonde hair, so it's a bit of a curiosity to the rest of us," a Minisuka bedecked in a long red hood answered.

"Because Mama was blonde and I guess those genes were stronger for me," Blonde grumbled as they slowly made their way deeper into the store.

"Makes sense, I guess. At least you're not as odd as Blue." Camo scanned the area to ensure they wouldn't be ambushed.

"Not that high of a bar. She's a few arrows short of a full quiver, if you know what I mean." Hood checked underneath a fallen Silly String display for anything out of the ordinary.

"Zip it both of you. We want to take Prankster by surprise so she doesn't escape. Which means quiet!" Blonde hissed as they made their way to the breakroom, where unusual noises could be heard. They quickly stacked up on the side of the ajar door. "On three we breach, got it?"

""Roger."" Camo and Hood responded.

Blonde nodded and held her hand up with three fingers extended. She slowly counted down and upon reaching zero, they burst into the room, ready to face whatever horrors lay there.

"You're too late, my heroic foil! With the Mademoiselle tied to the train tracks, she is mere moments from destruction! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"An ingenious Devilish Derald, but you forgot one important detail - the seventy-thirteen is never on time."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


"Heh." Prankster stared blankly from her hacky sack chair at the television screen as a black and white cartoon played on a loop.

The other three Minisukas stared at the scene in confusion. "Is….. is she okay?" Hood asked, genuine worry seeping into her tone.

"Don't care. Let's just grab her and bring her back to HQ," Blonde ordered as they cautiously approached Prankster.

However, something caught Prankster's attention as she turned to look at them, before blinking in surprise and jumping to her feet. "Huh?! What?! Who?!" Prankster manifested her lance and waved it around wildly at them. "Who are you and what are you doing in my secret base?!"

"Calm down," Blonde gestured placatingly. "We just wanna bring you back to base for a check-up. You've been on your own for a while so we just want to make sure you're fine. We can even see Shinji on the way there - doesn't that sound great? We know you haven't seen him."

An alien look of terror and despair appeared on Prankster's face as she backed away from the trio. "You'll….." Prankster looked around the room before her eyes fell on the television set. Her look of terror and despair was replaced by a manic grin. "You'll never catch me alive, coppers!" Prankster threw her lance at the trio, who easily dodged it, and ducked behind the hacky sack.

"Dammit, so much for the easy way." Blonde motioned for the other two to surround Prankster as she approached her hiding place. "Look, this can end one of two ways, and I'm sure you don't want it to-" Blonde paused as she came around the hacky sack to find Prankster had disappeared. "-huh?"

"Fools!"

The trio of Minisukas turned around to find Prankster atop the television. "How did you… that doesn't make any…."

"Ha! Petty trifles such as 'logic' will not hinder a grand villain such as I!" Prankster flourished her cloak dramatically. "For you see, as I was high out of my mind hallucinating tax-evading turnips in the murder clown forest, I learned something!"

"Hold up what? You wanna run that by me-"

"Reality is broken!" Prankster interrupted. "But not the good kind of broken. Unless you count its benefit towards me, in which case it is exclusively the good kind of broken!"

"What?"

"Yes! And as I have stared into the abyss for so long, I have begun to see the cracks! Cracks that will allow me to be free from your clutches! Cracks that will allow me to prank Wondergirl!"

"You're using the ability to ignore reality just to prank Wondergirl?" Camo questioned in disbelief.

"Exactly! Now I must be off! I have prankery to accomplish! Mwahahahahahahahaha!" Prankster guffawed as she jumped behind the television, disappearing.

"…..So what do we do now?" Hood asked after a tense silence.

"We head back to base because this shit got way more complicated."

"You think reality breaking like this is an early warning sign of Leliel?" Camo questioned nobody in particular.

"Gott I hope not." Leader groaned as they left the area.

Image
("Nell Fenwick 4" cosplay by MLeighS)

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Aoba-Suzunami apartment, after school

Kotone sighed as she entered the apartment. Playing wingman for Asuka by distracting the new girl was not one of her best choices. If she heard anything about mechs for the rest of the day, she would explode.

"Hey, Kotone!" her uncle called out to her.

"Hey, uncle. How's it going?"

"Fine. Hey, do you wanna be an Eva Pilot?"

"... Are you freaking kidding me?!"


Notes:
“Alright, not as beefy a chapter as I thought it would be, but still a bit more than usual. So yes, Mana isn't the best at espionage, but she's trying her best. As for Kotone's mom, she isn't a canon character due Kotone being an orphan in her only appearance. Not really much else to say, so stay tuned for next time when everyone's favorite spider, Matarael. Until then, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and have a nice day.”

Notes from me:
The references in the last two chapters to Cyprus and a flaming man on a flaming horse seem to be homages to the video game Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.

The railroad girl cosplay is Nell Fenwick, the damsel in distress from the 1960s cartoon The Dudley Do-Right Show, which made tying someone to railroad tracks an art form.
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 24

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Sun Oct 23, 2022 2:01 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-10-12
Words: 3,567

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?

Chapter 24: Grand Theft Shinji

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


"So wait, you're being picked as a new Eva Pilot?!" Asuka stared at Kotone incredulously as they ate their lunches.

"Yeah, apparently. I get to pilot Unit-05 or whatever." Kotone rubbed her temples as she sighed. "I wanted something to increase my viewership and protecting humanity in a giant robot is bound to help with that."

"Unit-05? Does it have thirty-two eyes?" Shinji asked with genuine interest.

"Gott, are you still on about that, Shinji? It's not going to have that many eyes." Asuka rolled her eyes before returning her attention to Kotone. "Anyway, if you're going to join us elite few, then it's only natural that I, the best Eva pilot, show you the ropes."

"Oh, maybe you can include her in on my training. That's been helping me a whole lot so it should help her, too."

Asuka whipped her head around to Shinji fast enough to create wind pressure.

"Ohhhhhh?" Kotone grinned as she saw her chance to strike. "You two have some private training you like to do together? How could I stand to interrupt your alone time?"

Asuka's blush grew luminous enough that a distant helicopter mistook it as a warning light. Even Leader and Shiki had a tinge of red on their face.

Shinji, however, seemed to miss the subtext. "Oh, it's no trouble. I mean, it's extremely helpful if you want to be able to fight Angels. And we don't do it alone. After all, Misato, Doctor Akagi, and the rest of the bridge crew have to watch to make sure things don't go wrong," Shinji explained, much to Asuka's horror and Leader's and Shiki's shock.

Kotone blinked in surprise. "Did…. did you just counter-innuendo me?"

"Did I what?" Shinji squinted in genuine confusion.

Kotone opened her mouth to explain but saw Asuka, Leader, and Shiki making repeated stop motions, and decided against it.

Unfortunately, Rei was not paying attention. "I believe what she means is the way you said your previous statement would imply-"

Fortunately, the day was saved when Hikari burst through the door, cutting Rei off. "Alright, I've managed to distract Kirishima. Remind me to get Aida to talk to her at some point, as they would probably get along with how much they talk about military matters." Hikari sat down and began to unwrap her lunch.

"Thanks, Hikari!" Asuka sought to drive the conversation far away from what they were talking about before. "Where are the stooges anyway? I haven't seen them all day."

"I don't know, but they better have a good explanation for why they missed school." Hikari scowled as her own trio of Minisukas grabbed at their own portions.

"Well, hopefully, they aren't having too much fun," Kotone quipped as she side-eyed a still-confused Shinji.

Image
("Blushing Asuka" cosplay by Zephegami)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-3 Abandoned Warehouse District

"Hmmmmm…." Kensuke checked the instructions again, confirming that, yes, this was the warehouse he was supposed to meet his contact in. Nodding to himself, he entered the warehouse with his head held high and his chest puffed out. Confidence is the key to success, you know?

"Ken? Whaddya doin' here?"

Kensuke blinked as he saw his best friend and partner in (mostly metaphorical) crime Touji Suzuhara waiting in the abandoned warehouse.

"I'm meeting someone about getting a discounted Ramses-II main battle tank. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here ta get some imported Andorran protein powder."

"Protein powder," Kensuke repeated as he tried to recall where in the world Andorra was and how Touji of all people knew it existed.

"Yeah, I stopped buyin' it ta help pay fer Sakura's medical bill but since Dad's NERV insurance covers dat now, I decided to treat myself a little before I go back ta the normal stuff."

Kensuke nodded in understanding - that sounded exactly like something Touji would do.

Suddenly a noise emanated from the shadows of the warehouse as a large man in a white suit and a face that screamed 'Yakuza' emerged. He stared at the two of them with a menacing gaze before pulling a-

"Are you two here for the pocket racer tournament as well?" The man held a tiny car out in his hand, his stern face and deep tone ill-matched for what he just said.

Image

"Oh hey, is that a- wait!" Kensuke blurted out as he tried to wrap his head around what was happening. "If you're here for a pocket racing tournament, you're here for protein powder, and I'm here for a tank, why are we all-"

Suddenly a distant sound echoing from far away cut him off:

"Sunao ni I LOVE YOU! Todokeyou
kitto YOU LOVE ME! tsutawaru sa~"


"Oh no." Three sets of eyes widened in surprise and understanding. At that moment, they knew this was a trap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_qjS_D13bE

"Quick! Follow me!" the suited man shouted as he broke into a sprint. Kensuke and Touji had no objections as they followed as fast as their legs would take them. They burst out of the door on the opposite end of the warehouse and began to take stock of their surroundings. Suddenly a man in a silver idol outfit and wearing an eyepatch exuding an aura that could only be described as 'Idol Power' burst through the door on the other end of the warehouse. The music was growing louder.

"Look, a taxi!" Touji shouted as he pointed to a taxi that still seemed to be in service, awaiting customers despite the odd location. The three of them ran towards the taxi, their pursuer only walking at them but still somehow managing to keep the same distance. The three of them made it to the taxi and piled into the backseat.

"Drive Drive DRIVE!" the man in the suit screamed at the taxi driver as their pursuer grew closer. Suddenly the taxi sped off, leaving their pursuer in the dust. As their enemy grew distant, the three of them began laughing, relief evident on their faces.

"Hey, thanks, man. You got us out of a real bind," Kensuke thanked the heroic taxi driver.

"No problem, kid," the eyepatched taxi driver responded with a wide grin, trying to hold back his laughter. "No problem."

Image

------------------------------------------------------------------

Terminal Dogma

Ritsuko sighed as she took another drag of her cigarette. She was glad to be done with Unit-05 but staring at Rei's backup bodies did not improve her mood. But at least it was comparatively easier work all things considered.

"I look away for a moment and the calibrations are all off. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, as they say," she said as she rewrote some outdated code.

"There is no rest for the wicked, Doctor Akagi," Gendo stated as he watched over her. "Will we be ready in time for Rei's appointment?"

"Barely. I have far too much to recalibrate since I haven't been here in a while."

"I see. Can I assist you in anything to speed up the process?"

Ritsuko paused for a second to ensure that what she had just heard was correct. Gendo Ikari helping her? This had to be a trick. Unfortunately, she was far too tired to not fall for it.

"I need a cocktail of chemicals to ensure stability during the appointment. If you could head to the medical wing storage and pick up the container designated as Beta-Gamma-Thirty, that would speed things up immensely."

She received a grunt of acknowledgment. "Very well, I shall return shortly."

She heard the door open and close, leaving her with the backup bodies. "Hmmm. Something has him on edge." She wasn't entirely sure of that, but something had to be wrong with him. She put wondering about that at the back of her mind as she continued her work.

------------------------------------------------------------------

NERV breakroom 74-Z, later

"Alright, who microwaved fish in here again!?" Misato pinched her nose as the horrific scent emerged from the offending appliance. "I'll find who did it and hang them from one of the Evas!"

"Katsuragi?" Kaji popped his head in to see what the commotion was about. "What are you screaming about?"

"Kaji? Are you the one who's been microwaving fish in here?" She eyed him suspiciously. His disgusted face was all the response she needed.

"Gods no! I have standards! Who do you think I am, Minato from college?"

"Ugh, don't remind me of that weirdo. Anyway, my lunch is now ruined because someone doesn't know common workplace courtesy."

"Have you tried the cafeteria?" He received the flattest of stares in return. "That bad, huh?"

"NERV receives billions to outfit giant mechs with the most advanced of armaments and none of it goes to the cafeteria."

"Typical. Well, I got some cup ramen back in my office. Wanna relive our college diet?"

"Better than nothing, I suppose. But if you think this is anything resembling a date, I will-" Suddenly the break room went dark. "The power's out?"

"Huh. Might be a fault in the power grid. Well, emergency power should come back on any second." A few moments passed. "Any second." A few more moments passed. "Any second." His eyes were adapting to the darkness, allowing him to see Misato's scathing glare. "Okay, this might be a problem."

"Oh really?! What could possibly make you think that?!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-3, near defensive blockade 3-Q

"-and this is defensive blockade 3-Q," Asuka gestured to the massive metal obelisk. She had decided for all her fellow pilots to take Kotone on a tour of all the important locations for Eva Pilots to know about. Nobody disagreed (except Shiki but that was more on principle than anything) and so here they were.

"…. How is it different from the other ones?" Kotone asked with a strained smile.

"I'm glad you asked! For you see-" Asuka began to go on a tirade about defensive positioning to an increasingly resigned Kotone. Rei had decided to distract herself with a good book (Intermediate Pranking 101) and tune out everything else. Shinji was paying rapt attention to Asuka's lectures in hopes of learning something to help his piloting. Leader was noting things down in her notebook while Shiki was napping in his shirt pocket.

Suddenly something caught Shinji's attention. "Is that Mat? Hey, Mat!" Shinji gave a polite wave to Mat, who only nodded in response. Asuka gave the newcomer a one-over before deciding he wasn't worth her time and continuing her lecture. Kotone gave a wave and Rei continued to not pay attention.

"Do you want to join us?" Mat thought for a moment before nodding again. "Great, just don't interrupt Asuka."

"Shinji! Zip the lip, I'm lecturing here!"

"Sorry, Asuka…."

Mat could only shrug and roll his eyes.

------------------------------------------------------------------

NERV Medical wing elevator

Gendo stood stock still and stared at the elevator wall. The unmoving elevator wall. He really needed to stop getting into elevators. They seemed to only bring him misery. He just wanted to keep his mind occupied to distract himself from the constant screaming, but now he was stuck.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

His current source of elevator-based misery? The wheelchair-bound eight-year-old and her accompanying Ishim that were staring at him.

"Hey, old guy, you Shinji's dad Gumbo?" Sakura Suzuhara inquired.

How did he know her name? Well, it was printed on the side of her hospital-issued wheelchair for starters.

"I am Gendo Ikari, yes," he answered, hoping the child would leave it at that. Unfortunately, she wouldn't.

"Cool. I'm firing you from your position as a dad."

…What?

"What?"

"Baka?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

"Yeah, I heard you weren't a good dad, so I'm firing you from being a dad. I'm going to be Shinji's dad from now on."

He stared at the eight-year-old with such incredulity that his face stung from showing so much emotion after so long. Her Ishim was also confused.

"That's… not how that works. Fathership is not something you can fire someone from, and you of all people don't have the authority to do that."

Sakura scoffed at him and puffed up her chest. "Screw your stupid rules! You're a bad dad and I'm going to be a better dad than you, therefore I'm Shinji's new dad. I'm gonna drive him to sports practice, teach him how to shave, slip him a beer, cheat on my wife with his schoolteacher who's half my age, and get pinned for a whole bunch of crimes I didn't commit by my bosses at the shady black company I work at. Normal dad stuff."

…Where was she learning these things? Even the Ishim looked confused and uncomfortable. Was he in hell? Did he die at some point and get sent to hell?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"You're delusional," he stated plainly and with finality, broadcasting an obvious end to the conversation.

Unfortunately, she didn't seem to get the message. "No, I'm Sakura, Shinji's new dad."

Never had he wanted to strangle a child more than right now. He hoped the blackout ended soon or he might need Section Two to help him dispose of a body.

------------------------------------------------------------------

NERV Command Center, later

"So Rits, how is it looking?" Misato asked as she fanned herself with a vaguely important-looking folder, wondering why it was so hot underground.

"It looks like sabotage or gross incompetence on a transcendent level." Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose as she suppressed the urge to raid her subordinate's liquor stashes.

"Could it be both?" Misato suggested.

"Honestly? That makes way more sense. Aoba! Sitrep!"

Aoba poked his head up from a maintenance grate. "The good news is it can be fixed. The bad news is that it'll take like three or four hours minimum."

Ritsuko groaned. "Just great. And all our regular maintenance workers just happened to be celebrating in Tokyo-2."

"Um, Senpai, they're at a funeral. One of the maintenance workers died." Maya piped up holding a bag of spare parts she acquired from a supply closet. "It was in the workplace newsletter."

Ritsuko blinked and suddenly found the floor very interesting. "Oh. I should probably catch up on my emails."

Misato patted her back. "You need some sleep, Rits. But before that, we should probably get the Evas ready."

Everyone turned to look at Misato like she'd grown a new head.

"What? Why?" Ritsuko stared at her friend to see if she had gotten into a booze stash when nobody was looking.

"Because this seems exactly like a situation where an Angel would attack, so we should prep the Evas however we can."

"Misato, that's insane. And what about the pilots? What, do you think they'll just fall out of the sky-" A nearby air vent was kicked open, causing a few bridge members to grab their NERV standard-issue self-defense sidearms (bullets sold separately). Out of it emerged three familiar girls in school uniforms. "-I walked right into that one."

"Oh hey, Asuka, Rei,…" Misato squinted at Kotone, trying to recall who this was. "…you?"

"Kotone Suzunami, Miss Katsuragi. I'm technically the new Eva pilot."

"All of you shut up!" Asuka shouted with a wild look in her eye. Even Rei seemed mildly concerned. "We need the Evas ready YESTERDAY!" Asuka grabbed Misato by the shoulders and looked ready to do something insane.

"Asuka, calm down! Where's Shinji and the Minisukas?" A ball of ice was beginning to form in Misato's gut. All the Pilots's behaviors were odd. Well, two of theirs were - Misato really didn't know Kotone.

"That's the problem! The mini-mes are on a warpath because an Angel kidnapped Shinji!"

Silence engulfed the command center after that outburst. Everyone had to take a moment to let that sink in, the gravity of the situation cemented by the panic on Asuka's face. After a deafening silence that seemed to last forever, Misato responded.

"WHAT?!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-3 Pocchi Memorial Street, earlier

"Is it just me or is everything a bit…. darker than usual?" Shinji asked as the sun began to set and the building lights didn't turn on in response.

"What?" Asuka paused her latest lecture on weapon deployment hardpoints to look around. "Oh. Huh. Is there a scheduled blackout happening?"

"No," Rei spoke up without looking up from her book. "The blackout started around the time you were explaining defensive blockade 3-Q. Scheduled blackouts do not last this long. There is likely some sort of fault that caused a mass power failure."

"…..and you didn't think to share that with the rest of us?" Asuka inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"I assumed you would want to finish your tutelage of Pilot Suzunami, so I decided it would be best to let you continue."

"Well, thanks, but we need to report to the Geofront when emergencies like this happen. Well, guess we can use this to teach Kotone about emergency procedures!"

"Yay….." Kotone cheered weakly, desperately wanting to go home and sleep.

"Oh, I guess that means that you have to go, Mat. I don't think we're allowed to bring you to the Geofront."

Shiki sighed and sat up from her resting position, yawning as she rubbed her eye. She looked at the four people accompanying Shinji and blinked. She rubbed her eye again and tried to make sense of what she was seeing. She climbed onto Shinji's shoulder and tried getting his attention.

"Hmmm? What is it, Shiki?"

"Anta Baka?" Shiki inquired while pointing at Mat.

"That's Mat. I'm not sure if you've seen him before," Shinji explained, not entirely sure what Shiki was getting so worked up about. Shiki looked at him like he grew a second head and went to get Leader's attention, who looked at her oddly.

"Anta Baka!"

"Baka?"

"Anta Baka?!" Shiki pointed to Mat, who was pointedly not making eye contact with anyone.

Rei sighed, wondering what was interrupting her reading time now. She closed her book and looked up, blinking in surprise.

"Pilot Ikari, Pilot Soryu, Pilot Suzunami?"

"Yes?"

"What?"

"Whassup?"

"How long has Classmate Mat been a giant spider?"

Everyone turned to look at Mat, scrutinizing him for the first time. There was his white button-up shirt and black pants, like what Shinji wore, stretched along his long arachnid limbs. His head was shaped like a disk or a bowl, with many triangular eyes - oh crap, it was a giant spider Angel.

Matarael blinked as he felt himself under a much more focused gaze. His nervousness grew as the Pilots began to distance themselves from him, Leader manifesting her Lance with the intent to kill. Realizing that his cover was blown, Matarael did the only thing he could think of. Suddenly growing a manipulator appendage, Matarael launched forward and grabbed Shinji, knocking Leader and Shiki onto the ground. Matarael continued forward with his hostage in tow, leaving behind five shocked girls to process what just happened.

"The…. The Angel…. JUST TOOK SHINJI?!" Asuka shouted in confusion and anger. Her mind was a jumble of mixed emotions, slowly settling on burning fury, mixed with worry.

"Baka Shinji?" Shiki whispered as her eyes grew distant and unfocused. Leader just stared off into the distance where the Angel disappeared. “Baka Shinji? BAKA SHINJI?!" Shiki shouted in an uncharacteristic display of raw anguish, snapping Leader out of her shell shock. Leader slapped Shiki out of her state and stared her in the eye. "Anta Baka!" Shiki blinked and nodded, her face now a visage of vengeful fury. The two sprinted away, leaving the three pilots on their own.

"W-what should we do?" Kotone asked as she tries to get her racing heart back to normal.

"We…. need to get to the Geofront! We need to get to our Eva's! We need to kick that Angel's arachnid ass and rescue that Idiot!" Asuka ordered, her fingernails digging into her palms with enough force to draw blood.

"I agree with Pilot Soryu. We must reave apart the Angel and display its head so that all will be aware of the folly it committed against us." Rei's eyes were focused on some distant object, her stomach filled with an alien feeling that she did not like. "I believe I know a shortcut, follow me. We shouldn't delay." Rei sprinted off with surprising speed, the other two following quickly after her.

"Damn straight, First! Let's go!"

"This already isn't good for my heart…." Kotone whimpered, hoping this wasn't usually how Angel battles went.

Image

Notes:
“I was considering whether or not to make this a two-parter, but I just found leaving things on a cliffhanger way too much fun. So yeah, Matarael starts things off by doing the smartest and stupidest thing. Smartest by removing the currently most effective Eva pilot, stupidest by invoking the wrath of the Red Horde. If you're wondering what Matarael looks like in Shinji's school uniform, I'll leave that to your imagination. Tune in next time as NERV must deescalate a hostage crisis involving a giant alien spider, a fourteen-year-old boy, and an uncountable number of enraged tiny redheads. And also, giant robots I guess. Until then I hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and have a pleasant day.”

Notes from ME!:
“Pocket Circuit” is another Yakuza Kiwami reference (the character Kiryu).

The Japanese song lyrics are a tune from Yakuza Kiwami called ’24-Hour Cinderella’. It is sung by…

Goro Majima, the eyepatched karaoker, is a rival character to Kiryu in the Yakuza Kiwami game series. He is also a master of disguise….
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas" Chapter 25

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Sun Oct 30, 2022 4:27 pm

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-10-22
Words: 3,981

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?

Chapter 25: Blackout Battle: Hostage Negotiations

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


Evangelion Hangers

"Why does it have wheels?" Asuka stared at the mighty visage of Unit-05, its green splendor doing nothing to distract from the odd wheels it had as its main source of locomotion.

Ritsuko sighed as she lit another cigarette. "Because our bosses at the U.N. say they want a new Eva unit to ensure maximum effectiveness, but they don't allocate the budget to produce a fully-fledged Eva unit. So we had to cut some corners."

Kotone nodded sagely. "Right, fancy bigwigs wanting maximum crime for minimum dime. That's how it always is."

"I get that, but how does it work? The Evas work by mimicking our movements through a psychosomatic link filtered through our sync ratio; it shouldn't work with wheels!" Asuka complained, pointing at the offending appendages with gusto.

"Look, Asuka-" Ritsuko took a long drag of her cigarette. "-I could explain to you the lengthy and complicated workarounds we had to install into the software to achieve something resembling a link that didn't cause the pilot to believe they were a truck that needed to run over high schoolers, or you could get in the fucking robot and rescue Shinji from the giant spider Angel that can somehow masquerade itself as a middle schooler and not trip off our Angel detection equipment." Ritsuko blinked and sighed again. "The fact that the sentence I just spoke is not strange to me at all is really troubling. I wonder if Misato's drinking helps her deal with all this?"

"Hmph!" Asuka flipped Ritsuko off as she made her way to Unit-02. Ritsuko responded in kind on instinct.

"Um….." Kotone shifted nervously in her new burgundy plugsuit. "I don't know how to pilot the giant mech thing. Is that going to be a problem?"

"No, you should be fine. We've developed some assistance programs that should help you get the hang of things." Ritsuko paused for a moment to tap the ash off her cigarette. "But just in case, stay in the back and let Rei and Asuka do the heavy lifting for this op."

"Sir yes sir!" Kotone saluted.

"Don't….. do that. We're not looking for military-like rigidity here." Kotone sighed in relief and loosened her posture. "Head into your entry plug - we're about to start the final checks." Kotone nodded and ran off to her position. Ritsuko held herself back from sighing again. "I'm not going home anytime soon, am I?"

Image

Image

------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-3 Abandoned Warehouse District

Matarael paced back and forth in the absurdly large warehouse. Nothing was going like the historical Lilim documentaries known as 'Television Shows' taught! Hiding as a cloud back when Israfel arrived allowed him to understand the importance of the prepubescent Lilim that piloted the constructs of false flesh. Using that observation, the shows taught him integration and infiltration was the next step. So he walked the dangerous line of joining the 'School' in a foolproof disguise in order to sneak his way into where Father was being kept. And going to school when you're the size of a skyscraper was not easy! But it was going well until that vixen that smelled of the usurper and that….. minuscule anomaly somehow managed to break through his carefully constructed glamour. In his panic, he grabbed the weakest individual present to use as a hostage. That was perhaps Matarael's biggest mistake yet.

Matarael peeked through a crack in the boarded-up warehouse window, seeing the streets lined with miniature red anomalies out for blood. His blood. If Matarael had a mouth and throat, he would have gulped nervously. Well, on the bright side, he undoubtedly nabbed an extremely important person. The NERV Commander's son if his research was correct. Surely the boy's father would spare no effort to see him returned safely and wouldn't leave him to die a dog's death at the hand of an alien invader. Just like his father, Adam, who was the best father ever.

------------------------------------------------------------

NERV Medical Ward Elevator

"Reason number one thousand three hundred sixty-two of why I would be a better father than you - I am champion spear thrower. Reason number-"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

One bullet. It would only take one bullet from his concealed sidearm to silence her forever. But that would be too easy. If he did that, he would be admitting defeat. So he withstood the onslaught. Hopefully, the power would be restored soon. Otherwise, Gendo didn't know how long his trigger finger would be controllable.

"-I'm cuter than you. Reason number-"

------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-3 abandoned warehouse district

Yes, the Lilim fathers were obviously responsible creatures. So it stood to reason he should expect fierce opposition, and with his ability to disguise himself through clever use of his A.T. Field was now null and void, he could not rely on his ability to sneak away. Matarael would need to be savvy and pull from all of the 'shows' he studied relating to hostage negotiations in order to come out on top. Which meant he needed the cooperation of his hostage. Who was unconscious right now. Where was a bucket of water when you needed it?

Shinji awoke with a start as he felt water drenching his body. He quickly took stock of his situation. First, he was in an absurdly large warehouse. Second, he was adhered to the wall of said warehouse with copious amounts of duct tape. Third, a giant spider was staring at him oh gods what is going on?

"Ahhhhhhh!" Shinji screamed as he tried to wiggle free from his prison of polythene and glue. His memory was returning, remembering his abduction by Mat, who was revealed to be an Angel. The Angel dropped a bucket from its eerily human graspers and waved in a manner that Shinji assumed was meant to be placating. Seeing as the tape seemed like it would not give way, he complied. At least until Leader and Shiki could-

"Wait, where's Leader and Shiki?!" Shinji whipped his head around trying to find his friends, but they were nowhere to be found.

The Angel produced a small whiteboard from somewhere and proceeded to write on it. "who?" The whiteboard was displaying simple but coherent text.

Shinji paused, taking in the fact he was communicating with an Angel. "The, uh, small redheads?"

The Angel erased its writing and wrote a response. "who?" Which was the exact same question. Alright.

"They were on my shoulder?"

"fell off i guess. not here. no important. you hostage now."

"….What?"

"didnt mean to kidnap you, i panicked, now the anomalies are after my blood. i use you for safety, so i dont die. cooperate so we both get out of this."

Well. This wasn't a situation he thought he would get into today. He was surprised he wasn't panicking right now. Perhaps he was growing too used to these strange situations?

"Well, uh, I don't think I'll be a very good hostage. Sorry."

"well youre the only hostage i have so youll do."

Shinji was unsure if that was meant to be insulting or not. Suddenly his phone began to ring in his pocket, but he couldn't reach it due to his current entrapment. "I still have reception?" he wondered allowed. "Does that mean they can trace my signal?"

He was answered by the familiar sound of something reaching the surface, followed by heavy footfalls. The Angel had a panicked look in its many eyes.

"fecal excrement."

"What?"

------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm surprised the deployment catapults are usable," Asuka stated as she and the others approached the location of Shinji's cell phone.

"Yes, well, thanks to the N2 reactor we 'reappropriated' after the Jet Alone incident, we have some power to work with. Just try to finish this op as fast as possible. Your Evas aren't running at full capacity and even then the reactor is strained supporting all of you," Ritsuko explained as she worked double time to constantly manage the power flow.

"You mean looted, right?" Misato questioned.

"Call it whatever you want. Neither the U.N. nor J.H.C.I. are getting it back."

"Alright, so does anyone want to explain why this warehouse is so enormous?" Kotone inquired as she followed the other two as she got used to having wheels. The absurdly large warehouse before them looked like it could hold an Eva Unit or an Angel.

"Apparently, it's an old storage site for Eva parts shipped in from out of the country. It got abandoned after proper facilities were built within the Geofront itself. Now it's used for indie music shows, cult meetings, and the occasional underground extreme circus competitions," Maya listed off, wondering if she was reading that correctly.

"Oh right, Cirque Du Slay was great!" Ooi added as everyone looked at her with expressions of bafflement. "What?"

"Hey!" Asuka shouted. "We're here. Should we…. bust in or something? I'm not exactly sure how to handle hostage situations while piloting my Eva. Wasn't exactly covered in training." Asuka paused. "Well, not in any way that doesn't involve immense collateral damage at least."

"Good question. Working on it," Misato responded, staring at the warehouse like it was a Rubik's Cube.

"Well, work faster. The mini-mes are gathering around and if I know my expressions well, which I obviously do, then they're probably going to do something extremely violent soon."

"Look, I'm-" Whatever Misato was saying was cut off as a section of the warehouse exploded and Matarael burst out, Shinji (who was in a cocoon of duct tape) in one hand and a comically small (in comparison) gun in the other, pointed at Shinji's head. "-Oh."

"Look! It's Shinji! Hi, Shinji!" Kotone beckoned Unit-05 to wave at Shinji, to moderate success.

"Hi, Kotone," Shinji responded weakly. "Is that Unit-05? Why does it have wheels?"

"Dunno! But I'm here to help, even though I only got this pistol!"

Shinji did note she was quite underarmed compared to Asuka's dual Smash Hawks and Rei's Gatling Gun. "Why do you only have a pistol?"

"They don't trust me with anything more lethal!"

"Everyone shut up!" Asuka screamed, before pointing one of her axes at the Angel. "Alright, you arachnid asshole, this can end in one of two ways, and in both of them, you die. So you wanna do this the easy way or the hard way?" The Minisukas were swarming around the area, waiting for the opportunity to descend upon Matarael with crimson fury. Matarael looked around with panicked eyes, trying to figure out a way out of this situation.

"Oh, are Leader and Shiki okay?" Shinji asked, drawing Asuka's ire once more.

"Shinji, what did I just-"

"Baka Shinji!" A call came from the horde, revealing Leader at the head of the pack.

"Leader! I'm glad you're alright. Wait, where's Shiki?" Shinji was cut off as Matarael reemphasized the fact that Shinji had a gun to his head by pressing it hard against his temple. "Right, a hostage situation." Shinji hoped Shiki was okay as this intense standoff continued.

------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-3 Airspace, directly above Matarael

"Give me your lance," Shiki demanded of the Minisuka operating the miniature hot air balloon they were riding.

"What? No! Why!?"

"Because I want to duel wield against this bastard," Shiki lied effortlessly.

"…Yeah, that's fair."

"Also, if I'm holding onto the lance and things get dicey, you can recall it and all be dragged to safety with it."

"Huh. Also fair. Alright, here you go." She handed her lance to Shiki, who gave it an experimental twirl. Her eye filled with disdain towards the Lance of Despair before the disdain was smothered by rage. "Give that overgrown spider hell and bring the Idiot back home safely."

"Hmph. Of course," Shiki commented before jumping out of the basket. The wind buffeted her face as she dropped, her target quickly found as the ground grew closer and closer. Red tinged her vision as she could just barely make out Shinji having a gun to his head. An unpleasant memory flashed through her head before she suppressed it, now was not the time. She deployed her parachute at the designated altitude as she drifted into position. Slowly descending above the Angel, she waited. Moments passed as she was getting closer, hoping she remained unnoticed as the Angel's attention lay elsewhere.

After what felt like an eternity, she struck. She cut the parachute cords and plunged down onto the Angel's head. The lance struck true as it was buried deep within the Angel's head, causing it to let out a screech of pain. She saw the Angel drop Shinji as it tried to claw at her, her compatriots banding together to catch him. Shiki let out a deep sigh of relief, letting the lance go as she jumped to the ground, away from the Angel's grasp. The first step was over, now she needed to proceed with steps two through ten of kicking this thing's ass.

------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka grit her teeth as the stand-off continued. They couldn't do anything while the Angel had Shinji at gunpoint, and as the (self-proclaimed) team leader of the Eva pilots, she would not abandon a teammate to their doom. The two axes in her hands felt heavier than usual as she waited for an opportunity to rescue that Idiot.

Suddenly the Angel started writhing in pain as it started clawing at the top of his head. This in turn caused the Angel to inadvertently fling Shinji away. "Shinji!" she screamed as she almost jumped to catch him, before noticing the mini-mes forming a human cushion in order to catch him. Her doppelgänger horde caught Shinji with ease and carried him away like ants. Relief flooded her as the Idiot was brought to safety. She was then overtaken by seething fury towards this Angel who dared to abduct her fellow pilot and kinda maybe friend. The revving of Rei's minigun and the hum of her Smash Hawks sounded like an excellent melody to start the symphony of this Angel's complete and total decimation.

The Angel looked around frantically for a way out, realizing it was now doomed. Then the Angel did something she didn't expect, it jumped. The Angel cleared a surprising distance, reaching the edge of Tokyo-3 in a single bound. Then the arachnid Angel jumped again, heading straight up. And up. And up. Gott did that thing just exit orbit?!

"Uhhhhh, sensors have lost the Angel's signal," one of the bridge crew said. She thought it was the one with the glasses that had the hots for Misato.

"Keep an eye out! It could come back at any second!" Misato commanded.

Seeing as how she has a moment to relax, she turned to check on the Idiot. "Shinji! Are you alright?!" Hopefully, that didn't sound too worried. She had an image to uphold, after all.

"I feel a little nauseous, but I think I'm fine?" he called out as the mini-mes were attempting to free him from his duct tape prison.

"Good. We came all this way to rescue you and I'd be pissed if you got injured at the last second."

"Sorry to interrupt your tearful reunion-" Doctor Akagi interjected. "-but our reappropriated-"

"Looted," Misato corrected.

"-reappropriated N2 reactor is showing signs of instability. You have five minutes max before we shut it down."

Suddenly, alarms started blaring in the command center.

"Angel reentered sensor range! Mass has increased and is approaching at extreme velocity!" Horny glasses guy, Mac she thinks his name was, screamed.

"What?! Oh shit! The Angel is trying to take us out like the dinosaurs!" Misato shouted.

"Misato, that's… never mind. A.T. Field, now!"

Asuka didn't need Akagi to tell her twice. "Mini-Mes! The Angel is throwing an asteroid at us! Get the Idiot to safety!" Asuka screamed as she projected her A.T. Field as wide as she could. The mini-mes formed a protective cocoon around Shinji as they carried him away. Now all she had to do was outlast this spider bastard.

Image

Image

------------------------------------------------------------

Matarael had no mouth, but if it did, it would be screaming. He was pushing his A.T. Field to the absolute limit, enveloping himself and the meteorite to make it as lethal as possible. This was his final gambit - this move was all or nothing. A silent apology was sent to Sahaquiel for the theft of his sibling's main modus operandi. As the heat of reentry began to deflagrate his flesh, the Lilim city came into sight. This was the moment of truth.

witness me lilim! i am matarael! child of adam! you will not best meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

------------------------------------------------------------

The sound of a giant rock ridden by a giant alien spider smashing against an A.T. Field was indescribable. Mostly because nobody could hear it due to all three Eva pilots screaming as they tried to maintain their combined A.T. Field against the monstrous assault against them. The force of such an impact shattered most glass in the city and surely drove multiple stained glass wholesalers out of business.

"Am I doing this right?! It kinda hurts a lot!" Kotone screamed and white hot pain lanced up her arms.

"That's normal!" Asuka forced through grit teeth.

"The reactor is fluctuating! We need to shut it off before it goes critical!" Akagi shouted as the communications with the command center got cut. The timer started displaying the five-minute countdown for all the Evas.

"Wunderbar! Does anyone have any bright ideas?!" Asuka screamed, hoping Eva to Eva communications were still working.

"I have one!" Kotone shouted. "Gun!"

"Pilot Suzunami, that is not-" Rei spoke with strain before a single gunshot rang out as Unit-05 fired its sidearm. Surprisingly to everyone, the bullet struck true as the Angel recoiled and fell off the meteorite with an unceremonious thump. "…. I stand corrected." Free of the Angel's influence, the meteorite disintegrated against the A.T. Field, ending its threat.

"Did….. the Angel not envelope itself in an A.T. Field?" Asuka questioned incredulously as the Angel tried to get back to its feet.

This was prevented by Rei unloading a salvo of rounds from her minigun, shredding its flesh. "It appears that it did not," Rei muttered.

As the Angel tried to crawl away, the Minisukas began to dogpile it, stabbing away with righteous fury. After an uncomfortably long session of stabbing, the Minisukas departed, only leaving a smear of blood behind.

"Well. Good job, Kotone."

"Thanks! I gunned!"

That was the last thing they heard before the Evas powered down.

------------------------------------------------------------

Shinji peaked his head out from the abandoned warehouse he was using as shelter to see the Evas slumped over and the Angel nowhere to be found.

"I guess we won?" Shinji pondered aloud as he felt a tension he didn't know he had leave his body. Now if only he wasn't covered in adhesive.

"Baka Shinji?" He turned to see Shiki approaching him cautiously. She looked unusually skittish. Also covered head to toe in Angel blood.

"Shiki! I'm glad you're alright." Shiki motioned that she wanted to be put in his pocket, so he obliged and picked her up and placed her in his front shirt pocket. Suddenly she wrapped her arms around the small part of his chest she could encompass and buried her face in his shirt. She was hugging him. And he wasn't sure how to hug back. Considering the size difference he really had to think about how to do this. He settled for placing his left hand on her back. He thought he heard her make some kind of noise but he must have been mistaken.

"Baka?" He turned to look at Leader, who was studying him with a neutral expression. She sighed and hugged his side. Soon other Minisukas began to pour in to hug him as well. Shinji tried to reciprocate but at that point, he could barely move due to his entire upper body being a Minisukas sweater. This was a problem as he was still covered in the adhesive from the duct tape, meaning the Minisukas were now stuck to his body. Something he had to explain to Asuka, Ayanami, and Kotone when they left their Evas and found him. Suffice it to say, he wasn't going to hear the end of this anytime soon.

Image
(Illustration by Rubens Alborghete)

------------------------------------------------------------

NERV Command Center

"The rumbling stopped. You think they won?" Makoto ventured.

"Considering the meteorite hasn't smashed through the Geofront and killed us all, I'd say that's a safe bet," Ritsuko confirmed as she lit another cigarette.

"Great! Now let's fix up the power so we can get home!" Misato ordered, but before she could direct anything, Kaji burst into the command center half-carrying a panting Fuyutsuki. "Kaji!? Sub-Commander?! Where have you been?"

"Stairs..." Fuyutsuki wheezed as he commandeered a nearby chair.

"The Sub-Commander was missing so I decided to look for him. I found him half-passed out after he'd climbed thirty flights of stairs trying to get here," Kaji explained as he lit a cigarette of his own.

"Report," Fuyutsuki ordered between pants as he tried to even his breathing.

"High probability of Angel neutralization, Sub-Commander!" Misato explained.

"Angel?!" Fuyutsuki wheezed out as a tech handed him some water, which he drank down like a man in a desert. "Never mind, wait for the Commander to get here." Fuyutsuki looked around with a raised eyebrow. "Wait, where is the Commander?"

------------------------------------------------------------

NERV Medical Ward Elevator

"Reason number five hundred thousand nine-hundred sixty-two I'm a better father than you - I look good in pink. Reason number-"

Sakura was interrupted when the lights flickered back on and the elevator began moving once more. A few moments later and the doors open, allowing Gendo to nearly sprint out of there without looking back.

"I am never sharing an elevator again," Gendo noted to himself as he made a beeline for the Command Center. Heads would roll for what happened to him, he would make sure of it.

------------------------------------------------------------

Minisuka Secret Base, the Room of Doom

Matarael's eyes fluttered open. The first thing he noticed was that his Fruit of Life was missing. The second thing was that his flesh was reduced to a mere fraction of what it was. The third thing was his suspension in a vat of LCL. The fourth and final thing was the presence of someone familiar sharing the vat with him.

sachiel? is that you?

Sachiel was reduced to parts of his face and a little bit of his head. Sachiel turned to look at Matarael with hollow, empty eyes.

I LOVE YOU. YOU LOVE ME.

sachiel what are you talking about?

Matarael's questioning was interrupted when one of the small anomalies brought one of the information receptacles known as a 'television'. It pushed the play button, revealing a large foam purple and green reptile. Which started singing.

"I love you! You love me! We're a happy Fam-ah-lee!"

Matarael still had no mouth, but he still screamed a scream unheard by any save his broken sibling, begging for a death he would not receive.

Image
(Illustration by Brendan Douglas)


Notes:
"Jesus this one took longer then I thought. Well, at least it's done. I'm a bit iffy about this chapter but hopefully, it looks decent enough. So yes Matarael held Shinji at gunpoint and when that failed he grabbed a meteor and decided to go hulk on the Evas. Unfortunately he forgot to put some AT-field on himself. Poor Matarael. Also, I have been receiving quite a few requests for Shinji to hug the Minisukas. Well, your wish is now granted. With that said, I hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and have a pleasant day."

Notes from Me!:
The references to Matarael's mouth and screaming is a nod to Harlan Ellison's short story 'I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream', one of the most disturbing and scary things ever written.

Just about everyone in the Evangelion series/movies could use a group hug, or a hug of any kind.
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas"

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Tue Nov 01, 2022 1:34 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting this side story from the Minisuka Cinematic Universe:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14154786/1 ... ooktacular
https://archiveofourown.org/works/42723504


Minisuka Holiday Special: Halloween Spooktacular
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; One-Shot; Jason Voorhees / Michael Myers non-canon; Halloween; Halloween Costumes; Pumpkins; this is complete crack
Published: 2022-10-30
Words: 2,279

Summary: It’s the season of spooks and you’re invited to the Katsuragi household Halloween party! Join your favorite Minisukas characters as they do Halloween related stuff! But watch out, we got some killers on the loose. All this and more in this completely non-canon spin-off of Rise of the Minisukas!

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


'Twas a hot and humid All Hallow's Eve in the fortress city of Tokyo-3. Ghoulish decorations were abound, seeping the atmosphere in spooks and scares. But alas, no trick-or-treaters due to Japanese Halloween focusing more on parties and such. And one such party is currently taking place within the Katsuragi household. Let's take a look at this little get-together, shall we?

"So..." Asuka adjusted the brim of her witch hat. "What are you supposed to be, Kotone?"

Kotone shifted her armor of cardboard boxes and struck a pose. "I'm a Gundam!" In the midst of her pose, one of her cardboard wings smacked Kensuke in the face, rotating his werewolf mask a full one-eighty, blinding him.

"A Gundam? Wait, we can say brand names without them being altered to a fictional version?" Asuka inquired suspiciously.

"Sure, none of this is canon anyway so it has no bearing on the plot of the main story. I mean look, Enigma is over there talking with Makoto at the punch bowl. And I know he's Enigma despite the fact none of us have even met him yet."

Image
(Illustration by Boyaking)

-----------------------------------------------------------

"-So that's the entirety of my plan, my motives, and what I suspect will happen during the course of the Angel war," Enigma explained, his voice free of the usual corruption due to author laziness.

Makoto stared at Enigma in abject horror. "Why…. Why would you tell me that?"

"Because in a few moments, the scene will change and we'll effectively cease to exist in this story."

"What?! Wait! Everyone, listen! The secret behind-"

-----------------------------------------------------------

"So yeah. No fourth wall and no rules. Just us doing Halloween stuff," Kotone explained as Makoto was erased from existence.

"Huh. Neat." Asuka turned to Rei, who was wearing her usual school uniform and brandishing a fire ax, but both were covered in blood. "Nice work on your costume, First."

Rei blinked in confusion. "Costume?" Rei inquired as she twirled the ax in her hand, spreading blood everywhere.

Asuka returned the confused blink and decided she didn't want to continue this line of inquiry.

"Never mind. Shinji! How are those sweets coming along?!" Asuka called out to the kitchen.

"I'm working on it! Shiki, add some cinnamon to that cookie dough, please."

"Baka." Shiki obliged and added a dash of cinnamon to the Spooky Halloween Cookie Dough (now with ninety-three percent authentic fake pumpkin). Leader returned with the pumpkin-shaped cookie cutters and they began mixing the dough. Suddenly the doorbell rang, its usual chime replaced by a poorly tuned 'Monster Mash', courtesy of Misato's lack of doorbell installation skills.

"I'll get it!" Hikari volunteered, speeding to the door before anyone could object. She opened the door to reveal Touji and Sakura Suzuhara, wearing Sonic and Tails costumes respectively.

"Hey Class Rep, how's it-" Touji paused as he took in Hikari's costume. She was also wearing a Sonic costume, causing a prolonged, awkward silence.

The silence was eventually broken by Hikari. "One of us is going to have to change and it's not going to be me." Hikari put her foot down with the unassailable authority of the Class Representative.

"But… me and Sakura 're supposed ta match."

Sakura patted Touji on the shoulder and chuckled. "Oh Touji, my beloved stupid idiot brother-"

"Didja really have ta use idiot and stupid?"

"-I, being the amazing person that I am, thought this would happen, so I brought you a backup costume." Sakura pulled out a red costume.

"That's Knuckles."

"Yes."

"Why Knuckles? Couldn't it have been, I dunno, Shadow?"

"Touji, you aren't cool enough to be Shadow."

"The fact that any of you think Shadow is cool shows your lack of taste!" Asuka shouted from within the apartment.

"Shove it, Soryu! Metal Sonic sucks!"

"Does it hurt being so wrong all the time, Suzuhara?!"

"Enough!" Hikari demanded. "Suzuhara, change now."

Touji nodded and ran off to the bathroom to change, leaving Sakura and Hikari alone. "Soooo…." Hikari struggled as she tried to start a conversation with her crush's little sister. "Where's your little friend?"

"I dunno. Where's yours?"

"Huh. Now that you mention it, I'm not sure where they are."

"Well, don't worry, I'm sure wherever they are, they're doing something awesome!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Go away." The door slammed shut, leaving the sheet-covered trick-or-treater without any sweets. The mass of Minisukas ripped off their bed sheet with indignant fury.

"Dammit! Why is nobody giving out candy?" one Minisuka screamed.

"Hell if I know, but if they aren't giving treats, then let's give them tricks."

A chorus of agreements sounded out as eggs and toilet paper were prepared to give this stingy bastard a reckoning.

Image
(Illustration by Boyaking)

-----------------------------------------------------------

"I'm sure they are, Sakura." Hikari smiled at the rambunctious eight-year-old as she tried to not think about the mischief the Minisukas were getting up to. Suddenly, the doorbell rang once more. "Now run along while I get the door." Sakura went to go bug Shinji as Hikari opened the door once again to reveal quite a surprise. "EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!"

The sounds of the party stopped as the sound of the screech reverberated throughout the apartment. Everyone (except Kensuke due to his continued mask-induced blindness) turned to see Hikari sprint away from the front door, taking cover behind the Katsuragi apartment's mythical Schrodinger's couch. Shortly after, two tall, imposing figures emerged from the entryway.

"Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees?!" Asuka shouted as she backed away from the two masked murderers. "What are they doing here?!"

"Because I invited them?" Shinji added as he tried to keep the cookie dough away from an ignorant Sakura. "Glad you could make it, Mister Myers, Mister Voorhees."

The two killers nodded at Shinji before lumbering over to the refreshment table, everyone else trying to put as much distance between themselves and the murderers as possible. Except for Rei, who didn't know enough about horror to consider them a threat, and Kensuke, who was still walking around blindly.

"Shinji!" Asuka hissed as she grabbed his collar. "How do you know two of the most famous slasher movie villains ever?!"

"We take the same knitting class together," Shinji explained as if that didn't raise more questions than it answered. Sakura, meanwhile, had used the distraction to snatch the cookie dough, and was trying to fight back Shiki's attempts to reclaim it.

"Of course! What, is Freddy Kruger coming too?!"

"No, Mister Kruger is in jail for drug possession."

"What?! Why?! What drugs did he have?!"

"Nyquil."

Asuka opened her mouth and then closed it in rapid succession, attempting to process the information she just received. "Nyquil is illegal in Japan?" Asuka's eyes suddenly became very shifty.

"Yeah? Why?"

"No reason. On an unrelated note, I need to dispose of something really quick." Asuka bolted towards her room, nearly knocking Touji over as he exited the bathroom.

"Alright, I'm Knuckles now." Touji scanned the apartment before noticing something amiss. "Sakura!" Touji brushed past Michael Myers' hulking form as the killer was retrieving a beer to snatch the bowl of cookie dough in Sakura's hands. "No cookie dough. Don'tcha remember what happened last time!?"

"No." Sakura pouted as her hard-won sweets were stolen from her.

"Exactly. Our family is still banned from that hibachi grill." Touji handed the bowl to Myers who in turn handed it to Shinji. "Now, let's leave Ikari to his cookin'. Ya can have some cookies later when they're baked." Touji dragged the grumpy eight-year-old to the main area.

Shinji set the bowl down and scratched his head. "Is this what it's usually like to have siblings?" Myers gave a so-so gesture before returning to the party. "Hmmm. Well, no use thinking about that now." Shinji, Leader, and Shiki began setting up the cookies for baking. "By the way, I wonder where Misato is?"

"Anta Baka," Leader answered.

"You're right. She'll probably be here soon."

Image
(Illustration by Boyaking)

-----------------------------------------------------------

"I hate this," Misato grumbled as she was stuck in traffic.

"Look on the bright side, Katsuragi - at least you're not alone." Kaji adjusted his James Bond costume.

"That's why I hate this. I'd rather be alone than with you." Misato scratched at the fake mustache of her John Wick costume.

"Well, how about we listen to some music to pass the time?" Kaji turned on the radio, setting it to a random station.

"Hey there, my fellow Tokyo-3ers! Welcome to Tokyo-3's only radio station where we're playing Halloween music all day every day!"

Spooky Scary Skeletons-


Misato quickly shut the radio off and affixed Kaji with a glare. Kaji could only return a sheepish smile.

"I can't wait to get drunk and not deal with you."

"Ah, so like back in college."

The only response was Misato smacking Kaji upside the head.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Finally!" An hour later, Misato was approaching her apartment. "Remind me never to go last-minute costume shopping again."

"I could, but I doubt you'll listen to me." Kaji squinted as he eyed something in the distance. "Is it just me or is your apartment complex on fire, Katsuragi?"

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Misato peeled into the parking lot to see a small crowd of the Pilots, their friends, and her coworkers staring at the blazing complex. "Shinji!" Misato burst out of her car like a bat out of hell. "What happened?!"

"Misato! The oven exploded!"

"The oven ex-" Misato face-palmed. "Did you use the oven?"

"Yes?"

"I was hiding my pumpkin spice rum in there! No wonder it exploded!" Misato sighed as she looked around. "Wait, where's Asuka?"

Shinji looked ready to answer before a slightly singed German redhead in a witch costume fell into his arms. "Oh." Asuka blinked as she found herself hanging onto Shinji's neck. "Thanks, Shinji."

"You're welcome?" Shinji blinked in confusion. "Are you okay, Asuka?"

"That depends. Do you think that fire is hot enough to destroy evidence of illegal narcotics?"

"Maybe?"

"Then I'm fantastic. Just keep holding me, just in case my legs aren't working."

Shinji nodded as a blush grew on his face. On top of Shinji's head, Leader held out her hand to Shiki, who grumbled as she slapped a wad of tiny bills into the waiting palm.

Misato stared at the blazing inferno that was once her home. "Well... Who wants to go to Chuck-E-Cheese?" she asked as she tried to hold onto some semblance of sanity. Fortunately, there was an unanimous agreement from her party guests to that suggestion. They all began walking to the nearest chain as Misato stared blankly at her former complex.

"You alright there, Katsuragi?" Kaji put a hand on her shoulder and she surprisingly didn't shake it off.

"Mmmm. I'm going to get shit-faced tonight and worry about getting a new apartment tomorrow." Misato walked off to join everyone. "Wait, where's Pen-Pen?"

Image
(Illustration by Sugi Koutarou)

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Wark!" Pen-Pen stared at Kensuke as they huddled within the Penguin's refrigerator as the inferno surrounded them.

"Not sure what you said but if it's a plan to get out of here, I wholeheartedly agree." Kensuke had ditched the traitorous mask at this point as it only brought darkness and the smell of latex.

"Wark." Pen-Pen pulled a lever, which opened up a wall panel to reveal a slide.

"Huh. Well, uncertain death is better than certain death, I suppose." Kensuke dove down the slide, the journey seemingly lasting for an eternity before he hit a floor. His eyes adjusted to the light to reveal he was now surrounded by penguins with spears, all pointed at him. "Well. Can't say I'd thought this would happen." Suddenly, something bowled into his back and he was knocked prone.

"Wark," Pen-Pen ordered from atop Kensuke, causing the other penguins to be at ease. One penguin gave Pen-Pen a large cloak and a cigar, which the penguin mastermind equipped immediately.

"Am I in a supervillain lair? Are you a supervillain?" Kensuke boggled at the surrounding tech and gadgets, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Wark." Pen-Pen flourished his cloak, as Kensuke was introduced to a whole new world.


Notes:
I would like to reiterate, none of this is to canon the main Minisukas story. This is a dumb little crack one-shot that you shouldn't take seriously. Your irregularly scheduled Minisuka shenanigans will return. Until then, hope you enjoy this little holiday special, leave a review if you can, and have a happy All Hallows Eve/Halloween/Samhain.

Notes from Me!:
Originally tagged as "No beta we die like Pamela Voorhees", but that was before I got hold of it....
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas"

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Sun Nov 20, 2022 3:30 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting the story:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14091553/1 ... -Minisukas
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40337 ... /101040957


Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Action; Comedy; Humor; Tiny Asukas: they protecc / they attacc / they Got Their Baka's Back; Pen-Pen is a financial wizard; there's a plot I swear; some Extracanonical stuff included
Published: 2022-11-03
Words: 4,018

Summary: What's better than one normal-sized temperamental redhead that calls you an idiot? How about an uncountable number of tiny temperamental redheads that communicate only by calling you an idiot and have tiny lances created by an ancient precursor civilization? What do you mean that's not better?

Chapter 26: Segue Assassination

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


Misato's Apartment, day after Angel Attack

"So, question," Kotone suddenly spoke up, interrupting Asuka's game.

Asuka bit back a grumble as she paused her game and turned to Kotone. "What's your question?" Asuka didn't know why her teammate had all but barged in, but she was obligated to help the other, less skilled, Eva pilots considering she was the best.

"Is it normal to still feel pain from a wound a day after? Cause my arms still sting something fierce from helping catch that meteorite."

"Yeah, the phantom pain lasts a bit after the fight. Just distract yourself and it shouldn't affect you too badly."

"Cool. Cool cool cool cool. Say, where's Shinji?"

Asuka's face morphed into one of annoyance. "The Geofront. He's being tested and questioned because the Angel communicated with him or something and they want to make sure he's alright."

"Ah. Yeah, hopefully, the Angel didn't lay eggs in him or something."

Asuka whipped her head around to glare at Kotone. "Could you not?!" Asuka hissed with semi-malicious fury.

Kotone raised her hands in surrender. "Sorry! I'm sure Shinji is just hunky-dory and he'll be back soon!" Kotone quickly spoke, hoping not to invoke Asuka's wrath.

Asuka glared at her for a moment before huffing and returning to her game. "Yeah, he'll be fine. NERV is just paranoid about everything. Not that I blame them, we Eva pilots are the most important things on the planet!" she declared proudly.

Kotone just smiled and nodded. Hopefully whatever Shinji was doing now wasn't too difficult.

Image
(Art by Rei@StrikeVanguard)

------------------------------------------------------------------

NERV holographic meeting room

Shinji stared at the twelve monoliths surrounding him. The featureless edifices emblazoned with large numbers gave him a feeling of discomfort. Leader and Shiki stared at the monoliths with unfiltered hate, seemingly ready to attack at a moment's notice. They certainly did that with the guard outside this room who tried to remove them from his person. He would have to send an apology card to the guard for the mangling of his hands.

"Greetings, young Ikari," an accented old voice rang out in the confines of the room. "We are the committee of the Human Instrumentality Project, the organization in charge of NERV's oversight. We understand that during the recent incident the Angel who kidnapped you also communicated with you. Could you describe to us your recollection of said event?"

"Y-yeah? But I already, uh, explained everything to NERV. I'm not sure there is much more I can say."

Suddenly a second voice began shouting at him. "Listen here, you sniveling little brat-"

The voice was suddenly silenced as if his microphone was cut off, replaced by a third, unaccented voice. "Apologies, young Ikari. My compatriots are….. on edge due to recent events and are unused to dealing with children. We just want an explanation in your words to get the most accurate information we can."

"Alright." His face scrunched up as he tried to recall where he'd heard this voice before. "Well, I woke up duct taped to the warehouse wall and the Angel was staring at me. I tried to break free but that didn't work, and it told me that it didn't plan to take me as a hostage but that's what I now was. Then the Evas showed up and nothing else was really said."

"I see. Could you recall anything else? Anything that might seem small or insignificant might be useful."

"Uhhhh...." Shinji racked his brain for some sort of detail, but he couldn't come up with anything. "No, sorry."

"Very well. If you do remember something, then you will tell your superiors immediately." Shinji recognized that wasn't a request. "You are free to leave."

Shinji nodded and left the room, Leader and Shiki still glaring at the monoliths. Once he exited the room, he felt an unexplained pressure leave his shoulders as he let out a relieved sigh. "Well, I'm glad that's over." Leader growled in annoyance as Shiki clung to his neck. He noticed that Shiki was being way clingier after the whole Angel incident. He couldn't really blame her; he would also be upset if any of his friends got kidnapped by a giant spider. "Hopefully that's the last time we have to deal with them."

"Baka," Leader agreed as Shiki clung tighter.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ikari," Keel intoned, causing Gendo to step out of the shadows once his son had left. "Report. How was the Angel eluding our sensors for so long?"

"We hypothesize that the Angel had used its AT-Field to mimic a human to fool our detection. Unfortunately, without a live test or even a body, this is only an educated guess."

"Understandable. We cannot hope for intact bodies when facing the scions of Adam. Perhaps it is for the best even, as such mysteries could tempt weaker wills."

Gendo stared passively as usual. "Meaning what, Chairman?"

"You know as well as I do, Ikari. There are foes in the shadows that might wish to usurp our glorious ideal for their own purposes, undoubtedly using clever and nefarious technologies to subvert our control."

------------------------------------------------------------------

"D̴i̸d̷ ̷y̷o̴u̸ ̴d̵o̴ ̵a̶s̴ ̸I̷ ̷a̵s̷k̴e̵d̵?" Enigma inquired, manifesting thin lines above his eye facsimiles to imitate eyebrows before manually adjusting one with his hand so it was raised above the other.

"Yes, I downloaded the virus onto a flash drive, put a label on the flash drive that said 'payroll', and left it visible in a well-traveled area," Kaworu stated with exhaustion as he stared into the mirror.

"G̷o̸o̶d̵,̶ ̸t̷h̴e̵n̸ ̶i̵t̸ ̵w̵i̷l̸l̴ ̴o̵n̸l̸y̵ ̴b̶e̴ ̵a̴ ̸m̶a̵t̷t̶e̷r̵ ̸o̶f̴ ̶t̶i̷m̸e̸.̴"

"Are you sure it will work? It seems very… simple and something easily prevented with the use of common sense."

"N̸e̶v̷e̸r̷ ̵u̸n̶d̴e̷r̵e̵s̷t̸i̴m̸a̷t̴e̸ ̷h̷u̸m̵a̷n̴ ̸g̷r̴e̸e̷d̵ ̸a̸n̴d̴ ̸s̷t̶u̴p̷i̷d̷i̵t̵y̷, ̴T̸a̷b̷r̴i̴s̷.̸ ̵N̸o̸w̴ ̸g̵o̷.,̸I̵ ̴h̴a̴v̴e̴ ̷t̶o̷ ̴g̵o̷ ̶a̴t̶t̷e̶m̴p̷t̶ ̷d̸i̶p̸l̶o̶m̸a̶c̴y̸ ̵w̴i̸t̷h̶ ̸t̷h̶a̷t̴ ̴K̸y̷o̷k̷o̵ ̵w̶o̷m̴a̸n̴ ̵a̷g̶a̴i̵n̶.̴"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Gendo did not rise to the provocation. "Indeed. The path to complementation is fraught with the dangers of the foolish."

"Hmmm. Will Angel infiltration be a concern from now on, Ikari?"

"As I said before, without knowing the exact method the Angel used, we cannot prepare against it. But we are updating our sensors and detection algorithms with a variety of new methods of detecting the Angels."

"So you can guarantee this will not happen again?"

"I’m afraid there are no guarantees in such turbulent times, but I assure you that the MAGI have given a ninety-three percent chance that there are no more Angels within Tokyo-3."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3

"Is this completely necessary?" Lailah, the Angel of Conception and prisoner of her own making, inquired to Mayumi, who was stalking a Minisuka playing with a stray dog.

"Yes!" Mayumi whisper-screamed as she looked at the ghostly Lailah with disdain. "To understand these foul things, I must observe them so I don't turn into them!"

"Okay, I understand where you're coming from, but-"

"Hi, Mayumi!"

"Gyaaah!" Mayumi nearly fell over as the familiar voice spoke from behind her. She turned to see the red-haired visage of her classmate. "Nene. What are you doing here?"

"I was walking, looking for something Sandy wanted, but I saw you and decided to say hi!"

"Really?" Mayumi spat with venomous sarcasm. "And what could 'Sandy' possibly want?"

"To burn down an orphanage so the screams of the children may act as a beacon for my damned legion," Sandyarlforq stated but was once again unheard by all.

"Twenty metric tons of bacon grease!"

"…You're lucky you're adorable and saved me from rotting in the bargain bin or I wouldn't tolerate you as my queen."

"But where would we get that many juniper berries, Sandy?"

"As riveting as your delusional conversation is, I have business to attend to. The power of those little monsters will be unraveled to me like a ball of twine."

Nene blinked as she put a finger to her cheek in thought. "Wow, that sounds important, but you better be careful with that power. Power is dangerous."

Mayumi stared at her classmate blankly. "Really." Mayumi checked to make sure her prey was still there. Fortunately, the Minisuka was still there, scratching the belly of the dog.

"Yeah! It's like what Sun Tzu said to Antipope Theodoric before the Timurids assaulted the Alamo: 'With large power becomes larger responsibility'."

Mayumi blinked, her brain attempting to process the sheer nonsense that just burst out of Nene's vocal orifice. She felt something warm trickle down her nose. Wiping it with her finger she confirmed that, yes, it was blood.

"Wow. What you just said was so stupid, wrong, and nonsensical that it literally caused me to suffer internal damage of some variety. Congratulations, you have to be extremely good at being such an airheaded ignoramus to accomplish such a feat."

Nene beamed at that. "Thanks! You know what they say, 'malpractice makes perfect'."

Mayumi recoiled as if struck in the gut with a sledgehammer, coughing up blood like she had some unnamed, incurable disease used as a plot point in media.

"Are you okay?"

"Just…. leave please."

"Okay! I still gotta find that bacon grease." Nene skipped away, unaware of the damage she had done to Mayumi.

"…Are you okay?" Lailah asked with something resembling concern.

"I need to lie down and read a good book."

"You should probably do that. You look on the verge of death."

"But what about the surveillance?" Mayumi argued weakly.

"They're not going anywhere. It's not like the little anomalies have the ability to cross large distances through unexplained means or anything."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Rei's apartment

Rei opened the door to her apartment with practiced ease. She would be concerned that her door was ajar, but that was how she left it, so it wasn't an issue. Garbagius was stalking other haunts this time of the week, so she didn't not need to worry about being accosted by him now either. So she stepped into her apartment and was immediately hit in the face with a banana cream pie. The mad cackling of her rival filled the usually silent apartment.

A few thoughts filled her mind as the pie slid down her face. One, the pie was surprisingly delicious. She would like to get more if given the chance. Two, she would have to do laundry earlier this week thanks to the pie. Third and finally, the presence of her dread rival.

"So, you have struck after so long, my rival. Truly this attack was a product of ingenious plotting and weeks of planning." Her rival made side eyes at something, most likely to distract her. She would not fall for such an ingenious trick. "But there is one thing we must settle here and now."

"Baka?"

"I have been informed by my therapist that it is important to set boundaries and that I should discuss such with you. While you undoubtedly have thousands of plots in motion, I would like to request that none of your assaults against me involve me consuming meat. Is this acceptable?"

Her rival stared at her, undoubtedly maneuvering threads of plans already in motion, before giving her a thumbs up.

"Good. Are there boundaries that you would wish to set?"

"Anta Baka?" Her rival cupped her chin in thought, before coming upon a realization. "Baka-Shinji!"

"You…. wish for me to include Pilot Ikari?" Why would that be? Rei was now very confused. Her rival's eyes filled with something strange as she shook her head violently. "You want me to not include him?" Her rival nodded vigorously. That made more sense - it was better for this to be between the two of them and no others. Her rival just wanted to cement it officially. "Then our compact is sealed. Before you go would you like some-"

Suddenly the hairs on the back of Rei's neck stood up as all her senses screamed danger. She rolled out of the way, getting more pie on her clothes, dodging impalement from one of the Ishim that oddly have features like hers.

"Bakayanami!" The strange blue-haired Ishim hissed at her; her red eyes filled with what Rei believed to be hate.

"I am Rei Ayanami, yes. Why are you trying to kill me?" She didn't recall ever meeting this Ishim, let alone wronging her to the point of attempted murder. "And if it would not be too much trouble, could we perhaps reschedule this assassination? I have much work to do in regard to cleaning my now dirty clothes."

The Ishim didn't seem open to that as she readied her lance for a throw before Rei’s rival descended on the Ishim. "Anta Baka?!" her rival screamed at the Ishim as their lances were locked in combat. "Baka!" The Ishim all but growled, seemingly taking offense at something.

Rei blinked, a rare occurrence for her, as she contemplated what to do in this situation. She came to the only logical conclusion as she approached the two as they were trading blows. She grabbed both, lifting them off the ground. "Eh?" they both let out a noise of confusion, seemingly bewildered at their sudden capture.

"Do not fight in my apartment." She went out the still-open front door and placed them on the ground. "Once you have ceased your combat, you may return inside," she declared with finality as she shut her front door, causing something to snap in some mechanism. She tried the door again and found it was stuck. "Troublesome. I will have to call a repairman." She considered that a not entirely immediate problem and began the process to clean her clothes first. If needed, she could always escape out the window.

"I should purchase more detergent when I get the chance. I am running low." The sounds of combat continued outside as she retrieved her washboard. "I wonder why that Ishim has features similar to mine, yet is also Pilot Soryu?" Rei pondered it for a moment before deciding it probably wasn't relevant to vengeance. "Perhaps I should inform Commander Ikari of the attempt on my life? No, I shouldn't bother him. It is most likely an isolated incident. Who would want to bring harm to us who guard humanity against the Angels?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you ever wonder if we only exist because of terrible and contrived segues?"

"Kirishima, what the hell are you talking about?" General Taihou questioned incredulously. "You know what? Don't answer that, I have a feeling your insane response will cause my blood pressure to rise."

"Oh no! You must watch your blood pressure, General!" Mana exclaimed with genuine concern.

"….. Thanks. Anyway, I've just reviewed your mission progress, or the lack thereof. You've literally made zero progress in getting close to Shinji Ikari!"

"It's not my fault! That Soryu girl has been cock-blocking me!"

"Okay, never say that again. But that's irrelevant right now. I've just got word that the girl you've made friends with, Kotone Suzunami, has been minted as the Fourth Child. Switch your efforts over to her as of now."

"General! I don't swing that way!" Mana paused. "….. Or do I? Hmmmmmm. Well, she doesn't look half bad, and she's an excellent listener… I'm certainly learning things about myself today that I didn't know before."

"…Not what I meant. Use your friendship with her. You don't have to….. seduce her."

"Oh. Okay then!" Mana paused again, remembering something. "So, what should I do about the internationally renowned assassin I hired to kill Soryu?"

"The what you hired to what?!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Tokyo-2 Hollywood-style Seedy Motel (voted seediest in Tokyo-2 three years running)

"My name is Yonson Jerald Valker." Yonson Jerald Valker began monologuing in his empty motel room for no discernible reason. "I'm the number one highest-paid military hitman in all the world. I'm held responsible for over fifteen hundred kills and am completely off all records in most countries. I've been hired today by a mystery woman, a pilot of sorts. She pilots some sort of….. death mech. All I know is she's paying me fifteen million, stone-cold cash, just to take down one thirteen-year-old girl. And with work like that, I'm not about to ask any questions."

"Anta Baka?"

Yonson blinked as he turned to see a horde of Minisukas had snuck into his motel room. They were all brandishing their lances, menacingly.

"Oh no. The fortune teller warned me this would happen! Ahhhhhhhhhh!"

He was drowned by the red tide and he knew no more.

Image
(Art by Vish. r/evangelionmemes)

------------------------------------------------------------------

NERV Commander's office

"I'm going home," Ritsuko stated plainly.

"Doctor Akagi-" Gendo attempted to say but was cut off.

"No, shut up. I'm talking," Ritsuko half whispered, the bags under her eyes plain to see. "I haven't been home in weeks. I have been sustaining myself on cheap coffee and instant yakisoba like I was still in college just to make sure Unit-05 was completed, and I'm done. The U.N. work regulations state that I have been working for long enough that I cannot work anymore, or you will be subject to an internal investigation, so I'm clocking out and going home."

"Doc-"

"Shush." Ritsuko looked ready to strangle Gendo and not in the usual way. "I am going home and not leaving for four fucking days. You will not contact me unless a problem on the level of an Angel attack takes place. Am I clear?"

"… Very well, Doctor Akagi, enjoy your time off."

Ritsuko stared at Gendo's impassive face for a moment longer before storming off.

Image
(Art by Brynhildr)

"Reminds me of when you and Yui had to do your thesis papers," Fuyutsuki chuckled.

"Don't remind me. Still, we have enough skilled personnel that her leave will not be noticed."

"Indeed. How fares your ... problem?"

"Adam's screams have not lessened, but I have grown used to them. They are more a constant white noise at this point." Gendo stared at his right hand.

"I see. How did the old men take everything?"

"Better than expected. Their precious scenario is in tatters, so they are more lenient than they usually are."

"And ours, while battered, still stands. Even the oldest and toughest wall can be toppled if the foundation is shattered."

"Indeed. But a cornered animal is dangerous, so we need to tread with caution. Especially when we have an ant spider in our nest."

"A dangerous piece for sure, but a useful one if placed correctly."

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Here you go." Triple agent Ryoji Kaji handed the box to the Minisukas. "Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu's handwritten notes, as promised. So, no more ankle stabbing?"

The Minisukas inspected their prize and found it was what they desired. "Baka." The head Minisuka gave a thumbs up as they hauled their prize away.

Kaji watched them leave his office before he slumped in his chair like a puppet relieved of its strings. "Glad to get that over with. Plate mail boots do not have good support." He took his time to light a cigarette, slowly breathing in the cancer stick. "I need a drink. I wonder if Katsuragi knows any good bars?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

"He will serve his purpose. Perhaps he will grant us insight into what force is disrupting the old men."

"Are you certain there is a third party at play, Ikari?"

"No, but I strongly suspect someone is making their lives difficult, and I doubt they would be friendly with us either. The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend."

"True, but even an enemy is a tool to use if used correctly."

"Yes, but we must see this enemy first to use it. But it will have to slither out of the shadows at some point, and we will be prepared whenever it does."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Unit-02 Core

"P̴l̵e̸a̸s̵e̴ ̷s̵t̶o̷p̶ ̶t̶h̵r̸o̵w̵i̷n̶g̴ ̶m̶e̷t̶a̶p̵h̵y̶s̶i̷c̸a̴l̸ ̴b̶o̴o̵k̶s̵ ̷a̴t̸ ̷m̴e̵.̷"

"No! Leave, you monster!" Kyoko threw another book at Enigma, who was more annoyed than harmed.

"I̸'̴m̵ ̶n̸o̵t̷ ̷a̷ ̶m̷o̶n̴s̴t̴e̵r̴.̵" Enigma paused and cupped his chin facsimile. "W̵e̶l̶l̸,̸ ̷a̸c̸t̷u̶a̴l̵l̸y̴ ̸I̵ ̵g̷u̵e̷s̴s̷ ̸I̴ ̷t̸e̵c̷h̶n̶i̵c̷a̸l̷l̸y̸ ̶c̸o̸u̶l̸d̷ ̴b̶e̵ ̵a̶ ̷m̵o̷n̵s̴t̶e̶r̶ ̸b̷y̶ ̵s̴o̸m̴e̵ ̶p̴o̴i̶n̸t̸ ̴o̸f̷ ̴v̸i̵e̵w̷.̷"

Another book hit his head facsimile. "Shut up and leave!"

"N̴o̸t̷ ̷u̷n̴t̶i̷l̸ ̸y̶o̴u̵ ̶s̴t̶o̴p̷ ̷t̶h̷r̷o̴w̶i̸n̴g̸ ̴y̶o̶u̸r̵ ̵p̵o̶r̵n̵ ̷b̸o̷o̴k̴s̷ ̷a̴t̵ ̷m̶e̵ ̶a̷n̷d̸ ̸c̶a̸l̸m̸l̴y̸ ̸c̷o̶n̷v̷e̵r̸s̶e̷ ̵w̸i̷t̵h̵ ̸m̸e̶.̸"

Kyoko gasped in horror. "They are not porn! They just contain tasteful depictions of lovemaking between characters in love! Is that so wrong?!"

"R̵i̵g̴h̷t̶ ̵o̶r̵ ̵w̴r̵o̷n̴g̷ ̷d̷o̵e̴s̵n̶'̷t̴ ̵m̸a̵t̸t̷e̶r̷ ̸w̶h̷e̶n̴ ̷t̵h̵e̵ ̷f̵i̷r̶s̶t̵ ̶t̸w̴e̸n̵t̴y̴ ̸p̸a̸g̶e̵s̴ ̸o̵f̸ ̸a̷ ̵b̵o̶o̵k̶ ̵c̷o̴n̵t̵a̷i̴n̸s̷ ̵t̷w̴o̶ ̶d̶r̷a̴g̷o̸n̷s̷ ̵d̶o̴i̷n̶g̷ ̸t̸h̷e̴ ̴h̷o̷r̷i̸z̵o̵n̶t̴a̵l̶ ̶l̶i̵m̷b̷o̶!̵"

"That's important to the plot! You see, Gragthor and Zheltean were born under two warring lineages during a time when love meant nothing to marriage and-"

Enigma sighed despite lacking lungs. This was going to take a while.

Image

------------------------------------------------------------------

Katsuragi Apartment

"I'm home," Shinji called out, exhaustion radiating from his body.

Hurried footsteps drew closer to the entryway until Asuka emerged before him, wearing an apron. "Shinji!" Asuka exclaimed, trying to hide her excitement from him and herself. "You're back! Did they finish poking you with all those useless contraptions?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine." Shinji took stock of her attire. "Making dinner?"

"Mmmhmmm. Wasn't sure if you'd been back, so I started on some fried rice. Want some?"

Shinji's stomach growled at the thought of food. "Please. I've barely eaten anything all day. A lot of the tests required an empty stomach."

Asuka sighed as she poked his chest. "Geez, and you're already skin and bones as is. If you get any thinner, people might mistake you for some kind of urban legend monster. Come on, I'm just about done." She took his hand and dragged him to the table.

"Thanks, Asuka, I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it. We Eva pilots need to have each other's backs!"

"O-of course."

Shiki grumbled something from Shinji's breast pocket, and Shinji gave her an experimental pat on the head to reassure her. Shiki sank deeper into the pocket, trying to hide the extremely joyous reaction she was displaying. She was glad Leader had slipped away when they got back to the apartment or she would undoubtedly suffer Katsuragi levels of teasing right now.

"I'm home!" Speak of the devil and she shall appear. "Smells good! What's cooking, good looking?"

Things were returning to normal in the Katsuragi household, with no shadows looming over them for the time being. Just the sounds of laughter and the smell of beer.

Image
(Art by wayjilam)

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It's come to my attention that Enigma's corrupted dialogue doesn't display properly for foreign readers who use a translator, so I will be transcribing them at the end of the chapter to ensure any who have trouble can understand. As such the dialogue will be transcribed in chronological order.

"Did you do as I asked?"

"Good, then it will only be a matter of time."

"Never underestimate human greed and stupidity, Tabris. Now go. I have to go attempt diplomacy with that Kyoko woman again."

"Please stop throwing metaphysical books at me."

"I'm not a monster."

"Well, actually I guess I could technically be a monster by some point of view."

"Not until you stop throwing your porn books at me and calmly converse with me."

"Right or wrong doesn't matter when the first twenty pages of a book contains two dragons doing the horizontal limbo!"



Notes:
“Ending feels a bit meh to me but hopefully it sticks the landing. The assassin's monologue is a homage to something, if you get it then congratulations, you get my appreciation for getting the reference. So as I've mentioned before, I can find nothing regarding Nene, the game she was in, or her personality other than the fact she exists and that she has a teddy bear that may or may not have a ghost name Sandy in it, so she's a ditzy airhead here due to lack of canon material to draw from. Apologies to the Nene fans who got to play Evangelion Gaiden. Tune in next time for more misadventures. Until then, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and have a pleasant day.”

Notes from ME!:
I believe the assassin and the fortune teller are references to the video game/movie series The Hitman.
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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Re: "Neon Genesis Evangelion: Rise of the Minisukas"

Post by jeffrey-dallas » Fri Nov 25, 2022 2:03 am

Since the Evangelion Rebuild films confirmed that Asuka, like Rei, was a clone series, I had been thinking of a story or picture series involving mini-Asuka and mini-Rei clones running amok from NERV’s “Reiquarium”. It turns out the author of the following got to the mini-idea first -- at least the Asuka part of it.

The author "Blackunknown" gave me permission to reprint it here if credit is given and a link is made to the source. The following sites are posting this side story from the Minisuka Cinematic Universe:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14164552/1 ... travaganza
https://archiveofourown.org/works/43219972


Minisuka Holiday Special: Thanksgiving Thankstravaganza
Author: Blackunknown
Rating: General Audiences
Categories: F/M
Tags: Thanksgiving, non-canon, turkeys, Biblically Accurate Angels (Abrahamic Religions), except for the Turkey Angel, Do I really need to explain Turkeal Angel of Turkeys isn’t canon is any way shape or form?, Complete crack, we die like the Pilgrims
Published: 2022-11-23
Words: 2,011

Summary: The season of thanks is upon us, but a poultry avenger descends to challenge our heroes for their crimes against turkeykind. Will they obtain victory, or be crushed by the weight of the sins of Thanksgiving past? All this and more in this non-canon spinoff to Rise of the Minisukas.

Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)


We once more gaze upon the familiar sight of Tokyo-3, where, contrary to the heat of its eternal summer, it is in the waning days of autumn. Today would be known as Thanksgiving in the United States of America. But that is not a holiday celebrated in Japan. However, that did not stop today's rude guest from barging in to ruin the day.

------------------------------------------------------------------

A giant scarlet eight-winged turkey with two heads descends upon the poor city of Tokyo-3, gazing upon it with disdain.

"Foolish Lilim, I have come to claim revenge for the turkeys you have slaughtered to sate your gluttonous maws. Beg and scrap like the germs you are, but your end has come. I am Turkeal, Angel of Turkeys. And this Thanksgiving will be your last!" Turkeal began gobbling maliciously.

------------------------------------------------------------------

NERV command center

"And that-" Ritsuko paused the frame on the Turkey Angel. "-is what we're up against. Any questions?" Many hands went up. "No, I don't know if it's edible. I wouldn't allow anyone to eat it anyway." Most of the hands went down. "Yes, Asuka?"

"It has the ability to talk? Like, in words we can understand?" Asuka questioned incredulously.

"Somehow, yes. It has so far only used this ability to threaten us. Yes, Kotone?"

"Turkeal, Angel of Turkeys? Really? All of the other Angels have had real names. Why does this one have a fake as hell name?" Kotone paused as she grimaced. "Wait, we're in a non-canon holiday special again, aren't we?"

"Probably," Ritsuko answered as she wordlessly lit a cigarette. Everyone in the room groaned.

"Dammit, does that mean my apartment is still burned down from the Halloween special?" Misato griped, hoping she wasn't living in a cardboard box like Shinji probably did after the Hobo ending in the First Impression game.

"No, it's there. I checked," Shinji assured Misato before his brow furrowed. "Wait, there's an ending where I become a hobo in the First Impression game?" Shinji questioned as he reread that part of the text again.

"Anta Baka?" Leader also questioned that piece of real Evangelion lore from a game where there is a shipping scene between Hikari and Shinji. "Baka?!" Leader exclaimed at the narration as-

"Will the narrator please stop distracting everyone with strange extracanonical lore before they are removed permanently?" Gendo intoned coldly. "Thank you. You may continue, Doctor Akagi."

"Right, any more questions?" Shinji raised his hand. "Yes, Shinji?"

"Will this take long? I….. have plans."

Everyone turned to look at Shinji with curious looks save Shiki, who was lounging on top of Shinji's head.

"Plans, Third? What, do you have a hot date?" Asuka mocked derisively, a small part of her urging violence if the response was yes.

"No," Shinji quickly responded. Asuka felt a bit of relief, not that she would ever admit that. "I just have something to do."

"Yes, I'm sure that's ominous and foreshadowing something but could we get this started already?!" Turkeal demanded through the camera feed. "I have to get to my job at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, so I would appreciate it if we could speed this up."

"Sorry…." Shinji apologized to the Angel as the pilots were sent to their Evas.

"But I had a question…" Rei complained, but unfortunately, her question would remain unanswered.

Image
(First Impression video game)

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Evas rocketed up to the surface to meet their poultry-based foe, the fate of all Thanksgiving on the line. Also the world, I guess, but this isn't the 'World Day Minisuka Holiday Special', is it? Is World Day an actual holiday? Not sure, I'll check later.

"So, you arrive, Lilim! But you will not be able to defeat me!" Turkeal gobbled at them humorously.

"Seriously, what is up with your design?" Asuka critiqued. "It's terrible and unoriginal. I mean a giant two-headed turkey with eight wings as an Angel? Surely you could have done something better?"

"Oh I'm sorry, Little Miss Perfect, would you rather I be like a Biblically accurate angel like that guy over there?" Turkeal pointed to an entity off in the corner of Tokyo-3 that consists of a blue dodecahedron emblazoned with flaming eyes crying tears of blood and surrounded by seven golden rings with human arms that have swan wings for fingers sprouting forth.

"Be NoT aFrAiD," the Biblically accurate angel whispered in an ancient tongue unheard by man for eons.

"…. Okay, fair," Asuka admitted as she returned her attention to Turkeal.

Image
(Meme from /r/PrequelMemes)

"Has… has that always been there?" Kotone questioned, unable to take her eyes off the eldritch seraphim.

"Anta Baka?" Leader also questioned, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

"That is just ๔ภŦՇђ๔кﻮђรкןคŦคкςภŦкรภย๔. They are here to see the latest Marvel movie," Rei explained, her tongue effortlessly producing syllables of a language man was not meant to know. "We occasionally go to poetry slams together." Rei waved at the entity, which waved back with its uncountable arms.

"That raises more questions than it answers!" Kotone shouted in confusion.

"What questions does it produce? Everything was quite clear." Rei tilted her head as she pondered what could be confusing her fellow pilot.

"For one-"

"Kotone, Ayanami?" Shinji piped up. "We're kinda in the middle of a battle."

The two of them turn to look at Shinji, who was restraining Turkeal as Asuka beat the everloving crap out of it with her Eva's fists.

"Right, sorry, Shinji," Kotone apologized as she and Rei joined in the smackdown. After fifteen minutes of an old-school bare-knuckled beatdown, and a finishing suplex from Asuka, the battle was won.

"I wonder if I can get a picture of that suplex for my Christmas card?" Aoba mused.

"Oh gods, there's going to be a Christmas special, isn't there?" Makoto lamented. "What, are we going to have to fight Krampus?"

"Maybe?" Maya shrugged. "Say, didn't you learn something important from that Enigma guy last Special?"

"You're right!" Makoto leaped out of his chair and prepared to shout the loudest he's ever shouted before. "Everyone! The secret-" Unfortunately, his shout was cut off as the scene transitioned and he was erased from existence.

Image
("Hey, Shinji, wanna back hug?" -- art from 40OzToSublime)

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Honestly, I'm surprised how easy it was," Kotone admitted as the four Pilots and Misato walked up to the Katsuragi apartment. "By the way, whatcha doing here, Rei?"

"The shockwave from the suplex collapsed my apartment. I currently have nowhere to live."

"Sorry, First….." Asuka muttered guiltily.

"It is alright. My complex has not been up to code for half a decade, so it was bound to collapse sooner or later. I am surprised it did not happen sooner if I am being honest. My possessions are being recovered as we speak, and I will have a new home soon."

"Well, here's hoping you can get a decent apartment this time," Misato grumbled. "In the meantime, you're welcome to stay at Casa del Katsuragi for as long as you need. Hope you don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"We have a couch?" Shinji and Asuka questioned at the same time, the mysterious nature of the Katsuragi household's Schrodinger's couch causing yet more confusion.

"Well-" Misato meant to answer but was distracted by the sudden smell of cooked food as she opened her apartment door. "Food?" All of them rushed inside to find that the kitchen was occupied by a horde of Minisukas cooking an authentic Thanksgiving dinner.

"S-surprise!" Shinji exclaimed as they all looked at him. "I had the Minisukas help me make a Thanksgiving dinner to show how thankful I am to all of you." Shinji rubbed his arm nervously.

"Awwwww, Shinji!" Misato gave her young ward a bone-crushing hug. "That's really sweet of you! I'm thankful you're such a sweet and thoughtful boy!"

Kotone meant to join in on the hug but a chill down her spine stopped her in her tracks – Asuka was giving her a look. "Y-yeah, thanks a bunch, Shinji." Kotone tried to hide her cold sweat by distracting the territorial redhead. "Isn't this pretty neat, Asuka?"

Asuka toned down her bloodlust as she pondered how to respond. "Yeah, it is. You're welcome, Shinji." Asuka preened at Shinji's gratitude, trying to hide the slight blush on her face. But she couldn't hide the warmth in her heart. "Thanks for the dinner, I guess."

"You're welcome, Asuka. Hopefully, it's as good as the Thanksgivings you used to have," Shinji mentioned as he escaped from Misato's death grip.

Asuka gave him an odd look. "Shinji, I've never celebrated Thanksgiving before."

Shinji blinked, confusion evident on his face. "But, aren't you American?" He looked to the Minisukas who were his partners in crime but Leader, Shiki, and the rest of the Minisukas avoided his questioning gaze as if they forgot some important detail and were just now being questioned on it.

"Technically, yes, but I've only visited once or twice. I've been living in Germany most of my life. Thanksgiving isn't celebrated there. But I appreciate the gesture...?" Asuka half-questioned as she was unsure how to accurately respond.

Image

An awkward silence enveloped the room as everyone tried to not make eye contact with anyone else.

"So….." Shinji began, trying to get things back on track. "Food?" Shinji offered, to various murmurs of agreement as everyone began to eat.

"Wait…." Rei spoke up for the first time since arriving. "Did Pilot Ikari plan for the Angel attack?" Unfortunately, Rei's question would remain unanswered.

"Are you coming, Ayanami? There's tofurkey!"

Rei shrugged and went to eat her dinner. Perhaps some questions were best left unanswered.

And so did they all have a merry feast, engorging themselves on festive foodstuffs and watching terrible holiday-themed movies poorly dubbed into Japanese because I doubt there is a decent market for Thanksgiving-themed foreign media in Japan. The Minisukas joined in on charades as Kotone snuck a beer from Misato's stash. For all involved, it was the best (and only) Thanksgiving they've ever had.

"Wark!"

"Hmm?" Shinji turned to look at the source of the familiar squawk. "What's up, Pen-Pen?" Pen-Pen was devouring a drumstick as he motioned for the remote. "Oh, sure. Here you go."

Asuka stared at the penguin with horrified bewilderment. "Wait, is a penguin eating turkey some kind of pseudo-cannibalism?"

Pen-Pen gave her a knowing grin as he turned the channel to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, where a familiar Angel was being used as a parade balloon.

"Look, in this economy, you have to take what you can get for work," Turkeal explained through the screen as he was paraded around Manhattan as Asuka ranted about whether Pen-Pen was mocking her. Ending a memorable Thanksgiving Day.

Image

Notes:
“So here we have another holiday special, but this time for Thanksgiving. To get this out of the way, yes, I realize there are non-American countries that celebrate Thanksgiving or an equivalent, I just choose to ignore those for the sake of comedy. And yes, everything mentioned about First Impressions is true. Anywho, hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and have a pleasant Thanksgiving.”

Notes from Me!:
Yes, there is a World (Environment) Day. It is "observed worldwide on June 5th every year to raise global awareness and to take positive environmental action to protect nature and the planet." (Wikipedia) So, Earth Day wasn't enough for these people?
"You're like, really tiny."
"Thanks. I had no idea."

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